I don't know what's going on with my girlfriend. >Been

Uh, clearly long distance is taking a toll on her? Do you actually think that LDRs are easily sustained or something?

>>17738238
That's true, but it has been 2 years, I don't know what suddenly changed. She did have a lot of pressure over the summer, which also made her snappy, but we spent a lot of time together and she didn't feel distant. Ever since a couple of weeks ago it has been like this.

I literally have no idea how people maintain LDRs. It sounds fucking terrible.

>>17738244
>That's true, but it has been 2 years, I don't know what suddenly changed.
Nothing needs to 'change' for her to act like this, the fact that you're in an LDR alone is enough. Two years is a fucking long time to not see your SO except intermittently, I can't imagine why you'd think this was a good idea.

>>17738245
I am also not a fan, but sometimes it's the only way to stay with the one you love. I do think some couples have it harder than others, as it has some advantages. For instance we are together 3-4 days per week+holidays, so I do get to be with her a lot, while it doesn't reach the point where we are fighting or bored of each other. With that said, I do not intend to keep it like that in the long run, LDRs are only for a short while until you can be together.

>>17738258
>With that said, I do not intend to keep it like that in the long run,
So you haven't yet actually made plans to move in together, or at least move closer together? Jesus Christ

>LDRs are only for a short while until you can be together.
Two years is not a 'short while'

>>17738252
There wan't much choice, and as I detailed here >>17738258, it isn't that bad. And we only need to carry it for a year more before we can move to the same city.

>>17738263
>it isn't that bad
Clearly it is if she's becoming distant.

I know you don't want to hear this, but this is the beginning of the end. When you finally break up, I hope you learn why LDRs are a bad idea.

>>17738238
>>17738252
>>17738262
Are you just going to continue making him feel bad and try to cause a break-up because you view LDRs as something negative, or are you actually going to give him advice?

>>17738272
What advice is there to give? There's literally nothing he can do that he hasn't done already. If you have such great ideas, you advise him.

>>17738270
This.

Your relationship is the its way out. She probably met someone....

I suggest you start preparing to move on.

>>17738262
We have plans to move in, including a place. Unfortunately, the choice was either going long range or breaking up.

>>17738270
Not sure why you think the LDR is to blame, I think there are a lot of other options.

>>17738272
Thanks for the help, but I do think they raise valid points about the LDR. Personally I don't think that's the current problem.

Shes cheating on you

>>17738284
She may not be cheating on him... but she definitely could have met someone that she is interested in.

Your gf isn't probably a bad person, but LDRs usually fail.

>>17738280
Just to expound upon this, I believe that she has not gotten over her ex completely, and the reconciling may have brought it up again. She also started the snappiness when we spent a lot of time together over the summer, so I believe there may be something about me that annoys her. I believe she's becoming distant because she's angry about something (that's usually how she handles anger instead of lashing out).

The question is how to approach her about these issues, because I can't seem to get to her.

>>17738284
Hopefully not. She told me she would stab me if I ever cheat on her, so I hope she's holding herself to the same standards

>>17738287
Women never hold themselves to the same standards. I don't want you to be insecure or anything but there's literally no reason for her to reconcile with her ex. If I were you I would be questioning their relationship...

>>17738280
>Not sure why you think the LDR is to blame, I think there are a lot of other options.
We're not mindreaders, we don't know what else has happened. The obvious answer to us is the LDR

>>17738286
It's true, and I am not ruling out the physical distance making her lonely, especially since this started after I spent some time abroad without her (for work). But whatever the reason is, I still want to talk to her and try and work through it

>>17738277
You are working with the presumption that the problem is the fact that their relationship is a LDR. I don't know if you're just projecting, or had bad experiences with LDRs in the past, but you can't just assume that that's the problem.

OP said that recently she changed and it was sudden. So before that the LDR was working out and now suddenly it's not? Even if that's true, all relationships have ups and downs. It's not like that's unavoidable in a different type of relationships. People go cold for many reasons but you're talking about your reason as if it's a fact and not just a possibility.

>>17738291
The easiest test is to just stop messaging her.

If she reaches out and makes you feel wanted, then try and work on things. If she doesn't, well then you know she is starting to fade you.

>>17738289
Well, they had a pretty hard breakup about half a year before we started dating. He refused to talk to her ever since (justifiably, since she treated him horribly), and a few weeks ago he told her he feels like he's finally over it and willing to be just friends again.
She was angry and ready to tell him to fuck himself, but I actually encouraged her to talk to him (since she's been feeling really bad about how they broke up). Hope I haven't made a terrible mistake, but I trust her.

