>be friends with a girl >hangout often >getting too

File: Doctor Phil.jpg (597KB, 2048x1024px) Image search: [Google]

597KB, 2048x1024px

>>17709249
If you want a "normal" relationship you need to know what you want, know what the other person wants, and you both need solid communication skills. Based on what you're saying, neither of you is that kind of person. I want you to go through a mental exercise for me. Seriously, please do it. Try to stop thinking for a minute or so. Let go of your emotions and your thoughts. Then picture yourself in your surroundings from a top-down view. Be detached. Think about yourself as a separate person, one you don't care about. Now, looking at yourself in that way, ponder on why you haven't just asked for clarification from this girl. And don't stop pondering for a minute or two because you may very well be overlooking some significant factors.

>>17709291
I have tried to communicate with this girl, but I can never accept what she tries to say.
I have already told her that I want a normal relationship, but she replied that how relationships hurt you in the long run especially when you know things are not going anywhere.
She said me, she was in a serious relationship, but at the end how the other person always blamed her for mistakes, made her feel worthless and at the end left her. It hurt her and she concluded to herself that she never wants to date anyone anymore.
But I can't understand how someone leaving you in a relationship would hurt you so much that you would never want one again. There are far more problems in this world which would definitely hurt you more and I can understand them. My past relationship never got that serious because I'm completely happy myself and don't want another person to decide my feelings especially after knowing that they don't love me. I loved her and all that but I moved on. I would like someone explaining how someone leaving hurts you that much.
My brain always tells me, she's lying, she's just not attracted to you unless she lets things go serious. I have accepted that I'm not attractive but I'm trying my best with other things and my personality. I don't know whether I'm right or wrong.

>>17709249
You went at it as wrongly as you possibly could, in several different ways, but you seem somehow to have stumbled your way to exactly where you wanted to get. Sex is on the table, and your challenge now is to avoid getting in your own way as the two of you move toward bed.

>>17709322
Please explain?
I want sex but I wouldn't mind a normal, working relationship.
What are the possible ways I can get in the way from that happening?

File: What the fuck.jpg (14KB, 500x300px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 500x300px

>>17709309
You are demonstrating such an aggravatingly low level of emotional competence in this post that I'm having real trouble giving you a helpful, coherent response. I wanted to be helpful and positive and I'm already floundering.

1. you need to be 18 to post here
2. stop thinking about it
3. keep doing what you are doing, she will suck your dick

young women are not reasonable, dont try to find reason
you can try to be a bit more aggressive

>>17709387
I'm not denying what you said. Maybe I lack the capacity to understand certain things, especially people's emotions.
Please explain to me, how is love such a big thing and how can you be in love with someone who doesn't love you? What stops people from moving on?

By moving on I'm not talking about getting into another relationship right after that and start fucking. Just feeling at peace with yourself.

>>17709249
Holy shit this girl sounds nuts. Let's you basically flick her pickle but gets upset at touching her tits? What is going on here.

>>17709450
>Please explain to me, how is love such a big thing and how can you be in love with someone who doesn't love you?
Has she told you that she's still in love with this ex? If she hasn't, such a question is irrelevant for the purpose of navigating the situation you're in. Besides, I can't produce the words that would suddenly enable you to empathize with her. The question you're asking demonstrates a disconnect so profound it's on the same level as, "How can someone believe in X religion instead of Y religion?" or "How can someone even be racist?" Your mind isn't open and I don't have a key to unlock it for you.

I'll make a half-hearted stab it, I guess. What if you were miserable for a long, long time and being with this person made you nearly euphoric? And then they broke up with you. It's pretty much identical to drug withdrawal, except it lasts longer.

Can you please tell me how your question is even relevant to dealing with your situation? There are viewpoints I don't even make an effort to empathize with on an emotional level, but I can still comprehend the logical construction of those viewpoints. Your personal feelings about the emotional framework of her mind don't matter. At all. She feels what she feels and you need to accept reality as it is, accept that her neurons are firing the way they're firing.

>>17709486
>Has she told you that she's still in love with this ex?
She said she doesn't has any feelings for him and doesn't want to see/talk to him, certain things (places mostly) remind her of him and she tries to avoid them.

>What if you were miserable for a long, long time and being with this person made you nearly euphoric? And then they broke up with you. It's pretty much identical to drug withdrawal, except it lasts longer.
Circumstances breaking people up is understandable. When someone hates you/gets bored of you out of a sudden, I don't think there was love in the first place. Why would someone shutdown out new relationships because of that?

