How to get rid of suicide thoughts? They sometimes(several times

All right, noone cares

>>17717565
You do realize these fucking threads evolve into you just crying about everything. Many people offer advice but it just gets shot down again and again because "you dont understand depression"

>>17717578
Have no idea what are you writing about.

>>17717595
Then you havent been here much

>>17717481
What helped me the most was labeling pointless thoughts. Reorient yourself in general towards pragmatic thinking. Catch yourself nit picking at weird, neurotic, self hating things.

Next try to think of replacement thoughts. "No one will fuck me because of the huge mole on my forehead" -> "If I make money I can go to a dermatologist and get pussy! Get money errday ho"

For more detailed instructions on these techniques, either find a CBT therapist or listen to talks on Dharma Seed. Personally I like Ajahn Sumedho. They're incredibly cheesy, but it feels good to have someone tell you nice things in a calming voice. And occasionally they have basic life lessons that some of us need drilled into our head a bit better.

Drink alcohol, atleast that's what works for me.

If I drink and I'm still suicidal I just drink more. Either I pass out or I die, win/win for me really

>>17717481
> Reorient yourself in general towards pragmatic thinking.
> Next try to think of replacement thoughts. "No one will fuck me because of the huge mole on my forehead" -> "If I make money I can go to a dermatologist and get pussy! Get money errday ho"
I absolutely understand that my thoughts are pointless and that I should work harder to fix poblems, get money and so on.
But sometimes I just want to give up cos it's too hard.

>>17717667
then we've gotta delve into that. what's your age and general life situation? what's got you down?

>>17717607
>>17717667

>>17717614
I thied, but on the thied time something went wrong in my body and ambulance took me to hospital, where I spent a week and doctor said that it is something wrong with my liver, and I will painfully die if will drink more.

>>17717670
I don't really want to write it here, isn't there a genral way to not give up?

>>17717687
well, you can be as vague as you want. i don't see the harm in telling me your age. even if you don't like what I have to say as a result of that, it will probably still be good to hear it.

other than that, "money and problems" isn't really enough to go off of. we've all got problems, and we tend to make them worse by creating more problems in response to them.

but some people are terminally ill or have down's syndrome or REAL fucking problems, and I have different advice for such people.

>>17717718
> 18
> 1st year in college
> have to find a way pay for 2nd year in college
> have to find job but have no idea, how
> + all social anxiety and girls stuff that people are always complaining about online

>>17717759
If you're majoring in something that will make you money, don't be afraid to take out a loan, if, and only if, you are sure you can finish it (senior year is very difficult). Work study looks easier than real jobs, if that's available.

If it makes you feel any better, a LOT of people get depressed their freshman year of college. I know I did. I also had anxiety issues. And now I'm over all of it, through various means.

Remember that you can take breaks from college. Especially if you can still live with your parents or someone else, this is often an extremely good choice.

As for finding a job, here's my method:
- fancy resume
- overdressed nice long sleeve button up, tie, black khakis
- walk into retail store, grin, shake hands with manager, assure him that if he hires me as his stocker I'll do twice the work in half the time.
- at interview vomit up answers about how fair minded the company is

How hard it is depends on where you live. Cities with disposable income (like military or college towns) should be incredibly easy to find employment. I usually just spend a whole day in job hunting mode and knock out a dozen places, once a weak. I get a few interview and a single job offer out of that.

As for girls, fuck em, they can wait. Coworkers are the easiest catches anyways. I've also made great friends working at shitty jobs.

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>>17717801
I have some problem getting loan, also there is a lot of studying, cos it is on of the top places, so I have no idea how can I work-study.
I have to somehow make myself to at least write a cv, but in this mood I can only scroll memes and do programming.
Of course it is not something really hard, however in this state almost everything is hard.

>>17717833
Yeah man, don't get me wrong. When I was taking a full course load (are you comp sci? that's my degree) I was pretty miserable. I ended up doing it slowly, my last couple years I could only handle three classes a semester. I took too breaks from college.

You just gotta get your degree and get out. A real job isn't rainbows and unicorns, but I like it a helluva lot better than school.

But there's no need to get suicidal. You're under a lot of pressure, but keep in mind the worst case scenario: you drop out, work at a shitty retail job in a shitty apartment and have to scrape to get a money/loan to get your career started.

Personally, I was actually happier living in a shitty apartment with a shitty job than I was my first two years of college (but you should still try to avoid that if you can).

Believe it or not, I've learned to take some pleasure from having a good work ethic and getting a lot done, the older I get. And that's a good thing because, for most people, all that you have in life is what you've worked for.

I also still recommend my first post about the buddhism stuff, btw. Consciously try it, when you're sitting on the bus or driving, thinking pissy thoughts. Observe, label, analyze, replace. And maybe even try giving one of the dharma talks a try. As long as you're trying something, you're being productive, and you can feel good about that.

>>17717859
Maths and stats.
You don't know my worst-case scenario.
However this shit goes since I was 14, but only now it started making more noticeable difficulties.

>>17717878
What is your worst case scenario, then? What would keep you from having a shitty job and a shitty apartment? Tons of people do it. Some people do it for fifty years.

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(1/?)