>>17738299
Do the math man.

You can't be this blind.

>>17738296
That's a good idea, I'll try not to call her tomorrow and see if she reaches out. I have a pretty big interview Monday morning, so if she doesn't at least wish me good luck I will definitely know she's trying to shut me out.

>>17738301
Dunno man, I have a good relationship with all of my ex gfs. I don't think it's inherently problematic as long as both partners accept that the relationship is over.

>>17738227
>LDR

plus

>she's finally reconciled with her ex a couple of weeks ago
>Ever since a couple of weeks ago it has been like this.

See what I mean?

>>17738304
What if she's just busy and that's the reason she doesn't call?

I really feel like people in this thread are trying to break you two up simply because they hate LDRs. It's just such a bad decision to play these types of games. I think you need to ask her again and have a conversation about it, if she resists then tell her how it makes you feel and that you will not be able to handle this for any longer. It seems like this whole thread is full of high schoolers who have nothing to do on the weekend. If you wanna listen to them, then go ahead, it's your choice. But please, think about what you're gonna do first before doing it and what the repercussions of it could be.

>>17738318
Even if she calls it won't mean she's not trying to shut you out. She might just call to do the minimum if she really does not want you anymore. There could be a thousand reasons. You need to talk to her dude.

>>17738313
Mmm I see what you mean.
I prefer to trust her at the moment, but I am definitely keeping this in the back of my mind.

There is another thing that makes me believe it's not cheating. We recently moved back from using pills to condoms as contraceptives (due to some side-effects she was experiencing), and she asked me a few days ago about moving to IUD. I told her I think she should look for other girls who are using it and hear about their experiences, and they she got angry at me again. If she were cheating on me, she'd definitely stick to condoms.

>>17738318
Thank you. Of course I'm not going to break up with her (unless she's cheating, which I don't thing she is). I love her dearly, but there's definitely something bothering her, it's not just that she's busy (from her tone of voice). I just need a way to reach out to her and get to the bottom of this.

>I know she's finally reconciled with her ex a couple of weeks ago (I gave my blessing to that, since they were good friends even before they dated)

C U C K
U
C
K

>>17738334
Okay. I hope it works out and I do suggest talking to her and expressing how you feel. If you say "it's been bothering me and making me feel uncomfortable. I feel like you've been angry a lot more. I don't want to keep feeling like this and I need you to talk to me." and if then she still is angry and doesn't talk, then I think that's a much clearer way of telling if she cares about your feelings... not playing some "i won't call her until she calls me" game.

>>17738336
Very insightful. This is who you're dealing with, OP.

>she's finally reconciled with her ex a couple of weeks ago

so you reminded her of what she could have had again with her ex, and you're wondering why everything is going down the shitter right now?

well a couple things come to mind:

1. you clearly value her and your relationship more than she does. right now she's tossing up her options and probably has stronger feelings for the ex because of whatever went down in that meeting. you should probably let her go if this is how it's going to be. i don't understand why anyone would settle for someone who isn't as crazy about you as you are of them. imagine if you guys got married and had kids, and your wife decides to cheat because of all her "missed opportunities." fuck that shit.

2. in her defense, a LDR for 2 years is really long. you either gotta push up that move-in date to get her back, or say good bye because a 3rd year or more of this bull is honestly like wasting your time. you guys don't even know the everyday intricacies of what your personalities are like, only the best front, which is probably why you guys lasted this long.

just a bad, bad idea over all. dump and move on. i'd personally never adjust my life over a person who views me as an option and not a priority.

>>17738367
OP, I hope you're able to recognize his presumptions.

>>17738353
>Very insightful. This is who you're dealing with, OP.

Lol, as if the whole situation isn't highly suspect.

1. growing cold and distant
2. seeing her ex
3. snappy in phone calls
4. long distance (for fuck's sake)

OP, I would personally end it before I get cucked.

>>17738401
I don't want to keep dealing with you but I also don't want OP to make a mistake.

Would you seriously break up with someone, without talking about it first, just because you suspect something? You just keep saying she's cheating on him because you picked out specific details of your liking and assumed that they're all directly related. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying you could be incorrect. Maybe something else happened that caused her to be unable to control her emotions. Maybe someone close to her died and she's having trouble coping. It could be so many things. I'm done dealing with you though.

OP, please be critical about the advice you read on here and I hope you figure out and solve the problem in your relationship.

