Why doesn't he want to be friends with me? There was a

>>17754375
When you close a door on a man don't be surprised when he leaves.

Guys don't play games. We hear No means no all the freaking time. And you said No.

>>17754375
Girls are monsters. People like you sicken me. Poor guy, he definitely deserves better.

>But I don't know why, I just never wanted to be more than friends.
>He's the nicest guy I've ever met.

That's why.

>>17754375
I'm a frog and I eat spaghetti from the warm lake, cooked to perfection leading me to satisfaction. But that acorn that just fell in seems to be upto no good. Heck, it even roars like a lion but scuddles like a rat? In the mean time, bulls are bulls and cows still are cows, so why is the raven not raven, but just sad?

>>17754375

(Guy here, just for perspective)
I always start out with girls and guys just seeking friendship, and then if the chemistry is great then have that lingering crush whether or not they feel the same too.

It sounds like that guy does it differently to where he mentally checks off a box of "potential GF" v. "potential friend" and can't cross the lines.
I'm currently hanging out with a girl A LOT that I asked out but she said no, and I still have feelings and it really makes things shitty on my end, but I still get the emotional high when I'm around her so it's worth it. Don't force yourself to feel anything, but just embrace missing him and move on imo

>>17754391
>I'm currently hanging out with a girl A LOT that I asked out but she said no, and I still have feelings and it really makes things shitty on my end, but I still get the emotional high when I'm around her so it's worth it.
that's pretty creepy, dude

>>17754391
>I always start out with girls and guys just seeking friendship, and then if the chemistry is great then have that lingering crush whether or not they feel the same too.
>I'm currently hanging out with a girl A LOT that I asked out but she said no, and I still have feelings and it really makes things shitty on my end, but I still get the emotional high when I'm around her so it's worth it.
That makes me really uncomfortable around you. Sorry. :S

>>17754375
>I don't understand.
He's explained it to you as simply as you're going to hear it. He's romantically attracted to you so he can't just be your friend. A 'friendship' where one party has a romantic attraction for the other, which isn't mutual, isn't a friendship at all, it's an instance of unrequited love. Being around you but not with you would be too painful for the fella.

You did the right thing though, you were honest with him. If you respect him, you need to respect his decision to not be around you. It's not a malicious thing, no ones to blame, it's just something people have to do to preserve their own feelings.

I think it was wrong of him to be straight up in his response. Most guys just ghost a girl once they get rejected.
But I'm guessing he was being polite and honest just as you were.

Learn from this. It's better for both of you in the long run.

>>17754435
What the absolute fuck? You think it's CORRECT to ghost people? Where did you fucking learn that? You think treating people like they aren't human is best? What is wrong with you?

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>>17754435
>I think it was wrong of him to be straight up in his response. Most guys just ghost a girl once they get rejected.
He did the decent thing. Being 'ghosted' on is fucking agonising.

>>17754439
Sounds like this hit a nerve.
Who hurt you? And why would you relate this to treating them less than human?

>>17754375
Because you're a goddamned idiot. Hear me out.

I'm sure you're the kind that says things like 'niceness' are 'good' and that that's what you want in a man. You are a liar. If this is truly what you wanted, then that's what you'd have. You've turned down nice when it was presented to you.

You don't understand why someone who likes you doesn't want to be around you if you don't like them? Are you old enough to be on this website? Him being around you without you reciprocating your feelings is like cutting open a wound repeatedly and not letting it ever heal. It's scarring.

>He's very fun, very sweet, the nicest guy I've ever met.
If you really think that, and you don't also like him back, then you need to admit and accept that you are a whore. You are nothing. You are simply a tool for sex that men will use because you are not human.

tldr:
[spoiler]_______________________________________________________________________kys_____________________________________________________________________________________________[/spoiler]

>>17754435
Ghosting is quite dishonest and treats the person like they can't be taken seriously. It also makes you look less trustworthy.

