1/2 My gf’s just given me an ultimatum: either I visit her

>>17773137
does she know about your phobia ?

Hi Matt. Regardless, yes you should. Just get drunk or go see a doctor to get some pills for your phobia. Explain the situation and do whatever you can. Youre being silly anon. Wear a flu mask if you have to. There are lots of ways aroud this.

2/2
In light of this, I asked her, practically begged her, whether we could rearrange for next weekend. Told her that I’d cover the costs and that I’d make it up to her. I told her I was scared and that I was sorry. To put it bluntly (or aptly, given how she put it herself), she merely responded to my pleas with “no”.

Now, I am, without question, in general a cowardly person; I imagine that I fit neatly into the criteria for one who has an avoidant personality disorder. However, I feel she is being very unfair and actually quite mean. I know my phobia is irrational (which phobia isn’t?), but it is still a mental health issue – one, I feel it’s significant to note, which has never impacted on our relationship before – and therefore deserving of some sympathy.

I feel like I’m being put between a rock and a hard place; like I’m being emotionally blackmailed when at my most vulnerable. Furthermore, I’m wondering whether I even want to be with someone who would put me in such a position.
Am I wrong? Is the fear blinding me?

>>17773143
This

If no, youre a moron, if yes, shes being unreasonable but if you care that much about her there are ways around it. Try to find out why she is being unreasonable

IS there an issue with quick replies that idk about? I've not been on 4chan for a good few months now and they don't seem to work.

>>17773143
Yeah

>>17773147
There's no time to see a doctor; I've got until 6pm tomorrow to decide. I don't drink, and certainly don't get drunk, because of my phobia. I am being silly, you're right. Not sure how a flu mask would help me when kissing though?

I think, unless there have been any other incidents of you cancelling on her, she is being very insensitive.

If youd asked to rearrange and hadn't given her a date, I could understand her frustration. Actually I can understand her frustration regardless, as I've been cancelled on myself and you can't help but feel a bit mad. However, she cancelled on you last week so I can't understand the stubbornness.

It's obvious that the idea of getting sick bothers you significantly, but it's also worth keeping in mind that this is something that may happen again in the future, almost definitely if you move in together.

Explain to her just how uncomfortable you are about travelling over and assure her you'll visit next week. Perhaps you could look into getting some help about your phobia in the meantime and discuss this with her.

>>17773147
He's not being silly, no. Have you never felt fear so powerful it prevented you from seeing your loved one ? or have you forgotten ?
It's incredibly hard to overcome.
>>17773157
I have been in such a position.
In my opinion there are multiple things to do.

You are at your most vulnerable, and emotionally blackmailed, yes. That means you get the opportunity to grow emotionally. But I think she is being unreasonable. Really try to find out why she's being unreasonable. If you can't get a reason, consider whether or not you want to be in a relationship with her still.
Get rid of your phobia - you're in crisis, this is a perfect time to get rid of it, but you have to allow yourself to let that phobia go first, and you may need to get therapy.

>>17773157
She's making your life harder because she is too clingy. Tell her this straight up and tell her you want a partner that will work with you rather than against you. If she doesn't make an effort to accommodate your fears and worries what kind of a partner is she?

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If you really love her show her that. Go to her. With a bouque of her favorite flowers get movies and music she likes. Everything. And just sit with her and talk to her; make her comfy. And do whatever she needs. Then when you get there think of this:
Would you rather lose a girl you know you want to spend your life with; Or would you rather endure never-ending regret and self-loathing, because of some stomach acid?
If you really love her you need to man the fuck up. If not for yourself for her. I understand your scared but don't let a small mental fear stop you from being happy. I wish you good luck man, but please don't ruin your life because of a fear.

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>>17773221
Thank you all for your time and considered responses. Following what seems to be the most popular advice, I'm going to try and find out why she's being unreasonable and what's really bothering her.