What the FUCK is wrong with me? I have so much learning helplessness

>>17764999
Get to the root and challenge yourself. Keep in mind, anxiety is taxing to your mental health the more you challenge it.

Figure out why you scream when you look at paper with the feeling of wanting to draw. What do you see? What do you hear? Do you want to do more than scream?

You read articles and become flooded with the pressure for knowledge. At what moment do you feel the pressure start? How long does it take to go away?

When you are not actively engaged, hands on with motivation. How does the panic start?

The idea is to understand what is triggering you and to find relief in knowing yourself better.

I find solace in knowing my triggers tend to be biological responses to obsessive thought patterns that cause my body to react extremely.

>>17765005
Thanks for the reply. I can't explain it very well. It feels like writers block when I try to physically do something. If I look up pieces of a topic I don't have foundational knowledge of, I imagine trying to fathom it all and I can't just learn to relax and take it bit by bit. It's like I'm not wired to. I can't self learn very well. Trying to find the first step is a nightmare. It seems like I always need my hand held or the stress gets to me recursively

>>17765005
Just if I'm trying to improve a skill or learn it, every step of the way gives me irritation. Even watching YouTube videos on it gives me anxiety like i need to do more

>>17765011
>writers block
Try forcing your hand onto the paper. Even if you tear that bitch, you're still trying to do something

>trying to find the first step
Try a different approach. Having the interest can be step 1. Looking up one thing about it can be step 2. Applying that knowledge in some way, even if it is writing a snip of the lesson on a piece of paper, can be step 3.

>seems I need my hand held
Now you're on to something. Have you ever participated in a group research project? Did it fuck you up or nah? I'm wondering if it is related to simply having someone else present. It sounds like a person on youtube doesn't cut it correctly.

Ever taught someone else something? Doesn't matter how "trivial." If you taught some nigga about how to take a picture on the phone, that counts. Point is, how does giving someone else information make you feel?

>>17765015
>irritation
I can relate. If I'm learning something, it makes sense to pace myself but why isn't this dickhead teaching me faster? We are different in our reactions it seems. I get bored and disinterested.

I rectify that reaction by pausing the video, minimizing the window, looking away, whatever. I wait until I calm down or, in the worst case, I move on to something else. Either way, I aim to lessen discomfort. What happens when you stop doing something that is bothering you?

Thanks for your replies. I guess it just boils down to a lot of insecurities. Recently graduated in CIS and I'm constantly losing the information cause I don't get to use it. The imbedded desire to be valuable and be someone gives me so much pressure that trying anything just twists me up with rage and I can't will it. No matter what I do. I simply cannot relax. I can be a good student, but hopeless otherwise.

I've done group projects and I can make and follow plans if I knew how to do something. If I'm leaving anything out let me know

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>>17764999
read Stirner. His philosophy cures depression by dconstructing your shit so you can start again from scratch, my spooked friend.

>>17765005
>Get to the root and challenge yourself. Keep in mind, anxiety is taxing to your mental health the more you challenge it.
So wait, are you telling us to challenge our anxieties or not? Those two statements are conflicting.

>>17765041
>embedded desire to be valuable and be someone
Your life is yours. You are valuable. You are someone. That's easy for me to say because I know when someone is valuable and when someone is "somebody."

What does it take to be valuable? What does it mean to be someone? You say these are embedded. What values are exactly embedded?

A example, men have the embedded requirements of wealth, power, and success with women to be valuable. These are shackles around the feet of good men holding them back from their own success.

They have to know they are shackled and where the shackles are before they can do anything. Where are yours?

>>17765069
The overall message is to push yourself but don't push yourself too far. This is per individual and only experience will teach you your limits. By attempting to challenge yourself, you will push into attack territory.

I wanted that result to be clear and not a surprise. To avoid the "oh shit nigger what am I doing to myself imma never do this again" reaction because it could send someone down the path of fear.

Think recovering from an injury. Or sleeping the wrong way and waking up with a stiff neck. I should have elaborated better originally.

>>17764999
It sounds like a perfection compulsion - if you can't do something totally right you panic at doing it all.

Stop looking at life as a series of school assignments. Instead of seeing the blank paper as a demand that you create a masterpiece, just doodle aimlessly. If the doodle turns into something interesting, great. If not, you've killed a little time and one sheet of paper enjoyably. Instead of reading to learn, read for fun. If you learn anything, that's a bonus.

Thanks everyone