How do I know if my relationship is good? How happy do you have

OP here, I thought of a better way to explain my question.

Essentially, I have no comparison. Most people can compare their relationship to past relationships and be like wow this is unhealthy or wow this is so nice. I have none of that, and when I compare it to other relationships I see (like on social media, or in movies) that's such a biased view, and always leaves me less happy with my boyfriend because of course romance movies and people on fb are going to make the relationship look as good as they can.

So what are other ways to test the worth of a relationship, other than comparison?

>>17759715
There is no objective standard to value your relationship.
If you're unhappy, leave. If you have doubts, what worked for me was thinking about what kind of person me and my partner wanted to become, and see if our ideas were compatible.
Think about yourself in 10 years, about what kind of person you're trying to be, and see if that person is compatible with your partner right now and what kind of person your partner wants to be.
If that's not the case, reconsider the relationship.

>>17759757
If you're having doubts you should really talk to your boyfriend. If I were him I'd rather know how you truly feel and discuss if anything can actually be done, maybe he just needs a wake up call, maybe he's happy the way he is. Either way you two need to talk.

>>17759715

Basically ask yourself are you better with him than you would be without him. "Happiness" isn't a constant state of being, it comes and goes as life moves on. But if your bf makes you want to improve yourself or your life, then he is contributing constantly to your potential for happiness. If you think you or how you lead your life wouldn't be any different with or without him, then no, he doesn't make you happy and the relationship won't make you happy either.

>>17759715
How do you know you're in a good relationship? When you're constantly worried its gonna end.

>>17759795

How is that 'good' if it's just causing you worry? Seems pretty damn unhealthy if a relationship is based on fear, essentially.

>>17759795
That's not true.
I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and shit is awesome. I love him, he's great under every aspect, we have so much fun together, conversation is still great, sex feels like heaven. I can see myself getting old with him.
But I'm not worried about our relationship ending. I haven't been in years.
Why would I worry about him leaving when I am truly happy and he's happy too? Why would I spoil something beautiful by worrying?

>>17759806
Fear is really interesting though senpai

>>17759715
>really loyal
>says he wants to commit to me forever
These are fucking basics, besides the latter is just given. What do you expect him to say, "I'm only with you until a find somebody better."?

>spends too much time staring at his phone, is kinda boring/unambitious
These seem like serious red flags, why do you accept it so easy? He certainly doesn't sound like a catch, at least from the info you gave.

Comparisons are pretty pointless too, even if you had a more objective data. Can you imagine you being more happy with a person who would have same positives without his negatives? Would you want to spend the next 2-5-10 years with him instead of dating someone potentially better? How much better/worse would your life be without him (not counting loneliness)?

>how am I meant to feel at this point of a relationship to know it's right?
Ideally the thought about it and even making a thread wouldn't cross your mind. Subjectively speaking, you certainly don't sound like somebody who's in a great relationship.

>>17759812
look I'm not telling to doubt your boyfriend or be clingy or anything like that, but if there's not even the littlest bit of doubt as far as whether you're truly meant to be together then maybe it's time to have a closer look

>>17759795
That's how you tell that you have issues (paranoia, self worth, fear of loneliness, abandonment and the likes)

>>17759820
I think that's silly though. I feel like the media makes me feel like a good relationship is one with no doubts but I feel like that will never be attainable

>>17759832
In a good relationship you can discus your doubts openly. Would you say that you can do it in yours?

>>17759832
yeah and it's the kind of thing that's really hard to find. But when you see it you know it's right and it flat out hurts to think about anything else

>>17759820
What should I doubt? I don't believe anyone is "meant" to be together. That's bullshit.
A relationship is a choice. We choose to be together, and I never had the slightest regret about dating him. Unless something major changes, and I don't see that happening any time soon, we won't break up because being with him is better than being alone by far (and I'm pretty happy on my own) and it's the same for him.

If we're going to break up, I will still be happy of all the things we did together and still will be a much better person than I was when we got together. And I will find someone else to date.

Worrying is useless.

>>17759851
Definitely you need to be able to talk about your doubts with someone and even him specifically. I don't doubt that you're happy or that he's happier than he would be alone and it seems like breaking would be kinda the worst thing that can happen.

>>17759859
I honestly don't even understand what you're talking about.
I am not OP. I have no doubt about the quality of my relationship.
Breaking up isn't the worst thing that can happen to us. We're happy together, would be happy if we were alone.

>>17759875
>We're happy together, would be happy if we were alone.
Pretty much key for any good relationshit and should be a fucking sticky here already.