I'm in a relationship with someone who thinks sex is unimportant,

>>17739852
You don't convince; you ask. If he says no you break up. Simple.
Leave if you're wanting sex and find it to be an important part of the relationship but he doesn't. There's no point in dragging it out just because you enjoy the emotional stability he provides you.
Or, ask actually. It will ruin the relationship. Post results.

>>17739852
He's already fucking someone else or you are just a substitute for some unattainable girl, trust me, been there, done that. It's already half open.

>>17739852
End it. Those never work out

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>>17739859
We're great in other ways though... like best friends. It's just this one issue. He seems happy with the relationship as-is.

>>17739856
We've talked about it a little and he's worried I'll end up leaving him for someone I enjoy sex with, but I don't think I'd do that. Is that usually what ends up happening?

>>17739858
I'm almost certain he's not cheating... I don't know where he'd find time; we're basically shut-ins and spend most of our time together.

>>17739870
Never said he's cheating, the fact that you two are shut ins makes even more sense, he's lonely and needs female companionship, but obviously the girl he likes is unattainable.

>>17739870
>We've talked about it a little and he's worried I'll end up leaving him for someone I enjoy sex with, but I don't think I'd do that. Is that usually what ends up happening?
Yes so why even drag this shit out? It will hurt him more and you likely as well.

>>17739878
Is there any way I can figure out if that's the case? And anything I can do other than breaking up.
>>17739880
Like I said though... he's like my best friend. I love being with him and don't want to break up or hurt him.

I'm dragging it out because we're 100% compatible in everything but sex.

>>17739894
everything is wonderful for you when you start fucking other guys with the real possibility of falling for one of them but this guy you say you care for may be miserable. You ok with that? Is that not selfish of you?

>>17739897
Maybe me having sex with other people would make him miserable, but my constantly trying to get him to have sex with me isn't exactly making him happy. He doesn't want it and he finds it kind of insulting that I think I can convince him to change how he feels about sex.

It'd be a way to get rid of this one spot of contention between us. I stop bothering him about sex; I get a chance to get my sexual desires out. As long as I keep it just casual sex (no dating), couldn't it work? I don't plan on spending any time with other people unless it's for sex.

>>17739852
Is he attracted to you?
are u neglecting your hygiene?

I fucking hate to smell fish

>>17739912
I think so. He's very physical and enjoys touching me, he just doesn't enjoy sex.

I keep myself clean.

>>17739902
Why not try and get your boyfriend healthy? If he has absolutely no craving for sex as an adult man there is something physically wrong with him, most likely low test. There are treatments for that.

>>17739902
No. Break it off. This will end up doing more harm then good.

>>17739925
I'm trying. It's not something he cares about, so he's very resistant to going to the doctors and isn't willing to put any effort in. If sex never felt good, why would he want to go through a bunch of effort to have it, y'know?

I have to make the doctors appointments, remind him about everything, take him to them, etc.

There's a few issues all probably playing in: I think his testosterone is low, his diabetes is poorly managed, and he has a problem with his foreskin (he says circumcision would probably fix that). There's only so much I can do on my own...

>>17739902
You come across as very entitled.
If he doesn't want sex then that is his choice and you have no right to try to convince him otherwise. Just like he would have no right to force you to have sex if the tables were turned.
You're like a need little child in a candy store; you want bother pieces of candy when you have been told you can only have one.
No relationships are perfect. If you can except the way things are great. Otherwise just leave.

>>17739917
well you have to talk about it, ask him what he needs. and if he cant answer that..

Would you still stay with him, even if the sex wouldnt be better?

I'd move on, if you've tried everything.

>>17739902
You can convince him to change how he feels? Good luck with that.

And it won't work either way. Even if he won't be bothered by you having sex with other men you will develop feelings for those other men. Maybe not the first time, maybe not in the first month, but sooner or later you will. Why do you think friends with benefits never last for long?

And once you start developing feelings for those other men you will begin to find more and more flaws with your current relationship. And so will your partner. You will spend less time together, you will argue more and eventually you'll go your own ways.

And I don't think you're being fully honest with us (and yourself). Why do you want sex? I mean, yeah, it feels good, it gets you off, it stops you from feeling horny all the time. But so does masturbation, doesn't it? What you want isn't only sex, it's a connection with someone else.

What I'm trying to say is that your boyfriend isn't really your boyfriend, just a friend who lives with you and spends some time with you and happens to be male. You may be happy living with him, but you don't have an actual romantic relationship. Take that as you will.

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>>17739852
For healthy people sex is important, you have to put your health first before his bullshit. Tell him either he has sex with you, you have sex with other men or you guys break up. Sex is extremely important in a relationship. If you guys stay together as you are you will resent him for not having sex with you. If you want to improve then do what I've said, if you just want to complain and do nothing fuck off and get a vibrator.

Stand up for your needs faggot.

>>17739852
hes not brainwashed by media/women magazines. You are.

I dont see a problem in him, just you.

>>17739939

A relationship without sex is just a glorified friendship.

