I feel ready to leave. A few months ago, I found out my boyfriend

>>17725841
This leads me to assume they are still talking on his phone.

I don't scope out his phone, but he is overprotective of it, it has a password and can't leave it unattended around me. Also, he is particularly defensive of his messages and snapchat.

On its face, I understand no one wants anyone invading privacy. But because of this I have doubts.

Unfortunately he's not 100% committed to you. Break up and keep your chin up.

>>17725841
He didn't respect his part of the deal, I would say it's fair for you to break up with him

>>17725894
>>17725940
I don't know how to break up with him. He lies to me unless I have clear evidence of it. And if I call him out on a bluff, he gaslights and guilts me. Manipulatively twists my words and shit.

when we argue about these things. I somehow end up being the one to apologize.

Even when he came crawling back to me, that only lasted in the moment, then there was like a two month honeymoon phase. Then he got mad at me for bringing it up ever again or looking for reassurance.

I just don't want to be stuck in the cycle as I am weak to it. Idk how to break up with him.

>>17726031
Op here. So does anyone have advice on how to break up with a guy like this? On its face, we haven't had an argument about thing in OP since it happened.

I'm ready to put my foot down and break up, but I don't know how

>>17726225
"You didn't stop talking to her. I'm leaving"

I knew a guy who would try to do that. Just get stubborn and leave without letting him have the chance to reverse blame and try to charm you

>>17726275
The thing he knows is that I don't know if they are still talking.

What I do know is that he still has her on his facebook, when he said he would delete her.

This makes me assume two things:
>he is not directly speaking to her, but doesnt want to end all contact because she is someone he plans on being with in the future or someone he wants to just keep around
or
>he is still talking to her

If I bring up either of these points, he will lie his way out of it.

He started talking to this girl almost ten years ago, when they were teens, and has gone behind my back and I have even found out he still talked to this girl on the side but intimately with his other irl ex from almost 8 years ago.

So this girl has literally stuck around him talking on the phone most nights for like 10 years (possibly on and off) and they both still fuck with each other while either one of them are in a relationship. She lives in a different state and I think they just feed off the "OMG we'll never meet, but like we have so much in common" romance/excitement of it all.

I did some fucking hardcore online snooping of my bf's 10 year old myspace to find this shit out. It disgusts me. Then if I say how I know is through snooping, my bf will call me psycho, he will say I'm a stalker.

I want to tell him how disgusted I am. But then I get caught into arguing with him.

>>17726303
>What I do know is that he still has her on his facebook, when he said he would delete her.

That is enough in this case. He said he would delete her and if he was more concerned with you than her he would have went through with it.

I would also assumed at this point he's still talking to her as well and the messing with each other hasn't stopped. If they're this close though it would probably be a better idea for you to roll out anyway.
I understand wanting to keep her around if they've been friends for so long, but if they're flirting with each other as well and that bothers you he has to make a decision on who is more important.
He may also just have her to the side in case none of the girls he actually wants to be with works out, but in this case that's obviously hurting him so why continue doing that?

Be "a bitch" and just leave him for not going through with his promise

>>17726225
just ghost him.

>>17726225
Yes say this.

"Please stop trying to guilt me into staying with you, it's very unattractive and not helping."

>>17726362
this is what i want to do. Feels like I wont be able to keep it up without losing it tho

>>17726357
>>17726367
I invited him over tonight so we could talk (didnt even mention the so we could talk part) and he said no (which is pretty rare). All that is ringing through my head is the possibility that he has phone plans with her.

>>17726373
You could always try to catch him in the act if you want to go that route. That would probably lead to a shouting match though.
Maybe you could get him so angry he just breaks up with you instead.

>>17726383
I don't know how to catch this in the act other than looking through his phone. Which is locked down.

I found out about it the first time by looking in his messages on his phone out of pure, disgusting curiosity because of how protective he is over it.

About two weeks ago, he changed the password on his phone when we went on a weekend vacation. Doesn't seem so coincidental. I think he thought I would snoop while he was sleeping.

Even when we sleep together, he will shoot up from sleep and grab his phone immediately. I can only do it when's he's drunk and sleeping. And he doesn't drink often.

From the messages and calls, he calls her in between 12 and 2 in the morning, then talks to her until like 3 or 4 in the morning.

Idk man, this shit is fucking stupid. He goes to literally the ends of the earth to talk to some cunt states away.

It pisses me off while making me feel completely worthless at the same time.

>>17726400
Your boy sounds shady as fuck.
I'm surprised you've bothered with it for this long.

If this was seen as cheating he's literally been doing it through your entire relationship. He very obviously has issues with this other woman he wants to explore.

Don't be guilted into staying with someone who makes you feel worthless. I'm not sure why he's dragging you both along but if you're not happy and he's not faithful you should bounce.

>>17726449
I found out about it in July. And the more I think about it, the more I feel kinda persuaded into getting back with him.

When I first found out he denied it. And I kept telling him that I knew. All he fought back with was a passive aggressive "think what you want" and it was then I knew he was manipulative. He implied that I was assuming things, to make me doubt myself, so he could get away with it.

Then when I told him we were breaking up and he had to leave.

He cried to a mutual friend, like they told me he was literally crying about how fucked up he was. They told him he was being shady as fuck and he had to stop. And he agreed.

So this isn't even some secret "only behind closed doors" thing. Our friends even know. But, my bf is even twice as shady now, after crying about being caught and me wanting to leave, claiming to take our friend's advice and do something right, and now he doesn't follow through.

He's fooling everyone. The saddest thing is it's over a girl online. I'd be slightly more understanding if he was actually getting pussy in real life.

But this girl is only existent through the fucking phone. That's honestly one of the most beta/creepy/embarrassing things I've ever seen from a man.

>>17726489
I guess I felt relieved that he was crying. That he took initiative and wanted to work it out with me. That's why I agreed to getting back together. His tears seemed genuine, considering the only thing I've seen my bf cry over is the loss of family.

I was wrong. They were crocodile tears.

>>17726496
>>17726489
Oh Jesus Christ, this sounds exactly like my ex-boyfriend. They will deny, deny, deny (and as you say, turn it around on you, like you're crazy) until you catch them red-handed. They'll have no excuse, then "cry" about how awful they feel about what they did. They wait until you're back in their grasp, and do it all over again.

Get away from this manipulative piece of shit. He has no love or respect for you. I'm so sorry :(

They aren't meeting up if its long distance. He's having emotional fun on the side.

It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It's just the innate human desire to have variety. It doesn't mean that you're not good enough.

If you can't get over it, just don't forget that everyone is the same way. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.

>>17726539
I don't understand how people do this. I've never emotionally cheated. I've never longed for an emotional fling in a relationship.

When you say everyone is the same way, they're not.

As far as lying and manipulating, to continue "having a variety", that's some fucked up shit. If someone wants to do that, they shouldn't consider dragging another along in a serious relationship for years.

If he's been talking to the same girl for 10 years, how is that even "having a variety"? More like having your cake and eating it too.

>>17725841
he is making a fool out of you OP. Lies, lies and more lies and you keep giving him a pass. No telling all the shit he's done and lied to you about over 6 years

>>17725841
>I'm ready to break up
this is what must be done
sorry about your luck, op

>>17725841
It all comes down to.... what both partners want, as in, if you both are into multiple partners at once. To me, from what I read it seems like you do not want to share your partner. It is fine to be upset but I personally would take time for myself to get my priorities down. You don't even have to see him tomorrow