Failure at 20 yo

Be careful, youre looking for love. Find someone that can give you love, it's better to have no one than have someone to give love one directionally. Live your life for yourself, one day you will meet her. The most beautiful things come from the most unexpected places.

>>17650326
The things, that it comes unexpected I do not really understand, I try to work it. If you would tell me what I could do more I would be happy, because I would be able to try to change it. But I do not know what better I could have done. I saw more fat, more ugly, more weird guys with gfs. What is the thing I am missing? Tell me and I will work on it....

>>17650307

Can I be blunt?

Maybe they don't want to validate you?

I'm serious, why would I date someone that only wants me to feel better about themselves? Fuck that!

Learn to love yourself before asking why others don't love you back.

>>17650366
How can I love myself, when the reality-check is simple: FAIL AFTER FAIL AFTER FAIL...I tried to get some muscles, I lost some weight I had over, I try to use face wash so my skin on face gets nice. I am not saying I am ENTITLED to anything, I understand that no one owes me nothing, but if the case is that I should be forever alone, I really rather just hang myself.

>>17650375

Muscles and a pretty face are not all you need for picking chicks, and obviously not all you need for life.

Have fun, enjoy life, do stuff you like and you'll feel better. If you only focus on what doesn't work, you'll always be depressed.

Now, about failing with girls, ask yourself: What do I have to offer?

And if the answer is "nothing", then go out, live your life, improve, and then ask again.

>>17650307
You say you have it all, and I admit, all the things you listed will certainly work well for you, but you're missing one essential thing - you're not charismatic enough.

Now, charisma doesn't just mean being able to communicate with people well, it's also about what's on the inside. Maybe you're already good at social interactions, and the problem stems from your self-esteem. Try to identify the problem, focus on how you think, how you speak to yourself. If the pattern is negative, search for a solution in that field (and, judging from the girlfriend obsession, I'm willing to bet money that the issue lies on the inside), if everything really is fine and you're just awkward/boring, grab some self-help books on getting people to like you. If you're not into reading, there are plenty of videos on yt, try charisma on command, for example. Good luck and don't give up, Anon

>>17650388
I think I can offer, quite high intellect, care, love, devotion, I have traveled to lot of countries, speak multiple language ( English is one my worse), apart from that I think I am not socially retarded otherwise( lot of friends, some in high places of power),I am tolerant to religion, culture etc. I think I am someone who a girl should not be ashamed of, however if yes then I would like to know what it is so I can improve it... I have quite lot of friend from various background etc. I have this problem for over a year, however my resistance is now getting depleted

>>17650307

alright you need to answer me this honestly.

What makes a man attractive to a woman?

>>17650307
Girls your age are just a bunch of hormones, forget them. There are enough men out there that will give a young handsome man like you the love he wants. Moreover prostate orgasms are ten times better than fucking a loose vagina.

>>17650407
>I think I am someone who a girl should not be ashamed of

That's not enough. You have to be someone the other person wants. "Good enough" is not good enough.

>>17650402
Many thanks for suggestions, people sometimes suggests that it might be from my self esteem. I mean my self esteem in terms of formal things is pretty OK, no problem speaking publicly, debates etc, however with girls is like a switch mode to low self-esteem, however in this I am in broken circle, to have confidence you need success, to be successful you need confidence. My topics of conversation are bit odd tho, I like to talk about politics, history, however I do not expect this from my gf ofc, I know that almost no one young cares about this shit. I know confidence helps, but in what should I be confident, reality-check is clear, fail after fail after fail. I know this is a crying and self-pity which does not help, but I do not know, this goes for too long, everybody around me is happy, despite their handicaps, they make, they found a way, only I did not.

>>17650413
I would say that it is a mix of outside and inside. You need to be OK looking at least to the point where do you care about yourself, clean clothes, good hygiene, maybe some sport for good body etc. And inside, intellect, humor, kindness, etc.

