i just dumped the shit out of my girlfriend and am full of regret.

>5 months
Given the context, I'd try to make up with her if I were you. You seem to genuinely like this girl. I hope she knows it and I hope the best for you two.
>i've been reading about differences in relationships and started wondering if she's not neuro-typical. it's hard for her to make eye contact, she hates loud noises, she has near singular obsessions with a topic or two at a time, she's awkward physically, has weird boundaries, is offensively direct, can communicate better in writing, and can't read social cues.
Yep, that sounds like the bergs. I have that shit too, it's makes me hard to function in general.

OP you should have talked to her. In fact I would say you are just as bad, if not worse, for that. In any healthy relationship you need to be able to talk to each other to communicate you feelings. People aren't mind readers. You say she wasn't emotionally clued in but I would say you're the one being immature. If your first reaction is to dump her then you should leave her alone for her sake, and not date anyone for a while because that just isn't right.
If she's kind enough to forgive you for being a headass then take her back and learn to fucking talk to your partner.
I've found that if they let you put your dick in them, they usually don't get too upset about some putting some feelings in too.

I have the same issue but I am the girlfriend and my boyfriend and I have had great repercussions in our relationship because of my behavior. I have PTSD from an abusive home (loud noises terrify me, express self poorly, prefer writing, oblivious socially) and a generally unforgiving upbringing with very poor health and no real socialization from my family. I hang out with men, have had a lot of male friends, and generally prefer men because I hate my mother, and enjoy male-dominated hobbies since I was a child. I violated our relationship's boundaries many times flirting/having sex when we were broken up/open relationship, et cetera.. got a beating real bad from my boyfriend once as well from this and generally very rocky relationship but incredibly hard to break up because of our attraction and compatibility. We worked on it.
Greatest advice I can give to you is to establish boundaries as soon as possible, and enforce them by immediately bringing up to her what is unacceptable behavior the moment you feel something is going the way you don't want it to. It is like training a dog, unfortunately. The boundaries must be black and white and laid out quite clearly so in her mind she knows that there is no gray area with her actions. Never assume she knows, never assume she just might not be so oblivious concerning something---consult together. Never bottle up your feelings and be as open as possible to what you feel because she lacks this on her part and needs you to be the one to guide her to open herself up as well. She will refuse, or not know how to, or this and that, but it is something that is extremely important for her to learn---how to process such feelings and discuss them in person, even if it causes great distress.
Either way if you think she's perfect but this is an issue, no problem, just work on it.

>>17726655
>>17726723

thank you both very much for your thoughts. sounds like it's going to be a hard road if i want to patch things up.

>>17726676

i think some of your criticism of me is fair, though some is a bit on the silly side if you don't think your SO having an open ended date with someone they're sexually compatible with isn't a shockingly ridiculous boundary violation. but some further context: she did cheat on her previous boyfriend. i know i shouldn't judge her for past behavior, but that cat is out of the bag and i can't un-know it, so i feel like i need more reassurances than perhaps i should.

>>17726756
I don't want to assume too much, and if I do please forgive me--but from my experience as a girl like her, she is a bit malfunctioning in the head and sleeping with someone holds little weight for her emotionally and in general. The lack of importance and weight associated with it in her head ties into her thinking it is acceptable behavior because keeping it a secret/feeling no guilt/forgetting about it like it never happened is a plausible solution--because in the end the act doesn't affect her and should not effect her relationship as well. She has to build value to sex to care about it, or anything for that matter. In establishing boundaries with her you must add all the value in the world to it. That if it is violated, the relationship is over completely and there is no coming back. Cheating might not matter so much to her, but violating the boundaries should, and in violating them she loses you completely---that is where the value comes from. Don't think that she cheated because she's a dirty spiteful slut. She's not spiteful, she's oblivious. Poor functioning of feelings---it is almost like a psychopath but in a different nature. Honestly, yeah, it's like dealing with a child. But again, it just takes a few talks and she'll be in line.

>>17726776

Hmm, this is interesting food for thought, though I don't know if it's a perfect mirror to my situation. She is going through a bit of a sexual awakening with me right now, and often talks about how connected to me she feels. She definitely seems to have had a very detached sex life before me, though.

>>17726642
you should just kill yourself

I'm reading another breakup e-mail she sent me, and she points out that she has really close friendships with dudes because she's an only child. Is that a thing I need to be more sensitive to? I don't have sisters and don't go on extended 1-on-1 dates with my female friends.

>>17726890
Uhh.. why would that correlate? Unless her dad was never around or distant it shouldn't matter that she was an only child. Why does that make her hang around with only dudes? Unless she's going for having an older brother thing...still she needs to explain herself because being an only child and hanging around with only dudes doesn't correlate.

>>17726906

Yeah that's my sentiment. Though she doesn't hang out with "only" dudes. She just hangs out in a date-like fashion with dudes, while in a relationship with me. Full day multi-meal "come over to my place and catch up" dates, dinner and movie dates, etc. This is stuff I'd do with a female friend while in a relationship unless I was sizing her up for romance, it was part of a group activity, or if she was dying.

>>17726923
She might be just milking orbiters for free food/money/activities/attention/therapy sessions. She might have previously dated them and they did this before so it seems normal minus the sex. She might just know how to have a friend in only this fashion. She might get something from them that you can't provide, emotionally and socially even. She might be fucking them.
You said she's offensively direct, why not just ask her straight up what the deal is, why can't she hang out with girl friends and have normal relationships and not this date-type stuff. Dig into her and don't fall for the dumb "I was an only child" shit. It doesn't make sense. She might just not have any friends outside of orbiters that offer her these free dates. You can try and replace them--offer her everything they can and more, you are her boyfriend, she should already know if you can give her what she needs in all departments to quit these friends she goes to. There must be something they provide that you can't, which is why she always goes to them, find out what it is. Just straight up ask and discuss this with her---ask what she's thinking and how she functions inside. Honestly, just use that "i" message they taught in class.
I feel hurt when you do this because it makes me feel like that and I would like you to do this instead so that we can achieve that.

You fucked up. I have NEVER sat wondering if the lady is going to fool around on me with someone else. Don't do it Bro! Do you sit up late at night worried about a comet coming through the roof and killing you? Same shit. You have to let her do her thing and she should let you do your thing. What, are you going to chain her up in some basement to make sure she doesn't fuck around on you? If you live your life like that it will only chase good things away. If you actually have scientific evidence something has gone on then that's another thing.

>>17726954
>>17726969

Interesting points. Thank you very much! We had a conversation and I feel like we're starting to reconcile. I didn't go back all in just yet.