HELP PLEASE My girlfriend thinks I'm getting her an engagement

File: hqdefault.jpg (12KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 480x360px

>>17767628
>>17767628
>>17767628
>>17767628
>>17767628
>>17767628

>>17767645
I don't understand this meme

A bit more detail, she is like "I think I know what you are getting me for Christmas but there is just no way" like you're damn right there is no way

File: fdahfdgfds.jpg (2KB, 93x93px) Image search: [Google]

2KB, 93x93px

>>17767628
>expecting marriage and kids from an 18 year old.
Whew lad, don't stick your dick in crazy, the poon's not that good I promise. She's nuts if she thinks thats going to work out well, it's good that you're more rational.
Frankly, I'd tell her that. You are not going to run at a break neck pace in your relationship. You're not going to marry her while you're still basically a child, with one foot into adulthood. If she can't accept that, she's not the one and you're clearly not the one for her.

>>17767699
I do love her and I do see a future with her, but I am just not hip to the fact to get engaged or have kids so soon. I feel like all girls are like this though. My sister is getting married and she is coming to the wedding with me and I feel like it's just going to be a shit show. A bit more info is that we have had sex like 3 times a week but I've only ever fucked her once without a condom and came inside of her. I made sure she was on the pill and had the plan B ready to go. She just seems so down under after every sex session now. I don't believe she is crazy but I feel like she might be losing her shit because she sees all of her friends from high school getting engaged and having kids but the kicker is all of them are struggling relationships and they are usually low income. I don't want that. I don't want to raise a family when I can barley support myself. That is so irresponsible and unfair to both of us. I just don't know how to explain to her that it is not a good idea to have kids and get married while I am still so young.

You don't do anything. Unless you told her or badly hinted at an engagement ring, you're not in the wrong if she's disappointed.

>>17767762
But why is she expecting an engagmenf ring from me? Like I have told her to give me like 3-5 years before I even consider it but she just wants everything to be rushed. I really want to get married to her but I can't do it right now. We would be piss poor trailer trash and I refuse to live like that.

>>17767775
>But why is she expecting an engagmenf ring from me?
Well I'm not in her head obviously, but probably because where she's from it's normal to get married young. Don't let her push you into marriage before you're ready.

>>17767732
Again, shes batshit if she thinks those friends are gonna have a good life. I see my dumbshit friends having kids and getting married at 18 (and the divorcing a year at most later kek) and I feel sorry for them, not envious. Their whole lives are ruined.
Also, do not fuck her without a condom ever again dude. They are literally your only line of defense. Say she decides fuck you I want a baby. Tells you she's on the pill, but she's not. Refuses to take plan b. You're fucked son. You're getting 18 years of child support at best. For the love of god, there are so many red flags you might just be too young to notice here, so please fucking protect yourself. Use condoms, and use your own condoms that you have personally bought

>>17767783
I won't. It just would be heart breaking for me to see her open my Christmas present and not be excited because it's not an engagement ring. The only way I think I'm going to be able to fix this is to get her a promise ring or something gay like that.

>>17767803
Like I said, unless you told her you were getting one, or hinted at it, the disappointment is not your fault. You are not responsible for her expectations if you didn't play a role in creating them.

That said, if you're willing to get a promise ring, why not just go the whole way and get an engagement ring? You don't have to get married immediately, you can hold the wedding when you turn 21 if that's what you want. You plan to be with her until then anyway, so is it really that big of a deal?

>>17767803
Or just tell her flat out "I am not getting you an engagement ring. No, this is not some cutsy thing to try and make you believe I'm not so I can surprise you, I genuinely am not getting engaged to you yet, I'm waiting on marriage for now. 100% serious, you are not getting a ring from me."
Be as harsh as you need to, but make sure she walks away without a doubt that you are NOT getting her an engagement ring. And if she's still disappointed at christmas, well she was gonna be disappointed no matter what.

>>17767803
While I wouldn't choose such a partner, what I would do in your situation is probably say something like "I've been kind of worried about disappointing you with my present because you seem to be excited about what you think I'm getting you but I don't know if it's what you're expecting..." some shit like that and basically have her tell you what she wants and letting her know that's not it. Then a conversation will open up about marriage where you can express to her exactly how you feel and have a mature conversation.

>>17767814
>>17767811
Does this mean my situation just proves how selfish women are?

>>17767848
No, we are talking about a single woman here - not all of them.

>>17767851
^This. Don't go all R9K on us, you'll lose all credibility m8.

>>17767851
Do you think I should just sit her down and explain to her that getting married or having kids right now would kill us financially and it would end up a bad marriage?

