how can i not be so insecure? i went out to the club today with

this should be a bad thing to tell someone but just keep in mind that no one fucking cares, you might think that girl will analyze you grabbing her by the hips or whatever, but really in her own mind she's got her own fucking problems and is thinking about how her mum has cancer or whatever drama is in her own life

Then don't go to clubs

I don't enjoy clubbing and have the same problem as you. Some people are very animalistic and have no problem grabbing a girl and grinding up against her. Good for them. I'm not like that, so clubs aren't my scene. Sounds like its the same for you.

>>17684778
>>17684778

I enjoy dancing with friends and getting drunk. It's fun to let loose.

Granted it took me a long time to work up to it. The second I enter it can be overwhelming and intimidating because it feels like everyone is looking at you and judging you. It's really difficult if you're a guy that is insecure or thinks too much

>>17684977
You need to get out of the mentality that people give a fuck

Think about this: how much thought do you give every person that happens to pass by you? Little to none because you frankly have your own shit going on. Same goes for others, people won't notice you unless you make an effort to be noticed and even then it's iffy.

>>17684989
>>17684989

I guess you're right, but I seem to have some sort of toxic incredibly negative self berating mindset.

I constantly have negative thoughts about myself going on in my head and it can be crushing

I don't believe in myself at all and don't feel I hold any value

>>17685105

You should start listening to your Chad friends' problems. You'll learn they go through much of the same shit you do.

People who feel powerless/fucked over also often feel that other people have all the power and live easier lives. They never question that view. They just retreat mentally and physically into isolation and tell themselves that the random person walking by must have a decent paying job they love, be in a fulfilling relationship, and have no insecurities or deeper thoughts going on.

It's not true. But you'll never know of you don't talk to people or listen to them and their problems.

>>17684989
On the flip side, if you really think so many people give a shit enough to look and judge you, why crumble and present the most negative or awkward side? Premeditate how you want your vibe to exude in the room and walk in with that mentality. Not that anyone would give a shit, but if you're thinking they do, give them something to admire.

I had never been to a club and my first time was quite a sensory overload. Never been a "ladies man" or the guy that gets all the pussy but im also not anti social at all so it worked out. I was actually seeing 2chainz in a popular Orlando club and alls I did was a get a little drunk and start dancing and I heard the females behind me "cheerleading" and I eventually just turned around and bought them drinks and I pulled two of them over to me and a friend by their hips and there wasn't even any hesitation. People are there to have a good time man.

>>17685175
Best advice ever. Nobody is looking at you under a microscope just socializing at the club. We all have problems.

Forgot to add I used to be overweight (6'3 300 pounds) down to 225 now a year later. If you got confidence issues; build yourself. You always got you to work on

>>17685194
>>17685194

I'm not typically thinking much about what other people will think of me. Most of what goes on in my head is negative self talk. Most of my insecurity stems from my personal feelings that i don't hold value. Despite knowing this is a negative way to look at things I believe this is true.

That I'm not tall enough, even tho I'm 5'11. that I don't have a defined enough jaw, that I'm not attractive, that I don't have enough muscles. I'm incredibly insecure about my body and just generally everything about myself

I guess this is what happens when you're bullied at a young age

>>17685175
>ou should start listening to your Chad friends' problems. You'll learn they go through much of the same shit you do.

I know him very well. Yes he has problems like every human but he's definitely not very insecure. Guy is like of the party and is always vibing and having fun. Girls immediatly are nice to him.

My Chad friend, while not a perfect Chad actually has women immediatly like him. He's tall, he's big but not overly muscular, and he's blond and white. His face is very average but just having that physical prescense works. Women immediatly spot him and stare. It's like life on easy mode. Next to him I appear even smaller than I am. He also has no trouble getting laid and often sleeps with women that I'd wish I can sleep with.

I often feel not as masculine as him because I wasn't blessed genetically with height or an physical prescence.

>>17685362

Having chicks into you I'd not life on easy mode.

You're the one thats saying being attractive to lots of women you dont know means one has an easy/happy life and that nothing else is as important.

If that's the metric by which you choose to measure a decent life, then surely you must realize that like 90% or more of the human race is as fucked over as you are by that methic alone. MOST people do not turn heads or get to be the life of the party.


You might as well cry about not being a millionaire or something.

>>17685362
>having that physical presence
It's not so much his presence, as his body language and the vibe he gives off.
He's also sleeping with girls you wish you would because he ultimatley doesn't care if they do or don't, and has other things in his life, and women merely enhance it at best.
Believe me, he too has his unsuccesfull nights, but konw how not to care.
Look - I'm 25 and a Virgin. I've only kissed agirl once in my life. Yet I'm a lot like your Chad friend when I'm out and in a good mood. Why? Because I build my life to a point where I realised that it doeasn't matter, that I can be more confident, happy and charismatic than a lot of non-virgins and actual chads out there.
You're ahead of me in that sex and girls are nothing inherently mystifying to you anymore.
But now you need to build your life. Forget girls. build your life, get social gains, do sport, find responsibilities, do anything to imporve yourself and it'll show.
You've got you Chad friends to go out with - do so, talk to everybody, just have fun and realise people don't care.
Getting every girl in the world wouldn't make you any happier right now - but changing what you dislike about yourself right now will.