Why do you seek a relationship? Is it because you're scared

>>17640573

most people seem to seek relationships out of a habbit, almost OCD. bojack horseman made a great joke aimed at teenagers but it applies to adults as well.

>girl: So who do you like?
>boy: i dont think i like anyone
>girl: you have to like SOMEONE.

there's this push that you have to be in a relationship. and its easy to see why. we grew up on fairy tales about true love and settling down. everyone acts like getting married is winning the game. we are taught from an early age that its not only okay, but expected that we disregard our own friends because this girl might be 'the one'. were supposed to build a life based on the most fragile of human relationships and put aside the long term ones that could quite possibly last a life time platonically.

its a subplot in every single story. there's always a romantic subplot. and if its in EVERY STORY, it must be important. the problem is that we dont treat it as a subplot. we treat it as the climax of the story.

people seek a relationship because they don't know any better. they're told that being single is miserable, and that love is the only drug that can make you happy.

me, I've been singleish for 4 years. I've had flings and they were fun, but there was only one girl i found worth making it 'official' and even then it was only because I knew she wanted an open relationship and i knew she'd be returning to her home country at the end of summer.


though in the normies defense
>why a fuckfriend isn't enough?

it usually is actually, people just dont realize that cuz its REALLY hard to get a fuck friend, and even harder to get one that you find long term attractive, and have your shcedules line up well, and then on top of it not develop emotions. its rough.

when i thought alot about why i wanted a girl friend and going through all these crushes were i get fucking hopeless because i can't talk to people with my social anxiety, i was sick of it and was thinking WHY do i actually like that person and it all came down to me wanting someone to hug, cause thats pretty much all i look for. but maybe thats just me because i dont remember the last time i hugged anyone and i want it to be someone close.

>>17640573
I am in a relationship.
I don't seek anything, right now. Maybe in the long term I'd like to have kids, but there's nothing factual I gain from the relationship right now. Sex and companionship are cool, tho - but I'm not unreasonably ugly and I know I would be able to find sex anyway, and I have friends.

I am with him because being with him makes my life better, and makes me better as a person. I truly love him, like I've never been able to love anyone else.
Being with him changed my life so much and he made me grow up a lot. Thanks to having someone as supportive and loving as he is, I found the courage to do so many things. He's my best friend and everything is funnier if I do it with him. He gives me butterflies in the stomach, he makes me want to improve myself, and because the thing that makes me happier.

ever since i was a kid ive hated being alone but ive never had a serious relationship, im 26. i have a big fear that im just gonna grow old and die alone.

but end of the day i enjoy the freedom to be selfish that being single allows. on my days off i have no responsibilities and i can do whatever i want whenever i want within reason.

sometimes i get lonely and do want someone around. it would be nice if someone was there at the end of the day to talk to, but right now i dont want to give up my freedom for that.

>>17640624
Are you alone because you have no friends? Are you scared of having no family to support you, or because you don't trust friends to keep you company as you grow old?

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>>17640624
Dying alone isn't too bad. You have to find a friend and peace within yourself.

I did. And even when i have a gf, i love being alone

I want family and children to get my life busy. I want to take on a role of a father.

There is nothing more I need woman for in my life.

>>17640628
i do have friends and some family close by and it's good to have them but i also understand that they are busy and have their own lives to deal with so i respect space they need to do that.

so yeah ill see people every now and then but for the most part im on my own

There's this girl I like and I want her all for myself. I'm also scared of being alone and friends can't fill in.

I want a companion. Possibly someone to raise a family with. Regular sex would also be nice.

As it is I haven't really met anyone I'd really want to make a partner in life, so I'm just sort of cruising along single. Plus I have yet to meet a woman that wouldn't raise a stink over the lack of time I would be able to invest into a relationship right now as a full time student with a full time job.

Because I'm a wizard and I want to know what I've missed out on all these years.

It's bad enough knowing that I'll never experience young love.

And if I get one and it sucks, at least I'll have it off my bucket list.

