Is it normal to not want sex? 26 f and I can't ever remember

>>17660583
Do you like him?

>>17660587
Yes! I do very much. I love him dearly. We have similar interests and we treat each other well, and we've been through a lot together. That's why I was so sad to know that he's been hurting about this.

The thing is, I guess I don't really 'want' him sexually. I don't really want anybody in that way.. and never have. But I want to fix this, so that he will be as happy with me as I am with him.

You don't have any fictional male crushes out there? Maybe you're into something more kinkier and you don't know it.

How many relationships you been in? Are you insecure about your body? Maybe you don't feel like you're good enough for someone.

Might be medication too.

Depends what you understand by normal. There are many other women like you, but generally speaking humans are hardwired to enjoy and even crave sex. Still we all have different libidos.

Do you experience pleasure during sex? Can you reach orgasm (during sex or masturbation)? If not then you're frigid. Either way, I think you should consult a specialist, I doubt we have many sexologists on /adv/.

>>17660594
No one ever?
Do you have any level of mental or physical illness? Taking any medication? Any sex related traumatic event?
Try to see a doctor about it. It is definitely not normal that nothing turns you on.

>>17660583

You guys will break up if you can't get horny. Not being mean but desire is vert important, consult your doctor.

>>17660597
>fictional male crushes
Well.. yeah, I suppose, but it's more of a personality thing. I can't say that I've ever felt like I wanted to have sex with anyone, real or fictional, regardless of personality or looks though.

>maybe you're kinky
Maybe.. I've tried looking at a lot of different stuff but I can't say I've ever wanted to try anything weird. I mean, I would, if I were asked to but I don't feel very strongly about anything..

>how many relationships
Aside from 4th grade cutesy hand holding sort of shit, I've been in 2 relationships, counting my current one.

>insecure about your body?
Yes, but few women aren't, right?

>medication
I'm not on any.

>>17660608
>>17660606
>>17660605
Ah, I was hoping that it was something I'd be able to fix on my own. I live in America and I don't have any insurance, so any kind of therapy or medication is kind of off the table until I can fix that.

>>17660608
I wouldn't listen to this guy. Explain how you feel just like you said to us to him. Exactly the same. And if it's a deal breaker for him then go see a doctor and see what they think.

>>17660614
If nothing ever got you horny in 26 years there is definitely a medical or psychological issue of some sort.
Do you physically get aroused?

>>17660615
Thanks. I'm not too worried about breaking up, we've been together for 10 years. I definitely would understand if he wanted to leave, but this is the first time he's said anything to me about it.

I'm definitely going to tell him, I was just hoping to have some kind of plan for improvement when I do just to show I'm committed to making it work..

>>17660617
Yes. I can, certainly, if I'm touched in ways that I like. I can orgasm (eventually). I think he's just upset that I never initiate or seem very enthusiastic during, even if I'm having a nice time. I just do whatever he wants me to do.

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you don't want this all up in your face, OP?

>>17660637
You can definitely work on that aspect.
You can force yourself to initiate, or just try and be more active during - even if you naturally don't feel enthusiastic about it, you can force yourself to try and start sex, or get on top during it.

>>17660660
Just kind of a, 'fake it til you make it' sort of thing? I can do that, for sure. I just hope it doesn't come off as too artificial. Thanks for the advice.

>>17660649
honestly it's gross dude lol

Sex is overrated. It makes me uncomfortable personally and don't understand what the big deal is. I don't jack off ever either. I've done it twice with two fairly attractive women but it just felt eh.

>>17660609

What personalities are you attracted too, exactly? If a guy acted like one of these fictional characters, do you think you could attract these guys? If not, why?

Used to know a girl just like you. She'd faff around with her boyfriend and do what he wanted, but didn't have any sexual appeal to any of it, despite her having a pretty happy relationship with him.

Then I came along and fucked her and she had her first real orgasm when she was 28. Then she couldn't get enough, like a switch had been flipped for her, and everything turned her on.

Just give it time, I'm sure you'll have an experience like that someday too. You just need someone to rock your world and show you how great pleasure can feel.

>>17660684

Well how did you and her boyfriend compare overall? How exactly did you fuck her?

>>17660678
Smart, serious sorts with dry humor, mostly. Preferably not outgoing because I'm not. I don't like to go out so being with someone who is very extroverted wouldn't work. But, my boyfriend is like that. I'm happy with him.

