>find amazing girl freshman year. >Get her! Keep her for

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>find amazing girl freshman year.
>Get her! Keep her for four amazing years.
>graduation comes, life seems scary, what to do?
>Panic. Desperate to leave shitty abusive family. Get offered free boarding at aunts house a few hours away.
>Legitimately love this woman. Get scared cause she is talking marriage and kids.
>I'm still a kid.
>Leave, devastating her. I turned her world upside down. I tried my best not to feel. I didn't show much emotion after I made the decision. I cried while she wasn't there. honestly thought it was best for both of us. I couldn't be the man she wanted/deserved, she wasn't hearing this.
A yearish later...
>Found a way to hit her up cause I was in town for family. She agrees, we have wonderful sex, we hang out for a little while. I don't remember the conversations.
>We meet up again a few months later, she has a bf. I try to get in the pants anyways. She isn't having it.
Last words I said to her was that I always had a thing for her mom. I believe I was drunk at that moment, and regret it to this day.
Fast forward to today.
>Been in a few relationships since. They feel hollow, but that might just be me. Currently single.
>Google her with some regularity, she doesn't exist online.
>Yesterday I found something, after sixish years, finally. This moment ive been waiting for, to see her beautiful face again.
>It's a picture her best friend took at her wedding.
>All the feels came to me, many years of ignored feels.
>Smoked weed and went to bed.
>Woke up, worked like a broken robot, now I'm home.
Thank you for sticking around for the question..
I desperately want to tell her I'm sorry for everything. I don't want to fuck her and I don't want to ruin her marriage. I want to approach as a friend.
Am I retarded? Should I just accept that guilt is the consequence of my stupidity?
Or..
Email her best friend, hoping to get contact info.
Or drive few hours to drop off letter at her parents house and hope they don't burn it. What do?