>3rd to 8th grade
>family suddenly adapts a routine of getting pissy over B's on report cards
>gradually become a fucked up academic perfectionist
>a huge majority of my troubles at school was just me lashing out at other students over any assignments/essays/exams having a remote chance of me getting a B
>favor college prep courses over advanced placement courses because higher likelihood of an A
>don't realize until college that i should’ve taken the risk

>high school
>all A's save for 2 B's. i remember legitimately but briefly contemplating suicide over those fucking B's
>family suddenly denies ever getting mad over B's
>end up staying home all fucking day because managed to convince myself A's take priority over any hint of a social life ever

>1st semester of college
>haven't decided at all
>go into exploratory because idk
>get convinced by family and friends to go to engineering
>get convinced by older brother to go into programming
>not that into programming but okay, better than exploratory

>2nd semester
>programming starts
>bound to graduate in 4.5 years instead of 4
>scholarships only last 4 years
>okay so far
>work a summer internship in which i don't do shit

>3rd semester
>starting to realize i don't know shit

>4th semester
>can barely get A's
>shitty fucking A-student mindset won't go away
>briefly switch to a different major
>get shit on by family
>switch back
>take 2 summer courses

>>17717954

(2/3)

>5th semester
>shitty mindset starting to fade
>still contemplating suicide over potentially failing 1-2 courses i had
>constantly going to office hours for one course
>christ i have nothing together
>carve “computer science” on my arm during one incident
>pass courses anyways

>6th semester
>barely know shit
>going to office hours even more
>almost fail one course, end up getting first C ever
>family would've flipped the fuck out back in grade school
>accidentally miss a final period
>carve "FAILURE" into my arm to punish myself
>wear long sleeved shirts all goddamn summer and then some
>family doesn’t question shit

>7th semester, present
>no more non-programming courses outside of upper level english
>cannot for the life of me understand material in this semester’s programming class
>completely neglect one programming assignment out of constantly feeling overwhelmed and stupid and just wanting to do nothing all day
>no motivation to do the second programming assignment rn
>that course is an upper division course i have to take to graduate
>i might actually fail

>>17717959
(3/3)

so yeah.

fucking christ look at me. i feel like i have nothing together. i feel so fucking done with programming. it’s long, it’s boring, it requires me to ask so many fucking questions whether it’s online or in school that i feel like a goddamn retard. it’s nothing i can be proud of anymore. the thought of me spending the rest of my life writing complex code is fucking miserable. but no, i always feel like i have to keep going not for myself but for my family not kicking me out upon me giving up on the major or hell even dropping a single course. maybe that’s technically for myself. then there's the prospect of me pursuing a preferred career after college. it just feels impossible because that means more school and actually having to pay for it this time

at least i have friends who like me and all that good shit and we hang out like 2-3 times a week. but they can only help me so much. i have to go to my parents house every fucking weekend because i was too much of a coward to go to an out of state college

i shouldn’t be struggling even though i haven’t graduated college yet. i shouldn’t be thinking of suicide every time i try and work on a programming assignment

if this is just a taste of how life is going to be after college there’s honestly no point in me existing past that point because i’m either going to be
A. taking a programming job and living wealthy yet buttfuck miserably
B. struggling to get a second education in a field i like and get shamed by everyone because it makes less money
either way the friends i know are going to move and i’ll never fucking see them again

sometimes i feel like a fucking failure man. i have no long term commitment, no vision of the future or anything, i just want to survive and hang out with the only friends i got. i don’t want to fucking cure cancer or get a fucking mansion. i don’t even want to have children. but everyone else is going to move on and i just can't

>>17717966
wait, are you the same guy as before? They need user IDs in this forum, I'm confused now.

But I can sort of relate. I started off as a physics major, wasted a ton of time and money, and eventually switched because it was simply too hard.

One thing I can assure you of is that there are plenty of roads to travel down in life that are not nearly as bad as college. Like I said above, I fucking hated it. Working at Office Max and making just enough to pay for food and an apartment was a big improvement. And having a real job is a thousand times better than that. So, for the record, I recommend NOT killing yourself.

Computer science was the major I switched to, ironically, and I ended up loving it. But I was still surprised at how fucking hard it was. If I wasn't the type of person that literally programs for fun, I might not have made it. And I had way more advantages than you: supportive, easy going parents, easy loans, etc. So you shouldn't feel bad about it at all. It's a very difficult choice, whether to switch majors or do something else. But it's very important to keep these things in perspective, in terms of your entire life. A couple years from now you will be in a very different situation, probably a better one, and there's a very good chance you'll be glad you're alive.

This seems to be an unpopular sentiment, but it's important, and I'll keep repeating it:
You can drop out, flip off your family, get a job, live in a library for three weeks until you have rent, and get an apartment. It is better than killing yourself.

A couple more thoughts -

-Just because you get a degree in a field doesn't mean you have to go into it. Simply having a four year degree will let you pick from a lot of different jobs.

-Don't fall into the trap of thinking post-college life is 40 years of work and then you die. Especially if you don't want to have kids or be ambitious, you can work for a year, quit for a year, fuck around and do a different job for a year, then go back to work for a year. I also have no intention of staying in the rat race any longer than I have to.

>>17717998
>You can drop out, flip off your family, get a job, live in a library for three weeks until you have rent, and get an apartment. It is better than killing yourself.
do try to do this between semester if possible. because that's exactly what I did (though I had a car to live in) and when I went back my GPA was shit.