I'm actually pretty close though...recently met a girl who I have more in common with than any other person I've ever met. And if the topic of past relationships comes up, I honestly don't think she'll even care. She's like the least judgemental person ever. She saw through my lies about my other insecurities, got me to fess up, and she still likes me enough to go out again. It's such a good feeling.

the purpose of a relationship is to eventually settle down and have kids. Since having kids is basically the end goal in nature we're pretty much programmed to want to find someone to make that happen with.

if not to raise a family then a relationship is basically just for companionship. though i dont know why someone would be in a relationship without the thought that someday they might have a family

My idea is to further the Aryan race by whatever means are available.

So, odd answer here, but...

I don't seek a relationship.

Why? Because I dated a girl a while ago (long distance), broke up with her because I couldn't handle the long distance part, and haven't wanted a relationship since, because literally no girl I have met, even when I've managed to not even think about ex for a long time, has interested me in terms of an actual relationship.

I would go for a relationship with ex now, but I can't say why past the fact that I genuinely loved her (chances are she's changed a lot, and so have I, so possibly not anymore; basing this off of when I knew her). When you love someone, you just want to be with them, logic be damned.

Love's a pretty fucking incredible feeling, however painful it can be at times, and I'd wager that that's what most people are seeking, rather than just a relationship in general.

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>>17640778
>the purpose of a relationship is to eventually settle down and have kids.
Not always. Depends how you define "relationship." The idea of "settling down" is entirely cultural. Go back far enough in your ancestry and you'll find that the females were practically just vassals that conceived babies after being inseminated by wandering males in what we'd consider today to be "rape" but in biological terms, like how we observe in other lifeforms, is simply termed sexual intercourse.

>>17640573
>Is it because you're scared of being alone? Friends can't fill in?
It's not the same sort of intimacy.

>Is it because you want "free pussy"? Why a fuckfriend isn't enough?
Can't be intimate with a fuckfriend. Sex becomes meaningless.

>Is it because you want children?
Later in life.

>Is it for another reason?
Having another person who you can open yourself with and be loved for that is just comfortable.

If only...

I've been single all my life, 19, and for a while I didn't care because I had so many friends to surround myself with.
But then once I noticed that there was a lot of emphasis being placed on having relationships I then started to feel like shit.
It's still on and off for me though. Lets just say that I have a lot of mixed feelings. Recently some guy asked me out, I've never been asked out before and I wasn't sure what to say so I just said yes without even thinking.
I kind of regret it because, while I know this isn't like me looking for a long term relationship or anything, but if I am going to have a boyfriend, I want to know him a little bit before hand.
I don't even know this guy. At all. I'm still contemplating on if I want to at least get to know him, because it would be kind of nice. But now that I look back on all those days of suffering based on wanting a relationship just for the sake of having one like everyone else, it kind of made me reflect on how my life has been.
I've been alright on my own for the longest time so why should I need a boyfriend?

All I can say is, the experience might be nice so I guess i'll give it a try? But if i'm being honest here, I have to admit, i'm afraid to confront this guy now...

>>17640839
maybe way back when, but once civilized society develops we become more monogamous in order to take better care of our children and to have some kind of sexual order.

just look at what happens when the family unit breaks down and a persons role in a family becomes uncertain. kids raised without fathers are always associated with a slew of problems for example.

also look at our society in the west. the family unit is breaking down and everything is going to shit

tl;dr: it was like that before, but society works way better when people are actually settling down

>>17640573
I want lap pillows EVERY DAY

>>17640910
>kids raised without fathers are always associated with a slew of problems for example.
I would say it's that single mothers are more likely to be bad parents instead of the problem being that the kids are missing a father. You have cases where both biological parents are still together, but they're still bad parents and the kids grow up just as problematic.