>She feels what she feels and you need to accept reality as it is
Maybe applying rationality to emotions is the reason why I can't accept some things.

>>17709482
I didn't touch her private parts. She had her hands on my thigh and was drawing her fingers, I got ticklish. She did it again and again and did the same with her thighs. She was not ticklish and I went overboard with that.

>Maybe applying rationality to emotions is the reason why I can't accept some things.
No, retard, you can't accept certain things because you're narrow minded by the standards of somehow who is certified to be on the Autism spectrum. I was diagnosed by a neurologist at the age of ten with Asperger's Syndrome and you're exhibiting a level of close-mindedness I grew out of when I was fourteen. How old are you now? Here's one last piece of information for you to consider: EVERYONE IS PERFECTLY, UTTERLY, COMPLETELY RATIONAL, AS WE ARE ALL SLAVES TO CAUSALITY. Everything obeys the laws of physics, including the mind. Everyone is acting out their programming, programming they didn't write for themselves in the beginning. Genetics and events did the writing. And while we do rewrite our programming throughout our lives, the manner in which we do so is dictated by the programming we had at the start. Water flows downhill because of gravity and this girl has acquired subconscious and conscious processes as a result of her genetics and upbringing. And you are just as out of control as she is.

If this doesn't help you widen your perspective you are doomed to learn solely through experiences more painful than what I had to endure, and I've dealt with some fucked up shit. Have a nice, blinkered life, retard.

Actually, you know what? Here's another bit of advice for you. Watch Extreme Love: Autism. You remind me of Justin.

>http://watchdocumentary.org/watch/louis-theroux-extreme-love-12-autism-video_daadc03a4.html

>>17710104
I don't have trouble communicating or interacting with her. I don't have a problem feeling emotions. Me being on the autism spectrum is far exaggerated. Tbh, I would love to know your experiences.
I can't convince myself that there is far more to whatever we have going between us. She doesn't want to make things serious maybe just means she's not attracted to me or finds me lacking some qualities. Either she is lonely and needs someone and I provide her company or there is some kind of deep connection which I don't understand. I would really like to read literature on this because I'm not feeling anything. It's not like I don't care for her or something. I really care for her and want her to be happy.

>>17710141
>I don't have trouble communicating or interacting with her.
This whole fucking thread is about your difficulties in interacting with her. Holy shit. What the fuck.
>My brain always tells me, she's lying, she's just not attracted to you unless she lets things go serious.
>I don't know whether I'm right or wrong.
Motherfucker, this chick JUST HAD PHONE SEX WITH YOU.
>I don't have a problem feeling emotions.
People with Autism don't have difficulty feeling emotions, we have the opposite problem. Our emotions are powerful and hard to control. The notion that Autistic people have difficulty feeling emotion is a bullshit assumption that was made in the seventies by a hack who made it because we tend to emote less visibly by default. Ironically and infuriatingly, the entire reason we emote less visibly is because our emotions often surge with such strength that we have to completely clamp down on them and our expressions, lest we make others uncomfortable. My friends have learned through years of association that if my expression goes completely blank very suddenly it means that I'm roaring pissed. The alternative is an expression that honestly frightened some of my classmates in K-12, despite the fact that I never struck anyone.
>I can't convince myself that there is far more to whatever we have going between us.
There probably isn't more to this. She's most likely attracted to you in a sexual, not romantic, way. She'd probably like to be friends with benefits and that's it. But she's also probably concerned that you'll try to move things in a more romantic, serious direction if she gets into a FWB relationship with you.

By the way, Asperger's is not a checklist of symptoms, there's a reason it's called the Autism SPECTRUM. Social difficulties are common in people with an Autism spectrum disorder, but I knew a dude with Asperger's in college who had honest to god charisma.

>>17710254
>This whole fucking thread is about your difficulties in interacting with her.
I have told her what I'm feeling and asked her questions which I got answers for. The problem is not interacting, it's accepting what she says is what she means.

>Our emotions are powerful and hard to control.
This is somewhat true to me. Sometimes, I feel things so fucking hard sometimes I never want to feel those again. I just stop getting into situations which make me feel those.

>She's most likely attracted to you in a sexual, not romantic, way
If that's the case, she would have just told it, she knows I don't judge and I won't mind it either. I have asked her and she flat out denied that. She calls me almost every day, tells me she misses me and all that. if she just wants sex, why go through all these emotional baggage and not just say it?

