What are the possible causes of insecurity with your sexual self?

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I have the same problem. The main reason of this is watching porn, it gives you unrealistic expectations. Look this problem up there's alot of information about it, but above all, quit porn fully. This is a big problem in today's society and the fact that porn causes all this isn't recognized yet. Give it a few years, and society's approach to porn will be way different.

>>17684049
Interesting you do have a point. Even in amateur porn you do see girls who are so sexually liberated you immediately feel like you cannot give a single thing to them. And then when you face a girl you wonder "oh what if she likes this thing I cannot do myself?"

Hell today I saw a very, VERY cute girl with tattoos in her arms. And because of reasons I immediately assume they can withstand, or hell, even like pain far more than whatever I could give or receive. So my mind was running with thoughts like

>Is it a good idea to talk to her more
>What if she has a bf
>She doesn't seem interested
>I'm nervous somebody help me
>She's so cute though

>>17684015
OP, could it have something to do with your perceived size of your manhood like >>17684049 pointed out?

I'm dealing with this same issue right now but I'm not confused as to why. My GF (4+ years) bought a new toy off amazon because she's gone to uni for a couple years and Ill only be able to visit on the weekends. Thing is, she didnt read the dimensions on it because she was really concerned about discrete packaging and only looked for that in the description. This thing is well above average bot not out of the realm of possibility and It's caused me a lot of grief lately because I know the girth more than anything makes a difference for her in a big way. Cant help but feel in that one aspect it does more for her in that one way than ever I can, and I just want to be excellent for her.

>>17684104
>could it have something to do with your perceived size of your manhood like >>17684049 pointed out?
Oh that was the implication? No, I know that my size is okay. It has nothing to do with that.

Also wouldn't it be wise to bring that up to her?

>>17684109
Might not have been what was intended and that I was only projecting.
I did bring it up actually and she's upset/guilty that it upsets me. Neither of us really feel like it's fair for me to ask her to stop using it and to be honest Ive decided it wouldnt really make a difference because she knows the difference between normal and extra large now anyway.

Anyway I dont want to hijack your thread, so back to your question. Confidence is a big part of your sexual self and the lack of it is mostly all in your head. If you're worried about experience just read up on some techniques and be yourself. If a lady doesnt like you for that then she's really not worth the time and grief.

>>17684128
>Neither of us really feel like it's fair for me to ask her to stop using it and to be honest Ive decided it wouldnt really make a difference because she knows the difference between normal and extra large now anyway.
Um, maybe the solution isn't to ask her to stop using it but rather to ask her to help you feel more reassured about yourself. You know, maybe if she could tell you how to do it so that it feels better for the both of you?

>Confidence is a big part of your sexual self and the lack of it is mostly all in your head.
I'm going to therapy for this. Because I greatly lack it. My therapist told me that I have to work on seeing my worth.

>If you're worried about experience just read up on some techniques and be yourself.
I would but I have nobody to practice with. I do have a bit of experience, however.

>If a lady doesnt like you for that then she's really not worth the time and grief.
Learned this the hard way...

>>17684137
>so that it feels better for the both of you
I guess Im more of a giver when it comes to that but even if I improved my technique, being of average size, there's still a niche I can never fill, no pun intended, and that's the part that bothers me most I guess.

>I would but I have nobody to practice with.
Unfortunately every woman is different and what works best with each one is something you have to learn as you go along which makes practice difficult even when you have someone. But maybe you could buy a fleshlight stamina trainer or something?

>Learned this the hard way...
Unfortunately I don't think it's something that can be learned from really. In hindsight it's easy to say you should have bailed but instead tried to cling to a sinking ship.

>>17684104

Think about it like this, your hand (or whatever toy you could buy for yourself) would be miles tighter than she ever could, you could adjust the pressure/angle/speed easily, and get yourself off in minutes. Afterwards you will still go and fuck your girlfriend because you love her and being intimate with her, and it's not just to get off asap.

>>17684167
>I guess Im more of a giver when it comes to that but even if I improved my technique, being of average size, there's still a niche I can never fill, no pun intended, and that's the part that bothers me most I guess.
Then maybe fill a niche that's at your reach. Something you and only you can fill.

>maybe you could buy a fleshlight stamina trainer or something?
There are stamina trainers? Either way, I think this goes further from just the "sex" part and it relates to sex appeal itself.

>Unfortunately I don't think it's something that can be learned from really. In hindsight it's easy to say you should have bailed but instead tried to cling to a sinking ship.
I agree. My ex didn't like me at all, she complained about me the whole time...

>>17684184
What if I have a difficult time getting an erection because I'm in my refractory period?

>>17684192

I don't understand how that response relates to what I said. Difficulty to achieve erection during refractory period affects pretty much every guy ever unless you're extremely horny in the moment. Just wait 15-20 minutes and then go again.

