I've been in a relationship with an asexual woman for over

>>17692895
Thats fucking gay. abort.

Holy shit this sounds fucking awful, you still there op?

>>17692910
Indeed I am

ffs, she's putting you through the ringer because you weren't able to be booty-called away from work?

y'all either need an aggressive amount of therapy or you need to bail like yesterday

>>17692901
>>17692901

I've thought about it often.

But I'm held back by the thought of the times she told me that being asexual has ruined all of her relationships and that even if we did break up, nothing would change for her, that she would never find an asexual man and that she would always be alone.

Again I feel like I'm being emotionally manipulated, which makes me feel angry and stupid. But I still feel like I can't just leave her like that.

>>17692920

It's not just because of that, but that's definitely when it started. I'm the kind of person that has a tenancy to become very tunnel vision in my projects. And so she had felt ignored on multiple occasions. And I think that its fair she felt that way, but I've gotten better about it. like... A LOT. But I suppose its too late and the damage has been done.

you are definitelybeing played here my good man. you definitely have some martyr complex shit going on here, if you can't see the minimal understanding required on her behalf, yet provide endless empathy and support. you've been looking into what's best for her and walking in her shoes that you forgot you have feet of your own. ask her to consider you for a moment, and ask yourself to do the same

>>17692922
You should probably just explain to her that you feel manipulated n shit

my good man 75% of the text you wrote is about how she felt and what you did reactively about that, and how you've been "improving" and "doing better"
with that attitude you'll chain yourself to a relationship that involves being drained of any semblance of 'self'

I used to do this for a year with a girl, biggest regret of my life.

>>17692935

I have tried to explain what it feels like for me. She usually responds with a lengthy amount of silence before kind of changing the subject. I feel like shes not really trying to understand. But then again if shes asexual, perhaps she can't understand what I'm dealing with.

>>17692939
I may be biased here but you should definitely do what he said, don't let her stomp on you, and communicate YOU feelings too

>>17692949
she doesn't want to understand anything regarding how you feel and is literally ignorin your feelings and annulling them, it seems

>>17692947

I definitely see that, the impasse for me is this..

I feel like I am the stronger, more stable person emotionally and mentally.

If I break things off, I will destroy her.

my good man from what I gathered here you're idealizing her and justifying her actions because of your love towards her and the time you invested into the relationship, meanwhile she's getting away with being a toxic piece of shit and she's testing her limits with you.

>>17692949
Assert yourself, tell her that youre gunna fucking peace if she doesnt acknowledge hiw you feel

>>17692939
>>17692952

Fairly sure I've tried before. The fucked up thing is that I've had preexisting trust issues since before we were even in this relationship. I think I mentioned that I felt manipulated at one point and she just got mad that I didn't trust her.

>>17692958
if you don't break things off, she will destroy you. I rather see a strong, stable person prosper with someone that DESERVES them, than rot as I did for so long. get the fuck outta there my good man

>>17692963

Even if she acknowledges how I feel I don't see an answer. What would it be? We start having sex.. that she doesn't want? Out of guilt? I'd feel no better than a rapist at that point.

>>17692966
she made it about herself when you tried to express how you're feeling, huh? such a surprise

that's why she's quiet when you talk about how you feel regarding HER asexual nature. because she doesn't have to make it about her then, it already is for her

>>17692969

After this thread I'm definitely considering it more. I've just felt like an asshole this entire time even thinking about it.

>>17692978

So you would say that she's being selfish?

>>17692966
Youll hold all the power once you tell her youre not gunna deal with her shit anymore. If shes still not showing any sympathy for you then ditch.

>>17692992

I have almost broken up with her twice now. Basically she just starts crying and freaking out. I'm also kind of concerned she might kill herself desu.

>>17692984
Youre putting her needs ahead of your, that's being a pussy not a dick

>>17692996

And I mean like, freaking out. Like.. i touch her to try and comfort her and she screams and slaps my hand away. I will never forget that moment in all of my life. I was actually kind of scared just how unhinged she seemed.