>>17650432
Fair enough, but what then is the think I should improve, I really see nothing, I am not saying there is in reality none, maybe I just dont see it...

>>17650446
>I really see nothing, I am not saying there is in reality none, maybe I just dont see it...

Put yourself in their place. Think about what they might want that you don't have.

>>17650432
>girls want a guy that doesn't need a girl

>>17650454
>girls want a guy that doesn't need a girl

Let me complete that phrase for you:

>girls want a guy that doesn't need a girl TO FEEL WHOLE.

Have a life so, you make someone else fill the void.

>>17650456
>>17650454


Sorry, "Have a life so you don't make someone else fill the void."

>>17650453
IF it would be that easy I would have already done it, at least if they would be honest and tell me what is bad, but they tell some excuse (not feel like having anything, parents advise me not to date first year of school etc.)

>>17650454

In that case I am stuck in loop.

>>17650463
>at least if they would be honest and tell me what is bad, but they tell some excuse (not feel like having anything, parents advise me not to date first year of school etc.)

How do you know those are lies?

>>17650433
I know it's gonna sound tacky, but what you really need is to practice 'self-love'. You said it yourself - you don't have any confidence in your abilities, you're never good enough. Hate to break it to you, but unless you accept yourself and actually like yourself, you'll never succeed. You're lonely and desperate for companionship, someone who will understand you and make you happy - sadly, no one will be able to fill those holes, only you can do it. You can't build a solid house on a shaky foundation.

As I said earlier, listen to what you say to yourself, identify what really bothers you and put conscious effort to prevent yourself from falling into the same traps. You can try Shad Helmstetter's 'What to say when you talk to yourself', I feel it might be useful for you. And don't forget the self-love part either. There are plenty of exercises that will help you with it online, try the mirror and self-hug approach, they're really effective

>>17650307
Stop measuring your success based on how much attention you get from women. From what you listed looking past that gay spiel about race you seem successful. Just focus on different things in life and don't stress being with a women and stop putting pussy on a pedestal.

at first:
sorry not sorry,

second.
get the idea out of your head, literally stop it.
don't expect to find love or a lover by looking for it/him/her.
find something that is bigger than you, pursue that instead.

no-one that I know got a good stable relationship by looking for one. It is the one thing you literally will not find if you look for it.
focus on things you deem important that can be accomplished through following steps.

somewhere along the way you will find someone when you don't expect it.

now I am not an expert on this, I've only had one girlfriend for 11 months. However, things only started because I liked ANOTHER girl and she tried to help me get with her, this kept failing but through the continuos talks about the subject love and other deeper personal issues we developed feelings for another.
Not the precise subject did it, but the fact that things apparently mattered so much to us is what drew us together.

other friends joined a sailing club and met their SO's through their common love of sailing.

Now some things are easier than others to find people in. (these things are places with more suitable possible partners and that require continuous occupation with this thing.)
Ballroom dancing is an example that works well here, since there always is a lack of men in ballroom dancing classes (I am assuming you are male) but you will only find someone if you are passionate about it. if you only go to meet people the only people you will match with are those that do so aswell,

but looking for someone is not a viable basis because once you found someone, and that someone found you, this search withers and other things come to light. thus only things that require huge amounts of time put in that stay relevant are good basis for this.

tl;dr: find something that is more important to you than your life and find someone on the same path.

>>17650442

Are you these things?

>>17650472
If you want to make work something, you make it work, if not you find excuses why it cannot be done. I am not saying that any of the girls should date me, I know that no one owes me anything. I know I am not entitled to anything, just knowing the truth would make things easier( if she would say, sorry, but your face is shitlooking or your texts are too creepy, that would help much more).

>>17650474
It is difficult to love your-self when you have the reality check as I said, failure after failure. I know I bother you with that sorry, I just see it like that+ I come from high expectation environment and I see that lot of different people with different difficulties, in worse situation than me made it work. SOMEHOW, but they were successful.

