Just tried talking issues out with my girlfriend. I thought the

>>17725214

This thread isn't something we can answer without more details of what you wanted fixed.

Were these rational and well thought out issues? Like washing dishes that have been used? Or were they issues like "I don't want you to have any friends and go out without me?"

Changes the ballgame.

>>17725242
It's the latter. They're very big issues of her being controlling, but I wouldn't exactly say she's in the wrong. As an example, she doesn't want me hanging out with a childhood friend who's been cheating on his fiance. I feel as though if I were around to be a positive influence and call him out on his shitty behavior he could change, she feels I should just cut him out of my life and forbids me from hanging out with him.

There are more issues like that that deal with her controlling nature and I try to be understanding because she has high anxiety and PTSD but it can be overwhelming

>>17725252

Her anxiety and PTSD aren't reasons that she should be able to control your life.

You need to tell her frankly, "Look, I'm going to do what I want to do, and hang out with who I want to. If you have a problem with it, there's the door."

>>17725252
>she has high anxiety and PTSD
Don't stick your dick in crazy.

>>17725252

That sounds shitty for sure. I personally judge people based on how they treat me, not on how they treat others (within reason, of course), so I would be on your side that maybe you can help your friend make the right choice instead of cutting them out.

But someone with "high anxiety" and "PTSD" (assuming they aren't retired military) sounds like someone making these things up to get attention and make you feel even more guilty for not just managing what they want to do.

Why are you with this girl? Is it a fear of being alone? Does she bring something amazing to the table that completely overwhelms her shitty, controlling side?

My mom is super controlling and shitty, and as such, the instant a girl tries to be controlling with me, I put that shit on lock. She's not going to tell me what to do, just like I won't tell her what to do.

>>17725214
>>17725252

This sounds like more of a reason to give her the option of ending things then for you to do so, just tell her you're an adult and can make your own decisions with who to spend your time with, if she can't handle that then she can leave. As long as what you do doesn't negatively affect her she can't reasonably have an issue with it.

>>17725214

Give her an ultimatum, either stop with the bullshit controlling behaviour or you're out the door. Say those exact words and see how she responds to that, should give you your answer.

Make sure her behaviour is actually unfair on you, if she's being somewhat reasonable at least try to be understanding of her position.

>>17725264
She's a child rape survivor, hence the PTSD. Her conditions aren't for attention, they're legitimate. But I feel the same as people in this thread, I don't think anything can excuse you from being a controlling person which is something I've tried and failed to make her understand.

We're highly compatible in almost every respect except how she is controlling. Same politics, same philosophical beliefs, were both highly attracted to each other and have great sex, we enjoy each other's hobbies and we never run out of things to talk about. Without the controlling aspect it would be a perfect relationship which is why I'm so afraid to let go.

>>17725296
Oh that sounds like something worth fighting for.

>>17725296

Well with all of that said it makes very little sense to end things over one negative, you will never find someone that ticks every single box. That being said this behaviour is definitely something you can work through if you talk to her like adults, communicate a lot with her and how it makes you feel, take her feelings into consideration too, explain how you see your friend because for one you have known him since you were a kid, you enjoy his company and his cheating you think is disgusting and agree with her on that but you think you are a positive influence on him.

Talk everything out without anger, it makes compromise so much easier. Saying how things make you feel as opposed to accusations or "you always do this" "you never let me do that" "I hate when you" blah blah

>>17725296

If you don't nip this in the bud now, she is going to have you on a leash for the rest of your relationship.

You have to make her understand that you love her, but that she has no right to tell you what you can and can't do.

Don't try to save or change people.
Entering a relationship with someone who "would be perfect beside x" and then try to change x is selfish.
If SHE wants to change it, let her do it and help her. But you cannot expect someone to change themselves for you.
She doesn't seem interested in being less controlling. Either leave the relationship or deal with it by accommodating her or doing your thing and fighting with her.
She isn't in the wrong because she doesn't want to change.

>>17725348

? Huh? She is the one who wants OP to change. That's what being controlling is. The situation is literally the opposite of how you're describing it.

>>17725353
He wants to "fix her" and make her stop being controlling. It doesn't work like that.

I'm not saying she is behaving well or her behaviour is reasonable, but it's silly for OP to try to fix her when she made it clear that she doesn't want to be fixed.

>>17725296

Learn to accept the negatives if you want to be happy, you haven't gone into detail about the extent of her controlling behaviour but if it's just about seeing a cheating friend of yours then that's pretty minor of an issue. If you're more miserable then happy then leave, if not then suck it up and accept the good parts of your relationship, because you described a lot of them.

>>17725359

Waaaaiiit... so by your logic, OP is being controlling by trying to get his gf to stop being so controlling?

That's an interesting way to look at it. Fucking stupid, but interesting.

>>17725389

He is simply saying to either accept her behaviour or move on, you can't change people, so don't try.

