I don't think my bf cares about me. Should we break up or

>>17698890
He's neglecting you, dump him

>>17698896
Should I state the things I've written here when dumping him?

He is just not that into you. His loss. Dump him and do not look back. Dumping someone by giving them reasons (telling them their faults) is never a good idea. You think it'd give you a closure but it will likely just lead to an argument. Opposite of love is indifference. Tell him it won't work out and you wish him good luck in life. Cut all contact.

>>17698913
Should I do it irl?

>>17698904
nah.

>>17698913
doesn't matter. over the phone, text, who cares. he's being an asshole, you have no obligation to be nice to him.

>>17698925
I don't even think you should bother telling him you've broken up, just go radio silent on him. If he ever asks, tell him you didn't feel like telling him.

>>17698946
this is stupid. don't sink to his level.

>>17698946
Woah, that's real evil right there. What I am worried about is, that, what if he's the 1% that really just is this awkward guy and everything has an explanation and he actually likes me and I'd be fucking up a good thing by misunderstanding a shy guy.

>>17698955
Decent guys don't blow off their 'girlfriend' repeatedly, especially when she was attacked and alone and wanted to talk. That's asshole behaviour, and he doesn't deserve you, even if you were the shittiest person ever.

A lot of people seems like they're missing the point here.
Seems like he does likes you, but not enough to put in the effort.
He's taking you for granted and a lot of the shit he's doing are just fucking terrible acts, specially towards someone you supposedly care for.

He needs to grow up before getting into a relationship, he's either not interested in you that much anymore or he thinks you're just gonna be in the ride forever no matter what he does, both are douche moves.

Dump him
>He doesn't show interest about me as a person, in my opinion
>After I was attacked while abroad, he didn't spend time talking to me, didn't ask if I was alright and when I asked if we could have a skype chat, he initially said yes, but didn't come online on the day he said he'd be free

This shit alone deserves a kick in the balls

>>17698955
>Woah, that's real evil right there.
So you'd agree that what he does to you is 'real evil' too?

>>17698963
Is there a non-bitchy way I could ask for him to show more effort before making the final decision?

>>17698964
Not necessarily. I included the second list with the thought that possibly the actions could be explained by reserved personality+previous gf being cunty. In that case, he would be acting this way because of his experiences, not because of his thoughts about me.

>>17698973
Please do tell me if I'm beginning to sound like a battered wife

>>17698976
You sound like a battered wife. Dump him as per our advice, or don't. It's your life, and you're the one who has to put up with his bullshit.

>>17698973
you've tried to bring these things up before. he expressed no interest in changing his behaviour for you.
he's just not worth the effort in my opinion.

he makes you feel shitty just for talking to him. he fucking invited you over and didn't feed you.

this guy is trash, you can do so much better. please do yourself a favour.

having said that, it's your life and you can do whatever you want.

>>17698985
Well, I did come here for objective outside opinions knowing it's probably what I don't want to hear. I think I'll invite him over, cook something nice and break this down. I don't know why I can't seem to bring myself to just break up while it's a completely logical choice, but knowing his past responses, this probably will lead to a break-up anyway.

>>17698890
Isupect that there is nothing personal to his treatment of you - he's just a general asshole

The good news is that general assholes can be taught. The bad is that it may not be worth the effort.

The guy simply has no sense of a world outside himself. You exist to him as an occasional (and only when he wants it) source of entertainment, mainly sexual. Presumably his mother only exists to him as someone whose function is to feed and support him, his friends have no existence outside his use for them, and so on.

He has to be taught what will be to him an amazing and hard-to-absorb fact - that you are a human with feelings being worthy of respect, and that he owes you that.

It will be a very hard lesson for him to learn, not just because he doesn't know how to treat others with respect, but because he can't comprehend that they ARE others and not just there for his convenience.

Perhaps the only way he will learn is through shock, like your dumping him.

>>17698890
Makes me sad when good people get fucked like that.

You're wondering if you're asking too much ? God he's a piece of shit, I'm not kidding.

Dump him, find someone else and you'll see. This is not how a normal relationship is supposed to be

>>17698890
>>After I was attacked while abroad, he didn't spend time talking to me, didn't ask if I was alright and when I asked if we could have a skype chat, he initially said yes, but didn't come online on the day he said he'd be free

See the first few... you could maybe say he might just be terse as fuck and maybe he's just not expressive....

Which... given that it's obviously making you feel insecure and discontent, even by itself is an entirely reasonable enough basis for you to say, "My needs aren't being met here. Our personalities just aren't compatible" and for you to move on.

But that line...

No.

He either doesn't give a shit about you.

Is a literal, honest-to-goodness psychopath that is devoid of empathy.

Or he's a completely selfish man-child who hasn't developed the capacity or room for anyone else in his life--and he won't so long as you're in this relationship with him because he needs time on his own if he's ever going to grow up.

Whatever the case, get out of this relationship. It's probably best for EVERYONE involved.

There is NOTHING you can say or do to change him.

You can try to bring this up once and see if there's any change... But it would take an absolute miracle for it to happen.


P.S. This guy sounds like my best friend btw. We're in our late 20's. He has only ever changed SLIGHTLY. Every single serious relationship he's had but one has ended with the girl getting her self-worth an confidence demolished by him--and that's because that girl in particular was more aloof that he is and ended up crushing him instead. After that he treated his next girlfriend sliiightly better (it wasn't like he was abusive, but he'd pretty much be exactly like you're describing your boyfriend and it'd wear on the girl's self-confidence over time because on top of that aloofness he'd also be super pessimistic and cynical).

