i kind of have a crush on a co-worker, but i'm already in

>>17736226

>i kind of have a crush on a co-worker,
>also very qt guy.
>just don't know how to keep my feelings in check

So... you are sending him mixed signals.

Poor fuck. This is why decent guys get tired of us femanons.

Stop that shit and leave him alone. Or perhaps consider why you are doing that (current relationship no good?) and do the right thing, break up with current bf, wait a bit, and talk to co-worker?

>>17736238
but i'm already doing the bare minimum of contacting him. all he really knows about me is that i'm especially awkward around him.
he's the one who constantly approaches me.

my current relationship is fine i guess; it can be stressful sometimes because of the distance and money. he also has some form of depression. none of these are really anyone's fault, life just happened and we're trying to make this work. he loves me like crazy.

it wouldn't feel right to me to stop my relationship with my boyfriend. it's almost like, if i can't commit to this, then can i really commit to anything?

i just need to get this guy to be ok with being friends or get myself to fade these feelings off.

>>17736226
OP, is this going to be a long term coworker, or short term? How cute /10 is he? How big /10 is your crush?

>>17736253
yes, he's a long term co-worker. we both have permanent positions in this company we're working in. it's a pretty prestigious one too, so it's not like we're going anywhere for a long time.

he's like an 7.5 or an 8/10. my crush on him is about the same, like an 8.

>>17736272

There's nothing wrong with wanting attention.

If you think he's an 8/10, I guarantee this guy is picking up on things, that's why he's paying attention to you.

Do the right thing and break it off with one of them completely.

>>17736272
Ah, ok. Too bad he won't be gone soon, then you could safely enjoy the crush. Crushes are totally normal, and they can be really fun! I have a big crush on a coworker right now that has been visiting for a few months but will be leaving right away, so I can just enjoy the sexual tension without worrying about it escalating. My bf benefits from me being extra aroused, I get some fun fantasies, and no one gets hurt.

Unfortunately, you need to find a way to get over the crush as you cannot act on it while honoring your monogamous commitment with your boyfriend. I have had a few coworker crushes, and what works for me is acting normally around the coworker while limiting interactions, then when I have finished the interaction texting or calling my bf something really nice, like thanking him for a favour, or saying something I love about him. This reminds me why I am willing to be monogamous and helps me feel really positive about my relationship. Eventually, you realize that the crush is not a real thing, it is based on an imaginary person that you don't actually know that well. Sometimes, the crush does something really annoying to help the process along. You love you bf for many reasons. Remind yourself of those reasons, don't feel guilty about the crush. and try not to be so weird around the guy - it isn't his fault you are attracted to him :).

>>17736226
>he's this skinny

I guess that's a bad thing?

>skinny, geeky, awkward

From how you described him it doesn't sound like you actually like him that much and maybe something else is drawing you. Maybe it's just curiosity.

>>17736284
I sincerely hope you don't think about another man when you're with your boyfriend in bed, or ever in fact.

>>17736284
>I have a big crush on a co-worker right now

I am going to play devil's advocate for a second and propose that either you aren't with the right person or you haven't had enough experience yet.

I think being in a relationship requires a level of restraint that includes not having a "big" crush on other men you work with. That means not doing things or allowing yourself to think things that would fan those flames further. That means doing more of like what OP is doing and putting up a wall between you two.

Going back to what I said earlier, I know a lot of people who just commit to the first person they find and don't think much of it, until they meet someone and curiosity for exploring things with other people begins to take hold. I don't like the idea of fucking around, but I do kind of feel like it messed folks up more to be so committed to only one person for so long if it's just out of conveince and not out of any true passion or desire. That especially goes for the types that think crushing hard on guys they interact with from afar is somehow not a sign that they might be settling at best and at risk of cheating at worse.

>>17736315
Why do you hope this? What is the harm of fantasy? You think my bf isn't thinking about other women sometimes when he masturbates, or even when we have sex? It is ridiculous and immature to pretend that once you enter a relationship no one else is the whole world is attractive. I love my bf, he loves me, but that doesn't make the rest of the world repulsive. We've been together for over 10 years and there really isn't anything new and exciting left to do to each other's bodies, but that doesn't mean our sex life isn't amazing and satisfying. Fantasy keeps things fresh and fun in long term relationships, and complements the joy that comes with a partner who knows exactly what you like and how you like it.

>>17736278
he's a co-worker though, which means i'll have to see him/deal with him on a daily basis. wouldn't "breaking things off completely" make things even worse?

i don't want his attention, i just want him to let me phase out this crush by friend-zoning me. wish he'd just not be interested to be quite honest.

>>17736284
thanks for the advice. this is mainly why i'm sticking to my bf. i know what he's like and what my relationship is like with him and i wouldn't risk it for a stranger. i just want to phase out this crush somehow.

i tend to pick out flaws from my crush as much as i can but i find myself forgiving them later. i guess i have it pretty bad.

>>17736309
hum... maybe stability. as i've mentioned, as a co-worker in this company, i know he's paid pretty well (as am i) and he has his life in order and stuff.

my boyfriend however is pretty lost in life. he's working at a factory and wants to quit it soon after 5 months. i'm not sure what he'll do as a job next. he also wants to go back to school for business but he really has no idea what he wants for a job. all i can do is encourage him and suggest him things. he works extremely hard though.

>>17736337

>wouldn't "breaking things off completely" make things even worse?

>i just want him to let me phase out this crush by friend-zoning me.

>i guess i have it pretty bad.

Evidence suggests he isn't going to change (since you are sending him mixed signals).

Since waiting on him to solve your problem doesn't seem to (and won't) work, how about you be an empowered young lady and "phase it out" yourself?

