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I am way too susceptible to authority figures. Its probably because of my childhood or something, idk, but its a problem.
If someone with even the slightest bit of authority (lecturer, security guars, landlord, even "that popular guy" in my social circle) crticizes or accosts me my heart will race, I'll feel like shit for 2 or 3 days and I'll replay the moment in my head for literally months. This can be ridiculously trivial - a librarian telling me to be quiet, a receptionist telling me I put a nonrecyclable in the wrong bin, whatever.
My friends find it very easy to get some proper perspective - if their boss at their shitty retail job chews them out, theyll just go home and laugh about it with me, dismissing their boss as unimportant in the grand scheme of things (because he is) and maybe even swearing at the boss and insulting him. I could never do that.
Recently I've been trespassing on rooftops to get cool views of my city, and for the first time yesterday a homeowner caught me on their roof. The guy just told me to get off his house, and wasnt really that rude considering, but for some reason I cant explain that encounter with a COMPLETE stranger that I EXPECTED to happen at some point has really got me down in the dumps.
I hate being this subservient. I feel like that fucking guy in A Clockwork Orange. How can I fix this?
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>>17721020
Bump cause I can relate
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>>17721020
idk it sounds like you have a low self opinion of yourself. Maybe you feel weak comparative to them? out of curiosity, which city?
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>>17721020
>librarian tells you to shut up
>receptionist tells you you put the thing in the wrong thing
>you broke the law by trespassing on someone's property
>how do I stop being subservient???
That's not the issue. The issue is you need to stop being a goddamn prick. Everything you listed was a wrong caused entirely by you. You SHOULD feel bad, because you're breaking rules and laws. So stop breaking rules and laws and there won't be anyone who scolds you.
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What was your childhood like OP? I used to have similar issues (mostly resolved now because of therapy) because I grew up in a restrictive religion and my mom used shame to get me to behave, so whenever I got scolded for even minor shit I felt like I was being told I was a bad person.
(But also, at the very least maybe don't hang out on residential buildings, it's rude.)
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>>17721029
Yes I am not saying that the problem is that people tell me off for my mistakes and misdeeds. That is obviously normal and essential. The problem is thay I have a disproportional response to this.
A normal person who mistakenly used the wrong bin and got called out would apologise, make a mental note to not repeat the mistake and then never think about the incident again. Not be lying in bed awake at 02:21AM on a Monday morning still obsessively thinking about it 3 or 4 months later.
Its impossible to go through life without at least one person disagreeing with the way you do things, so its important to be able to manage others disapproval.
>>17721028
I think I do have low selfesteem, yeah.
City is London.
>>17721037
Upper/middle class. Tolerant liberal mum, dad who was mostly away but could sometimes have a beastly temper when he was home. Severe anxiety, massive nerd and tried my absolute hardest at school to make teachers happy, never misbehaved if I could help it.
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I had the same problem until I realized that I got old enough that I was the authority.
I wasn't looking at people above me.
I was looking at people at the same level as me trying to tell me what to do.
Listen to them when they're right and just nod when they're wrong
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