I'm in my early 20s and got my first gf pregnant in hs.

>>17682628
bruh.. i hate to say it.. But, you've gotta kill your child accidently of course.

But at the same time, you can't look like a neglecting parent. Something tragic. Maybe push him into the gorilla exhibit at the zoo.

>>17682628
well, that sucks, but you just have to man up basically. You don't want to fuck over your relationship, your childs development and your own life (your wife/then ex whill make your life hell, your kid will despise you and you will slave away for them for the rest of your life). Don't leave them. Do it for them and for you.
As for missing out: yes you do and yes you will, i think it still is worth it, for the sake of your family.
If you still have close friends, have regular guys nights, search meaningful hobbies and carry on.
There are many people today who are in their late 30s and still not ready to settle in fear of missing out.
A few decades ago it was normal for 20 somethings to settle down and make families as soon as possible. Only with todays infantilism and the distorted lifes we see on facebook we have the constant fear of growing out and missing out.
You are the man in the house. Akt like it

>>17682650
It's not really a fear of missing out. I'm not the going out type. I just want to live without obligations to anyone. I always have to put them before myself in almost anything. I just want to be able to live my life and man decisions that don't revolve around anyone but myself.

>>17682680
lol, should've used a condom

>>17682685
Yeah I know

>>17682680
>I just want to live without obligations to anyone
well, that's over now buddy. You're a father.
> I always have to put them before myself in almost anything.
yes, that's how that works
>I just want to be able to live my life and man decisions that don't revolve around anyone but myself.
that's over. You already made a decision
>>17682685
>>17682687
you didn't use a condomn. Your decisions don't seem to work out all that good for you. Maybe you amount to something, if the decisions you make actually affect your loved ones and not just yourself. And again, let's be clear here: It's over. Every decision you make WILL affect them. If you decide to leave for "your freedom" you'll fuck them up badly, as well as your own life. You will never be free again, no matter what you decide. So you might as well just be the best husband/dad imaginable

>>17682680

>"I just want to live without obligations to anyone. I always have to put them before myself in almost anything. I just want to be able to live my life and man decisions that don't revolve around anyone but myself."

You're in your early 20s so the immaturity in this line is excusable, but don't let that level of immaturity turn you back into a child, to the detriment of your wife and kid. You are now an enormous impact on two lives versus your own and you need to hone up to that responsibility, not run from it.

Trust me when I say this; you just want what you think you don't have. Everyone does it. However, there's a high chance things wouldn't work out like you expect them to on the other side, and then you'd want back the life you abandoned. At that point, everything in your life is fucked forever.

Currently you have more than most when it comes to love and commitment, as you've said nothing about the relationship that would be a reason for you to abandon your wife and child. Make a statement and be a man, not another divorce statistic. Own up to your decision (NEVER think of it as a "mistake") and accept your life's path. Leaving it will leave you with many more lifelong regrets than not.

>>17682702 here. I am totally not >>17682698 even though we're both saying the exact same thing.

Have you even considered looking at all the things your relationship has afforded you in life experience that many don't ever get to feel or see? What do YOU have that others don't? I bet you could make a much bigger list of pros than cons. You need to start looking at things that way instead of staring at that grassy field in your head. It's much, much less green than you're seeing it to be.

>>17682698
>>17682702
Came in here to say something to the affect of these.

>>17682628

is it impossible to be happy while being with them?

>>17682702
I agree it could be immaturity and longing for what I don't have. Relationship wise it's kind of lame. I've been with this chick for over 8 years and she just barely started to show interest in my hobbies like anime video games etc. And even in that it's like a weak effort. She claims to enjoy it but doesn't even pay attention enough to know names from the shit we watch. When we go places, just the two of us, she finds some way to make it less enjoyable for me. It is always on accident but it still happens. Idk if it's just me but she is always doing some shit that bothers me

For example we had a long walk back to the car from visiting the beach and she's way the fuck a head of everyone else. It's night, there are beach bums, and other shit to worry about but she is just so airheaded in general that none of this enters her mind. Before I could catch up to her to tell her to slow the fuck down because it's dangerous and because we were enjoying the walk we were already at the car.

She is just super airheaded man and it causes so many different types of problems because she doesn't think or pay attention to shit. It's frustrating to do almost anything with her because of this

Anyone giving you shit about not using condoms I guarantee is a hypocrite. You're just unlucky.

