I've made multiple posts on social anxiety issues I have.

You don't do it before the fear sets in, your supposed to push through it after it sets in, you'll look like a total weirdo the first hundred times, but it definitely gets easier

>>17633685
>your supposed to push through it after it sets in

Easier said than done
>Be at bar with friends
>See table of cute girls
>Friends encouraging me to go talk to them
>Absolutely want to
>They're actually fucking gorgeous though, instantly get thoughts like "their out of my league, almost every guy here is better looking than me, I really don't have a shot"
>Instantly get petrified with fear, mind and legs completely freeze up

How am I supposed to overcome that?

>>17633549
i can relate to how you feel. i used to get alot of social anxiety because i went to a really rough high school and pretty much everyone there was a dick. even though its generic advice, you have to tell yourself that you can do it. it gets easier and easier as you do it more. there isnt really some secret technique people use to get over it. people, like myself, force themselves to do it because we dont want to be bound by our insecurities. i still suffer from social anxiety sometimes. the other day i was at a bar with my friend and strangers, i felt anxious around the new people even though i had nothing to fear.

>>17633725
But no matter how much I want to overcome this I still fell absolutely frozen by fear

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>>17633705
> Easier said than done
Yeah, it's hard as fuck but it's the only way to get over it. I'd strongly recommend getting a cbt book, pic related is really good.

>Instantly get petrified with fear, mind and legs completely freeze up

Yeah that's when you have to keep pushing. The first time I got the courage to approach a girl at a bar I completely froze up and basically couldn't say anything after the initial opening. You have to take this one step at a time, the first like ten, twenty times you'll barely be able to talk, but if you keep doing it it'll get much easier.

>>17633737
>Yeah that's when you have to keep pushing.

Just no matter how many times I say "I want this, I can do this, etc." it just.... doesn't get any better. There has to be something I'm just not doing.

If I was your friend I'd literally drag you up to girls, get their attention and walk away giving you no choice but to try and talk to them.

>>17633731
i think about what i am going to say before i say it and i imagine certain replies so im prepared to answer them. most people are very similar desu, or at least they often speak to strangers in the same way. i work out and do boxing and that gives me confidence. maybe you should get into something that will give you confidence?

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Anxiety generally happens if you follow a bad diet, this generally affects both your gut health and mental health.
>lacking sunlight
This eventually deficiency of vitamin-D3. Especially at winter season this gap gets wider and wider, solution is benefitting from the sun when it's at its peak. If you stood home at whole summer you can still stock up a few bulbs of high UI dose vitamin-D3. Next summer just care to see some sunlight for the sake of it.
>having a shitty sleep schedule
Not sleeping enough or skipping sleep for long causes long term brain damage. This can be repaired but at the long run it causes anxiety and impairs the important decision mechanisms. Brain damage can be repaired in time (if you get healthy fats, perhaps abit faster) but some habits will be harder to delete like addictions and whatnot. Indirectly having a bad sleep schedule prevents you from benefitting from sunlight. At long term effects this causes an anxiety similar to "permanent jetlag".
>dehydration
Yea, bein' "salty" actually have adverse side effects on liver and kidneys as they can't detoxify the body effectively as they wish it to be. I suggest a good amount of water everyday; if possible close to 2liters at least.
>fermented foods
It's all about keeping your gut health and growing a thicker skin. Taking anti-biotics and whatnot weakens gut culture, on top of bad sleep schedule, dehydration and bad diet; I think brain finally snaps and wants to keep you contaminated until you take care of yourself. Vitamin-B complexes and grains can keep your gut health up to a point, but real recovery comes from consuming such fermented foods like sauerkraut, pickles, beer without going off-board.

Continue'd

>>17633705
You grab your nutsack, feel your balls and go talk to them. There is literally no other way

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>>17633549
You do it anyways, and when you do it enough, it becomes easier.

It's as simple as that.

