I'm having several self confidence issues when it comes

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>>17689919
It takes some practice and experience with different situations, anon. I've had sex with maybe 10 or 12 different girls, and they came in a variety of different flavors. Some of them changed my whole perspective about what types of girls are out there. What I'm saying is they do come in different flavors, and it's extremely possible to stumble across someone who you are unexpectedly highly sexually compatible with. You just kind of click with them. So it doesn't have to be about changing your own sexual style to match other people.

Plus, with more and more experience, you get more comfortable with yourself and just start to know what to do more. It get more natural.

>>17689994
>Picture
kek, made me chuckle, thank you.

Now as for the topic itself...

>I've had sex with maybe 10 or 12 different girls
Uh, I'm 27 and I haven't had sex with nearly as many people. In fact I've had two sexual couples (my ex and another girl); the rest of what I know are mostly online interactions I don't want to delve further into.

>it's extremely possible to stumble across someone who you are unexpectedly highly sexually compatible with
What, a girl who likes to take charge more than not but at the same time is super sweet and is not expecting to have anything rough at all?

In my dreams.

>Plus, with more and more experience, you get more comfortable with yourself and just start to know what to do more. It get more natural.
Okay this is true. Although I seriously doubt I will have that much extra experience, not with my personality at least.

I mean, the most sex I've ever had was with my ex. She liked me to take charge, and the only reason she didn't ask me to go rougher was because she suffers of fibromyalgia. Other than that she does like soft bondage - at least she'd ask me to pin her wrists. I did but I wasn't super crazy about it. It wasn't super rough so it didn't turn me off, and hey why not do it for her? But it wasn't my cup of tea.

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>>17689919
Another thing I had to learn the hard way: it's always a bad idea to invest a huge amount of hope into girls when you're still looking around / dating / casually having sex. You gotta remember: you can't control other people, or the world. Shit can change, people change, people change their minds about you, and there's nothing you can do, and that's okay. You gotta just let it happen.

So if some girl decides she's not into you, it wasn't meant to be, and you move on. You can't control that shit. And if the sex wasn't good? You might not be compatible. But trying is the only way to find out, then you just move on having learned a bit more about what you like and don't like.

So when you're shopping around for dates and stuff, remember: you barely know these people. It's impossible to predict what's going to happen. Do not try to change yourself to fit the desires of girls. You can't keep up the facade forever, and the relationship will be doomed cause she'll be falling for a fake version of yourself. Be yourself and Let. Failures. Happen. Let breakups happen. Lots of them if necessary. Don't force relationships.

>>17690011
>Another thing I had to learn the hard way: it's always a bad idea to invest a huge amount of hope into girls when you're still looking around / dating / casually having sex.
Dude I swear I've tried to do otherwise. I've tried hard but I cannot help getting attached, I don't even know why the fuck I cannot control it, and the more I try the worse it gets because it becomes a conscious effort.

If it helps I'm getting therapy, which hopefully is going to make me more deattached and to shrug rejection much better. My psychologist already said that I have to work on my self image, confidence, and independence from others. But she did point that I am a very resilient person - I've gone through some shit in my life and haven't fallen back to give up on what I want or to fall into some sort of addiction. So that's something.

>>17690009
>girl who likes to take charge more than not but at the same time is super sweet and not expecting to have anything rough at all

The last girl I dated was almost exactly like this...I'm telling you they exist. She took charge from the start, but as far as I can tell she had a very, very tight and sensitive vagina, and did not like it too rough or too deep. I would describe the sex we had as normal paced and not rough at all.

And she was different from a lot of the other girls I'd been with. I was like, "Wow, I never knew sex could be like this"...after a decade of having sex and thinking I knew what it was like. So just don't get down on yourself, there are tons of different sexual styles and combinations of preferences out there...it can take some time and testing to find someone you really click with.

>>17690034
>And she was different from a lot of the other girls I'd been with.
Honestly, you sparked up my curiosity here. Besides sex (which, from what you describe, sounds like heaven), was she different from other girls in any other way?