>>17682717
I don't have this fantasy that w/o them my life would be the perfect dream life. The relationship is pretty meh honestly. If I didn't have a kid I would leave her with certainty. It's more or a dilemma of do I stick around and complete the family unit for their sakes and happiness or do what makes me happy? Like am I being fair to myself letting time get away from me living a way that they are content and happy when I am not? General consensus is that I made that sacrifice already by having a kid but I never wanted one. I wanted to have an abortion but the mother disagreed and so now I'm here.

File: 1433172496048.jpg (21KB, 216x265px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 216x265px

>>17682633

>>17682755

I don't intend to downplay the way you feel, but those particular relationship problems are the most common, trivial, and easiest aspects to fix. Just work with each other. She doesn't have to enjoy/have a love for something you like to support you in whatever it is and vice versa. Just communicate (protip: communication is the key to everything).

>>17682733
Not entirely impossible but there will be less happiness with them imo. I do not get the same pleasure from the relationship as they do.

>>17682765

>am I being fair to myself letting time get away from me living a way that they are content and happy when I am not?

You're not being fair to anyone with a mindset like that.

>General consensus is that I made that sacrifice already by having a kid but I never wanted one. I wanted to have an abortion but the mother disagreed and so now I'm here.

Your mistake
Her choice

You are not an exceptional case, but actually can be one if you stay rather than turn into another deadbeat dad for no reason other than selfishness.

Be the fucking man your wife and child need you to be.

>>17682771
I agree communicating is key. Her interest in what I like seems so disingenuous tho. That and besides things like being "introverted" and having similar opinions on little stuff we dont have a lot in common. That shit that brought us together in highschool is gone.

mainly just feel like she is an anchor keeping from happiness. Always doing something that bothers me and I just cant shake the thought of there being someone better. Especially since she was my first gf. I know how that sounds

>>17682772

>as they do

this is just depressing man. i mean i could get not liking your wife afte rsome time, but your son? thats just depressing.

not that everyone can or should love their kids but its a lose lose situation here.

maybe invest in him more

>man up lmao XD
Don't listen to these cucks.
If possible, you should change countries.

>>17682783

All you've done is talk about your own selfish feelings the whole thread, and you need to look back and see that.

You should no longer be your #1 priority. What you think you don't have isn't where you think it is and you have much more in front of you than you realise.

>That shit that brought us together in highschool is gone.

Are you the exact same person you were when you two met? Do you pin whatever changes you've had as a person on her instead of just as natural development/maturity?

People change. Everybody changes. That is nowhere near a valid reason to get upset at anything. Why don't you both grow together into the new things instead of youlooking at how things used to be. You are very, very nearsighted if you expect or expected things to stay in the honeymoon period forever.

You need a reality check. It's nothing against you personally, but you seem to have lost your brain somewhere in your highschool. Go find it. It's 2016 and you have a wife and kid.

>>17682790
let me guess: you were raised in a single parent household?

>>17682784
It is fucking depressing man. I hate it and I feel like the biggest piece of shit for feeling that way but it's the truth. I do spend time with him but I have to force myself to like it a lot of the time. I keep telling myself that when he's older it will be more enjoyable for me but up until this point it very seldom is. It just feels like more responsibility which means I need money which means I need more hours which means work a shit dead end job because I need money for the kid and bills which prevents me from going to school because there isn't enough money for me to.

It's like I can't enjoy life and do what's right and I've considered suicide at the chance that it all just ends in blackness and i won't have to suffer from the human condition any longer.

It's like there is no right answer and whatever I do will mean immense unhappiness for me, for them, or both.

>>17682800

>It just feels like more responsibility which means I need money which means I need more hours which means work a shit dead end job because I need money for the kid and bills which prevents me from going to school because there isn't enough money for me to.

Yep. That's what teen parenting is like. You didn't learn enough about that while in highschool?

Also, you seem to think that you can't get a better job and will be forced to work dead-end shit forever. That mentality (you mentality in general) is what's keeping you from being better for both yourself and your family.

Be
A
Fucking
Man

>>17682800

>Get better job
>Save enough to eventually take online school
>Graduate, get better job
>?????
>Not being a selfish deadbeat

Your wife isn't the only one that needs to work on things.