>>17650463
Maybe you should try older women, those girls just want to be an appendage until they settle in the real world. They want an emotional punch bag, while fucking an independent, oblivious guy, that shows them how to live. They are the same as you, but their excuse is "self-love" and "men should make the first step". Fuck this shit, they will drop you, when something doesn't go according to their plan. Later then they will whine about not having had sex with guys like you, that are obviously the better choice, more considerate, willing for a long lasting relationship, etc...

>>17650494
>If you want to make work something, you make it work

You are entitled. Maybe they really don't want a relationship at the time. Maybe they value their parents opinions more than yours.

Why should they date you? Just because you want?

They give you a reason why they don't want and you assume it's a lie. You are being paranoid.

>>17650489
I try to my best ability, that is all what I can say. IF someone would say when I am not I would work my best to change it.
>>17650486
It is really difficult to not think about it, you see the happy couples everyday all around, all my good friends recently got in the relationship, they do not have as much time as they use to have ( which is completely understandable that gf has higher priority). I know you might say in "pol" terminology that I am weak beta and I deserve to be taken out of gene pool, if this break me, if that is the case, so be it... The thing which I am loosing at this point is patience...

>>17650505
Of course when they said it, I never tell to them that I think it is a lie, I said that I am sorry that it has to be like, however I respect the verdict and left them alone, not any of these long creepy essays...This is just what I think, because for some reason it only happens to me and not to people around me.

>>17650507
>I am weak beta and I deserve to be taken out of gene pool, if this break me, if that is the case, so be it..
kek, guys like you get high paid jobs and are the reason women cuck their men

>>17650512

Doesn't matter if you say it or not. If you really believe all women are lying to you, your distrust will show with any new women you meet.

From your posts, I can tell you are pretty envious of other people, have a lot of resentment towards women, and have low self esteem.

Work on yourself.

>>17650520
I am envious, but not damaging to others. I can swear that I wish success to my friend, today I met one of my friend with his new gf, deep inside I was sad that I am not lucky like that, but immediately I though how to help him, so during our quick small talk, I mention how great friend he is and it is good fun with him, wished them great evening and went my way. I really wish good things to others, in the end, their sorrow would not bring me success so what...

"Work on yourself" is fair comment and I accept it, the question is "what to improve?" and maybe "how?"

>>17650531

You should know what to improve, or pick any of the three I mentioned. Other Anons mention a lot more, too.

As to "how": Introspection. Maybe you can do it by yourself. Maybe art or religion will help. Maybe a psychologist could help you. It's not a sign of weakness to go to one. It just means you are willing to change.

>>17650531
>"what to improve?"
don't give a fuck about girls and start doing something that makes you proud and that you can tell others in a manner of an arrogant alpha male

>>17650507

>I try to my best ability

Are you or are you not?

>>17650543
If i would go to psychologist people would just fucking laugh at me especially my family lol. Keep in mind that i do not look for top model girl... as i said i would have no problem with fat and ugly (95% would pass i think)... but ok many thanks for everyone advice i will try my best to work on it.

>>17650578
I honestly say that i try my best, reality check says that it is not enough but i can honestly say that i try my best.

>>17650507
this is why you need something bigger than yourself too.
If you have something that is bigger than yourself you don't even notice the couples because your mind is preoccupied.
the hard part is finding such a thing.

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Your identity seems vague. If you have aspired to be average, be aware that the average man does not exist. So if your looks are so so, and this is so so, and everything is so so, there's nothing about you to remember you, consider becoming a spy, you're already invisible.

If that's not for you, you'll need to have some hard edges, and opinions that might polarize people around you, maybe even push them away, at the same time they will attract others to you. You can't please everybody, if you are, you aren't pleasing yourself, and the people you are pleasing would say your pleasant value is negligible, since you are splitting it between everybody.

