So, /adv/ Opinion time: Is it justifiable to check a partner's

>>17709469
>Is it justifiable to check a partner's phone and text messages?

Why worry if someone is cheating on you or not? You'll literally drive yourself insane and literally drive them into someone else's arms. If they cheat, they cheat. You can't control what other people do, only what you yourself can do. And that is, don't be a jealous mother fucker.

If she cheats, then she fucked up. You peace out on her. Grab onto your balls, anon. Hold onto your pride.

>>17709472
Because if she is cheating I won't know. I don't think there's any way she'd tell me. She'd either not feel bad about it so wouldn't care enough to tell me, or she would feel bad so would be too ashamed to tell me. It's what she's like.

And I'm not wasting time and money on someone who doesn't give a fuck about me.

We've been together eight years but if she cheats I'd be out of there. No question.

>>17709469
Well both of you guys are in the wrong. She's wrong for going behind your back and talk to another man like that and you're in the wrong for checking her texts. Both of you can't be trusted. Since you already did it you should bring it up.

>>17709483
I would honestly trust your gut on this one anon. If you have some suspicion I would tell her now and tell her you're going to break up. I know it sounds easy coming from some dude across the Internet but trust me I've been through this before. And I lost everything. I've seen this happen many times to my friends as well. Trust your gut and be ready to leave.

I doesn't matter if it's justified or not, you're going to break up either way. Don't worry about being in the right or wrong, worry about getting your shit together and gone.

Probable cause only.

If there's been an issue that she's been evasive towards discussing or if you've caught her lying before, then it's your right to get to the bottom of it. She doesn't like it? She can leave and so can you.

Don't waste your time with someone that's not going to be honest.

Thanks for the advice so far, anons. I know what I did wasn't right, and it does show that I dont completely trust her...but what I saw seems like an indication of why I trusted my gut.

>>17709491
Maybe that's why I'm apprehensive about doing it.

We've been together so long i don't want to lose her and the relationship. Even though it's changed already, I don't want to admit it. fuuuuuck...

>>17709469
your spider senses were tingling and they tingled too well so you had to follow them, bring this up in the conversation you have with her, try and convince her you are spiderman and that you will eventually strangle her in her own web of deceit

>>17709530
I don't understand the logic of blaming yourself for trusting your gut and doing 30 seconds of investigating, confirming your suspicions, all to protect yourself. She's the one betraying you OP, SHE IS BETRAYING YOU OP

I imagine your question here though is how do you confront her with what you know when you know she will flip it back and justify her betrayal because you snooped. But what you should be asking is sex talk and dick pics between your gf and another man enough to break up? I think it is and would make no apologies to her for being clever enough to catch on and confirm. She has assumed you a fool and done this under your nose, commenting on his dick I'm sure at times with you sitting right beside her

If she's cheating then you dump her. If you see her getting flirty and sexual stuff, then you call her out on it. I've been with cheaters -- they don't stop.

>>17709585
Shit, I never even thought that might be happening. We live together so spend a vast majority of our free time together so it 100% must have been going on when I'm with her. Sat in bed watching TV. Eating dinner. When I'm driving with her in the car.

I bet it happens all the time and she's either acting like it's nothing or (even worse) that it's ok.

We're going away on holiday for the weekend with her sister and brother in law (and the kids) so I can't do I now. Can I? I'm not fucking up other people's holiday.

I'm all for privacy etc. but there has to be something behind not being worried if you have nothing to hide. I'd have no worries if I were to leave my phone at home when I go out, but I bet she would be panicking to fuck.

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>>17709469
Morality is a spook. That is to say, it doesn't exist; it's an idea that enslaves you to it without making you happy. If you can check your partner's texts without getting caught, they are your property, and you should read them if it gives you peace of mind.

Is reading their texts immoral? Yes.
Should you rationally read them? Yes.
Should you feel bad about it? No.

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>>17709469

>Is it justifiable to check a partner's phone and text messages?

No. If you're with a girl you don't trust, break up. Plain and simple.

If you're with a girl you don't trust

>>17709625
Forget about how you confirmed. Do you think its ok she was doing this with another guy? Also, while away on your holiday weekend she will be texting this guy and you are acting like the bad guy or the guy that is ok with this since to confront it would mean the relationship might end.

Op i know you are probably in so much turmoil right now but I have to ask. Is she the lovey dovey type?? How did you meet? what type of person is she?

>>17709644
anon you don't address he is with a girl that is not trustworthy and had reason to think so. Prior he didn't monitor but when she started acting suspicious he became suspicious.

