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Hi /adv/,
I'm a 24 yo medical student that is about to finish his degree. The thing is i never wanted to do medicine by heart. I chose my study because i had no idea what the fuck i should do with my life. Never liked to study it but somehow slipped through the cracks and now i'm almost a doctor. A lazy underachiever that knows how to trick the system.
At the moment i'm working at the hospital during the week and on weekends i use benzos and other drugs to relax and enjoy social activities.
Another thing is that i have a lot of depression and anxiety issues, some related to me not being too sure about my career. Some of them regarding my very unstable relationship to the people around me. I always have the fear of people leaving me or not accepting me as friends anymore.
I have some artist friends around me that somehow channel and vent their issues into something productive, while i spend most of my time being lazy in front of the computer as a form of escapism. It seems like I have a big validation problem, because i constantly think people around me are better than me.
I feel like i have been in quite a quarter life crisis for a couple of years now and it really isn't getting any better.
My relationships with people is drifting further apart as my social circle is constantly shrinking. The same thing is happening with my family. I'm too much in my head to care about other people, and therefore they don't care about me. Lately i've been thinking often about suicide. I'm not sure what i should do.
I'm sorry for being all over the place and maybe cringeworthy self pity. I just wrote this down to get it out of my head. But thanks in advance for any advice on my situation.
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>>17750419
i have the same problem except i'm not a doctor.
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A shitload of people feel like this every day.
Either it will pass or it won't.
If it does pass then you better make sure that you haven't just fucked everything you've worked for up till now.
You know that your drug problem isn't helping, you know the other problems that are not helping too.
Fix them, keep up the work and hopefully in a couple of years you'll look back and you'll be like thank fuck I didn't let things turn to shit back then because now I wouldn't have all this.
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>>17750483
Thanks for the response.
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>>17750419
Don't have much to say other than, holy shit congratulations on becoming a doctor despite having depression and anxiety.
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>>17750419
>>17750455
I have the same problem and i am also studying medicine.
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>>17750419
some advice: you will never appreciate the good things in life until its gone.
As much as I can say hang in there because you have a good thing going, you might not believe it yet. One day you really will.
All that stuff about relationships is just down to getting older. Friends/family will go/disappear, you will start to feel the whole world is moving forward and leaving you behind. When that feeling happens, slow down and take time to look and notice the things around you, what has changed in the environment/surrounds, notice it and appreciate it, otherwise a change of surrounds (ie where you live/way you travel) can do some good too.
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I think I just read two to four years into my future. Med student as well, with the same motivations for going into medicine.
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