<Trying to get in a relationship is a waste of time, learn

A good relationship is better than being alone.
Being alone is better than a bad relationship.

>>17590595
and constantly failing to be in a relationship?

>>17590590
"Trying to get in a relationship" us a waste of time because it is counterproductive. The greater the efforts you make, the more those very same efforts will push women away from you. That's part of why learning to be alone is important. It makes the "need" for relationships far less urgent, which will help you scale back your efforts.

There is another reason to learn to be alone. Almost invariably, the /lonely/ folks on these boards treat rejection as though it is (or would be) the end of the world. But this reaction is also creepy, because people act funny when they get desperate, and no one wants to be a potebtial target of that. Learning to be alone means, in part, recognizing that even though rejection stings, it is survivable, and learning to take it in stride. This is what "confidence" really is: not so much "she'll say yes" as "even if she says no, I'll be okay". This is what women want to see in a man who approaches them, because it means he's far less liable to turn psycho on her if she says no (or worse, if she says yes). It is the very essence of not being creepy. And it is completely compatible wiith OP's two statements.

>>17590618
Means you need to take time for yourself because your obsession with relationships is not healthy

>>17590632
Not a single goddamn thing of what you said makes a single bit of sense to me. I mean seriously, wtf are you trying to say?

>>17590632
Solid post, anon. Good shit.

>>17590642
I'm trying to say that desperation is creepy. Learning to be alone is, in part, about learning to handle and manage your desperation, which will ultimately make you less creepy.

You are correct that never carrying out a successful relationship is, beyond a certain age, also considered creepy. Because of this, it gets worse before it gets better. But learning to survive rejection and solitude will ultimately do much better for you than getting into a relationship before you are ready.

>>17590652
>be me
>25 yo virgin
>never had gf
>feel like I'm running out of time, that I lack the experience to have a relationship
>people my age are having kids and getting married
>I've just had my first kiss
>"it's okay anon, just learn to be by yourself, Blah,blah, blah, that way you what seem so creepy. You'll get a girl then!!!"
Gee whiz. Why didn't I think of that?

>>17590695
>feel like I'm running out of time
And this is your fatal mistake: falling for the Christmas-cake meme. You have time.

>>17590701
Really. You mean there are tons of women out there that'll wanna date a 25 yo with the romantic experience a 14 yo?

>>17590652
OP here, that wasn't me but I'm trying to really get something from what you wrote. It doesn't seem like being alone is intrinsically helpful to actually being in a relationship or being happy at all(otherwise virgin dating value would skyrocket with age instead of plummet over time). Instead, what I'm getting is that it's ideal to work out all of your problems, anxieties, depression, fears and insecurities through solitary activities like introspection, meditation and general self-improvement like getting /fit/ instead of trying to fix all of your problems with another person. Thus putting you in the mindset of "I want to talk to this person because I feel like talking, I feel like dating this person because I liked talking to them" etc. instead of "IF I DON'T DATE AND FUCK HER/HIM MY LIFE WILL NEVER GET BETTER". Learning to be alone is more like learning to enjoy life when you're not in a relationship, not needing a relationship to enjoy life right?

This is 100% conjecture from a khv after doing some thinking about all of this, please correct me if I'm wrong, I admit I just want a better life.

>>17590710
What experience? Sexually? Most men never get good at it so don't sweat that. You'll be fine if you ask her to tell you what she likes. I promise.

The rest of "experience" is heartache and learning the subtle signs that she's wrong for you or mad. None of which will fuck up a good relationship.

Learn to communicate and open up. That's it. You can do fine with 1 woman or 500 if you follow that. All you're missing out on is youthful casual sex shit and it's overrated.

Source: I'm a 34 year old that dated plenty and is very social.

>>17590778
>sex
>foundation of the hierarchy of needs
>is overrated
I've never understood this. It's like telling a man dying of thirst in the desert that it's just water. The analogy of desperate men as being thirsty is apt.

>>17590791
You can sex with a hooker or a barslut. The psychological needs that are satisfied by a relationship come much higher up

>>17590728
Pls respond

>>17590791
Sex never provided me a woman who has a meal ready for me every day when i get off work.
Nor a woman who keeps my house clean while im away, or listens to my petty bullshit, or consistently provides me with every other desire or need i have every day of every week of every month every year.

Sex is extremely overrated, its cheap, instant self gratification that everyone everywhere has access to if they look for it.

not to mention is something you eventually grow out of.