>also look at our society in the west. the family unit is breaking down and everything is going to shit
I'd say the problem is more due to the introduction of women into the workforce. Neo-liberal capitalism has managed to transform the missing half of the population into debt and wage slaves. Not to say there is anything wrong with work, but it is clear that this change has been brought solely to benefit the corporate elite and has zero benefit to the newly-enslaved workers.

I'm assuming because people are supposed to pass on their genetic heritage

I've been in a relationship since i was 16 years old. 3 gfs total back to back, last one for 8 years now.

First of all, i like being in a relationship, it gives me strength and validation. Secondly my relationships have all been good and every girl i've ever loved is great and i still like them. I couldn't just sleep with a girl without assuming that i am now her boyfriend. It would just seem wrong.

As to your other questions.

Im not scared of being alone at all. I am currently in a ldr and i fucking love it. seeing my gf on the weekends is great.

Pussy is never free, you have to seduce a gf just as you have to seduce a stranger. The concept of fuckfriend is completely alien to me. As stated above, i would be confused if a "fuckfriend" didnt want to be my gf.

i dont give a shit about children. Ill have them once i make enough money to support them or when they manage to slip through contraception.

>any other reason
Makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside.

>>17640978
I did too. Maybe at one point it was just instinctual to pass on genes, it still can be today in some cases.

Before I cured it, loneliness.

>>17641006
Instincts are funny like that. For the past couple of years whenever im boning my gf i keep thinking of impregnating her. When im drunk i act this out and tell her to give me strong sons. She loves it lol.

>>17640587
>she wanted an open relationship

w e w

You were going pretty good before you got to that part.
I guess I'll have to pretend I didn't see that.

7/10

>>17640975
>I'd say the problem is more due to the introduction of women into the workforce

this is true as well. women being introduced to the workforce contributed in the sense that the man was no longer the breadwinner. so if a woman is making the money and taking care of the kid, she might think "what do i even need the man for" but obviously if youre working and taking care of a kid one of those things is going to suffer

as for the single mothers thing, im sure that them being bad parents plays into it but even if they are good parents a child still needs a positive male role model

>>17640573
OP, unless you're thinking of marrying, it's not that serious. I'm dating a girl right now, but we didn't necessarily communicate that we are bf/gf, so I can pretty much go after any girl I want right now. That's the way I like it.

Because I'm lonely. The friends I have can't fill the void that I'm feeling

Because there is a certain bond/relationship that comes only from someone you are emotionally, and physically, connected to in that specific sense.
There are things I for whatever reason would not feel comfortable relying on friends for, but do feel comfortable relying on my boyfriend for.

There are many different types of love anon. You have your platonic love for your friends, you have your family love for them, you have your lust, and then you have your romantic love. Most of the time those loves overlap in to different categories, sure.
Every single one of my relationships have always branched off of the platonic friendship love. I loved them as a friend, but then I also began to love them romantically. I loved them in both ways at the same time.
When my parents got married and had us kids, they began to love one another first as a friend, second as a romantic partner, and now third as family.

It aint rocket science. There is that specific form of romantic love that you cannot attain with just anyone. You can't just fuck your friend and experience that, and you can't just surround yourself with strictly platonic friendships and experience that. It's its own thing mate.

Hello, OP back here.

The reason why I asked these questions is because of bad experiences and seeing all my friends or people they know.

I see a lot are seeking intimacy and are talking about romantic love.

Do you think that intimacy is related to romantic love? Do you think it's possible to be intimate without that romantic love? It is a fact in psychology that romantic love does not last. It's an one year thing pretty much.

Considering how I got cheated on and how so many people cheat and how it's even encouraged (or at least, my friends tend to encourage cheating...); do you wish to be in that relationship for a long time? Once the romantic love dies, do you miss it? Do you wish to find it again? Do you feel intimate without the romantic love? Are you content with just the intimacy and without the romantic love?

