I have an overwhelming hatred for my mother that probably isn't

>>17716549

What makes it worse is she still does the same kind of shit today, just with less catastrophic consequences. She has learned nothing. This is just one of the things she does, she also never believes anything I say ever, but when called out on it insists that of course she believes her own child because not doing that would make her a bad person, which she isn't.

I've completely gotten over the bullying I experienced at school, time healed those wounds. But I have never been able to get over my anger and disappointment directed at my mother. What do I do? I feel like breaking contact is the only solution but she's not actually a terrible person. I can't "show her this post" just like I've never been able to talk to her about it, because she'll just tell me that I misunderstood something.

I'm sorry for the rant but even this post is just a castrated version of the full extent of the anger I feel towards her. My anger keeps me up many nights every month, it made me stop studying and write this post. I've wasted two hours on this rut already and I have to prepare for a test. Please help.

When you have a child and they turn into narcissistic obsessive cunts, it's easier to just let it slide and hope they kill themselves

>>17716549
Sure, she doesn't sound overly competent but I don't see why you'd hate her. Most parents have no fucking idea about parenting but at least it doesn't sound like she actively did anything to harm you.

>was not calling the psychiatry when I told her I wanted to die.
It's a decision with unknown consequences for her, why would she make it? How well does she even understand mental health?

>she'll just tell me that I misunderstood something.
Sounds like the case, plus some kind of unrealistic expectations.

How about you, what things did you do for her?

>>17716553

Ill let you in on a little secret.
You've been responsible for the way she treated you your entire life.
In fact you are responsible for everything that happens in your life.
You are even responsible for your emotions.
Only you didn't know about that.
But now you do.
So ask yourself, "What is important here?", and when you get the answer ask yourself "What am I going to do about it?".
Is it important that you still blame your mother for the way she did/did not treat you as you wanted her to, even though it was you that failed in communicating to her in a way as to convince her to treat you right?
Once you accept responsibility for your life, stop blaming others and forgive yourself for being so stupid you might just kill off that anger that swells up inside you.
Also stop justifying you anger by coming up with all the excuses for why you are entitled to feel angry.
Stop taking it personally, as it is obvious to you that she did not intentionally neglect you.
Stop blaming others for your anger, when it was you who did not persevere in communicating and change your way of communicating until you got the response you wanted (Her taking you to psychiatrist).

>>17716602
>You've been responsible for the way she treated you your entire life.
>In fact you are responsible for everything that happens in your life.
Pretty idiotic and illogical statements.

>You are even responsible for your emotions.
True to a point. Most people didn't have the luxury to learn about it.

Rest of the post is pretty decent tho.

>>17716586
>How well does she even understand mental health?
Quite a lot, it's one of the topics she is interested in.

>Sounds like the case, plus some kind of unrealistic expectations.
How is it unrealistic? I think it's the least you can expect of someone to make a phone call and save your life.

>>17716602
>even though it was you that failed in communicating to her in a way as to convince her to treat you right?
How can you be any clearer than saying you want to die?

Believe me, I've tried my hardest to make her understand things. I used to believe that I was autistic and had poor verbal skills since nothing ever worked, but I had to admit that it only happens with her. She's the problem. I can communicate fine with pretty much anyone else. Talking to my friends is mutual because they meet me half way, they try to understand me instead of waiting for me to make them understand. Talking to my mother is extremely one-sided and frustrating.

All I want is for her to admit that she was wrong, and hopefully try to change for the better. But this is never going to happen even if I become the best speaker in the world. The way I see it my only choice is to break off contact or not.

>>17716654

>All I want is for her to admit that she was wrong
>and hopefully try to change for the better.

You'll have a better chance herding cats than doing that.
People do not like admitting to being wrong.
And they especially do not like changing from their comfort zone.

>>17716636

>Pretty idiotic and illogical statements.

Can you elaborate?

>>17716646
>Quite a lot, it's one of the topics she is interested in.
That was a bit surprising.

>I think it's the least you can expect of someone to make a phone call and save your life.
Well, you're still here, so whatever she did or didn't do was clearly not terminal. I don't quite get her reaction but it'd depend on many factors and her interpretation of it, here we get only your side of the story.

>>17716676
The key is even in the grammar. Passive. You're not responsible if somebody decides to do something to you for some retarded reason only they could understand.