Good luck, though. I remember when I used to struggle with social anxiety, I had the same thought process as you.

>>17633794
>maybe you should get into something that will give you confidence?

I mean maybe, there isn't a lot too me. I kinda just spend a lot of my free time sitting around playing games/looking for new music to listen to (wow, no wonder my social skills never developed). I spend a lot of time hanging out with friends too, just approaching new people is just.... so fucking hard. Especially with how much of a mess my head is always in. There really isn't a whole lot about me that's interesting, I'm not ugly but there's simply 5874543895843859038540932 other guys better looking and more interesting than me.

Fuck man this feels really beyond me.

>>17633804
Literally all of these things apply to me. Holy fuck I'm a fucking mess.

>>17633821
video games are enjoyable but i would suggest doing other stuff too. video games are kind of a valueless hobby in the real world. being good at video games doesent really mean anything and you can do other stuff and play video games, just lessen your play time.

>>17633549
Sounds like you need to practice over coming fear on something easier before you tackle your social anxiety. It's not easy but can be done. I used to have trouble walking in to a bar on my own. I can do it now but I have to decide to do it, draw up my courage as if I'm taking a deep breath, and just go for it. It shouldn't take any additional effort but it does. You learn to deal with it.

>>17633826
dont worry. pretty much everyone now a days is like you, the difference is that you're aware and can make a change for the better. i was like you, i used to play video games all day

>>17633819
Can I ask, why does it seem like everyone is more capable at overcoming their fear than I am. Everyones like "yeah it's hard, but you just gotta do it".

I've been trying to "just do it" since I was like, 13. Literally no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want it it just doesn't happen. What are all these people doing that I'm just not.

>>17633837
But there just... isn't anything else. When I got an n64 for christmas when I pretty much had a one track mind. Spent most of my free time playing games, going to school for programming because I want to make them one day. I guess I literally set myself up for social failure.

Almost every attempt at picking up a new hobby has been a failure, the only exception I can think of is I got really into MTG for a year or so in highschool. I simply don't have the patience to teach myself things, and often find myself wanting to just go back to my games.

>>17633821
The first thing you need to do is stop blubbering in your "woe is me" mindset. Secondly stop playing video games or cut back drastically that shit is poison for your mind and a drain on your time. Then you need to get a job, any job, nothing is beneath you because you, by your own admission, have no marketable skills aside from your willingness to work. My advice if you haven't already started college is look into trades. Find the largest construction temp agency in your city and WALK IN TO THEIR OFFICE. Don't apply online GO PHYSICALLY INTO THEIR OFFICE (dressed as well as you can) and ask if they are looking for full time apprentices. 9/10 construction agencies are looking for bodies and they WILL find a spot for you.


Now that you have a job you can focus on building your career. Using myself as an example I'm an arborist by trade and going to college during winter for a degree in Natural Resource Management just to pad my résumé because I love my job.


Don't worry about women now, women require money. And once you have a skill you are confident in that confidence will spill out into your life. For women you just need to grab your nuts and go for it, no other way to learn them other than experience like everything else in the world


And I swear to god if you give me some boo boo I can't do it bullshit you are completely beyond saving. I've typed out a good roadmap for you

>>17633848
Try gradually improving yourself whilst being more outgoing.

Lose weight, get a new haircut, etc.

Might not work, but looking back, those are some of the things I did to help with anxiety.

>>17633839
>Sounds like you need to practice over coming fear on something easier before you tackle your social anxiety.

Actually this makes sense, but where do i begin.

>>17633866
i think you lack discipline. maybe you should try getting into reading or working out. you can still play games, just not as much. i play games a few hours a day but i make sure i do other shit too.

