I had my second counselling session today. It went pretty well

I just booked my doctors appointment. They can't get me in until one day after my big assignment is due. So by the time the school can actually help me it'll be too late.

What's a shit show of a semester this is. I really can't handle it. No one else seems to be having this much trouble....

>>17663563
Trust me, I'm having this much trouble too. I went to my third counseling appointment a couple days ago and my counselor is pretty convinced that I'm severely depressed, and I would agree with that. I don't want to because I hate feeling like or acting like a victim, and I know I should just take care of my own shit but I really do agree. This was supposed to be the semester I turned things around but I'm failing three classes and had to withdraw from one. I broke down today and cried for the first time in years. Everything seemed to spiral out of control faster than I could even realize things were going slightly more wrong than usual. I wanna stay positive but I'm not really sure if there's hope for people like us.

>>17663582
I really don't want to have to drop/retake classes. I'll be severely disappointed in myself if I do.

I don't even know if this is what I do anymore. The work has me stressed and miserable. I feel no real passion toward it. I'm not sure if it just isn't for me, or of my anxiety is getting in the way of me enjoying it.

If this isn't what I want to do, idk what else I'd would do with my life. This is what I thought I wanted since I was 12. I have literally nothing else I'd want to do if this doesn't work out.

>>17663611
Yeah, I feel the same way. I'm lucky enough that the class I dropped can be taken next semester and it won't really hurt me in any way but I still have those three classes I need to catch up in. It's not even a lack of passion really, I do love my major and want to dedicate time to it, I just fall into some sort of paralysis and don't do anything.

I wish I had some sort of upward looking advice to give you, but I really don't. This is all there is.

>>17663643
Everyone keeps telling me "focus on your health above all else". But something about just dropping my program feels so.... wrong, I guess. Like, it feels dirty. Like I'm betraying myself or something. Idk.

Is this /adv/ way of saying my problems pathetic?

>>17664486
Dunno what to tell you man, looks like it's just you and me in this thread and I've already said everything I had to say.

Bump for maybe someone else to help out.

>>17665104
I finally sat down to try and work on that and guess what

NOW I HAVE TO TEACH MYSELF THE ENTIRE CLASS CONTENT, KEEP UP WITH MY OTHER ASSIGNMENTS, STUDY FOR MIDTERMS AND GET ALL THIS DONE IN THE SPAN OF TWO WEEKS

ISN'T THAT COMPLETELY FUCKING WONDERFUL :D

>>17665123
I forgot to mention, I understand significantly less than I thought

>>17663466
Its unfortunate but there is hope, you still have time to drop the semester or just the stressful class without it impacting your GPA. You also understand that you have a disability and that there are ways to work around it and get your degree, so that you can better prepare it next semester.

>>17665188
Dropping the class isn't ideal. I'm not sure if it's a pride thing or my anxiety making the idea seem worse than it actually is. I'll just feel so ashamed of myself. I've been talking my parents about it and they're really encouraging me to seek all the help I need to get this done.

I'm gonna go to academic counselling or something and say "listen, I'm in a really really really bad spot and I need help NOW" and explain the situation to them..

>>17665188
Also, my doctors appointment isn't until the day this big project is do, by the time i get the diagnosis I'll have to drop the class anyways

>>17663466
im in the same boat dude i also have adhd and its making me suicidal af, but u know what i did i deleted all the vidya games and spotify and music and all my contacts(they dont msg first anyway), and im gonna read books i like instead and its going to be the best time of ur life i promise.

>>17663563
stop making all of these appts just aks ur doctor for xanax and take some during ur test and while studying.

>>17665865
Doesn't help with >>17665123

I have so much to do and legitmately not enough time to get it done.

>>17663966
no fuck the health youll get better health by staying off the fb and video games. they dont want to see u prosper in ur future.

>>17665867
Oh jeez, I gotta give up vidya too?

Am I allowed to have nothing that makes me happy?

>>17665870

Vidya makes you happy in the short term not long term.
Also no masturbation.

>>17665896
>no masturbation

WHELP

GUESS WHAT I DID 20 MINUTES AGO BEFORE I SAW THIS.

>>17663466

Hey OP what book are you using (If any) to learn C++?

