Thread replies: 7
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1
File: Thatface20110725-22047-wlaopv.png (7KB, 645x773px) Image search:
[Google]
7KB, 645x773px
Sup /adv/
I could do with some advice here. It's about a woman I've just recently started dating. Some background on us, we're both 34 right now, we were boyfriend and girlfriend from the age of 16 to 18, lost our virginity to each other, were in love etc, but some shit went down with my family (mom cheated on dad basically) and we ended up splitting up cause I was going through some shit and my family ended up moving to save my parents marriage. We did see each other for 16 years, during which time she was married, had three kids now aged 10 to 6. She also has another kid (4 in total) who was an accident 2 years ago and whose father basically wanted her to abort the kid and left when she didn't. I meanwhile have never been married, although I was close once, and have no kids.
Anyway, she recently contacted me on FB and after chatting about old times we met up and really hit it off. To be honest we pretty much fell in love again straight away. It's only been a couple of months but it's been amazing.
My only problem is I'm pretty much heartbroken about not having a family and finding myself massively regretting not contacting her earlier in our lives. I met her youngest kid last weekend for the first time and he was a great kid. But that just made me sadder that I'm not going to get to have that with her. I'm feeling like if I'm going to have a family at any point I should be with a girl who is ready to have one and not this girl who already has all the kids she wants. But then at the same time I feel like she's the love of my life and I've just fucked up by not being with her earlier. It's pretty much breaking my heart. We're also having to do things long distance at the moment, about an hour and a half drive between us, which isn't easy either as her weekends aren't always free.
So I'm unsure what to do. I don't want to lose her but I'm finding it hard to deal with the fact I'll never have a family of my own with her.
Wat do /adv/? Any questions ask away.
>>
>>17725713
Shit, meant to say we didn't see each other for 16 years, during which time she got married, had her first 3 kids etc.
>>
>>17725713
Anyone? I could really use some advice here guys. I don't want to lose her but I don't know how to get past this feeling. Pls halp.
>>
>>17725785
Just a small anecdote from my sphere of vision - I have an aunt with three grown-up kids, who also have kids. My aunt split from her husband around ten years ago, and then met and married a really great guy who I love to pieces. He suffered from alcoholism in his youth, which I think possibly accounts for his lack of offspring, but they're perfect for each other. He's really close to my aunt's kids and grandkids, and literally is the grandfather. He loves them and is family, regardless of how the cosmos chose to intertwine their lives (biologically, etc). They married when they were around 50, and are honestly probably the strongest couple I know. You can tell they're in love and are perfect for each other. I'm sure the thought has crossed my uncle's mind, but equally, I don't think he'd change the life he's had for the world.
>>
>>17725713
:( Wow, this is messed up. I'm sorry, but just looks like a case of the worst timing ever imaginable.. Are you sure she is done popping children? Are you sure you want a family? Wanting a family with someone who already has one & is done/doesn't want one is a relationship dealbreaker. It's something you'll end up resenting the other person for, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise.
>>
>>17725713
I'm sorry to hear that OP.
However, I think that if you want to be with this girl forever, you have to stop thinking of her kids as 'her family' and accept that being with her means adopting her kids as your own.
If you're not ready to be there for her children as if they were your own, then I don't think you're ready to commit to her. It's a package deal imo.
>>
>>17725849
Thanks, that kind of helps actually. It's pretty much how we are together but it's hard.
>>17725855
Yeah, the timing is shitty. And the fact the youngest kid is only a couple of years old and his dad wants nothing to do with them just makes me angrier. It feels like we missed out on having our own kid together by a tiny amount of time really and I'm pissed at the guy for firstly putting her in this situation, abandoning a great kid and lastly kind of "stealing" my shot at having one with her. I don't know for sure she's done with them but I think she is. I'm hoping to see her this weekend and talk it over with her, really made this thread just to get my thoughts straight before that. She is on the pill at the moment but did think about getting sterilised. The way she's talked so far makes me think she's done, but if there was even a chance it would be enough for me at the moment. I think anyway.
>>17725879
I don't think I'd be adopting the first three for sure. They still split their time with their dad and her and I think they're. Old enough that I'd always just be mum's boyfriend to them. The youngest though I could be a dad to quite happily. But I don't know if I'd ever get rid of the desire to have one of my own with her and that's the problem. If it was just me, her, the youngest and one of our own I'd die happy. But I don't know if its an option. Guess I need to find out... :/
Thread posts: 7
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1