My on and off GF of the past few years told me last night that

Move on. Find someone who wouldn't say something so hurtful.

>>17645412
Have you ever even had a long term relationship? She wasn't being malicious, she was communicating.

I wasn't mad that she said that, I was glad she felt comfortable enough to tell me there was a problem.

>>17645430
have you been gaining weight?

>>17645398
OP, this is the beginning of the end.
Her love is turning fraternal.
I'm a femanon and my advice to you is to take a break from her.

>>17645441
No, I'm the same I've been for the past few years.

>>17645443
This is what I'm thinking, I thought maybe if I give her the cold shoulder a bit it would reel her back in but I don't want things to end, I love her too. Anything else you can suggest?

I said this >>17645443
>>17645398
But it doesn't mean is a bad thing. It's taking a break and still keeping a friend. Give her time to miss you and lust for you. If during the break she still doesn't feel like fucking you, break up, but stay friends with her.

>>17645455
No what I mean was not for you to treat her badly, or give her the cold shoulder, but rather to just take a break. Take a break and still treat her well throughout it.

>>17645457
>>17645464
>>17645457
What exactly is the difference between taking a break and breaking up in this context?

Pulling away doesn't exactly mean I'm treating her badly I don't think. Just giving her more space than she may want.

>>17645455
If you love her, I'm thinking you would rather have her in your life than not have her at all. Take my advice. If you try to fight what is going on, you guys are not gonna have a civil break up and you're gonna be really heartbroken.

>>17645398
Has she started any medications recently? Sometimes they can really fuck with your sex drive. This includes birth control.

>>17645457
Other than kissing what difference is there between being friends and dating if there's no sex already? She can't miss you if you're friends with her because that means still talking a lot, which is hardly different than what they're doing now.

>>17645468
>What exactly is the difference between taking a break and breaking up in this context?

As in you tell her: I wanna take an indefinite break from you. I need to figure some stuff out.

If she doesn't misses you but still doesn't want to sleep with you during that break.

Break up as in: I think your love for me is fraternal at this point and we should break up and see other people. I love you so much that I don't want to lose your friendship too. Might as well end it before I lose your friendship too.

>>17645455
>thought maybe if I give her the cold shoulder a bit it would reel her back in but I don't want things to end, I love her too.
Sorry man. Over time her not wanting to be close with you is going to harbor resentment in you whether you love her or not. You have to make it clear now that you don't like it.

>>17645475
sorry typo
*if she does miss you, but still doesn't want to sleep with you during that break.

>>17645477
Nah, don't make it clear you don't like it like anon says because this is out of her control, it would be unfair and she might try to pretend she's enjoying it just so she won't lose you.

It's like the person who wrote this doesn't even know what females are like!

>>17645472
Not recently as far as I know. She's always had a pretty low sex drive, she only gets horny unstimulated like once every few months.

>>17645470
This has happened to us before. Problem is I can't stand to see her with other dudes when we're not doing well, and I always want to fuck the shit out of her - I'd basically be giving myself blue balls evey time I see her.

>>17645475
So, just don't see her for a while.

>>17645477
I've made it very clear that I don't like it, but I can't expect her to change the way she feels just because I said so, feelings don't work that way.

I'm pretty sure she's receptive to just grinning and bearing sex even if she doesn't care for it, but I assume that would just make things worse. Or, should we just try and 'power through it' so to speak?

>>17645485
What's the alternative? Going forever without sex anymore? Fuck that.

If she's pretending to enjoy it then that can be easily sensed.

Just because it's out of her control doesn't mean he's obligated to be stuck with her regardless. That WOULD be unfair.

>>17645490
>>17645485

>I've made it very clear that I don't like it, but I can't expect her to change the way she feels just because I said so, feelings don't work that way.
That's not why I said to do it. It's to signal that the relationship should probably end because you're not getting what you want out of it.

>>17645492
You don't understand.

We still fuck.
She doesn't ever want to fuck and only does it to placate me.
That makes me not want to fuck her, not enjoy fucking her and sexually frustrated.
I want to make her want to fuck.

>>17645495
I don't want to end the relationship yet, I want to do what I can to fix it first, that's what I'm asking for here.

>>17645490
If you tried being apart before and it didn't change anything then it probably wouldn't do anything this time.

You have two choices really. Become okay with not having sex, or leave her. Sorry.

Unless she is okay with some arrangement where you get to fuck other people. But that just seems very messy and would probably harbor resentment in her anyway.

Sometimes people just aren't compatible. It's life.

>>17645443
>>17645457
>>17645464
>>17645470
>>17645475
>>17645480
>>17645485
I wrote these and responding to your last comment >>17645490
Yes, don't see her for a while.
>This has happened to us before. Problem is I can't stand to see her with other dudes when we're not doing well, and I always want to fuck the shit out of her - I'd basically be giving myself blue balls evey time I see her.
It takes two in a relationship. What's the use of wanting to fuck someone who doesn't wanna fuck you? I'd take my blue balls with me and fuck someone else. Distract yourself with someone interesting. Taking a break literally means you don't see her. So Idk how you'd see her with other dudes.