>>17684197
Oh um. I remember that some days I would masturbate before meeting my ex and I would last longer. So yeah, it does it, definitely.

>>17684197
He means if he jerks it then wants to go get intimate with his lady, what does he do?

>>17684192
Wait a little bit. Foreplay until you can get hard again.

>>17684206
Oh but... This is kinda difficult for me, I have no lady, or the confidence to get one anyways...

>>17684200
>>17684206

My point was to not be insecure about her using a giant dildo to get herself off because using your hand or a toy yourself is the equivalent of that, you know she will never match the speed or tightness you can do yourself and she will not expect you to match the length/girth of a rubber toy specifically made for masturbation.

>>17684216
Huh? But I'm OP and I don't have neither I had those issues at all.

Think more like... I don't see the sex appeal with me.

>>17684210
I think an important question to ask is if you still have feelings for your ex. If you do it could really be crippling you. When my first serious relationship went south I was so messed up that I didn't really even start to show interest in another relationship for nearly three years.

>>17684216
Yeah I understood. Lets get back to OP's issue.

>>17684227

Oh well I was replying to that other guy initially that mention his girlfriend getting a sex toy.

You don't have to see your own sex appeal, just as long as who you are with does. I never really see mine, but all my girlfriends thought I was incredibly sexy and I thought the same of them, just go with it and let their words convince you of what you are to them.

>>17684236
>if you still have feelings for your ex
I don't. But what she said the last time she broke up with me, and the shit she did while in the relationship, hurted so much and so deeply I still have difficulties to see myself in a better light...

>>17684237
>You don't have to see your own sex appeal, just as long as who you are with
Where do I draw confidence from to be mildly attractive, then?

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The best advice I can give is buy the book Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe.

You'd be surprised how quickly your insecurities dissipate after you've squatted hundreds of pounds at the gym.

Look at pic related. He doesn't have a massive dong - the ancients weren't attracted to massive dongs. They were attracted to strong men. Remember, health is beauty. You aren't attracted to fat, disease-ridden women because that shit is unhealthy, but being healthy is beautiful. So if being healthy is beautiful, and being strong is healthy, then being strong is beautiful.

Also women like to be dominated, so push her around and pull her hair and choke her. They love that shit.

>>17684249

I haven't read the entire thread but do you have a gf? Have you ever? are you a virgin?

I got all my confidence from female attention, before that I wasn't confident but I didn't show it, as soon as I noticed girls showing interest in me I had to assume some people out there find me attractive.

>>17684249
You should try to forget about what she said and did to you. It sounds to me like she was just trying to hurt you so you would be the one to leave her and she could exit the relationship guilt free. How old are you OP? Have you had other serious relationships before this one?

>>17684263
This is the one thing that I straight out dislike doing. There is literally nothing enjoyable about working out. Nothing at all. Not even the results, I don't care about them.

>Also women like to be dominated, so push her around and pull her hair and choke her. They love that shit.
They love it. And it makes me feel like a giant piece of shit. So no. I cannot bring myself to do anything remotely close to that.

>>17684264
>I haven't read the entire thread but do you have a gf?
No

>Have you ever?
Yes

>are you a virgin?
No

And I have zero female attention because I'm too unconfident.

>>17684269
>You should try to forget about what she said and did to you.
Easier said than done... Wish I could just forget it.

>It sounds to me like she was just trying to hurt you so you would be the one to leave her and she could exit the relationship guilt free.
Probably, I am never the one to cut the relationship.

>How old are you OP?
27

>Have you had other serious relationships before this one?
Serious? Nope. I tried but nope... None of them were serious and I ended up awfully attached to them.

>>17684296

Well you've had a girlfriend in the past, she must have liked you and made you feel like a king at some point. You've had sex so someone found you sexy enough to do that and stick around after.

Despite whatever you girlfriend did at the end of your relationship she found you irresistible at the start and that's all that matters.

>>17684313
>at the end of your relationship
Rather, after the honeymoon phase or maybe before. The bullshit started very early, some few months in.

I could try to remember when I felt like a king though. Maybe when she said I'm smart?

>>17684296
>None of them were serious and I ended up awfully attached to them.
To me it sounds like you're investing a lot of yourself in these relationships probably from the very beginning even if you dont think you are. Try not to look at a relationship as a be-all-end-all thing and instead see it as just a friendship. Build on that friendship and if it develops well the bond between the two of you will be stronger than if you just get together because you find each other attractive. Imagine that this person is going to be butt-fucking ugly when you're older because eventually the friendship you build with them is going to be all that you share. It helps me from investing too much in a person that I think is attractive but I find out has a shit personality later on. Keep in mind that people are not entirely genuine in the start of relationship. They act a little differently than they might because they like you and dont want to push you away. ie: My GF constantly burps and farts louder than I do but for the first year or two we were together I seldom heard even a hiccup out of her.