Also I live in a south american country. Does it affect things if girls around here tend to be more "typical"? Because I do feel like I'm looking for someone atypical.

>>17690026
I think I just had to go through a bunch of times getting dumped and rejected to get used to it. I got a lot of help from therapists as well.

I've been rejected a few times recently, and it did kind sting at first! But then I find in a few days, it's just funny. You gotta try to laugh about it. Cause hell, I did the best I could, if they're not interested, I can't help that.

You sound like you're already an intelligent and emotionally in-touch-with-yourself person, which is more than a lot of people can say! I think you're doing the right things, especially doing therapy. Talk about these things, let them out in the open. Always gotta love yourself the most, because relationships come and go, but if you love who you are, you'll always be okay. And you'll be able to love others more fully and genuinely when you first love yourself.

Right now I'm single and 29, but I'm not upset about it like I was in years past, because I've learned I can get through stuff like breakups, rejection and other awkwardness. Most of the stuff I look back on and laugh. No one gets it perfect! You can't predict relationships, you just gotta keep putting yourself out there and trying things out until you find someone you're really compatible with! At least, that's the flag I've flying under right now.

>>17690040
She was different because she approached me and asked me out when we didn't even know each other.

We work at the same establishment, a large place with a lot of people. I would see her around, but we didn't know each other, and she would lock eyes with me every single time. Every time. Then one day I got an email from her, she'd found out who I was. She asked me out...that was a major first, that's never really happened to me before. I thought that never happened. Plus she was cute.

She was fairly "typical" in terms of lifestyle and social life and stuff. But very high sex drive. This is where was suprised and didn't think this type of girl existed: super sweet, even wholesome, but very horny. Sex started on third date.

She would say sex was very important to her, that she had to feel sexually compatible with someone for love to take place. But it wasn't that she wanted rough sex. What made us so compatible is that she was turned on by me being turned on. If something turned me on, she wanted to do it, because it gave her so much satisfaction knowing how much I was turned on. She totally fed off that. That's something I had not encountered in a girl before. She set the golden standard there.

The sex we had was fairly typical, but we also did a lot of oral sex on each other. She was very open to teaching me how to get her off, and very open to learning what I liked. That's such a great quality in a person. Sexual openness.

But to your question, I would not have known any of this about her just by looking at her in a group of girls. She seemed pretty typical until we had sex. They're probably more common than you think!

>>17690060
>I think I just had to go through a bunch of times getting dumped and rejected to get used to it. I got a lot of help from therapists as well.
The sad part is that I dread it enough to not actively look for it. Which already kills any possibilities because ya gotta fail before you succeed.

The only moments where I do try something is when there is something about the other person that is compelling. The last time I tried approaching to a girl was some few months ago, but I probably made a couple of bad moves because I was starting to get attached already. I maybe pushed her away and I scrambled away before it got any worse. Haven't talked to her since, and we have each other added in Facebook. I even want to remove her, too.

>I've been rejected a few times recently, and it did kind sting at first! But then I find in a few days, it's just funny. You gotta try to laugh about it. Cause hell, I did the best I could, if they're not interested, I can't help that.
That's the mindset my therapist is going to help me have. If I don't get it, it's not the end of the world and I can always try again. Even though I can understand it, I cannot feel it just yet.

>You sound like you're already an intelligent and emotionally in-touch-with-yourself person, which is more than a lot of people can say!
Oh, thank you! I think this is because I've spent so much time by myself. I'm more of a withdrawn person, to be honest.

>I think you're doing the right things, especially doing therapy.
I agree, I know I cannot deal with this any longer by myself.

>Talk about these things, let them out in the open.
What do you mean??

>Right now I'm single and 29, but I'm not upset about it like I was in years past, because I've learned I can get through stuff like breakups, rejection and other awkwardness.
I still need to get help with this. I already have a hard time with rejection.