>>17767871
You should absolutely talk to her. Clear and mature communication is an extremely important part of a good relationship. You must express to her how you feel in a mature matter and listen to her when expresses how she feels as well. If things start to heat up (anger is being displayed, passive-aggressiveness, etc.) then remind her to calm down because yelling at each other is a waste of time.

>>17767871
Also, I personally disagree with shit like this >>17767814 because displaying harshness is not necessary and it will hurt your partner. You can solve problems most efficiently by not creating needless drama and just being honest and clear. That's just my opinion, though.

>>17767919
Harshness may not have been the word I was looking for, rather "sternly" might have been better. I just wanted to make sure if OP went this route he needed to really hit the ball home, or else she would probably think in her delusional mind "Oh tee hee he's just trying to throw me off his scent by saying he's not getting me a ring."
If he goes at it too soft, she'll think he's just playing a game.

Otherwise OP, >>17767903 is right.

>>17767930
Okay, I understand your point of view better now. Thanks for clearing that up. However, I still think being stern is unnecessary because of how much more important it is to provide reasons for why he does not want to marry yet. In your >>17767814 post you made a hypothetical quote that did not contain the reasons OP mentioned that he did not want to marry. Though giving reasons might have been presumed by you.

I guess I don't like sternness because I feel like that limits the other half to not be as open or not feel like he/she can express her/his own feelings too.

>>17767973
To clear up that sentence line I wrote, I just meant that I feel like being stern shuts down any discussion.

>>17767973
I get ya f a m. I didn't think I really provided any "reasoning" in that hypothetical quote, but for the exact reason of not trying to guess OP's, figured he'd alter it to fit his own needs obviously and not read it like a script, but I'll give I also just assumed that was implied, which was my bad.
Op just said he was not getting her a ring and that he wasn't ready to marry, so I thought "I'm not getting you a ring, I'm not ready to get married yet." was vague enough for him to get the idea of what possibly to say.

But, agree to disagree. I don't think being firm/stern means you're shutting them down. You're just letting them know this is a serious conversation and I'm not playing around.
And I'll admit, I'm guessing this chicks behavior onesidedly with what I'm interpreting from OP's description, but I get the impression she's still rather childish and naive, and sometimes people need a good (figurative) slap in the face to make them recognize reality. Again, this is just my own interpretation of all this, but I feel like /she/ won't take him seriously unless he exerts how serious he is about it. She'll play it off or brush him off and continue about her way until OP makes it clear to her that they are in different mindsets and unless they can come up with a way to coexist on this, their relationship is going to seriously struggle, if not end prematurely.

If you're certain you want to be with her, get her a promise ring.

I appreciate all of your answers. I'm just going to go to Tiffany and co and buy her a promise ring.

>>17768610
>promise ring

What are you, 13?

Just don't do this and say openly that you won't buy it.

CLEARLY

Have an unpleasant conversation after and if this cunt is with you only for the sake of the ring, then drop it. You don't want to sign this devil contract especially when you are not 100000% sure it good. Because it's most probably shit.

Marriage is not a cute little game like your gf is making it out to be. Be straight up and say you don't want to get married so young, but that you love her and still want to be with her. Be prepared to lose her and see her on facebook in three years with two kids.

I think she wants kids more than she wants to get married. How the fuck do I explain to her this is a really bad idea?

>>17767775
Why the hell do you even want to get married, it's such a full retard decision.

As a man you gain literally nothing from marriage but will potentially lose everything.

>>17767628
Are you George constanza?

>>17767814
>treating your gf like an adult
Yeah good luck with that.

>>17767628
Marraige is a big thing and if you're young you might rush into a bad one. You definitely need to tell her about your reservations and maybe try to expose her to the bigger, outside world.

>>17767628
You're both crazy, you for letting her believe something like that, and her for being marriage/baby cray at 20. Good luck bro

>>17770631
lol how am I crazy? I literally am the rational thinker here by understanding "hmmm maybe getting married and having a child right now might not only fuck up my life fiancially, but would make me go fucking insane as well!" I'll tell you one thing, if we do get married in the future, she is signing a prenup

Jesus Christ. So I just talked to my girlfriend about having kids and she literally barked at me on how "I'm having kids with or without you I will adopt a kid" and I was like "babe just think rationally, you aren't outweighing the costs and benefits of a child. Sure you have the pleasure of having a cute kid to show off and be a mother for but we can't financially support a kid right now and you know this. All I am asking for is like 5 years, just wait until I get out of college and have a stable income it's not hard." And she was like "the more you talk the more you are pissing me off" like god damn can I ever fucking win? Trying to figure out a girl is trying to defuse a bomb by cutting the red wire but there are 5 identicle red wires