Not sure 4chan is the place for this, but fuck it. I'm from

Rather than trap yourself, just leave him and move out.

This is the best decision, the legal route is just more stress

>>17775966
I realize the legal route would be added stress and ramifications for both of us. That being said, he's done a LOT of damage to me over the years. A lot. If the relationship holds no value to him, I would like to go the legal route. Mostly as closure and some kind of justice for myself. I truly don't want to hurt him physically, emotionally, legally, nothing. I just can't move on from years of emotional and now physical abuse without some kind of feeling of things being just. Maybe I could have some respect for myself if I follow through.

>>17775972

>i really dont want to hurt him
>but i cant move on without hurting him

you do want to hurt him then.

and thats fine, but maybe just say you want one free punch in the face before moving out.

>>17775972
Healthy people don't go around hurting other people.

Do you think some of his anger and bitterness may of rubbed off on you?

Just go, be happy, get on with your life

>>17775978
I don't want to punch him in the face. :( I love him very much. I feel more like, it's a step in the right direction for me. Like I would be ~finally~ standing up myself, not just rolling over to take it time and time and again like I have been. Why does someone get to violate me physically as well as emotionally with no consequences? That's how it's always been. My entire life. Not just with him but I grew up getting abused and no one ever got in trouble. No justice for me. So, it feels like it would be a step that goes far beyond him.

>>17775984
Do I think that? Yes and no. I've been angry and bitter about things he's done plenty of times. I see his darkness kind of leaking into my head and heart. But no, because I know he hasn't changed the goodness I have at my core.

>>17775984
Yeah rub it out

>>17775957
poor doge

>>17776024
>I love him very much
No you don't. Learn some self-respect, superglue his balls to his thighs in his sleep and move out before he wakes up.

No matter who you are or what you've done, don't hate yourself, you don't have to put up with abuse. You're a human being, you were born with the god-given right to be treated with dignity, act like it.

>>17776908
I do, honestly it's the only reason I'm still here. But you're right, I've got very little self respect at this point and it's a huge factor in why I'm trying to think of ways to stick up for myself besides just leaving. I leave. He won't give a fuck. I live with the years worth of damage. He's guilt and co sequence free.

>>17776925
>I do
No you don't. You hate yourself for no rational reason and somehow delude yourself into thinking this is love.
Going to court over getting hit in the face once and muh emotional trauma won't gain him any real consequences or you any self-respect. Get your revenge on him by rising above it and walking away upright, without looking back.
You don't need closure, you need to get over your fear of moving on.
Of course you're living with the damage while he doesn't, you've allowed people to damage you, he didn't. Today should be the day that you stop accumulating damages.

I used to get emotionally abused a lot in school, until I made a 45 minute presentation about bullying, analyzing the underlying psychological issues of the bullies, constantly making snide remarks and giving winks to my bullies. Some of them were foaming at the mouth, other classmates giggled. I was fully prepared for things to get worse, ready to defend myself physically. But I had already won, any bullying against me stopped immediately, others kept being victims.

It's been 10 years and I've never again allowed anyone to disrespect me, consequently removing a lot of people from my life. There's also been rather harsh consequences at university and work, but my dignity is more important than having a lot of "friends", a degree or job.

>>17775957

All couples should just carry water guns with them at all times. Mad at your partner? Squirt em in the face(or crotch :^p) Then you can have angry wet make up sex and film it then post the pronz online. I like pronz.

>>17776987
You deserve a novel peace prize.

>>17775957
you should go back to NY
this relationship is now toxic and there is only downward to go from here
ask yourself
is it really worth staying to continue go down this negative spiral

OP postin'

I can't even sleep next to him tonight. There were years that I lie awake in bed and desperately wanted to be here. Now, I lie awake in bed and I want to be anywhere else. I keep hearing the shit he said to me two days ago over and over in my head. I'm nothing to this man. In the same day, he'll talk about wanting marriage/children with me AND about how he couldn't give a fuck if I leave.

>>17775957
I mean ill sound like a dickhole but i mean was their good reason behind it? Getting in someones face or telling them to do it, then it happening, isnt really a crime.

>>17777156
There* ill correct myself real quick

ayyy are you me? Living in cali no where to live and bf and relationship is toxic, trying to find a place to park my car to sleep in tonight :.D

>>17777156
Nah. I was sitting on the bed crying. He told me to shut up. I kept crying. He punched a hole in the wall. I asked him very literally, "please calm down." Told me to shut up again and then hit me in the face. My eye has been hurting a few days but luckily nothing worse.

>>17777161
I'm sorry you're going through it too. Hang in there.

>>17777138
If there's abuse, find a way to safely contact a domestic abuse hotline. They deal with this stuff all the time. They'll likely be able to set you up in a temporary place until you can get on your feet as well as provide other necessary things. Get out first to a safe place where he can't find you (domestic violence places are really good about that) and then work on the legal paperwork (which, again, they can help with).
A friend of mine went through something similar, there wasn't physical violence, but it was intense gaslighting/threats/everything but hitting and an organization helped her out considerably.

>>17775978
>>17775984

That is incredibly pathetic mentality and unnecessarily victim shaming.

If OP wants to go the legal route let her, but dont encourage her to not ensure that punishment for a horrific crime is pointless or not worth her time.

>Just go, be happy, get on with your life
You are literally encouraging an abusive person to go free without any consequence. Grow the fuck up and gain some appreciation for the context.

>>17777179
>>17777161
http://www.thehotline.org/
definitely call and get some help. You guys do not deserve this treatment and there are plenty of people ready to help.

>>17776024
The fact that you still love him is pathetic.

>>17777269
Not even victim shaming blah blah blah, you are a piece of shit if you use the justice system for this, he's gonna get a lot worse than hitting you, just get out of the situation, he is obviously remorseful if hee says he'd plead guilty and an idiot who doesn't know what he's in for

>>17775957
>There's no place for me to stay out here, besides with him.
[citation needed]

really you have to decide how big a deal is it for you
has it happened before, can you see it happening again?

what the argument was about might tell you all you need to know (the subject seems a notable emission from your post)

some people stay with men who are routinely abusive, some leave men who yell at them once

can't help you with how to file charges because I'm not in the US

>>17777269
maybe you should consider if your opinion comes from the real world, or your personal ideals

filing charges after the fact never undo anything
you put a chip on someones shoulder, maybe they deserve it; maybe they don't
does a charge protect future victims, who can say.

courts are far from fair, maybe a bad guy gets a slap on the wrist, maybe a good guy gets a criminal record
when you go to the law, you give up the power to decide for yourself what's right or wrong

filing charges is very stressful, and can be time consuming and often there is a direct or indirect cost

whether OP files a charge is her call, but don't go around on your high horse telling people what's right and wrong when you hardly know; and not warning people about the consequences

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>bf abuses, hits the girl
>"I still love him :("

I will never understand females.