>>17736330
I do see your point, but I disagree. No one person is ever going to hit every button for anyone, so it is certainly plausible that someone could scratch an itch your current partner doesn't without indicating that there is anything wrong with your relationship. The guy I work with is very different from my boyfriend. He has totally different skills and personality traits. Would I date him if I was single? Who knows, I've only interacted with him a few times and don't know him that well. But the idea of him is attractive to me. Would I dump my bf for him? Never in a million years. If he were sticking around my workplace, I would definitely use strategies to extinguish my crush. These flames do die out when you are happy in a relationship because they are not fed by real fuel - it is attraction to an imaginary ideal that can't compare to the reality of an existing, happy relationship. If it doesn't go away, yeah, query what is missing in your relationship.

>>17736340
that's why i'm asking here on how to phase out feelings. :/

i don't try to converse with him on a level any deeper than "hi" and whatever he wants to talk about, which i give pretty short answers to.

i keep my phone close so i can text my bf as much as possible. but it's hard when his responses are pretty "meh" because he's not a morning person. (he sleeps in til afternoon because he has night shifts... so afternoon is his "morning")

sometimes i do successfully forget about him, but because his desk is on the way to the washroom, he'll often stop me by being silly or asking what's up and stuff.

i've stopped drinking coffee at work just so i don't pee as much but god damn it.

>>17736337
>hum... maybe stability. as i've mentioned, as a co-worker in this company, i know he's paid pretty well (as am i) and he has his life in order and stuff.

>my boyfriend however is pretty lost in life. he's working at a factory and wants to quit it soon after 5 months. i'm not sure what he'll do as a job next. he also wants to go back to school for business but he really has no idea what he wants for a job. all i can do is encourage him and suggest him things. he works extremely hard though.

To be straight with you, from reading your posts it sounds like you are in a place where you settled with one guy, and are interested in another guy who you believe could provide for you something your current partner cannot. It sounds like for you, either of those guys would be settling based on how you describe them. One of them is awkward, skinny and geeky, the other is a hard worker but he "lacks direction". You don't sound like you are with one and crushing on the other in spite of these things. No, you sound like you are straight up fucking settling, and you should be concerned.

If I was your boyfriend reading this right now, I mean this thread as a whole but especially this post, I'd be pretty concerned with the relationship and wanting to have a talk. Actually I'd be pretty fucking upset because I'd feel like I was being lead on in a relationship with a girl who is not sure about me and thinks she can do better. I'd feel like my time was wasted.

Like I said to the other poster up here, >>17736330 you having a crush on another man is not something to take lightly. I've seen this play out at my old job, and I've had girls leave me for other guys they crushed on but swore were just "friends".

>>17736354
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-over-a-Crush-on-Your-Coworker

>>17736345
>I do see your point, but I disagree. No one person is ever going to hit every button for anyone
I get that, but I feel like it's more conductive to a loving relationship to either allow your partner to try to meet your needs, or meet them on your own. What I wouldn't suggest is letting your mind wander so far with other people that you develop massive crushes on them like you said.

I don't particularly disagree with the rest of what you said.

>>17736356
the thing is, where my bf is at in his life is not his fault.... he is everything i could ask for as a boyfriend, but it scares me when i think about how i'm the one who may have to support both of us financially. i'm paid reasonably for 1 person. for 2 though, that's rough with my current wage...

my bf already realizes his financial situation is cruddy... he is trying, and that's what's keeping my hopes up. unfortunately his depression makes him prone to being easily discouraged and anxious.

i just don't want us to fight over money. my bf and i want kids some day, but the dream seems so far away.

i don't feel like i'm settling. i think it's more like; i have to choose what i want to do with my life or wait for my partner to catch up to the life we envisioned... if it will ever happen.

>>17736336
>It is ridiculous and immature to pretend that once you enter a relationship no one else is the whole world is attractive

I didn't say that at all. Nice.

>I love my bf, he loves me, but that doesn't make the rest of the world repulsive.

Didn't say that either. I love being able to actively talk about other attractive persons with my girlfriend. But when I'm alone with her, when I'm fucking her? I think of her asshole. Or her hips. Or the noises she makes. 3 years and going for us, hope we never get like you to be quite honest.

>>17736362
>http://www.wikihow.com/Get-over-a-Crush-on-Your-Coworker
asides from the crappy pictures, surprisingly helpful suggestions. thanks

>>17736391
>he is trying, and that's what's keeping my hopes up

So you just hope that, one day, he'll be good enough for you?

I have bad news for you, sunshine. That isn't going to fucking happen. You holding out for him to be what you want him to be is a losing game. Either accept him as he is right now, or leave him and find a guy who you truly desire all around.

>he is everything I could ask for in a boyfriend
>but it scares me when I think about how [...]
I sense that you're trying to rationalize staying with him, but your heart isn't in it. You don't genuinely desire him, and your future with him is not exciting. You want something different, something better for you, so you're curious about another guy's financial independence because it signals to you what's out there.

>it scares me when I think about how I'm the one who may have to support both of us financially

You need to tell him these things. You need to have a serious conversation with him and tell him the things you're saying in this thread. Then you can both use that discussion to either grow closer and advance the relationship, or come to the conclusion that it isn't going to work out.

>>17736226
>i kind of have a crush on a co-worker, but i'm already in a relationship
>i'm not a cheater, and i still love my boyfriend

>Dumb cunt is dumb

Never ever fuck someone from your workplace, even when you are god-damned single. It can and it WILL go sideways, fast.

When someone firts in his or her workplace, he's looking for a fuckbuddy in the workplace, not a relationship.

Dumb cunt