A year ago I met this girl while I was working abroad. We started

1) I could understand that this is not what I'm looking for and she has put me through enough, try to forget about her and see if I can find an actual girlfriend.

2) I could take a step back and accept her situation, make it clear to her that I don't ever want to have that discussion with her again and that we're only going to be friends (well, a bit more than friends). Try to have a good time with her whenever we can see each other and leave her alone whenever her boyfriend comes to visit. I really hate the idea of seeing her after she's been with him though, I keep picturing her with that disgusting old dude and it makes me wanna throw up.


What do I do /adv/? I'm not very experienced as far as relationships go, whatever it is I got going with her is arguably the most serious I've gotten with a girl and I'm really struggling to deal with the fact that she's having sex with someone else at the same time, as much as I try to rationalize that it is just sex. I've also been with a few other girls since I met her and I wouldn't say it changed anything about what I felt. Am I being really stupid and immature about this?

>>17780369
Lets forget that she is cheating on her bf for a moment.

1. If she wanted only you she wouldn't want him at all
2. You are ok with her having two men

Your her bit on the side, younger man to fool around with while older man gives her security. She's a bitch who wants things both ways. Have a bit more respect and get yourself a girlfriend instead of sharing someone else's. Find someone who doesn't lie and cheat on their partner, which your current girlfriend does.

If she 'leaves' her older man, she'll find another. Halfway through uni you can't offer her stability or income, and she's four years ahead of you. She'll be thinking about having children when you're barely in your mid twenties and starting a career.

>>17780380

I'm almost half way through my twenties already. Started uni late because of travels and bumming around. I get what u mean but I do think you're partly right. She even knows that and admitted to me. That's why I said we know we couldn't really make it work but sometimes it seems we both really really wanted to try.

I'm mad at her at times for doing what she does but I don't think she means to hurt me she's just confused and emotional (women, kek). I don't want to lose her though, I think it's very hard to find someone who I can trust to the extend that I can trust her. Heck, if she kept some parts of her life to herself we would probably be much happier right now but we are truly honest about everything despite it causing problems at times and I appreciate that.

Thank you for your thoughts mate.

>>17780412
>someone who I can trust
that OP is in your head, I'm sure her bf thinks the same. For all you know she has another guy just like you on the hook.

If she wanted you she would do whatever was necessary to be with you.

She wants both of you and is doing whatever is necessary to keep both of you and she is doing a good job.

>>17780438

Okay, I think most people reading this would share your opinion. I see where you are coming from and don't know whether youre right or not so I'll share my views. Maybe you can convince me.

Since we started out very casually and always emphasized on just being friends and having a good time she never had much reason to fool me in any way. At this point, I know everything about her and her bf while he doesn't know shit about me. I've met more of her family and friends than he ever will and I am more of a boyfriend to her than he is. I also know that she legit has no one else but me and him because she's staying with me whenever he's not there. And the times I'm not there I actually know that she's staying alone, she's working 14 hours a day til late, calls when she gets off and is staying with mutual friends of ours in the little free time she has left.

I do agree with you on the second point. If she really wanted me then why the heck is it so hard for her to break up? The thing is, she's the one who keeps asking whether we could actually be together, I do think she really wants that but once she drops her emotions she realizes that me and her could not be serious anyway because of distance and the different points we're at in life. I can't blame her for that, she is right. If she wanted to keep both of us the way it is going at the moment, why would she bring the whole relationship thing up? Why wouldn't she be content with the way things are (having him and me at the same time)?

So in a way yes, she does want both of us.

>>17780470

continued:

She wants him for the financial support he can give her at tough times and that's where it end, and she wants me to truely make her happy and be a proper, honest, good boyfriend for her. The one that she can be proud of in front of family and friends. And I think these days she's got her life sorted out well enough that she could totally do without the benefits she is getting from him, but she is just scared shitless of breaking up with him after all he's done for her and since she understands that being serious with me wouldn't work out either she might as well keep going the way she is until she can finally get rid of him and find a decent boyfriend in her country who can be with her year round, wants kids etc.

You can all go moral whiteknight now and be like what a gold digger hurr durr but that's just how the world works. And women do view sex in a different way than men. If it wasn't so condemned by society you wouldn't believe how many girls would do exactly the same thing in our western world.

I would rather have a girl fully opening up to me, including all the bad stuff, than one of those stuck up and fake "oh look at me Im not a slut and by the way I give to charity" girls.

I'd really like to discuss this point further and am curious what your opinions are on this matter, so please share. Thanks.