Bro,I can relate to exactly what you're saying,as I myself had the same issues... either the wanted it rough as fuck , or they wanted to be dominated over... and i wasnt comfortable with either roles...
After a few disastrous relationships I finally found a girl who likes my pace.

All I'm saying is that don't rush into anything, make it clear from the start how you are. Sex is the last step in a relationship , so before you go there make sure you both know each other well. . Good communication, adjustments, and compromises are vital to any successful relationship .

Don't go for any girl who's interested in getting in bed with you (no offence meant) ... but rather wait for the ideal one to come along...

And if you're already in a relationship then my advice is start communication. Tell her how you feel... be open about it. Ask her what she wants... and both of you should come to an agreement where both of you benefit...

For example my girl does like it rough , but I don't...
Since our likes are opposite we decided that we'll just focus on making each other happy .. so at times I'm in charge and give it rough to her... she's happy... she's satisfied
After that she pleases me exactly the way I want... and I'm happy too. It's a win win situation.
It's all about good communication . Put the other person first... and if the other person puts you first that's prefect love .

>>17690076
Thank you. My ex also found me over Facebook at first - and each time I ask my mother about it, she says how she doesn't like it. So there's another thing: I already have my mother's disapproval of my own style, because she's the typical woman who likes the man to take initiative.

However for something like this to happen to me, I gotta be at least mildly attractive. And thinking backwards I don't know what did my ex see in a guy who already had a big deal of sadness reflecting in his eyes (she did point that out - and how I got happier after we started dating). Hell, I had already showed I am clumsy, a trait she outright hated later in the relationship.

And to be honest I don't know what's even attractive in a shy man who isn't even confident enough to make up for it.

>>17690089
>Good communication, adjustments, and compromises are vital to any successful relationship .
Well, yeah. We didn't have the sex talk with my ex back then, and later it became a burden because I had a difficult time getting her off. There was one time where she decided to teach me, but we had been together for a couple years already!

>Don't go for any girl who's interested in getting in bed with you (no offence meant) ... but rather wait for the ideal one to come along...
Sometimes I have a difficult time telling one from the other. I cannot separate sex from affection, so...

>And if you're already in a relationship
It's been a year and a half since I broke up with my ex. Haven't dated since.

>>17690096
You haven't dated for a while ? That's good... it's time to unlearn your instincts and relearn to judge girls... and start with a good rapport right in the beginning.
Keep sex last , trust me.. it's worked for me.
Communicate first...a girl who's willing to communicate and openly discuss things with you is more affectionate that someone who gets in bed. That person could just be horny , not affectionate.
And again, don't rush it... being in a relationship isn't a necessity. Just chill. You'll do fine :)

>>17690105
>You haven't dated for a while ?
Although I have been emotionally involved with some few people. But of course, I have been left heartbroken.

>That's good... it's time to unlearn your instincts and relearn to judge girls... and start with a good rapport right in the beginning.
What do you mean by this? A good rapport?

>Keep sex last , trust me.. it's worked for me.
I don't even have the confidence to bring sex so early on.

>a girl who's willing to communicate and openly discuss things with you is more affectionate that someone who gets in bed
Good metric, will use it. Thank you.

>And again, don't rush it... being in a relationship isn't a necessity. Just chill. You'll do fine :)
Yes. I'm not complaining that I am alone right now... But rather, that if I wished to not be (i.e. found a girl I like a lot), I'd have big issues in more than one way.

>>17690136
Rapport is just another fancy word for communication. :3

>>17690144
And what do you mean about relearning to judge girls?

>>17689919
Just have some more balls.
Love your balls.

Seriously, sex without love loses it's salt.
You have to find comfort with yourself and the role you play in the bedroom.

>>17690320
>Seriously, sex without love loses it's salt.
I agree. I feel uncomfortable otherwise - I get attached easily.

>You have to find comfort with yourself and the role you play in the bedroom.
The problem is that I want to play a role girls usually don't like and I'm forced to take roles out of obligation rather than enjoyment.