>>17660684
I'm glad it worked out for you both. However, I don't really care if I get off or anything. I was perfectly fine with the way things were. He's the one that feels frustrated with it, not I.

Best of luck to you.

See a doctor, that's not normal.

Maybe working out can help?

>>17660690
I think it was probably the intensity that was the difference. He was outgoing, extroverted, touchey-feely type, always hanging on her. I was the introverted loner who didn't give a fuck about anything and always appeared uninterested in everything going on around me, like I didn't care.

Then I got her in bed and I was INTO her and it was the first time she felt like someone thought she was truly beautiful and wasn't just into her because she was a trophy that had a hot body and no kids.

In other words, I gave her my full attention. And I made her mine. And that was that.

>>17660701
She didn't care if she got off or not either, until she did. Then she couldn't stop. Hopefully you'll get to experience something like it someday, and hopefully it will be with the boy you're with now, and not some loser like me or whatever.

>>17660736
Well, frankly, I would rather be with him than not, even if it means never experiencing that. He doesn't really do any of that though, but that's probably my fault since he knows I really don't care what happens either way.

>>17660757
Well, hopefully he'll wise up someday. And start treating you like he wants you. And hopefully he'll make you his.

Well, whatevs. Ain't like it is any of my business.

See you around.

>>17660583
If you don't have a sex drive, but still want to have this dude, who clearly does, as more than friend then you could learn to enjoy it as a hobby. Like a skill or a bonding exercise.

Your here because you enjoy him being happy right? And him feeling unwanted 'breaks your heart'.

If you can't enjoy him sexually then try enjoying him enjoying you sexually, get into it that way, make him feel great and then think about how that was all down to you, rewarding yourself with satisfaction.

Your problem may even be that your just spending the whole time thinking about how your not enjoying it as much as you should, which is turning you off.

>>17660792
That actually makes a lot of sense, on both counts. I'm gonna screencap this post and bring it up later when he gets back from work!

It's normal if you didn't ever get yourself accustomed (addicted would be a better word if not for its negative connotation) to climaxing regularly. Get a vibrator. Use it alone, use it with bf, whatever, just get in the habit of using it. Now you know the muscles in your twat you keep flexed when you're about to piss your pants? Keep those mofos on lockdown the whole time. If the vibe is particularly strong or your clit is particularly sensitive to that kind of stimulation it might make you flex those muscles anyway just by reflex. Either way, just make sure to keep them engaged. Don't hold your breath though, remember to keep breathing. Anyway over time this will strengthen your pelvic floor (can do kegels too as a supplementary thing if you want). More inner-cunt muscle tone = easier time reaching a physical state of arousal, easier time reaching climax, and stronger orgasms. Orgasms are muscle contractions. If not much happens when you flex down there, orgasms are likely going to be rather lackluster.

Now have your dude start fingerblasting your g-spot too at some point. If that's not enough to get you there at first, do it in conjunction with the vibe so you're feeling both spots stimulated when you cum and it'll form the association.

Once you get used to having orgasms more often, you'll find yourself craving sex more, getting turned on more, and holy hot damn what it does for your moods!! Oof. Lol you know the "female hysteria fits" thing back in the day? Do you know what the doctors came around making house calls to do? Hell vibrators as we know them today started out as little hand crank deal-ios that enabled doctors to make their rounds way way more efficiently. Bitches be crazy yes but I'll be damned if orgasms don't keep us leveled out;)

Oh and the body insecurity thing. Drop that. Easier said than done? Nah. Realize it does you no good to be fretting over it and decide to stop giving a fuck and focus on enjoying your man instead. Simple as.

>>17660972
Oh oh and at some point the vibe either gets ditched completely or relegated to only used during sex or like when he's out of town. Crude as it may sound the idea here is to get yourself hooked on his cock - not on a vibrator.

OP I'm the same as you. You are not the only one. I'm 28 female and I dont remember a time when I was horny or excited....

>>17660594
You are probably suppressing a past memory of sexual assault and your unconscious mettles with your conscious brain. Meditate and address the problem.

>>17660583
>I know I shouldn't say no for a happy relationship

Hooooooooooly shit

could be asexual. It's a legit orentation. Look it up.

Ask your doctor for a small dose of testosterone. Both women and men have it and it's an important part of your sexdrive. It wont make you any manlier since he'll only gice you a dose within normal female range but you should be able to get more horny.

>>17660583

>Is it normal to not want sex?

No

>How can I change this?

Seek therapy.

