Hello /adv/ I do not feel that I deserve to live, and that I'm

>>17747809
Do you abuse lots of stimulants?
The withdrawl effects will give you moodswings that can multiply the anxiaty and depression many people can feel over unrelated issues.

Best thing to do is to stay away from drugs and go see a therapist. You may have a lot in your mind and nobody to talk to that would genuinly care about making you better.

>>17747817
I avoid any stimulants like they're the manifestation of Satan. I can't calm down as it is.

I've been to see a few therapists. One, before I started to come out to people, who told me I needed to harden up and not worry. That was it. I was prescribed valium but couldn't function on it.

Current therapist will prescribe HRT but is closed off to the anxiety problems.

My friends, or at least the people I know, seem to just tell me I need to get out more and leave it at that. I do get out. Ive mentioned the issues with anxiety are making me suicidal. I don't know what else to do.

>>17747820
Well you should really not be drugging yourself down. You need to face reality not escape from it.

A therapists job is not to magically solve your problems once you tell it to them. Their job is to guide you through your thoughts and mind to find the roots of your problems and stress and make you understand why you are feeling the way you are.

Just telling you stuff like you have to be stronger or you need to take this drug is not gonna help you.

You dont understand why you have these thougts. And its often very repressed. Only way to find out is t dig dreper, find the problem, confront it and then accept your new-found knowledge. Only then can you have some peace of mind

>>17747841
If every therapist I go to dismisses it or prescribes drugs that make me a zombie, what do I do?

>>17747844
Well first you need to take a few steps back. Take some deep breaths and look at the big picture.

Where are you now, where do you believe you are going, where do you want to be.

And then start thinking backward.
You are sitting in this position why?
What actions are you doing every day that keeps you in this place.
What people are you constantly tryign to seek aproval of, what losses are you still trying to hold on to, what would your life be like if there was no negativity around.

When you start thinking and self-reflect you begin to make conenctions. Finding common themes, discovering new thingd about your self or surroundings.

Whenever people feel hopeless everything seems negative and inpossible. But if you think about where you want to be and backtrace. You may find out what you are doing wrong without even knowing about it.

>>17747871
I keep coming to the same conclusion - that I don't get some critical things done because I can't cope with the stress at that given point, melt down and have a series of panic attacks over a number of days. I don't know how to solve that problem. Some drugs obviously help the panic attacks but that doesn't help me function normally.

What do I do about that that results in a lasting solution? I can't do any more temporary solutions. I can't go back to feeling like this all the time. I'd rather die.

>>17747905
>I don't get some critical things done because I can't cope with the stress at that given point.
Where does the stress originate from? Is it stress from the task at hand or do you get stressed over other things which in turn makes you unable to do what needs to be done.

Example:
Does the stress originate from you thinking about pressing that button?
Or does the fact that the button exist make you stess?
Or does the thought of you standing here with the button, when you should be doing something else stress you up?

Coming to the conclusion that X makes you stressed is not a conclusion. Its a theory. You think X is stessing you out. But Y could do it to and Z too. Its probably because A is on the back of your mind that you cant do XYX

>>17747936
No doubt, my mind is always buzzing constantly with all the things I should be doing better. It just builds and builds and builds till it's like white noise drowning everything else out at which point I'll have a panic attack of varying degrees. If I have a difficult or pressing task at hang obviously all that is exacerbated.

For example with making an impirtant phone call, sometimes I will put it off because I will throw up and dry reach for hours due to panicking over that phone call but also (for example) things like that I have to get to an appointment in several days time, have to buy more food the next day, that at both of those occasions every person I pass is going to take a second look at me and quietly hate and resent me, including the people I know. I worry about asking for help with this, but then I worry that the people I ask for help will view me as a pathetic burden and then never speak to me again. They'll tell my other friends. I won't have any left. Then I'm on my own. And then I have to try even harder for everything, which is going to be even more of a challenge and I already can't cope with the one at hand.