>>17645398
cheat on that bitch she is not doing her job of emptying your balls. find some one who will.

>>17645497
>I want to make her want to fuck.
Well you said yourself, she can't really change the way she feels. I honestly don't see it changing.

Only way is if it's a medical problem. Hormone issues maybe?

>>17645498
>>17645500
We've been open for most of our relationship. It did cause problems once, that's why we were apart for a year. We're not currently seeing anyone else, but I'm free to fuck anyone. I want to fuck her though.

>>17645501
I mean you can't change the way someone feels just by asking. If I started acting differently or got fucking yoked in the gym that could change the way she feels.

>>17645504
Seems like drastically changing yourself like that is an unhealthy solution. What happens when you go through all that and she still doesn't really wanna bone?

I mean, getting shredded isn't really a downside, but you already said you aren't fat so I don't see body image being a problem

>>17645398
Shit. She's comfortable and safe with you so she's dry as the Sahara.

This is an extremely common and a recognizable pattern in women, they get wet over the bad boy then dry up when they land the beta provider.

Somehow you became the beta provider.

Reading this thread made me grateful for never having this kinda of problem with my gf, good luck op.

>>17645517
I'm looking for a temporary solution to a temporary problem I guess. If all it takes is me being less available or something that wouldn't bother me.

>>17645559
You said you tried that already though, and it didn't work.

>>17645551
Yeah I don't get it either. I am the bad boy, I have a broken shoulder right now because I crashed my motorcycle coming home from the bar. Her parents and her entire family hate me because they think I'm a manipulative douchebag (like 1/3 true). I'm incapable of neglecting her or punishing her when she treats me poorly though. Maybe that's the issue.

>>17645570
We broke up and didn't speak for a year. When she reconnected she wanted me super bad - basically until halfway through the first time she said. That was about three weeks ago.

>>17645579
So ghosting for a whole year only got you half a sex? Yeah mate, I don't think time apart is gonna fix things.

>>17645585
It wasn't that simple, it was pretty dramatic and we had a lot of baggage and then after ruining each other's lives for three months or so we stopped talking.


You think I should just tell her to grin and bear it and hope she comes around?
I have a feeling that will just make her resent me and actually hate having sex with me.

>>17645596
created a lot of baggage*

>>17645596
>>17645599
She said the first few times we fucked she couldn't stop thinking about all the stuff that happened. She also told me that more recently she hasn't thought about it.

I think it's definitely possible that she's still hung up on those events.

>>17645596
>You think I should just tell her to grin and bear it and hope she comes around?
No, I think you should break up. Shit just ain't workin.

>>17645579
Aww shit. I became a beta in the eyes of my gf when I broke my leg. I'm not using the term beta the way that 4chan uses it, I'm using it in terms of safe vs makes me wet.

In some ways I want to say, "Get the fuck out now!". I went through the same bullshit with my girl and then she stabbed me in the back. Or actually what you tried to do was shoot me in the chest with my own gun.

>>17645616
How long were you together?

We've been together for most of the last four years. We have a future together planned...

>>17645624
3 years then BAM!, dry as a dessert because of broken bones from a racing accident. Please note, I had more than adequate cash in the bank at the point that the accident happened.

I wish I could give you encouragement but you're in a minefield.

>>17645640
Fug
Any tips at all?
Practice persistence?

>>17645640
>>17645653
Anything that made things worse?

>>17645653
The biggest issue is that you likely lost the relationship potential at the point that you broke a bone. Broken bones scare the living shit out of women. They run their mouths about the pain tolerance of women because of childbirth but in reality they can't handle pain. And a broken bone represents an incredible amount of pain.

You have to take a very active and manipulative role while you heal to calm down her fear.

>>17645670
That whole first statement sounds kinds of nuts honestly, but I'm in a bind so okay.

>You have to take a very active and manipulative role while you heal to calm down her fear.
That's why I'm here yo. What can I do?

Jesus fucking Christ you guys lack intuition and emotional intelligence. You guy's cannot be adults. OP you're in a toxic relationship. Yea, it hurts to see her with others but you gotta get past that. You'll be sad for a while but you know you're self worth. Don't stay with this girl. You seem like a good guy with good intentions but stop being naive.

>>17645682
Yeah, this is the truth.

But, he asked how to keep the relationships not whether it was healthy. To keep it he has to manipulate her. To be healthy he has to leave her.

>>17645682
I know what you're saying, but this chick is valuable. You don't meet many girls that ride motorcycles of their own accord and work at Apple that you also spent your college years with.

I'm not going to cut my losses.

>>17645679
If you want to manipulate her you have to convince her that she isn't going to find anything like you in another person. And, play upon her weaknesses in self-esteem and confidence.

>>17645398
I had a gf of 2.5 years tell me this, left six months later
>leave