>>17738227
>>17738227
>I tried asking her what's up with her a few times, but she keeps telling me there's nothing wrong with her and getting mad

Dude this is the central problem. You can assume as much as you want but it doesn't matter. The fact is she is ignoring the obvious issue at hand and getting mad at you, which is extremely unfair to you. You gotta be able to see this to get to your next move.

This is what I would say:
"Hey, I know you keep telling me nothing is wrong but the only way this relationship is gonna work is through open communication. You withholding details from me isn't making anything better and is actually really unfair. I shouldn't be getting punished for no reason. Tell me what's up."

If she doesn't cooperate, it's over. It's about respect in the end.

The advice about LDRs, assumptions about cheating, etc is all irrelevant bullshit. This is what you need to focus on.

Pretend like nothing is wrong and start being distant with her. Never attempt to initiate a conversation with her, and reply back late always.

When she asks you if anything is wrong deny there being anything wrong. Something like "No babe, sorry I've been busy"

Keep this act going on until she either breaks and starts being clingy, or she gives no fucks anymore and just stops messaging you. By then you should block her and prepare for emotional pain.

>>17738353
>>17738388
>>17738439
Don't worry, I'd recommend not to get upset about this. I am certainly old enough not to break up with the love of my life so easily, and not to straight up take online advice from people who don't know the relationship in detail. Thanks for your advice.

>>17738336
>>17738367
>>17738401
I am not afraid of "getting cucked", but obviously I won't keep dating someone who is cheating on me. As I wrote with the IUD, I don't think this is the case. Obviously no one online has enough information on the relationship, our personalities and experiences, their relationship, etc. to know, so I am not blaming you for jumping to conclusions. Just saying I don't think that's the case but am definitely keeping my mind open about that.

>>17738455
Yes, I very much agree. I am going to say something along that line, but first I would like to see whether she calls me, since it's hard to understand what's up with her.

>>17738504
Dude what

>>17738227
>>When we do talk, she snaps at everything
Punch her in the face next time she starts acting up.

OP, my gf of 1 year and 4 months left me 5 days ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes a week ago and she had some events and a homecoming event during the weekend since I got diagnosed, the first conversation we had she told me she thinks we shouldn't be together because she's "done wrong things to me that she can't forgive herself for" so she must let me go, it made no sense because we haven't fought at all in atleast a month, two and a half hours of being confused later and she admitted that she's started feeling for this boy 2 months ago, and the day before they went to the homecoming together, she knew he likes her back through a mutual friend and now saw a real opportunity.

Then I realized some things that happened during those 2 months, she was colder, she was hanging out with friends more, she found things to do so that she'd be busy and not spend time with me.

She was emotionally cheating on me, she hid her feelings for the other boy from me and lied to me so that she could use her feelings as an excuse, and not take responsibility.

I've specifically told her that if she starts developing emotions for someone else, I would much rather be told, so please please be honest.

She didn't follow my request, she fucked me and threw me under the bus, my best friend of a year and 4 months, I feel terrible, broken, devastated, and I still think she was my most awesome partner, she broke up with me and I had to let her go.


In the same breath she said "I love you and I don't love him, I am only infatuated, I wish I could let go of my feelings for him but I can't, you need to go now"

Your girl sounds like mine, she sounds scared, and weak, she sees something she wants (her ex, maybe she wants someone who's closer, or both), and instead of "manning up" and being honest - she follows her emotions and hides the truth, she is basically prepping the next branch, so that when the moment arrives and she need to let go of you, she's already tightly gripping another branch 1/2

>>17738685
2/2
Ready to wean off all the feelings of guilt, regret, the void that's in her, she will hop right over to another relationship and she will enjoy it, it will be her rebound, my girl was awesome, I took all the necessary steps on my part to let her know that I want to be told, that I want honesty, she ignored me and my request, threw me under the bus completely and it all came by surprise, you seem like you are doing exactly the same, except you have some extra signs from her (aka you know she's talking to an ex), mine did not even tell me anything about a third-party boy.

So even though my girl is awesome and I don't regret being with her, she is afraid of consequences, of responsibility, and she lies and manipulates to get away from having to own up to her actions, using her feelings, cheating is easier than breaking up, whether it be emotional or physical cheating, there are people who take advantage of it and I'm afraid my gf, and most likely yours (Don't be closed to that option) are one of those people who are afraid and weak.

As I said my gf is awesome and our relationship was amazing, truly we barely fought and had amazing communication, synergy, a shared language - but she still chose to take the easy route and make that mistake, now she is in another relationship, It's been 5 days since she broke up with me and already she's fucking somebody else.