OP, just dump the guy, this way, he can find some asexual pansy like him and you could find someone who'll actually give you dick every once in a while.

Either his body is all fucked up, probably low testosterone and depression, or he is just fucking other people. My advice is to cut all ties ASAP, don't waste your time.

>>17739948
Ive found this to be fairly true OP. It almost always gets in the way. Its hard to get and keep a sexual partner without it developing into something more. You will get attached to one of the guys who treats you right and fucks the shit out of you. As you should. Relationships are weird and tricky. You will need sex at some point and then go looking for it. That doesn't make you bad like some assholes are saying. It makes you human. I couldn't be in a romantic relationship where we never had sex.

>>17740794
>A relationship without sex is just a glorified friendship.

says who?

people have had marriages and relationships for centuries without fucking like jungle creatures, you know when relationship was based on actual love and not because the guy had a 9 inch cock.

You sound like opposite me.
I don't care for sex and my life is, at the moment, way too busy for it anyway. I tried giving permission to my other half to find people to have flings with (pending I meet them first) but they actually turned it down.

I honestly think we're gonna break up soon since I simply can't meet their wants right now and they weren't interested in the odd compromise I tossed out there.

>>17741052

Intimite Relationships have always hugely been based on sexual compatibility since forever. It's like this for animals, its like this for us as well.Without the intimacy, they're just friends who live with each other, which is why it's best for OP to simply break it off. They can still be friends, which is what they are anyway in every way but name.

>>17741078
there are many ways of being intimite without fucking.

Me and my ex barely had sex because we didnt see a need for it, she want the ones who read stupid womens magazines or watched MTV so she was pretty intelligent on what things are actually important in life.

>>17741090
>we

that's the thing. We;re not talking about YOU. We're talking about OP. No one gives a shit that you and your mate are asexual, that's not what OP is asking. OP is asking how SHE, a SEXUALLY NEEDY PERSON can get an ASEXUAL person to have sex, which we say, she can't, hence why she should break it off.

>>17741099
all humans are not really sexually needy, you are a slut or you're not. The latter one is the only one worth being together with so I would recommend her to break it off actually.

this one chick i was seeing was like this. she was a virgin tho. i just blew her off and am now seeing a few different chicks.

>>17739948
>What you want isn't only sex, it's a connection with someone else.

thanks trip. i needed to read that, i'm gonna get drunk and cry now.

>>17741108

The hell are you even talking about?

A person can want lots of sex, exclusively with one person, which is what OP really wants. OP and the guy just aren't compatable, and only seemed to get together in the first place out of desperation.

>>17741126
I just explained. OP is a slut who cares more about cock than having a meaningful loving relationship. She obviously are lusting for a BBC nigger because sex and the city told her that you should do it.

Her bf deserves better than this unmarriable whore so she should break it off.

I think my ideal life would be to be with my boyfriend as he is (not interested in sex) with a girlfriend on the side who matches me sexually. I'd be ok with that arrangement forever.

>>17740727
I don't read women's magazines or pay attention to the media. I'm pretty isolated from all of that, so this is just me.

>>17739948
>What you want isn't only sex, it's a connection with someone else.
Yeah, I suppose, but I want that connection to be with him. I just want to feel that connection, not necessarily with someone else. It's just that I can't get it from him.

I get your point though. It's hard to take, but I get it. Thanks.

>>17741078
I'm afraid we won't be able to salvage the friendship if we break up... I guess that's probably one of my biggest fears about breaking up with him. I don't want to lose my best friend.

>>17741147
>I think my ideal life would be to be with my boyfriend as he is (not interested in sex) with a girlfriend on the side who matches me sexually. I'd be ok with that arrangement forever.
How does that make sense? Sounds like at least one of you is gay and the other isn't?

>>17741173
I'm bi and he's straight. I guess I find the idea of giving up women forever hard enough, but the fact that I can't even be sexually satisfied makes it even harder.

Opening up the relationship would make both issues easier on me. I'd even be ok with him watching eventually desu if he wanted

>>17741206
I'm with the others, try real talk, and make it look like it. Sit down without distractions and talk about what you want and expect from your relationship, and what he wants. Also make sure he fixes his medical problems. Not even necessarily looking into the possible low test shit, but his diabeetus and fucked up willy.

Has he problems with procrastination? Signs of depression?

If that doesn't change anything either dump him or ask for the open relationship bullshit.

You could ask him what he likes, what turns him on?

Communicate about it! Jesus, no one is just frank about it.

Why doesn't it feel good for him? Why can't he cum? Ask him! Obviously he is asexual because it doesn't feel nice.

At one point I got lazy with trimming my pubic hair and he said it chafed him when I asked why he wasn't coming on to me for a few days. So I trimmed.

Does he hate oral?

>>17741136
The fuck? Wanting sex is being a slut? Oh wow.

For 8 years I have sex about 5+ times a week. Monogamous, married. I love sex with him, and the afterglow while cuddling due to the huge influx of oxytocin from orgasm is one of the best intimate emotions to ever share with your spouse. I could never do that with a friend or fuckbuddy (never had a fuckbuddy so I dunno). Sex and emotion in our relationship work together to be a great thing for our relationship.

