My boyfriend of 5 years has no plans of marriage or asking me

>>17708071
Whats the difference between gf and wife?

>>17708093
Being a wife is different to being a girlfriend.

I don't want to be a wife because of financial reasons or anything like that. I have more money than him and happy to sign a prenup. It's more the romantic idea behind it that I like. It upsets me a lot that he doesn't want to solidify our commitment.

>>17708093
How much money you can waste on her and how much control of your life you give them.

>>17708115
Okay then have a ceremony without the legal issues
go to vegas or some shit

>>17708129
He knows I don't like big weddings, churches or any of that thing. When we first met, we always talked about a hypothetical wedding and I always told him I would have just a few close friends and family for it, at our favorite cafe or park. A legal ceremony or anything like that wouldn't be necessary and we could even write our own vows.
My problem is that after 5 years, a celebration of us hasn't even crossed his mind on a serious level.

>>17708071
>Am I making the right choice?
I sorry, OP, but I think you might be. This guy sounds like he has some growing to do before he's ready for relationships of any sort, and that growth isn't going to happen as long as he has a girlfriend to enable him.

However, there is one thing you need to understand: there's no going back from this. If you leave and return, he will revert to the old patterns.

See it from his perspective.

Marriage is a shit deal for men and an amazing deal for women.

Marriage is an outdated institution. There are few advantages and numerous disadvantages, particularly so for the male (assuming US).

If you marry, your partner is entitled to half of your combined assets. As a male who is likelier to earn more because of fucked up employment practices, this is often disadvantageous. The situation becomes worse with children because women are often favored in custody disputes and he's likelier to have his wages garnished. Even if he gets 50/50, both of you are stuck living in the same areas, unable to move so as to maintain standing agreement. Your taxes will go up due to combined income. As a woman your labido will change in the course of a year, particularly with pregnancy, while his will only begin to slow over decades. Menopause could actually make intercourse painful for you. He however will continue to have sexual urges you will more than likely not fulfill. If he gets caught cheating, he opens himself up to severe financial backlash if you take him to court. Pregnancy will ruin your career advancement if it doesn't destroy your desire for a career outright. Being married, you will probably reap the benefit of his health insurance and, living longer as a female, you will more than likely live longer than him due to your higher longevity, gaining all assets he does not will away specifically without paying an inheritance tax.

This all assumes he has marketable skills or assets in roughly the same amount or greater than your own. If you have an employable degree and he is a felon, then it may actually be somewhat beneficial to him.

I hope you understand that, from a logical standpoint, your outdated institution probably offers nothing but potential repercussions to him and, despite having an understanding of this, he is still offering.

>>17708194
This. He straight up told you he won't get married

>>17708071
>He won't marry me

Good, we don't need more threads from married bitches whining about how awful marriage is. He's a smart guy.

>>17708194
Wrong thread?

>>17708156
>a celebration of us hasn't even crossed his mind on a serious level.
Try bringing it up to him seriously again. maybe throw in some crying
if he's like me as long we keep having sex and my gf isn't mad I forgot to put the seat down. I figure all is good. I go on autopilot mode

>>17708204
>Pregnancy
Er, you're thinking after birth. I was horny as fuck while pregnant, most women's libido goes up. For about 3 weeks after birth it wasn't the best, but we did oral and it worked. When the baby wasn't in the bed.

If OP never wants kids from a relationship, your advice is solid. If you never want kids your advice is solid.

>>17708233
Adding to this, the reason we ultimately got married was for tax and insurance and medical. I learned that through my mother's beat friend when my mom was in the ICU for many days, you cannot enter the ICU in the USA unless you are directly blood related (parent, child, or sibling) or you're a married spouse.

>OP wants to marry
>"WAHH MARRIAGE IS DUMB FOR DUMB PPL"

Guys, you're not helping. You can shove your opinions on marriage up your anus, but if you want to help OP keep in mind her own preferences. She's right on believing that marriage is good, as much as her bf is believing that marriage is bad.

However this is a big deal - both clearly don't have the same ideals.

In fact... OP, tell me, have you had any other significant differences between you and your bf?

>>17708242
That's not true. I was at my son's birth and I'm not married to his mom. We didn't even date, was just a one night stand.

Whoever told you that is lying.

>>17708071
If that is the only issue and aside from that you are perfectly happy in your relationship, i'd say get over it.
Ofc. you may be lucky to find someone else with whom you would want to spend the rest of your life, but chances are bigger that you just find someone with different problems.

And if aside from that, EVERYTHING seems to be well between you two after 5 years, i'd say don't go the "i want it to be perfect" route. This traditional crap will be a one-time thing, and although it may be a wonderful experience, IMO it is not worth waiting for it to happen (by splitting apart and being on the search again and maybe marrying in 5~10 years) when you have a perfectly fine relationship already.