>>17725389
No, he's being selfish.
People have flaws. If you cannot deal with them, you don't date them.
You can't date someone, expect them to change for you, get mad if they don't want to change. It is childish and selfish.
He's not "being controlling", but he's being a kid.

My SO has many flaws, but I accept them as a part of the package. I don't want them to change to become my ideal partner because it's not about me, it's about what they want to do. I accept and love them with their flaws. Sure, it's really great when they make an effort to act in a way I prefer, but I don't expect them to and don't get mad when they don't.

>>17725400
>>17725407

The point is that this is EXACTLY what his gf should be doing: accept his behavior or move on. It's hypocritical to make this OPs problem when it's his gf who is trying to make HIM change.

She is the one who has a problem with him hanging out with his friend. It's her problem that she needs to get over, not his.

>>17725407

Additionally, it's not selfish to want the freedom to hang out with whoever he likes. That is completely within his rights.

>>17725428
His girlfriend is not here asking for advice, otherwise I'd tell her the same exact thing.
Again - I'm not saying she is acting correctly, I am not saying she is the best human being in world history ever or needs to win the Nobel prize for the best partner 2017.

It ultimately is OP's problem because she told him she's not willing to change for him ("all of the issues I was bringing up to be resolved and she's adamantly stood against them").
He could do what she wants and stop seeing his friend, keep doing his thing and fight with her if it's necessary, discuss with her and find a compromise, or leave the relationship. All of the options are absolutely reasonable.
But, he cannot expect his partner to change for him. He cannot save her if she doesn't want to be saved. She said she's not interested in changing his behaviour for him, and it is immensely selfish to expect her to. He can deal with it or leave.

>>17725442

While I agree that OP can't change his gf's disposition of wanting to control his life - unfortunately for something so benign as spending time with a friend - I strongly disagree that it's selfish of him to want to do so.

That's akin to saying an abused wife is selfish for wanting her husband to stop beating her instead of leaving him.

If your partner has no right to force you into something, then I believe it's within your rights to ask them to stop.

Still, I agree that OPs last option is to ditch her, since she clearly isn't willing to listen to reason

>>17725463
He is selfish for wanting to change something beside the fact that she doesn't want to change that.
As he said in the OP, he brought issues up and she stood against them.
He said he doesn't like how controlling she is. She said she doesn't think she's controlling/she doesn't think that being controlling in this case is wrong, and doesn't want to change her behaviours.
OP either deals with it or moves out of the relationship. You cannot expect your partner to change for you. You can ask them to, you can want them to, but it's ultimately their decision and you should respect it or leave.

I'll make you another example - I start dating an obese girl. I ask obese girl to lose weight because I find it unattractive. Obese girl tells me to fuck off, that she's fine with her body. I either deal with it or find someone else. I don't make her vomit on purpose or force her to run to lose weight.
In your example, the abused wife can definitely ask him to change, but if he isn't willing to change it would be childish to stay with him because "oh but he'll eventually change".

It is absolutely his right to ask her to stop, and it's absolutely her right to refuse to.
He has a few options, and it's totally silly to force someone to change to please us or get mad at them because they're not willing to.

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>>17725407
Sounds more like your a fucking KEK as a man it is your job to fix your gf or wives issues and make her have a more peaceful life, now if you want your wife to cuck you or have some sick fetish then yeah I agree that with you that you should not force her to chnage and liek that stupid shit.

>>17725501

Your example is bad because it equates body shaming with expecting someone you love to stop being a controlling cunt. Two extremely different things.

You say it is her right to tell him "You are not allowed to hang out with your friend because I say so."

I disagree.

>>17725519
>as a man it is your job to fix your gf or wives issues and make her have a more peaceful life
Or you could just date someone who isn't a complete psycho and can look after herself.
Sucks that you aren't good enough to date someone who doesn't have several mental issues and is incapable of solving her problems alone, but that's not the case for everybody.


>>17725526
>body shaming
Finding obese people unattractive isn't body shaming in any way.
She's not necessarily being a cunt because she doesn't want him to hang out with someone she thinks is a bad influence for him. I wouldn't want my SO to hang out with cheaters, drug addicts or criminals for example. Am I controlling for this?

You cannot expect her to stop thinking or feeling something. He asked her, she refused.
If he cannot deal with it, and she doesn't want to do anything about it, he has to leave.
I don't even think she's behaving correctly if she gets mad about it, but on the other hand I think that he's not behaving correctly if he dates someone with anxiety and PTSD and then expect them to cure themselves magically because he loves them.

>>17725359
You're a moron.

>>17725566

>She's not necessarily being a cunt because she doesn't want him to hang out with someone she thinks is a bad influence for him.

No, but he is an adult capable of determining who is and isn't a bad influence. She's a cunt for dismissing his judgement as inferior to her own.

>I wouldn't want my SO to hang out with cheaters, drug addicts or criminals for example. Am I controlling for this?

If your SO honestly believes that he/she isn't being negatively influenced by those people, and has expressed that to you, then yes, that would be being controlling.

>>17725407
Autism