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I'm starting to get a bad vibe about a dude at work but I'm not sure if it's my bad confidence, sensitivity and paranoia playing tricks on me of if he has antisocial tendencies.
The guy is pretty cool. Super smart, hard working and charismatic but has a dark sense of humor and is quite manipulative - but that's not too uncommon I guess.
He usually laughs at my jokes and stands up for me which makes me think he likes me to some degree, but I've reacted to the following events lately:
1.
He asked if I want to join a poker night later the same week.
I told him that I've never played so no. He responded that I can listen to a "Poker for dummies" audiobook the night before the game and I'm set while laughing.
My inner voice interprets it as "He thinks you are fucking stupid, which you are. Fuck you".
2.
He came by today and asked how things are going. We chit chatted for a a bit and I told him what I'm working on and then he said something like "Nice, who helped you?".
I'm working on something new outside my normal field, and I'm not sure if he meant "Nice. Who helped you [because this is not something you normally do]" or "Who helped you? This is obviously too complicated for you stupid fuck". Or why he asked in the first place, since I never mentioned anyone helping me.
He followed up with telling me about how great he thinks it is that I'm making a change and implementing this.
Then he asked me what [insert tech term/abbrevation - I'm a techie and he's not] stands for and I started explaining the concept. After explaining it he told me "Oh, but I asked what the word stands for - does it stand for X" and then he bursted out in laughter at my reaction/surprised face.
It felt like a taunt and made me feel shitty.
Is my ego simply too fragile? Am I overreacting to something playful or is it abusive?
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bump for sanity
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Sounds like he just isn't very thoughtful of his words or isn't very sensitive. Those things he said were borderline arrogant but I think there's a pretty high chance they weren't meant as putdowns.
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>>17682763
It just sounds like he talks loads of shit out of habit, probably joking, while you are a bit oversensitive. Nothing wrong with it, your personalities just don't match that well.
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>>17682763
He seems like he's just one of those dry sense of humor dicks.
I'm one too, and often communicate in such manners.
I also don't have many friends, but you wouldn't be able to tell. I seem like your typical out at the bar on Friday night types.
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>>17682763
Maybe you should stop searching for hidden meanings in the things he's saying, and just listen to the things he's saying. It sounds like he's generally being pretty friendly, he wouldn't invite you to his poker night if he hated your guts. Unless he's got a reputation for being a two-faced backstabbing type with others, I don't see any reason to doubt his sincerity towards you
It sounds like he was messing with you a LITTLE bit in your third example, but nothing beyond friendly banter. It also could be that he was slightly offended that you didn't go to his poker game. Other people can be insecure too, you know. When you said "I've never played before, so no" he might've interpreted it as "I don't want to hang out with you outside work because I find you annoying"
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>>17682794
>>17682803
>>17682808
Thanks guys.
I'll keep on working on my insecurities and confidence while keeping this in mind then.
I just don't want to take it too far, so that I accept being treated like shit because I don't trust my gut.
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>>17682822
I'm trying to. I have improved a bit since I started doing meditation and pushing myself out of my comfort zone - doing stuff like holding lectures at work.
But if I miss out on sleep my anxiety rises and I become a nutter like right now.
You are right. It's most likely friendly, and I may have offended him by accident. My self centeredness is another thing I'm trying to work on..
Thanks for the good reply and for giving me perspective.
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>>17682827
Definitely stand up for yourself if he ever outright insults you though. There's a balance
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>>17682763
>letting what people say affect your emotional state
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>>17682763
You honestly sound like a bitch
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