I mean, the guy clearly loves you enough to commit to you like that (which is why he's willing to do it if it means so much to you), and just seems to disagree with the whole concept of marriage.
I wouldnt say you're "wasting time" on him if you're bugged by such a small issue. What comes later, "i'm in my mid-30s and cant find a guy to marry"?

But it only applies if the only issue with your relationship is you wanting it to be a "traditional marriage" (as in, him asking you, being as thrilled about it and stuff like that), if there's other problems you may just as well dump him.


I dont get the people who immediately go for the "dump him" card. I get it if he was strictly against marriage, but he seems as if he just doesnt care but would be willing to commit for her. He just hates the concept, but is okay with the idea of marrying OP for her

>>17708270
>My child has such a wonderful life with a semi-present parent

Chucking money and 24 hours of time a week at a kid does not make a decent household for child or mother/father.

>>17708281
>Doesn't care
With a lot of people, not caring about something seeps into other facets of life. Kids, job promotion, home improvement, etc.

>>17708270
Delivery room is not the ICU. Also, you're the parent of the child. Thus you're allowed, idiot.

If your partner was there due to car wreck (without the kid), you cannot enter the ICU.

I don't get it, have you had a serious discussion with him about this?

stop worrying so much about the proposal and how it happens. You can still have your traditional wedding.

let him know what you want and if he doesn't want that life then it's time to go now because you have to find a different husband.

lol i dont know what he waits for
If you are loyal and not a "bad girl" (drinking, smoking, using toys or cheating)
than the guy is just an idiot....

Or he just scared of marriage to be locked to one female ...

Why do you need to get "married"? Why even involve your personal life with bureaucracy. Just have a celebration that you are committing to being partners for life, get a ring or w/e.

As a guy, i never want to get married. But i dont mind spending my life with the right person.

>>17708303
He doesnt care about the "wedding", but certainly does care about her, so much that he would go against his very own principles.
There will always be stuff someone either doesnt care or disagree with, and some may be a dealbreaker in a relationship, but in this case i wouldnt say its a big issue.

If he straight out refused to marry and wouldnt make her an exception, i would agree, but the guy being willing enough to go through something he would actually never plan to do shows some serious dedication for her, he clearly doesnt mind seeing her as a lifelong partner and giving up some of his principles if OP cares a lot about it

Also if a guy has lover income than you.... it's really gets between you 2 .. cuz he feels useless

>>17708216
No, right thread.

>>17708305
No need to be hostile nasty lady

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4KB, 220x200px

If it's not what you want, then break up.

But marriage is a fucking stupid cultural phenomenon.
Might as well lock yourself in for being potentially trapped with someone if your personalities change at all.
Your boyfriend is right to not want to get married.
If anything, get a domestic partnership and hold a pseudo-wedding if you want the stupid party to rub in your friend's and family's face that you're in a happy relationship.

>>17708071
>I am pretty traditional

Every woman is...
When it benefits them.

The moment it becomes more fun to lash out at a man for being "sexist" because he had the common courtesy to hold a door open, then it is to be "traditional", they soon fucking change.

Kek, I bet your idea of "equality" is working as a goddamn hairdresser then expecting people (mainly men) doing more dangerous jobs such as miners, machinists, factory/warehouse operators to earn the same as you while you have it fucking cushy too.
Shit, on top of that, I bet you also expect the man to still out-earn you, while demanding that ludicrous form of "equality".

Shit, considering how much women have to gain from marriage, and the risks they ask men to take, surely they should be the one getting down on the knees and "proposing"?

>>17708071
who even gets married not even animals get married when do you see fucking monkeys marrying each other or any other animal? that shit is just a meme and you will most likely divorce later in life.

>>17708071
I've seen this pattern waaaay too many times. Most likely, the relationship will never improve and will in fact decay. Leave him while you can. Either he'll grow up or you'll find someone new.

Thank you for keeping the Institution of Marriage alive.

>>17709060
This.

He's not into the marriage thing, You are. You are fundamentally incompatible. Just as someone who wants kids, with someone who doesn't want kids, are also fundamentally incompatible. These are just two of the many things you can't bargain with one another. You're either on the same page or you aren't. It's time for you to cut and run before you waste any more time.

I'd sooner be single forever than enter a marriage with someone who is just doing it to humor me. Gee, thanks for the gesture.

>>17709060
>Either he'll grow up
He's pretty mature to have come to that conclusion.

>>17708071
Why does it matter? What will change in your relationship once you're a wife, instead of a girlfriend? Will he superlove you? Will you superlove him? It's just a label, and labels are bad mmmmmmkay. Grow up, life ain't a disney cartoon

>>17708071
Honestly I think of it like this. Marriage is an excuse to be faithful which doesn't sound that romantic, while being faithful and loving you without marrying you is more romantic. He just doesn't think that you need a ring to prove his love for you. He's not materialistic. He seems like a keeper, it doesn't seem like you are wasting your time.

>>17709060
>Either he'll grow up
He's pretty mature to have come to the conclusion he has right now.