Does it make her a bad person? I want to say It's because in my case she's young, but I think it is a mix of both her character and her inexperience.

Just because the end was bad doesn't mean the entire story sucked, remember what was good, but realize that if she does this once she'll do it again..

Your course of action should be uncovering her feelings to her ex or another new guy, confront her, be adamant, as if you KNOW this, it took me 2 and a half hours of pure talking and arguing to get her to admit - can you believe that?

Good luck my friend.

>>17738685
>>17738704
Not even the guy you replied to but I'm sorry for that experience anon.
My gf of 5 months (I know, laughable) called it off a week and a half ago. I was extremely surprised because of how clingy and fast she wanted to move in the relationship. Basically she got upset with me over something which some fucking how escalated to I'm not sure if we're compatable, idk what I want, I'm trying to figure myself out, I think we need a break, etc etc. To this day I'm not sure if she actually meant what she said or if she is/was cheating, the only real 'proof' I have of her cheating is her increased active now status on Facebook. She says she still wants to be friends (costanza.jpg), but doesn't really say much, if at all. Just thought I'd share my story.

File: 200_s.gif (61KB, 250x200px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 250x200px

>>17738227
things likely be dead already, since you bring up her ex you already know what is likely going on. you have the option of either being the one to part ways or waiting around until she brings it up.

>>17738742
1/2
Thanks for the compassion man, I appreciate it.
I know it gets tough man, I dipped hard yesterday and I really shouldn't, I've been going on a feel trip, she's successful and all, she leaves for another guy so she's really cushioned her bottom when leaving, life's great for her, but I soak it up because I am a realist, I keep reminding myself I'm worth more than that not because of how much money I make, not because of where I am in my life, the amount of degrees or friends I got.

But It's because of who I am, as long as you are a decent fucking human being and behave/control yourself, you are better mate, believe that, truth.

I'm sorry to hear about your girl too, and trust me coming from a guy who thinks his gf is super awesome, and I wish her no ill-will, I just want her to have a good successful life in every aspect moving on from this, all I wish is that she'll learn from her mistake, I forgave her, it doesn't mean I'm not mad or hurt, or that I'll return to her, but I did forgive because forgiveness is the best.

I can say one thing however - when people, humans, do something once - they're more than likely to repeat it in the future.

This made me question whether or not I'd want to go back with her in the future, people take years to change and even then, they're completely different.

She tried to break up with me in the same confusing manner your ex tried to break up with you, by making you confused and making a vague exit, it made me feel like it is my fault and I bet it made you feel so too.

But you know it isn't mate, there wasn't supposed to be that overreaction, this is what my previous gf did to me, one time we fought and she deleted me everywhere, completely ghosted, 3 weeks later she answers one of my emails (I did the mistake of trying to reach out) telling me she met this new awesome guy and he just fucked her and she's gonna move in with him, she was my first gf and it taught me a valuable lesson.

>>17738742
>>17738789

It taught me that if they let you go - let them go right back, they're not worth it, and don't dwell on the reasons, because you already know - you clearly realize it was her who made a choice to break up with you, don't for one second think you are the bad guy because you know you ain't, no matter what you did, It's her that went away, It's her who supplied the excuses, you don't want to be with such a person anymore, and as much as I love my recently departed gf (now ex) and still think she is an awesome person - that one part of her, a very crucial part in a partner, honesty, she failed on that.

Practice honesty with your next partner mate, I know I will, and if she doesn't reciprocate I am done, good luck bro, it hurts I know it fucking does, I feel it and it doesn't let go, but time will pass and heal everything, be brave.

>>17738789
>I just want her to have a good successful life in every aspect moving on from this, all I wish is that she'll learn from her mistake
Hello me. Mine showed very strong symptoms of borderline personality disorder, in can't help but feel like she'll repeat this for the rest of her life.
>>17738794
That's what got me by, if she's already done it have no reason to keep trying. I thought we had a good policy on honesty, she was super insecure so I figured she would come out and open up about her issues. I thought wrong.

Just an update, I finally had time to talk to her. She says it's the LDR, and that she's sick of it, so it seems you were right from the beginning.
I'm still hoping to reconcile with her and find a way we can continue our relationship, but it seems this is the beginning of the end regardless.
Thanks for the help anyway.

>>17738685
>>17738704
>>17738742
>>17738789
>>17738794
Sucks to hear your experiences guys, and it may well be the root of it in my case as well. I think I'd actually prefer not to find out in a situation like this, just have a clean breakup.
We are both big believers in communication and honesty, and I thought that is what makes the relationship strong, but I guess there are things you can't talk through.