>>17590778
>>17590831
>having no relationship experience doesn't matter
>the psychological benefits of a relationship
This. Going without one changes you, and not for the better. I'm like angry all the time, and I fly off the handle with the slightest provocation. I've always had problems with anger, but it's gotten worse as I've gotten older.

>>17590791
>sex
>foundation of the hierarchy of needs
Long since debunked. Nowadays it's often not included in the hierarchy at all, because it simply is not a basic human need.

>I've never understood this. It's like telling a man dying of thirst in the desert that it's just water.
And this whole idea of somehow "needing" it this badly is what makes you creepy. You won't die, no matter how long it takes, and you will go no crazier than you aleady are.

>The analogy of desperate men as being thirsty is apt.
You do realize it's an insult, right?

>>17590710
>Really. You mean there are tons of women out there that'll wanna date a 25 yo with the romantic experience a 14 yo?
By sheer numbers, yes. Even if they numbered only 1% of the female population, that would still be millions.

>>17590866
>This. Going without one changes you, and not for the better. I'm like angry all the time, and I fly off the handle with the slightest provocation. I've always had problems with anger, but it's gotten worse as I've gotten older
This has nothing to do with your lack of relationships. A girlfriend will not fix you, nor stave off further rage issues. You don't need a girlfriend; you need a doctor.

>>17590632
>creepy

why dont you just suck my creepy dick?

>>17591316
You know what makes you a disposable asshole? Calling people with flaws creepy.

>>17591321
that doesn't even make any sense. you aren't going to meet every women in the world. you aren't even going to meet every women in your fucking city.

>>17590728
I guess none of this makes sense, oh well.

>>17591325
>why dont you just suck my creepy dick?
Because I don't swing that way. Doubly so, in fact, since I'm neither gay nor a pedophile.

>>17591328
>You know what makes you a disposable asshole? Calling people with flaws creepy.
If hust having flaws made a person creepy, then everyone would be creepy. Not all flaws are creepy. This one is. But it is fixable. You were not born this way. But getting out starts with a choice.

Also, "disposable"? I don't even know what that means.

>>17591374
>that doesn't even make any sense. you aren't going to meet every women in the world. you aren't even going to meet every women in your fucking city.
No, but you will meet some of them, unless you're a total shut-in. Over the course of your life, you have already met hundreds. You will meet hundreds more. And by the odds, some of them might even be willing to date someone like you. IF you drop the creepy shtick, that is.

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>>17591498
Some people are meant to be alone forever.

>>17590590

Because you're expected to be able to have different kinds of relationships with different people.

You're expected to be able to carry on romantic relationships with people, but if that doesn't happen, it's a sad state of affairs.

However, whether or not you're expected to be romantically matched up, people do generally expect you to be capable of having platonic relationships with others. You're expected to be a well rounded and social individual and not be a people-hating shut-in who puts everyone off with your know-it-all attitude and "sarcastic sense of humor" who nevertheless seeks the approval of others for validation.

And if the above is you, it explains why you aren't in a romantic relationship.

>>17590710
>Really. You mean there are tons of women out there that'll wanna date a 25 yo with the romantic experience a 14 yo?

You're not submitting a job resume. Not having any "romantic experience" isn't a bad thing in and of itself.

What most people who lack "romantic experience" really lack is "social competence". They often find it difficult/annoying/draining to be engaging, considerate, and respectful with people in general- let alone a person with whom they have to spend a considerable amount of personal time with.

They just aren't enjoyable to be around for more than a couple of hours.

This is why so many people stress not getting into a relationship for the sake of it and being an overall decent human being. If you can't deal with people, you can't deal with romantic relationships, because you have to have romantic relationships with PEOPLE.

Very very rarely does someone look at and treat friends, family, loved ones, and society in one way and the person they're in a romantic relationship with a completely different way.

You are not an exception and neither are they.

>>17591690

jesus christ

fuck it, I'm done. I'm not even gonna try to talk to women anymore if that's what its like.

>>17590778

32 year old virgin here.

I can guarantee you no woman would ever even consider being with me because of that. Sexual experience might not be the most important thing, but if you're going to fumble around and not know where to put it or cum in seconds you are done for.