>>17754375
Because only a certain type of guy will want to be your lap dog and not have any kind of sex. He obviously isn't that kind of person. Get over it and find someone else who's more desperate to drag around with you.

>>17754439
>>17754443
Hmm clearly I've been doing it wrong. I've just always been told that you look like an asshole if you tell a girl you can't be their friend once they reject you.

>>17754444
Absolutely you have. I hate people like you. Nice digits though.

If you really think ghosting is a good thing, educate me then. Why do you think ignoring a person is treating them as a human? Why do you think communication with someone is a bad thing? Why do you think NOT telling someone how you feel is good?

When you ghost someone, you are effectively saying that their existence is meaningless to you. You are saying their thoughts and their voice have no value to you. Would you ever treat anyone you cared about this way? In your mind, they are not human, whether you realize it or not.

Fuck you for perpetuating one of the literal worst things you can do to someone.

>>17754455
Do you even know what ghosting is?

>>17754458
>projecting
Fuck off feminazi. Adults are talking.

>>17754461
I'm a guy actually. I used to ghost women and I realized how goddamned unforgivable and horrible it is. Those who imply others are children are usually masking their own immaturity but this is 4chan so fuck it I'll play along. kys nigger

>>17754458
Like I said above, i always thought you look like a bigger ass by telling them straight up you can't be their friend. I've only ever ghosted two women in my life. Felt easier and less awkward. But maybe I've just had a different experience.

>>17754460
To cut all ties with her, without her knowing.

>>17754461
Dude chill.

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Seen as though we're on the topic, how the fuck do you deal with being ghosted on? My ex –whom I remained in contact with– recently stopped replying to me despite implying that she would see me again and even planned to collaborate on a project with me.

I treated her pretty badly in the relationship but we were getting along as friends. Now it's been almost a month since I've heard from her and it's killing me. I'm trying to respect her boundaries but honestly I'd prefer if she openly told me to fuck off instead of instigating radio silence out of the blue.

When a guy has feelings for you, it is very hard for him to ever separate those feelings from the thoughts of you; most guys will just straight up never get over it, and not speaking to you ever again will make it easier to cope / not think about it.

Most emotional guys are like this

But some among them can still get over it and become friends.

>>17754375
you are not entitle to his friendship and he is being a man by moving on.

>>17754375
he wanted to fuck you and you didnt want to. it is more painful for him to be around you than to not.

what is so difficult to understand here

>>17754489
if someone pulls that type of shit and the ball is in their court as we left it, i get it in my head that i am never going to contact them again. if they come back to me then fine, otherwise you will never hear from me again unless its something very important

>>17754375
>this obvious bait
>those serious replies
lol/adv/ is full of people whose time has no value

>>17754375
I guess he thinks that by remaining friends with you, his romantic feelings for you will never leave and he will never be able to move on. Totally not your fault, though.

>This man has very clear romantic feelings for me
>WHY CANT WE JUST BE FRIENDS LOL
Because that would cause him constant heartache you dumb bitch
How would you feel if you loved a man and he said "Let's just be friends" and wanted you to keep hanging out with him and being close knowing he would never feel the same way?
You'd feel goddamn awful.

>>17754660
Like you???

>>17754649
Yeah sure, but how do you cope with that isolation and sense if abandonment that comes with it? It's fucking excruciating.

>>17754975
No retard my post is short. I value my time.

>>17754447
Friendzoned virgin detected.

So this girl should date a guy she has no sexual interest in whatsoever because he's nice?

The old lady who lives in my building is nice, really nice. She's 50yrs older than me, smells really strange and reminds me of my grandma.

She's so nice though, so sweet, nicest lady Ive ever met. So should I get down on one knee and ask her to marry me? Cos if I don't I'm a whore right?

>>17754404
exactly and well put.

How could he ever be a friend with true neutrality when OP starts dating and fucking other men?

OP was honest and the guy was honest

>>17754375

Being friends with someone you love isn't fun.