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>>17633804
>reducing cortisol levels
Cortisol is the hormone that creates "fight or flight" reactions in your body, if they're too high health problems like anxiety, allergies and being short-fused appears. Even if it sounds good to get rid of cortisol entirely, without it you wouldn't even do your daily errands. To reduce your cortisol levels, you may afford going to gym or do simple tasks like walking by morning. Even yoga and meditation, can be an escape point ot evade stress when done at the right time (evening and before it). To reduce stress levels your body's demands must be met at a timely manner (thirst-dehydration, eating, urge to urine/defecate, sleep). If you have no time to run small tasks enjoying a good small meal in a social area (like a cafe/rest), take a good nap after a soothing bath or sip some seasonal herbal teas with spice blends.
>Allergies and histamine levels
Some people have seasonal depression just because of their yet unknown allergies and increased histamine levels against seasonal fruits or veggies. First step is clearing up your room as best as possible then doing a diet list about high histamine foods. Sadly sauerkraut is a high histamine food, but however there are foods that are low histamine or even lower histamine by themselves.
>Sleeping environment
Hygiene is another need of the body. Allergies are an indirect reason of increased cortisol levels. When was the last time you cleaned your room? Sleeping in a dust ridden room with poor air-conditioning and full of LED lights, won't do you any good. Shutdown your computer and close electronic lights in your room, make sure it's well-aired 1 hour before sleep. Wear clean pajamas and use clear sheets. At worst option lay a disposable towel on your pillow, and spray Lysol to clean the sheets every morning. At best do your own laundry.

>>17633840
Yeah true, less-so with women I find but most guys I know have utter shit-tier diets and sleep schedules.

Most of my classes are in the afternoon so I usually get a good sleep. However on weekends I almost always have to work at 7 in the morning and almost always end up staying way to late and getting like 5-6 hours of sleep (not the worst, but still probably not good).

>>17633549
fag

>>17633884
>Yeah true, less-so with women I find but most guys I know have utter shit-tier diets and sleep schedules.

yep, i should have said guys lol. but i also meant in the sense that most guys dont do much else but play video games all day.

>>17633869
>The first thing you need to do is stop blubbering in your "woe is me" mindset.

ok I can try

>>17633869
>Secondly stop playing video games or cut back drastically that shit is poison for your mind and a drain on your time.

I mean, I guess. I don't see why every second of my time needs to spent being productive. Most people will agree there's nothing wrong with unwinding to vidya. But yeah, I do dedicate way to much time to fucking around doing nothing

>Then you need to get a job, any job, nothing is beneath you because you, by your own admission, have no marketable skills aside from your willingness to work.

I have a job, it's a shitty job at Tim Hortons (big Canadian coffee chain if you haven't heard of it). Been there for about 4 and a half years now. Management absolutely adores me and my work ethic. I like to think I'm at least kinda liked among my co-workers. I'm a huge jokester, I tend to tease and playfully give people a hard time about shit, as far as I can tell most people think it's hilarious. I don't take it too far or anything. Most people give it right back to me and we get a nice laugh over it. ik this goes against everything I've said about my anxiety but I've worked with a lot of these people for so long that of course I'm gonna feel comfortable around them. Also I have no issue dealing with "force" social situations, where it's considered damn near necessary for me to interact with people, such as work.

>My advice if you haven't already started college

I have, in for programming. I like it well enough.

>Don't worry about women now
It's really hard not to when there are so many just absolutely gorgeous women in my school. It drives me insane. Especially hearing about how well some of my friends are doing with women.

>And I swear to god if you give me some boo boo I can't do it bullshit you are completely beyond saving.

I don't think I did, I'm just trying to get a good feel for where I'm at in life based on what you said.

Feel this on a personal level
>Don't think about it
I TRY NOT TO THINK OF SHIT THAT STRESSES ME OUT BUT IT STILL HAPPENS

>>17633876
>Lose weight
Fuck bro, in the past 3 months or so I've dropped 20 pounds despite my diet and exercise habits getting worse. Almost certain it's because my stress levels were so high. I am a bit chubby though, nothing horrible just a little bit of a stomach really.

