How do I be more friendly? I like being kind and altruistic

>>17673519
Ask people questions, make them feel included. Just treat people like you're interested in them and their having a good time. Like, if you're with a group of people and there's a newcomer or a stranger, make sure to introduce them and keep them included in the conversation.

You're probably thinking you need to be superficially friendly where you do shit like smile a lot and have a lot of HI HOWS IT GOING NICE PANTS, but people respond much more to the aforementioned behavior. Generally speaking, it's less about what you do vs what you make other people feel comfortable doing. Being quiet can be perceived as standoffish, makes people apologize for talking so much, etc. Asking them questions about themselves like you're really listening has hte opposite effect. People will think of you as a great conversationalist when really you're just actively listening.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Think of how friendly people you've known have made *you* feel. I bet it's something along the lines of "interesting, comfortable, and welcome." Aside from unrepentant narcissists, most people feel uncomfortable in social situations like they're awkward and annoying. If you reassure them that they're not, they'll feel really good about themselves and credit you for it.

That's all there is to it, really.

>>17673519
>I like being kind and altruistic and don't hesitate to help

Needless ego boost, but ok, /adv/ is a pretty dreadful place sometimes, so positivity is not that bad I guess.

>emulating "friendly" people

Then don't "emulate". Be the real you. How do people react to the real you?

>>17673569
>. Be the real you. How do people react to the real you?
Not always the best advice anon. Someone who is socially awkward needs guidance and patience. Sometimes a lil social calibration is needed to mediate things (dealing with coworkers, SO family, etc.)

>>17673633

Of course the real him has problems, else he wouldn't need advice.

But he talks about how "pretending" to be friendly doesn't work for him, so any advice won't work too.

I'm trying to get what he feels are his flaws.

>>17673519
Whatever you do, don't pretend to be someone else. You'll pick up the bad habit of being a people pleaser and surrounding yourself with people you don't like.

Become a good listener, share common interests and pick up some of their own(that you can enjoy) that will create a bond of familiarity. Do things without asking you want people to think you do things for them not for something in return but because you like being around them and support their interests( practise small and dont over do it.it will come off needy) Never judge or appear that you judge if you have conflicting views always demonstrate from a 3rd party perspective.

As for meeting people get into a lot of social circles, maybe find a job or a hobby that helps you meet people. See it as an opportunity to hone skills if you find someone you like try to hang out or text. And don't get discouraged if you strike out. Sometimes you will be surrounded by awful people or those that won't click with you.(people experience this and water themselves down to feel normal or fit in) Move on and keep trying.

>>17673544
Late post but thanks for this, I've heard similar advice but the rationale here and explanations really helped me understand it and think of ways to apply it without boring myself or the other person.
>>17673569
I thought it was relevant to say because not being friendly enough seems to make it hard to be kind.

Anyway, people seem to not see me as approachable or worth spending time with, the only person besides my brother who got to really know me had to try really hard to do so. I was afraid of saying the wrong things and putting them off.

>>17673680
This helps a lot as well, thanks a bunch, anon, saving all of this for when I'm not about to doze off.

>>17674114
>I was afraid of saying the wrong things and putting them off.

Does that happen a lot? Or do you miss the opportunity to have friends because you never engage?

>>17674117
>Does that happen a lot?
Thinking on it, not really but it happens, when it does it's usually because I force myself to say something even though I might not know a lot of the subject just so I don't seem out of touch or awkward, of course it always has the opposite effect.
>Or do you miss the opportunity to have friends because you never engage?
This is the case most of the time, I'll admit, I've let a lot of people slip by because I don't say what I want to say to them and very rarely ever initiate conversations.

>>17674244
>This is the case most of the time, I'll admit, I've let a lot of people slip by because I don't say what I want to say to them and very rarely ever initiate conversations.

Then you are missing the chances you have. Work on that.

>>17674253
With the rest of the thread's advice and realizing what my problem is I think I'll be able to do just that. Thanks.

Literally just be yourself.