Because friends like to talk about their relationships.
I don't claim to be a "nice guy" but you know what I do claim? "I wouldn't hit her", "I wouldn't cheat on her".
So she goes and dates someone who beats her, cheat on her, uses her whatever.

Pretty much telling me I'm a worse man than that.
All I'm good for?
Fucking shoulder to cry on.
"Waaa, I need to complain about this man that's better than you in every fucking way".

Fuck that shit.
I don't be friends with people I love. I distance myself. Fucking heatbreaking is what it is.
I'm not sitting there listening to how some fucking scumbag is "really nice once you get to know him".
Fuck that shit.
If I'm worse than a cheater, beater, druggie, argumentative asshole, I'm not sticking around.
I'd rather use that time looking for someone who appreciates me than being that "friend".

OP, you don't have to date him, but it's selfish to expect him to stick around and be your "friend" when all he's gonna do is feel insulted by every bad date you have.

>>17754447
what the fuck? how do you get whore from an honest response?

>>17754458
you forget that self preservation is more important and if removing oneself from a person because it causes you pain is human. Sacrificing your own happiness and get nothing in return just to make another happy is sick. If that is what you want get a dog and kick it.

>>17754489
Seems she kinda did tell you to fuck off when she became your ex. You hanging around, ignoring reality, thinking she didn't mean it is not her fault. Lets say she has started a new relationship with a new guy, is that also something she should tell you?

>>17754435
Holy shit you're a piece of shit, ghosting is a thousand times worse than what the guy did. OP is learning something from this, she's understanding his reasoning, that would've never happened with certainty if he ghosted.

>>17755098
Really? She would have no idea if he disappeared? Uh, he asks, she declines, he disappears, therefore he is embarrassed and knows he has no shot ever and moves on. Why do you have to provide a reason for not wanting to pursue a rabbit down a hole?

>>17754489
I follow a three response rule. I text them once. I text them a second time if I don't get a response like half a day later. At that point I'll try a last time maybe a week later. At that point I'm out.

My logic is sometimes a day gets away with you. That's the first two texts. Maybe something significant is going on like family drama and they forget to get back to you because shit's been crazy. That's the last text. If they still haven't responded, they just don't want to interact with you and you move on. It's been a month, her actions say all she would ever have to.

Ghosting is shitty to deal with, but it's a fact of life.

>>17755103
There are innumerable what ifs when they pull a Houdini. When you ghost someone all of them are left blank, you can't actually be 100% certain someone is dodging you. It's not like it's uncommon for people to be able to be friends after rejection, one of the major factors is how significant their feelings are. I act quickly on asking them out so those emotions are generally minor, and I'm still comfortable being friends typically.

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>>17754404
> He's romantically attracted to you so he can't just be your friend. A 'friendship' where one party has a romantic attraction for the other, which isn't mutual, isn't a friendship at all, it's an instance of unrequited love. Being around you but not with you would be too painful for the fella.

This.
Something similar happened to me that happened to op, though I was the guy in this instance.
Unfortunately, the girl I had been spending time with never was considerate enough to openly state that she had no interest in being more than friends, and instead chose to start ignoring me and acting cold towards me out of the blue.
When I finally got the message, I just cut all contact with her, deleted her number from my phone, removed her as my friend from facebook etc.
Ultimately, that helped me to get over her, as without her being constantly present in my day to day life and social media, the pain of her rejection faded away and I got trough my heartbreak.

>>17754404
We have a winrar!

>>17755103
You're fucking stupid and literally everyone so far told you that, maybe reconsider your stance. I seriously doubt you have much experience in these things. Ghosting is a terrible thing to do.

>>17754375
The basic scenario here is that he got too emotionally invested before asking you out. It is, of course, unresonable to ask you to just "turn on" romantic feelings for him, and he did not do this, but for exactly the same reasons, it is unreaeonable to ask him tk just "turn off" his own. He needs time and distance for his feelings to cool, or else your continued presence in his life will only keep reopening the wounds, keeping the pain fresh. It sucks, but he's doing what he's gotta do.