>>17661164
ikr? Fucking mind boggling that some of us still actually care about something other than ourselves and our own desires.
>shoo little feminist

>>17660583

I'm 31 and have had sex with roughly 65 different grillz; all together I've had sex over a thousand separate times in my life.

I've done it all and had it all done to me; well the stuff that I wanted anyways.

Anyways, sex has lost all of it's excitement and mystique; it still feels good but my heart isn't it in anymore, it's almost robotic at this point.

The only thing left I find exciting is the hunt; flirting with girls and eventually getting them to fall in love with me.

When they do, I let them down gently and move on to the next one.

It's all a game and I'm still pretty fucking good at it.

Nothing kills a boner faster than lack of enthusiasm. How the hell did he handle it for 10 years?

>>17660583
please please please don't listen to all this shitty advice :P
First off you're under no obligation to 'perform.' If your boyfriend can't handle the truth, and absolutely needs sex in the relationship, then that's a problem that has to be dealt with and not avoided. I can't imagine anybody suddenly enjoying sex because the faked it enough. It's innately uncomfortable in a lot of ways, and you have to be in a certain place of trust, not to mention consent, to enjoy it. If you feel like this is a medical problem and it's causing you anxiety, see a doctor, maybe a therapist, but that too is optional. Plenty of people, myself included, just don't enjoy sex, or get aroused. Life's a lot bigger than sex though, and there's absolutely no reason to go through the motions insincerely. It's unfair to him, to you, and basically destructive, even though your intentions are only the best. Just be honest, and brave, and true to yourself.

>>17662719
If you find sex is something that you'd like to learn to enjoy, then just take it slqo and don't think too much about everyone getting off and being happy. Treat it like anything else you do for pleasure, instead of like a chore.
Also, if you're so inclined, try masturbation. Arrange yourself a nice setting and experiment. Sex is as much a private thing as it is social.

>>17660583
He's lucky to have you do all that for him.

My partner of 3 years has yet to have sex with me. She's also too afraid/thinks she might be asexual. It's really depressing to me because our relationship was kinky as fuck the first year and then she very suddenly (or somehow as a result of learning that she has PCOS) just lost any interest or motivation for it. The most she ever offers now is to "help me get off" by letting me play with her naked butt, but everything else is off limits. I'm basically still a virgin unless oral sex the first year counts.
I'm convinced that we'll never have sex and she literally allows me to cuck her if I need to, but then I might as well break up..?
We do still call each other lovers; we get along with almost everything but sex. I can't imagine a future without her and she tells me that she feels the same.
Not sure what we can do...

>>17661576
any tips for a guy that doesnt understand what women want and how to give it to them?

>>17660663
You might just be asexual. Just something got wired a little differently for you than for most. Similar to how homosexuals find people of the same gender attractive, you don't seem to find anyone attractive (sexually, you can still appreciate aesthetics.)
I would first see a doctor and make sure it's not a thyroid/hormone/something issue first, but baring that sexuality isn't really something you can actually treat. I would just advice you to try to find joy in pleasing him, or something.... I don't really know this is a tough one.

>>17662814
She won't even give you a hand job or a blow job?

>>17662843
I think the last attempt at a blowjob (she's not really good at it, never actually got me off without me finishing with my hand,;but merely TRYING turns me on a lot) was well over a year ago.
Handjob around the same time. That was simultaneously the same time ago since she was just fine with me touching her breasts; nowaday it bothers her even if she lets me, which makes me not want to.

Just me and her butt maybe once every two weeks now. I've had to get accustomed to porn again.

>>17662814
Why isn't she getting treatment for it? She must know that you desire a normal sex life.

>>17662853
>>17660806
Is opening the relationship so you can get sexual satisfaction elsewhere completely out of the question?

>>17661164
Sex is a basic human drive and most people actually do need sex to be happy in a relationship. It's just biology. It's an unreasonable prospect to ask anyone* to be happy in a committed relationship completely devoid of sex. The same would be true of a typical girl dating an asexual male, she just wouldn't feel completely satisfied in the relationship.

*I say anyone meaning any given person, exceptions to this certainly and obviously would exist for some individuals.

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>>17660583
Do you like guys ? I know that you don;t like sex with your bf but do you like other guys ? not sexually

>>17662864
She goes to "therapy" and won't say much about it.
I think she thinks that it's up to her and not me about it.

>>17662974
That seems really selfish. Its not like it only affects her.