Sorry for the novel >be me, grade 6 >meet girl in same

>>17655661cont.

skip to grade 10

>she gives up on boyfriends, hangs out with me
>nothing was ever explicitly implied but you could feel the tension between us
>she'd always be really close to me and rest her head on my shoulder or give me really long random hugs and say how much i mean to her
>i loved it so much
>halloween happens
>we are in a group of friends but they're being annoying
>every time she rests her head on me a friend comes to try to interrupt it just to be a jerk
>we leave on our own, end up at park
>sitting on a bench, its about 11 p.m.
>we get closer and closer
>i finally sum up the courage to hold her hand
>she holds it back, looks at me and smiles
>i kiss her (my first kiss by the way)
>i lean back in a "wow did that just happen" way
>i waited 4 years to do that
>she says my name, so i look at her, and she leans in and we literally just kiss over and over again for 2 hours
>i walk her back to her house, holding hands, thinking life is just so perfect
>i kiss her goodnight
>next day, she wasn't at the place we usually meet up at before school
>don't think too much of it
>walk in to a classroom to say hi to a different friend
>she's in the corner sitting close to some other dude and we make eye contact and she makes a face like she knows what she just did
>she tries to apologize to me over and over again, saying how she just wanted us to be friends and she's afraid of ruining us
>i forgive her but things aren't the same
>literally 2 days later she starts making out with a friend right in front of me
>never felt so heartbroken seriously
>i leave, don't talk to anyone in that group for 2 months
>she apologizes again and i say whatever
>friendship isn't the same anymore
>we still were friends though
>i still felt for her even after all of that
>summer comes a bit later, and we start hanging out a lot
>she starts getting close to me and i don't know why but i kissed her again
>she kisses me back
>"we need to just be friends"
cont.

>>17655665>at this point i give up, end up meeting a girl at an attack attack! show and we start dating,
>relationship ends badly

skip to end of senior year in high school

>she messages me on Facebook, and i figure eh why not
>we start talking again
>i tell her everything thats happened to me in the last year and a half-two years since we last spoke
>we catch up
>she ends up going to a college 3 hours from me while i go to community college
>we text each other occasionally but nothing too serious
>back of my mind i realize i still have feelings for her
>an hour later she texts me
>"i miss you so much"
>we end up flirting again
>she snapchats me nudes
>I've wanted to see that for 7 years at this point
>"lets hang out soon"
>two days later, same friend from 6th grade (at this point i considered him my closest friend) who "dated"her for 4 days texts me
>"DUDE I GOT LAID LAST NIGHT"
>hes kinda a player so i don't think too much of it
>"oh yeah? thats cool dude!"
>"guess who though?"
>the very same girl
> i feel crushed, tell him what happened
>he gets pisses, instantly stops talking to her and apologizes to me a million times
>im not mad, he really didn't know
>i eventually stop talking to him too though

skip to 6 months later

>she texts me "hey"
>im so pathetic i reply
>i still have feelings for her
>she invites me over
>we hang out just normally
>after a while she lays on her bed and I'm just sitting on the floor awkwardly
>"you can lay down too, you know"
>i lay down next to her and we talk
>i kiss her on the cheek after she keeps getting closer to me
>"you shouldn't have done that. i have a boyfriend you know. You should leave"
>i apologize a million ties and she seems fine
>texts me a amonth later
"im drunk and my boyfriend just cheated on me"
>i reply "I'm sorry, are you okay?
>"why do i even text you, you don't care"
>never replies to my texts ever again


skip to now, a year later


i miss her and feel for her and i don't know why. what do i do?

>>17655668
Jesus.. she's really fucking evil. Don't talk to her, what the hell?

>>17655676
I know she is. I have no idea why Im being drawn towards her, there's gotta be some sad psychological reason for it

>>17655685
You have no self-esteem.. Focus on your studies and worry about finding a girlfriend later.

>>17655685
You're drawn to her because you never let yourself have someone who is decent, because you have been completely hung up on an idea of her that has never existed. You've thought for years that you love her but really you don't, you just haven't given yourself to anyone else. Buck up anon, you let yourself get oneitis because you didn't know better, but much like all oneititis's she's a piece of shit. She lead you on so many times it's disgusting, and sort of makes you the bad guy in her own head. She may actually have felt strongly for you at some point but due to her own insecurities had to make you feel like you needed her and she didn't need you.
It is alright, but you need to understand no matter how close you were with this girl, the thing you're so desperate to acquire is only an image your mind has created and locked down for years.
I'm going to meme a little here but work on yourself, even if you have been working harder, study things you've wanted to study, if you're working and or in school, focus on more on that, exercise, pick up some hobbies, get some self security back. Once you feel better about yourself, talk to girls where ever you can, someone great WILL come along and even if it is short term, let yourself truly be with them. You will most likely get hurt because almost no one finds "the one" in one go, but get out there and get over this shitty girl. You're better than she has ever been in her entire life and she knows it OP.

>>17655737
Sorry for long paragraph I'm on my phone I thought I was using breaks

Holy fucking shit OP, cut contact and run. You're drawn to her because you never let yourself get to know other girls and in your mind you always thought you had a chance. If you go back to her now and she starts responding to your texts you're just going to delve into the same pathetic cycle as always. Forget about her and go enjoy life while you're young, meet other chicks and fuck around, this one is not worth your time at all.