>>17682800
Opt out man. Put him up for adoption. Break up with the bitch. You got a whole new free life.

Don't break up with the bitch before the adoption goes through. Make her think you're all fine and dandy, and that there'll be a big high %%%% chance that you'll get that kid back as soon as you get a good enough job to support your new family properly.

Get that kid gone, then get that bitch gone, then smoke a blunt, knock a few back with the bros, and get ready for that afternoon shift at McD's.

>>17682800

You very seriously sound like you just can't accept any responsibility for your own actions and life's path and are still in your teens rather than your early 20s. Your wife and kid deserve much more than that.

>>17682795
>>17682795
It's hard to put everything into context for you to understand. I'm not nearsighted as I am concerned with my own and my family's future happiness. I agree people change and that is precisely what I meant. We both changed and are not nearly as compatible as then. Just because of who I am I can tell that it drains her happiness too. I just think she is afraid to admit it or is too attached to me since we've been together for so long. Idk man

>>17682812

>get better job

oh come on man thats bullshit advice

>save enough to eventually take online school

also bull shit, go have a kid and do that to prove the point man.


not that OP should just leave his wife and kids but ugh.

>>17682817

Very understandable. But in acknowledging that you know that people change, you also acknowledge that you know that every single relationship you have would end up with the same challenges eventually. Even friends drift back and forth because of it. So is that really a reason to distance yourself from anything at all?

>>17682837

He has you there OP.

>>17682837
For that reason alone, hell no, but coupled with the fact that I'm always bothered by something my s.o. does, and generally not feeling the relationship maybe. I'm probably not going to do anything desu and be embittered by all of this along with being fucked by the powers that be.

>>17682817

Think more about how you can grow with the new instead of yearning for the old.

>>17682857
I'm not yearning for the old at all. I don't want to attain anything. More wanting things to stop.

>>17682837
I'm not in the least worried about future relationships man. O dont want any relationships atm. I wan to be absolutely by myself. I know that feeling might change but being away from everyone is something I might need

>>17682853

You are bothered by everything she does because you are not at a maturity level to handle your responsibilities (a nice way of saying you're not a man yet). You need either counselling or to speak to others who have kids/a family to understand and apply ways to help yourself grow into this role that you're having trouble accepting.

Counselling isn't "you have a problem" and should never be look at as a bad thing. It is good help from experienced people who can give you ideas on how to fix the minuscule issues you're experiencing. Even talking to a few fellow parents about how they handle/handled those growing pains that *every single relationship goes through* would do a lot to help you and change your perception of things.

Your PERCEIVED situation is making you hate things a lot more than is warranted. You are doing yourself no good by conceding you're in a dead-end until you die. You can better yourself and there are many, many things you can read and people you can talk to to help you with that

Many, many marriages would do a lot to simply have changing interests as the biggest issue on their plates. You can be much happier than you realise in a much shorter time than you think.

>>17682888

You'll "need it" until you find yourself alone and wish for companionship again.

You don't need to leave them to have a break. Have a guys night once a week. Take your son out just the two of you and play sports or something else to give you two some good bonding time together. You son's significance and importance in your life is clearly not realised by you yet, and can actually be a great outlet to get some time away from home while being a proper Dad to YOUR FUCKING SON.

Talk to your wife about your changing interests and what you two can do to make things better. IF you can't figure it out, ask other married friends or seek counselling.

You have so little in the way of problems and so much that you will wish you had later. You're just too young and inexperienced to see it.

>>17682871

>I don't want to attain anything

Then why mention your job or life situation at all if you don't even have a plan for yourself if you were to leave?!

A lot of people in this thread have valid points but I know how tough it is to be in your situation and honestly man, even though those responsibilities will never go away because of your son, you can absolutely break up with your girl and still manage to be a great dad.

If you're unhappy in your relationship and tired to be with the same girl for 8 years that you've grown appart from, maybe just break up. You can have alternate custody or whatever the fuck you agree on with her, especially if you have a job and are ready to face the consequences (child support etc), and just use your time to be by yourself or explore life. It's not a crime to want to live your life, there are plenty of separated couples raising perfectly well adjusted kids. In some cases its better than having a fucking trainwreck of a couple for parents.