>>17665908
None, just going off of the coding examples we do in class.

>>17665908
There are textbooks we could be using though.

Just last year I bought them and never had to use them, so i didn't even bother this year. It hadn't even crossed my mind this could be part of the problem until now

>>17665896
for fuck's sake most young males play video games, he's got every right to do it IF he can control himself
masturbation is a personal thing, I'm currently during on no fap for over 2 weeks because I wanted to have more motivation for searching for a gf/sex, but it doesn't really work

Just fuck up.
Really. Break down some more. There's no need to build up the fall. Things can mess up at what seems like the worst of times. Hell, if this is the worst, you're a lucky guy. Hit bottom.

There's more to life than what you want it to be, more than what anyone says it should be.

It stops being a fall after that. After that, it's a dive. One leap of faith after another.

Maybe you don't bounce back. But it's always been just maybe for all of us. It's only chaos when things don't go your way, only scary when you think it's so important to know what comes next. Nobody knows what's best. Some convince themselves very well with success or theory. But that's exactly why faith isn't about knowing. It's in the absence of verifiable proof that faith shines.

This life doesn't owe you anything. And it will show you how small you really are every time you yell and cry when you don't get what you want. The truth is you don't believe in anything. That's why you suffer. Each expectation thwarted, every assumption disproven. There's nothing for you when knowledge fails, when expected patterns of reward no longer repeat themselves.

That's why you're so afraid of failing your classes - these arbitrary measures of learning that account only for the development of the collective, not the individual. These things are valuable to you but you aren't even sure why.

You have no faith, not because you failed to possess it, but because you've ignored every instance you've been invited to it. And if you tell yourself there is nothing to believe in, then okay. That's that. Tell yourself that this life has given you nothing to believe in. That you're too good for what it's already given you.

>>17665939
Are you trying to convert him to Christianity bruh

>>17665863
May I recommend reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It will really help you live in the present and deal with your Anxiety problem.

Quote : " Return to sobriety, and come back to yourself. when you have roused yourself from sleep and have perceived that they were only dreams that troubled you"

"Neither the Future or the past pains you. But only the present."
- Marcus Aurelius

I just called the academic counselling department.

They said all they can recommend is I sign up for peer tutoring, but it's so close to midterms the chances of me getting one are slim.

Everyone seems to think this is still doable but me. The person at the counselling office said "maybe you won't get a great mark, but maybe you can buckle down and still get a 50 on that midterm, maybe you can still get a 60 on that assignment", but I don't want my GPA being dragged down by an insane amount either.

My dad just keeps saying "just keep trying your best, talk to absolutely anyone and everyone you can for help." He also recommended I completely stop smoking weed and see if that helps improve my state of mind.

I don't know how everyone else can be so optimistic about such an increasingly hopeless situation, all signs seem to be pointing towards me just waiting too long to get help and there's nothing anyone can do for me at this point. Everyone keeps telling me not to give up, but I don't know what else to do when I'm in dire need of help but have close to no options for getting it.

Take responsibility for your actions, realize you screwed up and retake the class.

I literally feel sick to my stomach, I don't want to move or leave my bed, I can't bring myself to do anything now, I'm having constant fucking anxiety attacks and this is all just hopeless

>>17663466
Hey dude. It's going to be alright. I've seen people fail their java classes sometimes multiple times. The way things are looking I might not pass my robotics class. But you know what? failure is an option.There is nothing wrong with failing especially when you gave it your all, and from the stress its causing you it looks like you are. All you have to do man is saddle up and try again. Do it as many times as you need to and you're going to get it right. I believe in you Anon.

>>17666258
It doesn't even feel like I tried my best though. My anxiety toward my class made it so i pretty much didn't try at all. It's completely my fault this happened... I'm actually completely fucking ashamed of myself.

I just want to give up, I've just lied in bed all day listening to music and typing all this shit to people because it's all I can bring myself to do because of how fucking miserable and anxious I feel at this point. Everyone keeps insisting that there's still hope, but i don't see it. I feel sick to my stomach, I've been having anxiety attack after anxiety attack just thinking about dealing with this.

>>17666285
If your current mental state is that bad, then not doing anything is doing your best.

This is something very much out of your control. It's crippling you mentally