Also, when we choose to conceive it won't feel like a chore to have sex. Instead it feels like a child conceived out of love and pleasure, not duty.

To imply sexual frequency and appetite shows how disconnected from reality and self-centered you are.

>>17741267
Yeah and some people can achieve all that without having a degenerate lifestyle.

>>17741066
"but they actually turned it down."

well no shit. that sounds like the biggest trap ever. AND YOU HAVE TO MEET THEM FIRST. that souns like you were never serious about it. Thats weird and I would have said no too.

>>17741099
agree

>>17741136
beta detected, wanted to be fucked is not slutty. Its human, its expressive, its fucking art. You clearly have never been fucked properly regardless of your gender.
>>17741267
yes, ty

>>17741285
booo

>>17739852
Just rape him

>>17741228
I don't think he's depressed, but some people are great at hiding it. I think he's just lazy when it comes to his health -- making appointments, keeping track of everything, going to doctors, possibly waiting for recovery (if he needs a circumcision), etc. It's just more work than he wants to do, and requires him to actually do something other than going to work and playing video games.

And yeah I dunno, we've talked a bit about needs, but never have we sat down and had a conversation where we both specifically say 'this is what I want and expect out of our relationship'. That sounds like a good idea though... I'll sit him down and talk about it.

>>17741242
I have asked him what he likes, what turns him on, what I could do better, etc. It's a dead end. I've tried communicating as much as I could when it comes to sex. As far as why he doesn't enjoy it, it just starts hurting quickly, no matter which lube we use or how much or how we do it. He can't cum because his dick doesn't stay erect for more than 3 minutes even with ED pills.

He's ok with oral sex but only on his terms. It's really hard to initiate because he's resistant every time. I can't just come onto him and give him a bj.

>>17741242
grown out pubic hair doesn't chafe. He just thought it looked gross desu senpai.

>>17741326
Was he willing to make any effort at sex in the beginning of the relationship? Something might have happened to crush his confidence so bad that all sex makes him get now is anxious instead of aroused, and the feeling of anxiety/letting your partner down sucks a lot.

Try doing just like really simple stuff. Only go as far as cuddling naked or light rubbing for a few weeks. Things like that. Don't put the whole load onto him so quick. You'd never get a boner to happen this way.

>>17741326
>As far as why he doesn't enjoy it, it just starts hurting quickly
Yeah well, if that's the case you can't really expect him to have sex with you. That's definetly something a doctor should have a look at tho.

As for the rest, some people don't even know they're depressed. It doesn't even need to have a medical reason, but procrastinating behavior can be problematic.

>>17741333
>Was he willing to make any effort at sex in the beginning of the relationship?
A little bit more I guess. There were still ED problems.

>Something might have happened to crush his confidence so bad that all sex makes him get now is anxious instead of aroused, and the feeling of anxiety/letting your partner down sucks a lot.
Maybe you're onto something there. He had some issues with ED in the early relationship (but could mostly stay hard), so sex was kinda difficult, and it got worse over time and now he can't even maintain an erection. Maybe it got worse because he kept getting more and more anxious?

I'll try a gentler approach and see how it works out for now. Maybe he just needs to get his confidence back somehow. No pressure cuddling and rubbing and stuff. Any other suggestions like that?
>>17741347
>That's definetly something a doctor should have a look at tho.
I keep trying to convince him of that! Maybe if it didn't hurt so badly, he could actually enjoy it.

Maybe I'll get him to go eventually... I may end up needing to make the appts myself tho

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>>17741285
>degenerate
Are you religious?

>>17741353
>Maybe it got worse because he kept getting more and more anxious?
This is pretty likely. It was like that for me in college. I had a REALLY bad stint in my freshman year as a virgin, crippled my confidence, and when I hooked up with another girl my senior year, same thing happened and that made it even worse. Luckily she stuck with it and told me she enjoyed the light fondling we would do rather than the usual expected college fuck-er-till-she-can't-walk mindset. That helped a lot the following month

>>17741333
It was shaved and prickly, so I understand his discomfort. We've had sex trimmed and full bush. Vaginal stubble is awful for many guys.
>>17741326
Sounds like he needs a doctor. Has he ever had his testosterone tested?

>>17741379
Thanks! I'll give low pressure but still sexual stuff a try for a while.
>>17741380
>Sounds like he needs a doctor. Has he ever had his testosterone tested?
He needs to see a doctor but is resistant. I dunno how to convince him; tips welcome!

No

>>17741383
Talk about potential cancer. Tell him you don't want him to die because you love him.

Probably isn't cancer, but who knows until he gets checked? Sometimes people refuse until convinced their life is in danger.

Is he circumcised or not?

>>17741389
>Tell him you don't want him to die because you love him.
I've tried that line. It doesn't work...

>Is he circumcised or not?
He's not circumcised. His foreskin definitely is part of the pain issue.