>>17692984
yo don't get me wrong, if it truly is fixable and can be salvaged then by all means own that shit and go gull martyr to make it work PROPERLY, but if it's not really possible - and it really, really seems it isn't due to her lack of interest towards understanding you and acknowledging thst you're just as human as she is - tear that shit apart like a rabid wolf would a rabbit, be as brutal as you need to be, and move on with your life. you seem like a great, prospect full young man who's got his whole life ahead of him and, as harsh as it sounds, can do way better than wasting time and effort on making such a suboptimal, undesirable wreck of a relationship stay afloat. on the bright side, you're gonna appreciate your next relationship after this one TENFOLD, just don't fuck your choice up again, look for red flags and avoid them. you got this my good man

>>17692996
>>17693000

dude, that's like textbook emotional manipulation. trust me, even if this crazy bitch kills herself, the world will be a better place.

the more you share about her, the more she reminds me of my ex haha. we're fucking idiots my good man

and, duh, selfish is an understatement

>>17692996
When she starts getting emotional dont cave, tell her you can still be friends or whatever just make sure you dont let her control you

>>17692997

Fair point. Kind of sucks to acknowledge.

>>17693001

I guess the best I can do is give it some time. Like maybe a deadline. And shit is still south... Ragnarok.

>>17692895
Hey OP I'm in a similar situation except my gf was recently put on new medication for a mental disorder, so that's probably what's causing the low sex drive, but I also am lost with what to do. If I ask for sex and she doesn't wanna do it it will be like lame and almost forced. If I don't ask or initiate there is rarely going to be sex. What do

>>17693008
the truth is valued above all no matter how hard it is to acknowledge.

>>17693009
make your own thread my good man

>>17693009

That's pretty much where I'm at m'boy.

We've been in a relationship for just barely over a year, in the last... say.. 7 months or so, I think we've only had sex about every... 5-6 weeks.

Probably not the best person to ask. I'd say it depends on her.

File: 1465507453803.jpg (25KB, 480x712px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 480x712px

Thanks everyone for posting. I think I know my course of action now.

I will stick around in the thread for a while longer if anyone has any other thoughts/points/advice.

>>17693016
Yea it's just confusing. We had sex a lot before and now it's like never and It doesn't feel right to have to threaten to break up with her because of the lack of sex. At the same time I feel like it's just something I can't not have.

>>17693021
what's the gameplan?

>>17693021
I would stick around a little but longer and see if there's any slight hope. If not I would just break it to her that you might just not be sexually compatible or something.

>>17693024
alright op is rip so let's handle your issue

sex is a basic thing in every relationship and you definitely shouldn't accept not having it as an option, especially if you'renot the type to take no sex lightly. but you also shouldn't force yourself on her or demand sex as if it's her duty to please you. if meds are killing her sex drive, perhaps you can find a remedy in some aphrodisiac? fire with fire, and all that. try to get her in the mood, don't make her feel any pressure about having sec with you, and definitely don't make her feel insecure or like you'll dump her. it'll come naturally if you make it feel natural and not like a big deal for her - consider what you could do to help her enjoy it and feel frisky again

>>17693027
you really seeing hope here bro? damn, maybe I'm just cynical here

>>17693025
>>17693027

Pretty much what he said. I will give her an ultimatum. I am still understanding of her situation, but if things don't change after a few more months of me putting in my damnedest to try to make her more comfortable with me, then I will leave her.

>>17693038
I dont think its sex thats the main issue here, i think op's lady is being controlling and not showing any sympathy for op

>>17693038
I think she feels pressure from me asking why it's not been happening lately and in turn makes it happen even less lol. But I can't just not address it. She feels bad that she has a loss of libido because she wants to make me happy. She suggested sending nudes and stuff to me in the mean time but that only gets me so far

>>17693046

She is sweet though, she does stuff for me. Like if I'm having a rough time with my anxiety or depression she brings me chocolate or something like that. The only time I feel manipulated is around the topic of sex. She's a genuinely kind person until I make advances or bring it up.

>>17693049

That actually reminded me of another thing with my girlfriend. On top of the issues with sex, she also won't let me see her without makeup. She also wont let me see her without a bra. It happened one time and she freaked the fuck out and got mad, even hit me.