I own a store and know there is a small number of people that steal from my store and sometimes you can tell by their behavior that is the reason for the visit. I can either turn my back and let them do it or I can keep an eye on them. I am not suspicious of everyone and don't confront anyone unless I see them take something without paying. Now I have watched people take something, stop them before they reached the door and they throw a fit and scream I have confronted them for no reason and even threaten to sue me as they push for the door.

>>17709625
>I'm not fucking up other people's holiday
what about your holiday your gf fucked up, no, what about the relationship your gf fucked up?

>>17709469
>They've definitely never fucked in real life (they don't see each other enough)
OP it does not take long to fuck. Do you know Luke? How can you purposefully blind yourself when you have seen incriminating messages between your gf and Luke?

>>17709683
not OP but anon what difference does any of this make?

OP back again here.

I don't know Luke, no, but in the same way my gut said something was up to check briefly her messages, my gut is telling me that they haven't fucked. Like I say, they don't see each other much at all any more and one of the messages was about how they haven't seen each other in a long time. They know each other through an amateur theatre group, but she's not been involved in about 18 months.

I get that I can't let this sit; if it were just the two of us I would go for it but like I say I don't want to ruin it for everyone else. We're home again in two days.

I'm not sure how to bring it up. Whether to just be blunt or catch her out so she digs a hole for herself (e.g., questions I know the answer to so I can call her out on any lies). Or whether that's unnecessarily childish.

I don't know. This hasn't happened to me before so not sure how to deal.

General logic is you should trust your partner enough to not have to look at each others' phones.
However, there is a secondary logic that flips the above - that you should trust your partner enough to be able to let each other have access to each others phones.
I feel like this latter logic is what couples should apply in this age of technology because if there's really nothing to hide, then why would you act like there is?
Either way, sounds like you need to set aside a day you're both free, sit down and assess where your relationship stands.

>>17709831
It all depends on what you want as the outcome OP. Let me say first it sounds like you are looking for reasons not to confront this. First guilt for snooping and now the weekend holiday. Me, I couldn't go and be right there with her for two days and not say anything.

If you believe she crossed a boundary the you shouldn't really care how it goes down because you are in the right, she in the wrong and you aren't going to be with someone that treats you like this. I mean what excuse can she give that will change what she did?

Now if you have no intention of ending the relationship, (its obvious you won't) you need to let her know you know, sit back and let her berate you for snooping and hope she gives you a believable lie as an explanation (if she even offers one) so you can convince yourself its not that bad and of course she would never do it again. You are already providing loop holes for her by determining up front they never had sex. You don't know that and it is a real possibility. So, it makes no difference if you are accusatory and quote verbatim what was in the chat or meekly inquire about Luke and poke and probe hoping she gives you a lame lie. You could always go full pussy and come up with additional excuses not to confront reality.

>>17709831
How long have you been together? They may have been lovers during her time with the theater group.

>>17709864
Sound advice, thanks anon. It all sounds spot on to be honest. I think I am, if I'm honest, looking for a reason not to bring it up. But I can't not.

At the moment I'm not hoping the relationship will end. It depends what has happened and if there's anything else I don't know about. If they have hooked up IRL then it will end. I can't forgive that.

>>17709885
We've been together for eight years now; she was part of the theatre group for about 18 months, but hasn't been involved in almost two years. But she obviously made some friends and she keeps in touch with them.

Including this cunt apparently.

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OP I SNOOPPED ONCE, CALLED HER OUT ON IT, SHE HASNT DONE IT SINCE

IM WITH HER STILL BECAUSE I ALSO SOLICITED NUDES FROM GIRLS IN OUR FIRST FEW MONTHS, AS WEL LAS FUCKED SOME

SHE DOESNT KNOW I DID THAT, BUT I KNOW WHAT SHE DID

YOUR GF IS MOST LIKELY SEEKING OUT NUDES AND SENDING NUDES, WHICH I THINK IS CHEATING

CALL HER OUT ON IT, SHE WILL LEAVE YOU SOON AFTER YOU CALL HER OUT ON IT

YOU'VE GIVEN HER AMMO FOR SNOOPING, WHEN YOU CONFRONT HER TELL HER

"CUT THE SHIT OR I LEAVE YOU" SUMMARIZED OF COURSE, DONT FALL FOR THE LIES, UNLESS YOU HAVE DONE DIRT AND CAN HANG AROUND LIKE I DID WITH MY GF

BE STRONG OP

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>>17709984
>Including this cunt apparently
yep and sounds like they have a special bond and where there is smoke there is flame. I seriously doubt she will offer the full truth even if you wanted to know it. Now if you want to know the whole truth then sit on what you know and quietly do a bit more investigating but be ready to be crushed.

>>17710007
>WHICH I THINK IS CHEATING
it is cheating and from the sound of it she is encouraging this and will result in them physically fucking not just mind fucking if they haven't fucked already.