Not much judgment to be made there. He should have asked you out sooner, yes, but we don't know when "sooner" mifht have been. Really, there are two scenarios here.

The "Nice Guy" scenario is that he was creeping on you the whole time he's known you, and sadly, this is the more likely of the two. In this scenario, your entire friendship was a lie: nothing nore than an attempt to get close to you without it ever occurring to you to say no, so that when he finally DID ask you out, you would feel some obligation even if you felt some emotion. If this is what was going on, you are well rid of him.

But there is another possibility: that he was an honest friend in the beginning, and his feelings changed some time ago. That does happen sometimes. He still should have asked you out the moment he became aware of this change; friendships can be salvaged when romantic emotional investment is still low. You would not be going through this if he'd asked you out a couple of months ago, or a year ago, or however long, and that's on him; this is still his fault. But he didn't, and he let himself get whipped up into an emotional frenzy, and now there's only one way to get out of that.

Which scenario happened here? I don't know. Sadly, by raw odds, the creeper scenario is more likely; feelings do not change THAT often. But without more information, I can't rule out either. And the difference matters: it's the difference between a good guy who did a dumb thing and a villain.

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>>17755130
>Which scenario happened here? I don't know. Sadly, by raw odds, the creeper scenario is more likely; feelings do not change THAT often. But without more information, I can't rule out either. And the difference matters: it's the difference between a good guy who did a dumb thing and a villain.


Are you serious? Your creeper idea is a fucking fantasy that women come up in order to justify treating guys who started out as their friends friends, but later developed feelings for them, like shit.
There are tons of guys who don't develop romantic feelings towards a person the moment they see them, and instead find themselves growing romantically attached to girls they first befriended.

>>17755128
Wrong. I left one relationship after we argued and got nowhere by telling her I was going for a pack of cigarettes and disappeared. Another I was fucking my bosses daughter, quit the job after securing another and moved out of state and never spoke to or saw her again. I can go on and on.

>>17755166
I think he meant experience on being in the receiving end, anyone can ghost, it's easy.

>>17755166
>I'm ghosting people all the time so I know it's a good thing
Yes, we've already established that you're an asshole.

>>17755089
I hung around after the break up because we both wanted to be friends, she used to contact me and we talked a lot. The current silence is so painful because I'd come to terms with losing her romantically but I wasn't prepared to lose my best friend. I saw it coming and I deserve it but it still hurts so much.

I just want rid of this pain.

>>17755166
I've had people ghost me but it didn't destroy me nor did I overthink it. Like I said people disappear because they don't want to be around you anymore, accept it and move on.

>>17755130
You really put men in too much of an evil light here, very few people consciously creep after women and pretend to be friends.the entire time like that, romantic feelings like that just happen. There was probably a shitton of internal conflict going on when OP's friend asked her out, he likely left because being friends with someone you love is a form of self-imposed torture. I wouldn't call not putting your through that and cutting the friendship "an emotional frenzy" nor was it likely a case of "My nefarious plot of being friends didn't work now I must twirl my mustache and come up with another wicked scheme! *waves cape and walks away*"

Men are human beings just like women.

I don't get it, when I don't like a girl I can at least put a finger on what I don't like about her, even if she's nice and all. It's normal you can't say to his face, but even on anonymous board you say you "just never been interested"?
Just like you don't understand him, I don't understand you, I guess.
Anyways, give him a break. It takes lots of bottling up to be just friends with somebody you're romantically attracted to, especially if that person rejected you with no explanation. Not like I'm saying an explanation is needed, but I think it can speed up the healing process sometimes.

>>17755281
I think women are just less introspective than men are, though I may be wrong and OP and the women I've talked to are exceptions or at least not representatives for the entire gender.