And even if they don't, word will get around that I can't keep it together, that I'm unstable and should be avoided. I'll never get another opportunity for work or to make money and then I won't be able to have a place to live again or food to eat, and I've been homeless for a few months this year, going without food for days or a week at a time. I just can't do it.

>>17747964
Ah I see where some of the stress may be coming from and thats the constant negativity that you are shrouding your mind with.
Example:

>I want a bagel
Damn ill have to walk all the way to the store, Ill probably wont find the one im looking for, my card may be declined, I may die from being hit by a bus. Why do I even want a bagel, im fat, everyone thinks im fat. Fat people should die. I should die.

You see were im going with this? Its a slippery slope of constant negativity that you bombard your mind with.

Instead you should be thiniking

>I want a bagel
Im hungry that bagel will do the trick. I cant wait to eat that bagel. I wonder if they got chocolate too. What if I bought two? Yeah thats the spirit. That gives me a reason to go to the gym afterwards.. The thredmill thinks it can outperform me huh? Ill show it allright.

The difference here is that you force yourself to think positive thoughts. Push away all the negativity it usually comes from overthinking stuff too. We get off dwelling on negative thougt because its so easy to be negative. You think that people secretly judge and hate you maybe because you probably hate some aspects of yourself. That issue is even deeper and youll need if not another therapist atleast a caring friend to talk to about things like this. To support you and guide your thinking.

>>17747980
Would you then recommend that I seek another therapist and try to talk about this with the closer people in my life?

>>17747989
A therapist works like an anonymus friend. You dont build a good enough connection to feel you need to lie to them.
Friends on the other hand often understand you better than yourself and can provide more comfort and insight around your feelings if you just let them hear you out.

The key is that you need to talk. I sense it in you. You want someone to listen and to understand so that you can understand too. The only way to do it is to talk. Otherwise its just you and your brain and that hasnt worked out so far.

>>17747980
I mean, I do my best to avoid getting negative but that tends to lead to even more avoidant behaviour.

>>17748001
I'm going to take that to heart and do my best to forge a more open dialogue with my closer circles. Hopefully they can understand the way you have! Thank you ever so much for your insight, I really wasn't expecting such genuine and nice advice!

>>17748006
Ive been to dark places to. I Know the feeling of impending doom looming at the back of my mind. Talking helps. You see things from another set of eyes. Gives you perspective. Suddenly your problems are all solveable.

>>17747809
I'm 20 and currently getting myself into a situation similar to the one you're currently in. Just started at my job and I use a variety of drugs, mostly weed, tobacco, alcohol and cocaine (very sporadically). My life is fine for now, but I can see things going downhill from here real fucking fast. Any advice on how to avoid fucking it all up?

>>17748020
My advice to you is not to take on more than you feel absolutely certain that you can handle. If you feel stressed, don't try to push through it. Drop something.

>>17748020
Your life sounds like the generic young adult. If you dont start shooting heroin everything should be fine.
Never substitute sleep and stress relief with drugs because once you come down it will be worse and thats how a maelstrom drags you down

>>17747809
I've been in a similar vibe that your words describe.
We are all leeches, your loved ones are leeches too. We all leech in different aspect. Alcohol use is a coping mechanism, it provides routine chemical structures your brain is accustomed to whilst creating blockages that take time to drain away, you drink again as the alcohol inflates your brain to operate, whilst again jamming it with gunk eg. detox isn't pleasant though worth while. There are many better substances like tea which often taste foul/weak at first, as the body shuts it's self off in order to ascertain it's compatibility...
What I'd get at eventually is, this post is a sign your mind/body aren't functioning in it's correct capacity.
Changes in habits, even if superficial at first, allows you to get out of that rut enough to find better alternatives.
Also plain old walking...walking in a random route helps your mind wander and develop new symbolisms. Planning whilst doing something like walking gears you up for multitasking your approach to life (I find anyway) Really helped me when I was catatonic in my old job. I'm like 87 time more happy...and it's not as terrible or vapid as I imagined...just better somehow.

Cheers,
Adam

>>17748053
Thanks, Adam. I'll try to break the mold!