She cannot undo what she has done. The best that could happen is she stops but it also brings into question trust and how long has this been going on, left unchecked how long would it go on and is this even the first time she has crossed the line with this guy or others..

>>17709984
But OP how can you ever trust her again? That's gone

>>17710044
Not OP, but I'm not sure how anyone could trust their partner after shit like this. It's basically like emotional cheating. Fuck that noise. Red fucking flags all over.

>mfw my spider senses are tingling in my relationship and I'm not sure how to go about confirming my suspicions since she's really good at hiding any traces.

Stay strong OP, even if our relationships go to shit at least we have our futures to look forward to

>>17709469
Trust your gut.
If you feel like you need to check her phone, it's already over. Knowing when to end things and get out will make you feel much better. She's almost definitely cheating, even if it's not physical. Good riddance.

>>17709469
Trust your gut, if you feel you have to check the phone check the goddamn phone. If you found all the stuff you're telling us then confront her and fucking break up with her already.

If you're with someone you have no right to "phone privacy" or whatever the fuck anyway. If she tries to turn things around about you checking her phone tell her to fuck off, because that doesn't change the fact she's acting like a slut. The only reason you checked it is because she was acting suspicious and secretive anyway.

TL;DR be a goddamn man

You did nothing wrong. You had a hunch and you checked. She is being a whore with another man. Dump.

>>17709469
>Is it justifiable to check a partner's phone and text messages?
Sure. If you got a reasonable suspicion that they kidnapped/murdered somebody. If it's about irrelevant shit like cheating and seeing chad, it's inexcusable and you better grow the fuck up.

>>17709483
> I'm not wasting time and money on someone who doesn't give a fuck about me.
If you're spending more money on a partner than they spend on you, you're cucked already. Might as well seal the deal and let you watch while she's doing Tyrone.

>>17711160
>Being cheated on
>Irrelevant
Fuck outta here

>>17711357
You'll find out sooner or later, break up and you're done. No real harm done.

>>17710612
Yup this.
She has no respect for you op. She threw away 8 years. Time to leave her

>>17709469
If you have to check your girlfriends phone to see if she's cheating then she's a despicable whore. If there's no trust then there's no relationship.

I'm a bit of a traditionalist but to me high activity on snapchat/instagram is a huge red flag and instantly turns me off of a girl

>>17709469
If you can't trust her, it will never work.

> I don't think there's any way she'd tell me. She'd either not feel bad about it so wouldn't care enough to tell me, or she would feel bad so would be too ashamed to tell me. It's what she's like.

So they're not trustworthy in the first place on top of this shit? Confront her, dump her, get it over with. If she hasn't cheated yet, she will.

>>17709831

Just bring it up. Say you went through her phone because you felt she was pulling away and seemed like she was hiding something. It may seem shitty, but you actually found evidence and she can't justify it no matter how mad she could get for you going through her phone. She's the one that fucked up here.

Is there any chance you are Luke's father, OP? It could be a major surprise...

I go through my girlfriend's phone + social media all the time. We don't give a fuck.

>>17709469
>Is it justifiable to check a partner's phone and text messages?
Absolutely not.

>>17709469
>>17709469
OP, what is the limit she would need to cross for you to decide that it is over?
1. Emotionally cheats on you by making you a second priority over him but doesn't really do anything
2. Sexts him but doesn't really see him in person
3. Kisses him but doesn't really get naked with him
4. Gives him a hand-job but it's just her hand holding a dick like she is holding a dildo
5. Gives him a bj but that's not really having intercourse
6. Let's his dick in her vagina but only the tip
7. Let's him fuck her but with a condom
8. Let's him raw dog her but only in her pussy
9. Let's him fuck her in the ass but...

What are your limits OP? What would make you not come up with an excuse for her behavior?

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>>17711993
>5. Gives him a bj but that's not really having intercourse

>>17709469
Right now what you know is enough to ditch her. She's exchanging messages with this guy, being assertive. While perhaps she may not have physically cheated on you yet, if she was faithful, she wouldn't play along like this.

I felt the same way when things were bad with my ex, I briefly checked her phone a few times and felt horrible at the time, but she was living with me by my expenses, I was miserable enough and looking back, I don't regret it. I got my life back, my health back, my sanity, I have dated two girls afterwards.

In my case, even though she wasn't fucking other person and probably still isn't, she and me friends were conspiring against me and leeching on each other's attention, it's complicated. And I'll never forget the fear on her face when i started throwing facts.

>>17709625
I've been there. But then you'll have a nightmare of a weekend because you'll see her lying and faking and you'll be the one not enjoying the weekend