>>17640573
I never had a mother figure so I need someone to fill in for this

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I've always felt comfortable being alone. I've got my hobbies, I never get bored at home. But lately everything seems worthless, I go to uni and to work and nothing is much fun anymore. So I can only hope for love to be the thing worth looking forward in life. And yeah, I want a companion and I'm dying for a girl's affection. I guess never being complete is part of being human. Moments pass and are forever forgotten as memory fades. I'm seeking something true even if it doesn't last forever.

>>17640573
>And for those who are in a relationship, what do you seek from it?
My wife is my best friend and partner in crime. She's my biggest fan and constant source of suport. She makes me laugh daily, laughs at all my jokes, and is up for anything in bed. We have a good time.

She's also subsidizing my lifestyle and not-very-profitable self-employment, although I was crazy about her even before I started my new venture.

>Is there any reason why you are still in that relationship?
Because it makes my life better.

>>17640573
It's nice sharing your life. Relationship involve sex but are not based around it, relationship are based on caring.
And that is good shit to have in your life.


I do agree that you shouldnt depend on your partner, people who seek partners that solve their life are delutional dependants

>>17640573

I didn't really seek one. I was actually pretty damn happy as a bachelor.

When I met my current wife through a mutual friend at some get together, we just all hung out. But then we got to talking and stuff just clicked.

Jump 6 years later, ams we had been a serious couple for seveal years. No major foul ups. Similar goals and values. Very sexually compatible. Some people thought we were newlyweds already.

So we were like "why not? " and got married.

Another 6 years later and we're still happily married. I think it's helped that neither one of us feels like we NEEDED someone, but we're both incredibly happy we found each other.

No kids. Not planning on it ever. In fact, we've been talking about a vasectomy.

>>17641917

Your friends sound young. They want to play the field and not feel like they're missing out.

But then again, at a young age, you're also dealing with a lot of idealization and infatuation that many mistake for "real love" or "romance". And they see being ctazy about one person exclusively to be the evidence of that.

Real love and romance are ultimately something you have to make work. Because you will eventually find other people with aspects as attractive or even more attractive as your partner. You will find flaws in your partner. Your sex will dwindle off at times. You'll disagree and fight (hopefully respectfully).

But real love and romance means that doesn't ruin your relationship and you keep making efforts to explore/enjoy life together.

And even if you grow apart, it doesn't mean none of it was real or romantic. Very very few intense relationships follow us to death.

I definitely don't "seek" a relationship, which I did in the past, because my last girlfriend made me realize that being in a relationship for the wrong reasons was way worse than being alone and free. I thought I wanted someone that understood me and all of my complexities, and would be there to support me, which I would do in turn.

But then I realized that really, she was just acting like a mom and being an emotional sponge, and it was really boring. My life wasn't any better having someone to pat me on the head or hug me or tell me they loved me. So I dumped her (feel bad about that).

What I instead realized was that I want a partner in crime if I'm going to find another relationship that I want to be in. Someone who's going to say "yeah, I know you had a fucked up childhood, shit sucks. Let's jump on a plane for the weekend and take shots of Jager and fuck in a place we haven't been before." Not hugs and nurturing while watching tv.

I'm not afraid of being alone - I love my friends and they'll always be around. If not, I'll make new friends.

All of that said, when you meet someone you really fucking like, and they like you back, and you go do amazing things together, it makes the world a brighter place.

>>17643188
are you a dude? you couldve made that happen
as a guy you pretty much have to make it all happen

now if your girl was like "nahh i dont want to" then drop her ass

>>17643209

Nah, that girl I was in a relationship with wasn't that kind of girl. She would go do SOME things, of course, and would have done anything for me, but it wouldn't have been any fun for her, and she'd have been doing it just to make me happy. I don't want to drag someone around, I want it to be mutual fun.

Hey, need some advice.
It's 1 day till autumn vacation and this cute girl, I have a crush on, asks me what I'm going to do this weekend and if I go on holidays. Am I overreacting or is she tryin to meet up with me?
I wanted always to ask her out (like for ages), but I'm a pussy and I guess tomorrow is my last chance (at least for now) to ask for a date or something. Is it worth a try?