How do I become a strong male, /adv/? I'm always afraid

MBTI? I'm guessing INFP?

>>17698250
Not OP, but I have the same problem and am INTP/INFP depending on when I take the test. I've gotten a little better by pretending to be confident (good posture, etc.) What really helped me is just saying fuck it and learning not to care about anything, including people's opinions.

>>17698250
I took a test about 5 years ago. I believe I was INFJ. if it helps, there's this mental block in my head where I'll feel bad if I hurt their feelings or go too far with my judgement, hence the "i don't like conflict" part.

>>17698250
>>17698283
I re-did the test and it came up as ISFJ. Does that help?

>>17698203
Exercise, work out, eat healthy, and live healthy.
These are a few ways to help you get there.

>>17698355
I do all those. Have been for a year and a half.

Self-confidence will go a long way. I'm not familiar with the ISFJ personality type but introverted feelers are kind of the same in this regard. You'll be able to speak your mind better as long as you have the confidence to back it up. Your inability to argue with people most likely stems from your fear of rejection or the fear of being bested by someone else. As long as you have a base of confidence to return to you will learn that it's not the end of the world if you lose an argument or hurt someone's feelings in the process of an argument because you will know your argument was based on your principles and you were trying your best to explain your feelings on a situation because you care deeply about them.

>>17698378
Thank you for the detailed post. You don't see much of that anymore in this day and age. And yeah, I am afraid/bad at explaining myself in situations. It's mainly fears from my childhood I think. Do you recommend any books or anything that can improve myself besides eat/sleep/lift/study?

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>>17698203
>I'm always afraid of speaking my mind and am too afraid to argue with anyone

Why? If you have wants or opinions, express them instead of being a husk of nothing. There's nothing wrong with differences and disagreements. They can be resolved and compromises can be made if everyone acts like an adult. And desu, disagreeing with people makes you more interesting, likable, and respectable. Many people agree with everyone on topics just to create things "in common." Having the ability to say "no" is an ability that not everyone has.

Just express what you think and stop caring as much. What you're doing is only doing you harm. Not saying be an asshole and start arguments. I'm just saying don't let anyone influence your thoughts or repress them. You're giving yourself no respect.

>>17698415
Me "arguing" with others has been improving a little bit ever since I hit my new lifting goal. My main concern now is being calm when I try to justify myself after a fuck up or misunderstanding. That's whrn I start looking down and mumble my words.

>>17698203
don't be aggressive, be assertive. essentially, be nice, but don't let people step on you.
best way to improve this is with practice - get some friends together and just talk.

>>17698203

being a leader doesnt mean arguing. it means demanding.

>>17698203
Are you polish, by chance?

>>17699409
No. American.

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Don't take life so seriously, know when you can't win, true strength comes from within, have good boundaries, accept mistakes. This card kind of highlights the point, you don't force people to yield to you.

Saw the weakest male I've seen in a while, blind drunk and getting beaten up by Taiwanese guys. Kept coming back into the bar trying to prove himself, kept getting decked.

Too many guys get caught up in action man fantasy.

What anon ssid above. Don't take life or disagreements too serious. If you just agree with everyone publically, you'll be boring. It's always respectful when someone says no when needed.

First of all you need self-respect and confidence. There's a whole lot to be said about this, but most of all you need to be pleased with yourself and to feel competent at whatever it is you're doing at a certain point. That being, mainly, your job and social interaction. So you need to understand social dynamics. If you the way people act sometimes leaves you perplexed you should look into it. A lot. Start with "How to win friend and influence people" and "The 48 laws of power". If you haven't read much on this subject or put any thought into it you should look into it anyway, even if you feel like you can understand people.

Now, there might be a mental block that prevents you to be aggressive or assertive. Maybe daddy hit you whenever you tried to speak your mind. Or maybe mommy taught you that you should always please the people around you. Or maybe you're a coward for one reason or another. A lot of possibilities. Depending on how strong the block is you might need counseling, but it's quite possible to break it yourself. First of all you need to put thing into perspective. Think about what might and might not happen if you confront someone. Realize that it's no tragedy and that you may stand to benefit from it. Realize that it would feel good to impose your point of view.
Then just do it. With the first opportunity, even if it's over something petty, get into an argument. Contradict someone. Express your ideas. As soon as you see the possibility take it. This may be pretty hard, you're trying to do something that your brain "knows" is bad. Not much advice I can give here, you just have to get a pair and do it. It's like trying to hit your toes with a hammer. Your whole body will tell you "don't do it, bro", but with enough determination you can do it. (Please don't start hitting your toes with a hammer though, that's a "mental block" you shouldn't try to break.)

>>17698341
ISFJ male here, I'm in exactly the same boat as you! This has led me to think I'm not exactly what a girl would consider "strong" or "manly" and of course this has taken its toll.

But I've been working on it as of late. Let me tell you some few things I have learned.

When it comes to relationships, IT IS OKAY TO BE LIKE THIS! I heard about this guy who had his legs amputated. He needed special help, and protecting someone? lol good luck. But somehow the guy got married. His wife adores him to no end and takes care for the poor man.

I know it hurts, it fucking hurts to not be as confident or as strong as others might expect. You don't really need to change, let people love you exactly as you are. And as a ISFJ, you probably go to great lengths to hide your real self to others (and this is where we tie it in with your fear of confrontation). Let me ask you a question: how do you expect others to love you, if you hide yourself this much?

Ask me anything. It will also be therapeutic for me. Oh and another thing: get counseling or therapy. I'm currently undergoing one, so that's also helping.

Can you give some more advances sources for studying social dynamics? Thanks in advance

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Goddamn I love being ENTP

>>17698203
Why care mate? Just let the nothingness take you. Out of that, assertiveness might arise

>>17698398
Read how to make friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. It's survived the test of time for a reason. It will help you understand what it takes to be a leader.

>>17698415
sounds idealistic. depending on who you start an argument with, if they really don't like what you have to say they will forever label you as a [blank] apologist.

>>17698538
This.

People are so obsessed with some stereotype of an "alpha male", who's just constantly successful and demands things of people and they just do it because of how much they respect him, but that's really not what it's about.

Being assertive is a good thing, being demanding or bossy isn't.

So just try to have an idea of what you want to achieve, and keep moving towards that, don't let people stop you (unless there's a damn good reason, it's fine to stop doing what you're doing for a while to care for sick family or something).

This puts it really well too >>17699722

The only reason you should try again if you fail is if it's actually worth winning. Winning a fight doesn't get you anything, no-one thinks more of you for it, they just think you're a violent retard.