You sound like you judge other peoples happiness on if they are in a great relationship, and have judged yourself in this way. You have exaggerated the value of a partner. They are just as much trouble as they are great to be around. This means you do not want a partner because you care for them, you are seeking a partner so that others can look at you and say, he's doing good look at the girl he has. You are pining for the concept of a great relationship, an Ideal you created in you mind that you are trying to match in reality. You won't find it, it isn't real. Once you internalize that this false ideal you created is stealing the joy from the relationships you are trying to match, you can hopefully reject it, and just be. A good relationship is one where two people can just be, alongside one another. Could be a sexual one, could be just a good buddy. Just don't friendzone yourself hoping it will lead somewhere.

Confidence to be yourself is what any person, male or female, wants and actually values out of you. if you can't make friends with a random Joe at work, start there. Because making a real intimate connection with a girl is a few levels beyond that.

>>17650588
>95% would pass i think
that's your problem girls don't want this

you have to behave as in an job interview, just tell some shit about yourself and how amazing you are

>>17650588
>as i said i would have no problem with fat and ugly (95% would pass i think)

That's another thing to work on. You just want "a girl", almost any girl will do. You don't care about what she brings to the table, expect her pussy, of course.

That ties to the "using a girl to validate yourself" point I mentioned above. People don't want to be ornaments for you to wear.

>>17650602
Where is this picture from. Can't reverse find it.

>>17650598

God damn dude, give a fucking answer. Yes or no.

Your biggest goddamn problem is that you can't objectively fucking answer a simple question that would solve your fucking dilemma.

You believe that women are attracted to x,y,and z

Are you x,y, and z?

if yes, then either you are lying to yourself or women aren't attracted to x,y, and z.

If no, then work on x,y, and z.

This bullshit try my best answer puts you in the situation that you are right now, fucking crying about how nothing you are doing is working, becoming frustrated at the lack of progress, and then looking for advice.

No fucking advice we can give you is gonna help because you can't commit to a fucking answer. Get away from the screen, take five minutes, unfuck yourself, and come back when you are ready to commit to something.

>>17650641
In this case i answer yes...

>>17650643

Then either you are lying to yourself or women aren't attracted to what you listed. Which is it?

>>17650643
>and come back when you are ready to commit to something
don't understand that as suicide challange

Just make a CV and think about what you can offer, what you like, what your hobbies are.
Then make yourself clear what type of girl you want. Go out and ask exactly those girls and be proud of yourself. Think as a professional worker and become an adult.

>>17650648
I think i am honest with myself so it will probably be the think that they want something else.

>>17650656

Good, now what is it that they are attracted to?

>>17650657
If i knew i would have done it.

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>>17650627
that exact image? from 4chan 1 million years ago. It's Klan Klan from Macross F

>>17650660

Good, so now you know that women are attracted to certain qualities you do not possess.

You do not know what these qualities are.

So do some fucking research and figure it out. You know that whatever it is you are doing is not working, you have no idea what will work. And you are smart and honest.

that's fucking enough to figure this shit out. Go out and do some research. Use your current experiences to figure out if the research is full of shit or actually has merit. Test it out, find out what works.

You have gotten more from this goddamn exchange then from 4 hours of other advice. If shit isn't working for you for what you want then you need to change what you are doing in order to get what you want.

>>17650670
>If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War

>>17650674

a roundabout way of going about it, but sure.

The only problem with Art of War is that you need experience in order to fully understand it's lessons, like all great works. If you do not have experience do draw from, success and failure, any advice like Art of War or anything similar will fall on unformed ears.

Hey OP, not sure if you're still around but I hope so. I'll give you what advice/food for thought I can offer.

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. To be perfectly honest, the way you describe your situation seems to have to be avoidable in some way given that you mention that you have some things to offer and more than reasonable expectations. This makes me wonder whether you have something about you that makes it harder, for example you want it so desperately that you become a yes man with no personality to girls. Women ideally want someone who's romantic and kind and honest and what not, but also someone with balls who respects himself enough to stand up for himself, speak his mind and be true to his beliefs and needs. That is manly and it earns respect. People are shitty in that they tend to believe people for the persona they show. This is why loud mouthed douchebags get farther in life than they should; it takes a bit of time to get to see behind the mask if they play a good part. Just throwing it out there.