But like it's been mentionned above maybe communicating with your girl could help, trying to open up and figuring out a way for you to get some time for yourself, maybe take a break from each other. Maybe you'll end up realising thats all it takes.

>>17682871

>I don't want to attain anything

By this thread, that much is clear. Or you'd be working on you (better job, more extracurriculars, eventually school) instead of being a bitch blaming your wife and kid for your own situation that you don't have the drive to fix.

>>17682913
>You're just too young and inexperienced to see it.


Probably man but knowing that doesn't make it go away. I've been to counseling before but it was for my relationship with my mother. Which is shit still, but outside of being a yes man to her will that womt chane. Maybe I will go back. I dont want to leave them if I don't have to. I'm just not enjoying life at all RN and feel like I'm pressed to make a change or continue to feel this way. I'll try other the other things recommended. Thanks anon

>>17682929

Yeah dude. End your marriage (which can take up to a year+) and get the lawyers involved (they're required and very expensive). That'll help your financial situation immensely and you won't be paying child support to her forever either from whatever you make at your dead-end job that she and your kid forced you into for the rest of your life.

Or own up, better yourself, and don't be a bitch

>>17682938

Look at this post long and hard, anon. You're doing a lot of this to yourself.

>>17682628
>can't shake the feeling of being trapped
this is because you are, in fact, trapped
if you choose to leave them, not pay child support, or whatever, you will then also be trapped in jail
should have wrapped it up, my son

>>17682928
Because it fucking sucks and I want it to change? I'm not trying to find new love or believe that I'm gonna get rich if I leave. I just want to work somewhere I'm content with staying and even the building blocks for moving in that direction are impeded by the family life. Even if I didn't leave, if I spend all my time doing other shit like school, work, etc then I'm still not going to be around.

Leaving = deadbeat absentee father

Working fulltime and going to school= absentee father.

>>17682946
I dont know man has OP confirmed they're married and not just together? I got the feeling they weren't.

Even if they are and it costs a lot of money, maybe his girl deserves to be with someone who loves her and he deserves to be happy as well. Kids can feel that shit too and even if it'll be hard he's prolly better off doing it while the son is 5 rather than when he's 13.

Of course it would be better to work things out but if there's no way back I don't think that facing the reality of a failed marriage and taking action about it is being a bitch. He's 20ish he'll bounce back.

>>17682896
>You are bothered by everything she does because you are not at a maturity level to handle your responsibilities

How do u figure?

>>17682960

>Leaving = deadbeat absentee father

>Working fulltime and going to school= absentee father.

No. And this is where you inexperience comes in again but it's good that you're getting advice to give you a different view of things.

It is:

>Leaving = deadbeat dad

>Working full-time and going to school = absentee dad that will have missed his family's most important years and will be resented (does this sound like a move synopsis? Because it'll play out the same way).

>Getting a better, full-time position and saving slowly to eventually take online school and make it in life while suporting your family every step = the way to go.

You're also conceding that you actually need school to land a job that's capable of supporting your family. While it makes it easier, it's certainly not required. You can absolutely find something better. Right now, in-fact. You just have to understand that it's more you that's holding you back than your family.

>>17682970

You haven't read anything here or you'd realise there's absolutely zero reason for him to leave other than his own selfishness and immaturity.

If that's a reason to throw himself under the bus further with legal fees and lifelong child support while already complaining about whatever money he makes going to the family, then go for it.

OP

>>17682978

>it's more you that's holding you back than your family.

>>17682978
You're right. I might go to counseling. In writing my response and thinking about what was said ITT I realized that I'm stupid and limiting myself more than a semi annoying gf and kid ever could

>>17682991
Good point

>>17682995
Yes I realized this. I am a faggot. I just felt stuck but I'm really not. I needed to talk about it more than anything.

Thanks to the anons who had something constructive to say. My troubles aren't gone but there are things I can do to relieve myself of them that isn't faimliy ruining

>>17682991
>>17683005

I've been talking to you a lot here and I'm very, very happy to read this. You'll feel so much better once you get the right pieces in-place.

>>17682680
Oh, you will live like that someday...when your kid is over 18, or has already graduated college if your economics let it happen, ha ha ha ha

>>17683029
Thanks for your help anon. I could hug you