When it comes to live, one has more power but even there. One person can decide to smoke and get cancer; it'd be their responsibility. Someone else could get it randomly; how would they be responsible?

>>17716692

Seems to me like you are arguing from the extreme.
Let me see how far i can defend my reasoning from the extremes anyway...
>You're not responsible if somebody decides to do something to you for some retarded reason only they could understand.

You are to 'blame' if you got yourself into a situation, knowingly or unknowingly where a person can do something like that to you, whether you could have known about it or not, whether it was fair or not.
You could have not walked into such a situation and stayed home, or wherever else where that person could not do that to you.

> Someone else could get it randomly; how would they be responsible?

For continuing to live thus permitting enough time for cancer to develop randomly.

>>17716676
>You'll have a better chance herding cats than doing that.
>People do not like admitting to being wrong.
>And they especially do not like changing from their comfort zone.
If that was true for everyone I wouldn't be making this thread. I'd just go about my day and think my feelings are justified and reasonable.

>You are even responsible for your emotions.
What can I even do? Suppress them?

>>17716720
>Seems to me like you are arguing from the extreme.
Well, I do not like overly general statements and extremes are a good way to test them.

If we roll with this assumption, it negates the factor of our own actions even more. I would be responsible if somebody rapes me when I go outside, I also would be responsible for getting raped if I stay at home and a burglar/part time rapist comes along. What difference do my actions have if an outside factor has the potential to ruin everything?

>>17716758

>What difference do my actions have if an outside factor has the potential to ruin everything?

It has the potential to the degree to which you have not made sure and not prepared well for it.
But does that mean you should devote your life to preparing for every disaster that can happen to you?
Of course not.
Just like when you drive a car with the implicit acceptance of the risk that anyone at any time can break the rules and drive straight into you thus taking your life.

>>17716758
Technically speaking criminals are always responsible for their crimes, but in the privacy of your daily life it is wise to act as if it is your responsibility to not become a victim.

Just like you don't have free free will, but are better of pretending that you have it.

>>17716726

>Suppress them?

Try finding a video program and workbook called Self Discipline and Emotional Control.
Thats the one that helped me long time ago and got me interested into other stuff from that.
Thats where i got the responsibility thing from mainly.
You could also try looking up the various psychotherapies and pick the one thats most appealing to you then hit their workbooks if they have any.

>>17716798
Is it legit, though? I've already been described as emotionally over-controlled by my psych. Apparently it's a bad thing that can make you explode later on.

>>17716801

Are you sure that your psych used those words?
"Over controlled"?
Maybe over repressed but over controlled doesnt seem right to me.
Anyway the program is about not letting your emotions destroy you, and not about better sweeping the emotions under the rug so to speak.

>>17716784
>But does that mean you should devote your life to preparing for every disaster that can happen to you?
Than seeing yourself as responsible for every outcome logically leads to that mindstate. If you can affect every single factor around you, you should do it and not doing it makes you a failure.

>Just like when you drive a car with the implicit acceptance of the risk that anyone at any time can break the rules and drive straight into you thus taking your life.
Sure but this doesn't make you really responsible for wrong actions of others. At least not in practical sense.

>but are better of pretending that you have it.
How comes?

>>17716851

>If you can affect every single factor around you, you should do it and not doing it makes you a failure.

>you should do it

How did you come to that conclusion?

> not doing it makes you a failure

And how did you come to that conclusion as well?

>Sure but this doesn't make you really responsible for wrong actions of others.

It does not.
But it does make you responsible for selecting that risky environment when you could have avoided it.

>pretending that you have it

How is it pretending?

You sound kind of self-absorbed OP.

>>17716549
You sound like an ungrateful cunt to me. If it's so serious, have you actually had a conversation with her about any of this?
>five years of suffering
Christ. You sound like one of those edgy 13 year-old kids on MySpace and Tumblr (and anywhere these days I guess). Why was it you wanted to die? Did you actively ask your mothers help in the matter? Or did you give up explaining for "You just don't understand me"?

Also, these >>17716568 >>17716602 >>17716989

Best advice I could give OP, is to talk things out if you haven't. Try asking why she didn't call. Try asking why it didn't seem so important to her that you were "suffering".

>>17716602
>it's your fault you were raised badly
What awful advice, the only worthwhile thing in there is telling OP he needs to take responsibility for his own life and improve himself.