Either way, here's something else. Maybe you'll feel sceptically about this but bear with me. Sometimes you're just not ready to tackle a certain part of your challenges/issues yet. It sucks to no fucking end but this is my experience at least (and the life experience my mother gave me, for what that's worth, she's quite a cool lady). Sometimes you need to strengthen yourself by investing in other areas of life. You will always need another source of happiness and pride than a romantic relationship. That kind of pressure threatens lightheartedness in romance, and you just generally don't want to connect with another person from a position of dependence.

Either way: get more new experiences. So the girlfriend is not working out short term. Cry about it, angermasturbate over it, ragepost over it, whatever you want. Then go out and get new experiences.

>post too long

>>17650700
It's bad enough to lose this battle for the time being without lacking nice memories from this period in your life. Let's assume like by far most people you end up having a relationship at some point, maybe kids. If they go to college at some point and ask you what you were doing at their age, would you like to remember how you just sat at home being miserable? Or that you tried to make the most of it and to make friends, learn more about yourself, find new hobbies, travel or save money for something you always wanted, get work experience...?

I understand that (many of) these things are probably not stuff you really care to think about at this moment. But you are robbing yourself of most of the world if you give up on yourself because of women. And if you can get yourself to go through the motions, sooner or later you'll find yourself in a situation where you unexpectedly start to enjoy it. You owe it to yourself to give it a real chance.

As you obviously didn't mention all the info about this: in case you feel like all of the above already applies, obviously it's not enough and you need to try different stuff (therapy? - if you've tried it already, it's all about the right therapist so don't be discouraged - big stuff like emigrating even?) and/or switch things around in your life and see if it makes a difference.

If other parts of your life are thriving, it does something to your mental well-being. As you develop self esteem, you can deal with situations that you wouldn't have been able to deal with before that. It is a deeply satisfying sensation to set yourself goals and tick them off. Then you will be able to take on a different role when approaching women and show yourself in new ways. (Plus meet them through mutual interests or friends, which is the best way because you already have a +1 in their eyes for being approved by something they approve of.) And regular bed times, diner, enough sleep (not too much!! <9hrs or it dampens your mood) .

What the fuck op and comments. FIRST you have got to remember: YOU DON'T NEED A GIRLFRIEND WHEN YOU'RE 20 YEARS OLD. Who the fuck told you that. Why the fuck are you pressuring yourself to be in a relationship if you think you aren't yet up to it? Is there a fucking law that forces you to have one? If your uglier friends have their SO's, it doesn't mean you should have one too. My parents got married at 35. They were ok and was fucking rich at that time. Don't pressure yourself op. And also, don't be the guy whose gonna destroy his life just because he was a romantically centered idiot. The fuck. You can love music. You can love an idea. You can spend your love on a lot of others stuff than bitches.

>>17650307
Ah dude don't get too down on yourself about it. 20 isn't shit. Looking back I had such a fucked up, stupid existence back then and it all felt like the world was ending and I couldn't do anything about it. And it continued for a few years too. I don't think I really sorted my life or feelings out til 26 or so but now I look back and it's such bullshit. One of my best friends lost his virginity at 24 and now he's had sex with more ladies than I have.

You have plenty of time for this shit to work out for you, but you need to calm down about it because desperation and angst are not exactly turn-ons for other people. I would encourage you to try as much as possible to become insensitive to rejection; people are gonna say no to you and it shouldn't hurt or feel like the end of the world, even though you may feel that way right now. it is a totally optional state of mind. Believing in yourself, as much as its a cliche, is really important for so much in life. You can build that feeling, little by little, but you need to focus on the long term. Your experience right now is but a flash in a long life and you can't accurately conceptualize where you're gonna be ten or even five years from now.

>>17650307
Seek the Lord, and read His word.