Hey /adv/, I've got a pretty expansive problem that's

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Hey /adv/, I've got a pretty expansive problem that's been happening for years now, and I could really use some help on how to confront it (or to not confront it)

When I was 6 my sister and I started wrestling. She'd pin me down and spit on me sometimes, I'd bite her, normal kid stuff, but sometimes she'd tell me to pull out my "privates", because that's what we called em at the time. You know, kid-speak. She's 7 years and a 1 month older than me though, so that's where I've found the whole "experimenting" argument gets tossed out the window. I remember cuddling naked with her a lot, I can sternly hear the words "Listen to your older sister" in the back of my mind when i try to remember it happening, and it's making me worse and worse, mentally.

She's caring and nurturing, always has been, but I feel like that side of her that I'm only just now beginning to remember is really fucking with me. She beat up my bullies and comforted me when I cried since my parents were always too busy fighting, but at the same time, I kinda feel, in the back of my mind, like this was all just so i'd trust her more. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like if I confront her, she'll deny all allegations and I'll lose one of my only friends
and if I don't confront her, it could build up and get progressively more heavy on my mind. It's made it so that I only pursue women like her, (Moderately older, around my height, smaller breasts than me, and motherly as all hell) but i've become a complete masochist, sexually and non-sexually.

tl;dr My sister groomed me for a part of my life and I'm not sure if I should confront her or just try to forget about it.

Sorry if this post is a little incoherent, I've been taking sedatives all tday