>By the way, Asperger's is not a checklist of symptoms, there's a reason it's called the Autism SPECTRUM
https://psychology-tools.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/
I took this test and got 22. The questionnaire was not that deep though.

>>17710141
Here's a list of symptoms that occur in people with an ASD. The vast majority of people with an Autism spectrum disorder don't manifest all of them, and they're usually far, far more pronounced during adolescence. Many adults with an ASD won't be diagnosed because they've grown past the worst of it and aren't conscious of what remains. They're used to it.

>Difficulty filtering sensory input of different types and to varying degrees. I have a bitch of a time dealing with loud and high pitched audio, whereas many of my acquaintances and friends with Asperger's have no trouble with it at all. I'm kind of bitter about it because bars, nightclubs, and concerts aren't an option for me. But this can manifest in many ways, some people can't go into a Hot Topic or a Spencer's because of the color overload.
>Poor fine motor control. This means you may write slowly, suck at drawing and the like, and/or have a hard time pipetting precise amounts of liquid in a chemistry lab. I never had this problem.
>Poor gross motor control. This means that you may be a bit clumsy, or that your sense of balance hinges around your sense of sight more than is normal or good. Standing on one leg is effortless for me when my eyes are open, but if I close them I have to concentrate. This poor gross motor control also often corresponds to poor development of your muscles during puberty. Your brain is harvesting information from your peripheral nervous system poorly and using it poorly, meaning you may have hyper-extensible joints and no pressure points. You may move in a lurching or jerky manner.
>Exaggerated emergency response. Flight-Or-Flight is another piece of bullshit needs to get phased out of the public discourse. You have an emergency response that activates in regards to much more than just danger, and people with an ASD have a very powerful one.

>>17710345
Continued:
>Communications difficulty. You may have varying degrees of difficulty when utilizing tone of voice, body language, and/or facial expressions. You may have difficulty inferring meaning from idioms and metaphors that aren't straightforward.
>Difficulty empathizing. Not gonna go into this one because it should be obvious, but this doesn't mean we don't feel compassion, pity, love, etc. As with all of our other emotions, these are cranked up to eleven.

>>17710312
>The problem is not interacting, it's accepting what she says is what she means.
If you want to argue semantics I'm not going to waste time on it. I count that as difficulty interacting, and you're basically refusing to listen to her because you can't empathize with her. You won't accept that she believes what she says because it doesn't jive with your own mental-emotional framework. If you were doing it because it wasn't consistent with her mindset it would actually make sense.

>I have asked her and she flat out denied that.
I need to rephrase. She may not be attracted TO you, but she can and probably does want to do sexy stuff WITH you. When something feels good in the moment, go with the flow.

>She calls me almost every day, tells me she misses me and all that.
It suddenly sounds as if you skipped a crucial detail. Have you cut contact with her for some number of days? She misses you?

>>17710391
>You won't accept that she believes what she says because it doesn't jive with your own mental-emotional framework
True
>She may not be attracted TO you
Is that something I should feel concerned about?
>Have you cut contact with her for some number of days? She misses you?
We talk in phone everyday. I had to go out of town for a couple of days. We still talked in phone but the hours were less. She called me and told me how she wants to see me soon and how she misses me. I didn't understand because we were going to see each other in like 5 days for sure.

>>17710510
>Is that something I should feel concerned about?
No. Might be hard to believe, but no. I've been with two girls who weren't precisely into me, but definitely enjoyed having sex and hanging out with me. It certainly sounds like she would be down to fuck eventually. Eventually. If you give any hint of wanting something romantic that's going to be off the table, and you'll have to be relaxed in your approach. At some point when you're both feeling good and chill you should bring up figuring out those ground rules with her and see how that goes. Tell her that you've listened to what she wants and doesn't want and acknowledge that while you would've liked a romantic relationship you know damn well it isn't going to happen. Acknowledge the fact that she might be concerned about you not being honest with yourself or her on the romance point and reassure her that you're not going to be an ass and go back on your word. If she's open to it and the moment feels right, kiss her or start talking dirty or lightly caress her and let things flow from there. Just be chill. That moment might be a while coming, too.

Also, caressing outside the obvious areas is an under-practiced and underrated art. Getting a quiet moan out of girl just from gently scraping your fingernails from her wrist to the inside of her elbow is fucking awesome.

I've been awake for 32 hours and I intend to spend the next twelve unconscious. Good luck.