>get a new haircut
I've already found the haircut that's undisputably me.

If anything my wardrobe needs a complete revamp. I have an autistic level of band tees.

OP here.

One thing I should've mentioned. I did start counselling recently. Just I've only been to one session, and there's going to be a 2-3 week wait between each. It's gonna take a long time for things to get rolling and I can feel myself getting more miserable as time goes by, I need to start looking into solutions now.

>>17633878
>i think you lack discipline

Oh abso-fucking-lutely. Could've told you that before I made this thread.

>maybe you should try getting into reading or working out.

I've had brief periods where I worked out regularly (longest lasting about 6 months). Thinking about it now it's unbelievable how much better I felt about myself during that time than I do now. Granted I was still an anxious little fuck but I just liked myself a little better, especially when other people started to notice. My diet was still shit-tier, but whatever. I didn't really care about becoming "SUPERBUFFBODYBUILDERSUPREME" nor do I think living to be 100 is all that appealing.

As for reading, it's definitely been a while since I picked up a book, I read manga and comics somethings but that doesn't really count does it

One thing that might actually lead somewhere though. I found myself fucking around with FruityLoops a few weeks ago. I had literally no idea what I was doing, but I came up with something that a lot of people liked to my surprise. I'll probably give that another go when the mood strikes me. I listen to a lot of music,and deep down making music is something I've always wanted to do.

>>17633883
>To reduce your cortisol levels, you may afford going to gym or do simple tasks like walking by morning. Even yoga and meditation, can be an escape point ot evade stress when done at the right time (evening and before it).

So what I'm getting from all of this is that my anxiety likely isn't clinical and is more or less caused from me being a lazy fuck.

>Some people have seasonal depression just because of their yet unknown allergies and increased histamine levels against seasonal fruits or veggies.

I get the sniffles in the spring because of some kind of pollen allergy. Thinking about it now I was never told what it was specifically.

>When was the last time you cleaned your room?

A few weeks ago, but that was literally only because my aunt and uncle were gonna be using it. Yeah it's usually a mess. I just never use it for anything but sleeping so I never bothered. Didn't know the dust could actually be fucking with me.

Holy fuck guys there's a lot of great shit here. Almost too much desu.

I'm going into information overload here. There's so fucking much to consider.

Accept you'll die lonely and miserable

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>>17633883
>>17633804
Addendum:
>Caffeeine, nicotine and a-like stimulants should go outta window
Coffee, caffeinated fizzy drinks, energy drinks and whatnot should not be consumed if you are depressed. Chocolate is okay up to a level. It would only stimulate your nerves and make the anxiety worse. I read that using a simple paperfilter when brewing coffee might help to reduce that anxiety inducing effects, but scientific evidence didn't sound too convincing to me.
If you need something to wake you up in the morning try pomegranate and grapefruit juice, a juicer shouldn't be too expenny.
Quitting smoke is all about your willpower and whether you wanna get detoxified or not.
>Skin health
Having acne and whatnot is generally side effect of puberty and can flare up when you're stressed. Best treatment is taking vitamin A and either topically apply or consume vitamin E oil. I didn't hear much good things about synthetic vitamin A, so I'd only suggest you to try and take vitamin-A naturally.
>Methylation (and hollistic crap)
This section is not even remotely related to depression, still to some levels it may have an effect, so include it. I didn't plan these post to involve hollistic or herbalistic shit, but I felt like mentioning.
Getting your body to detoxified away from heavy metals may be beneficial to your sluggish behaviour or attention span. I watched shitload of videos and whatnot they've been telling miraculous things about Vitamin-C (Ascorbic Acid) for methylation and strengthening the iron absorbtion in body. To cleanse better, most experts also suggest taking vitamin-C with garlic. To note; I already read several good stuff about turmeric, cinnamon and ginger.

>>17634051
you my friend are a beautiful person. thank you for sharing this information.