>>17699011
Your friend you mention in the post scriptum does sound alike, especially your last words. Since you seem to know a very similar person, what would you suggest, breaking up over text/phone or irl?

>>17699011

I guess I should also add...

I'm a terse and inscrutable as fuck guy myself.

People can't read me for shit.

Even my girlfriend still has trouble reading me form time to time, and on top of that, I'm a private as fuck person.

I'm the kind of person that can be pretty damn social at times, but will go literally MONTHS in between contacting my friends.

Even my best friend, I'll contact her maybe once every two weeks, and usually it's something just a text like, "Hey. Drink?"

But when it comes to my girlfriend, it's a different ball game. In over a year and a half, I have not at least texted her goodnight maybe four or five times.

I make sure that she knows that I care about her, and make sure to make time for her no matter what else is going on, and even when I have to push myself a little, I try to keep an open line of communication to at least say, "hey, I might not feel like telling you everything--because I'm the type of guy that needs to figure it out on my own, but this has been bugging me" because I know that--even if it feels like it goes against my natural inclinations to share--relationships are about compromise and I know that she's the type of person needs that kind of level of communication and reciprocity;

Both quality and quantity wise, I step it up when it comes to her because she's my significant other. I value her, and she's something in my life that's important to me, so I make the extra effort, and that effort even feels less for me because I care about her.

That's all to say, just because you're dating someone who isn't normally expressive, doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards to meet his wants, you need to meet each other in the middle.

>>17699032
You almost made me cry there. I'm a reserved person as well, so I get it, but now that I think about it, I need so much more in a relationship.

>>17699017
>Your friend you mention in the post scriptum does sound alike, especially your last words. Since you seem to know a very similar person, what would you suggest, breaking up over text/phone or irl?

That's kind of a personal thing.

Personally, I'd say in person is ALWAYS the best policy, because it's just kind of a common courtesy thing, and texting is the least respectful way to go about it, but this shit is hard on everyone, and everyone has different ways of coping, so I can't really blame you if you feel like that's the way you got to go.

I know my friend (the one that's like your BF), he got broken up by with his last girlfriend over a text. And he went absolute fucking ape-shit.

It was his own damn fault (he basically ditched his job and work to go pick weed in the moutnains--which did not fly over well for ANYONE--even me. Especially when her friend died and he decided she could deal with it by herself and it was more important to him to keep being where he was...) but he still flew off the rails.

He basically went unhinged and did some cringey shit that even made me just look at him like... what the fuck dude... and I've known him since we were like 11.

That being said, people still blow up in person sometimes, but I feel like as a whole, by avoiding an in-person, you kind of leave the door open to much greater potential shit storms due to the inherently more inconclusive nature the breakup.

Ultimately, up to you though, and you know your boyfriend better than I do.

>>17698890
You like him because he treats you like shit. You will just find another guy like him one after another. Look inward and find the problem within yourself after doing what
>>17698896
>>17698913
>>17698928
They say to do

>>17699054
I don't have much of an experience with dating, therefore I'm asking. I always thought breaking up over a text message is a way to break up without making the person go out and then leaving them in public etc. But yes, now I see how an eye to an eye approach is more respectful.

>>17699058

The things that I do like about him are that obviously I find him physically attractive, he is intelligent and I could have in depth discussions with him without being called out for being boring or nerdy. Also he didn't judge my 'manliness' like my last boyfriend (not look wise, but I enjoy helping friends renovate their apartments or clean my plumbing). Though I clearly have an issue with asking more.

>>17699068
>I don't have much of an experience with dating, therefore I'm asking.

Right on. Everyone has to learn when it comes to dating.

Everyone also has to learn for themselves what they want out of a relationship, what they actually need, and where they're willing to compromise (and where they can't).

Hell, in some ways I probably learned more about myself in two years of actively dating as I did almost two decades of living--let alone what I learned from the actual serious relationship stuff.

You can't be afraid to have an open enough mind to say, "I was wrong." or "I fucked up" and move forward, because those exact mistakes are often what allow you to learn, grow, and adapt.

And try to teach yourself to never regret anything. Because so long as you don't blindly keep repeating your mistakes, your good experience and memories will always be good (nothing can erase those, not even bad ones), and your bad ones are learning material that will only give you character and serve as fuel to make you a stronger, more well rounded person and experienced person.

Best of luck.

>>17699136
Thank you, that's a wonderful, uplifting final note in the sea of depression slices of life that is the advice thread. I don't know you, but as far as I can see, you're a bunch of lovely people, thank you all!

>>17698890
He sounds like a neglectful piece of shit who takes women for granted.

You deserve better. You should leave him.

Of course, if you care about him, you should communicate your feelings to him first. If he doesn't seem interested in changing then it's definitely time to pursue other things.

>>17699161
As for my relationship, it's now clear this isn't working out. I don't know how he'll react but I will let him know about the things that have upset me and that I don't feel happy. I suspect he'll become defensive but now I'm come to terms with this being over, which I think I was fearing and therefore not saying anything.

>>17698890
You're giving him excuses for his shitty behavior. You sound like a battered wife. Dump his ass with a text or a Facebook post. Otherwise, he'll convince you to give him "another chance".

>>17698993
Don't be stupid. Don't invite him to breakup. Breakup in a public place...unless you want to have breakup sex.

>>17699267
While I'm not interested in break up sex, that's a good point, inviting him over might give off the wrong vibe, thank you!

Why do women even give losers like this a shot?

>>17699727
Well, in the beginning at least, I believed I scored the mystical beast known as sweet shy guy so I gave him a chance. I don't think any damage has done by trying this out.

>>17699565
I read my post again. Sorry about being a little rude.
Take care of yourself and Good Luck!