Learning to be alone is essential. You will not always be in a relationship in your life. If you are, you may end up like my friend, let's call him Rob. Rob was raised christian and got a girlfriend when he was 17. They were going to wait until they got married to have sex and everything - it didn't last. They fucked after 18 months together, and it ended after 4. Since then, he's been in and out of long-term (ish) relationships because he simply cannot stay single. When he becomes single, he goes out to have fun, meets new girls, convinces himself that he likes them enough to date them, and ends up with another girlfriend. Rob can't stay single because he doesn't know HOW to be single, he can't bear the idea of being alone. It depresses him. He doesn't understand how to be alone so he gets into relationships for the wrong reasons.

Not having relationships because you are too socially retarded and don't have your life together enough to hold a relationship is a bad thing. Having all your shit together and getting into a relationship for the wrong reason/s is also a bad thing.

That's why it's important to learn to be single. If you can be content while you're living the single life with friends, your own projects etc. You can find someone you truly share something special with. Someone you're willing to risk it for. And you'll know, because you're not looking for just anyone. You weren't looking at all. That's how you know you've found love.

>>17591935
>but if you're going to fumble around and not know where to put it or cum in seconds you are done for.

Being a virgin means a little more fumbling around (but there's usually a little of that with a new partner), but it doesn't mean you cum instantly. That's a totally unrelated issue.

Also, what turns a partner on more isn't showing them how much you learned fucking other people.

It's about you being willing eager to fuck THEM. Everybody has their favorite kinks and positions and little things that gets them off. If you try to fuck a woman the same way you fucked the last woman, which is the same way you fucked the last woman, because you just know that's what women in general want, you are not a good lover.

If you show a woman that you want HER and do things SHE likes and are willing to try the stuff that gets HER off, then you're doing it right.

>>17591690
>Some people are meant to be alone forever.
No, they bring it on themselves through their own supidity.

Like this guy you've screenshotted, who approached 2-3 women PER DAY on campus. His failures didn't do him in: his desperation did. Once word got around of the thirsty guy who was so obsessed with having sex with women for the first time that he would approach literally anyone, his goose was cooked.

But what you get into, you can get out of. This guy fucked himself pretty hard, to the point that he may even have to move just to escape his reputation, but this is still possible. He is not fated to be alone. He just needs to grow the fuck up.

>>17591910
Holy shit this describes me. Although for me, I find it annoying because I never have anything interesting to say. I'm trying to get better at it, but people already get an idea of me and tend to back off or they like me but not enough that they'll hit me up if they make plans. It really fucking sucks. I really want to be more social and go out more, but people never give me a chance and I don't want to force a friendship with someone if they're not feeling me you know?

>>17591993
>I'm trying to get better at it, but people already get an idea of me and tend to back off or they like me but not enough that they'll hit me up if they make plans. It really fucking sucks. I really want to be more social and go out more, but people never give me a chance and I don't want to force a friendship with someone if they're not feeling me you know?

Because there are a lot of people like you.

Often, a person like this spends their days at work and all their evenings online (or on tv/videogames), and occasionally hangs out with people on weekends. They have few, if any actual interests, or hobbies, or experiences that would make them worth talking to.

So the key is to get actual interests, hobbies, and go out and try stuff you've never done before.

Not only will it give you stuff to talk about, but you'll likely meet other people with similar interests to talk to.

>>17590728
not that anon, but you pretty much got it. except:

>it's ideal to work out all of your problems, anxieties, depression, fears and insecurities

it's ideal but not realistic. even the most dedicated self-improvement guru will die with personal problems. just spend a little time every day or two working on yourself, and realise that your psychological muscles need rest days as much as your physical muscles do. in other words, personal growth takes a mixture of conscious effort and leaving it alone to work itself out. sometimes just spending some time living your life, and thus getting experience in being a human being, can give you some of the perspective you need to grow.

>>17591987
Doesn't help that people always say "oh no dating is just a numbers game; rejection isn't bad. talk to enough people and you'll find someone who will say yes. rejection isn't the end of the world."

>>17592194
>Doesn't help that people always say "oh no dating is just a numbers game; rejection isn't bad. talk to enough people and you'll find someone who will say yes. rejection isn't the end of the world."

What people don't mean is literally talk to every member of the opposite sex that's a similar age to you. Most people you talk to will not date you and of those that do, even fewer will stay with you, and of those that do, even fewer will be there until one of you dies.

To someone who understood dealing with other people, this would seem obvious. Not to the guy who just went around chatting up every random girl he found himself in proximity to.

This is why dating advice is generally useless unless you've addressed someone's problems with communication, social skills, and basic human interaction.

The problem isn't simply that they can't get a date or stay in a relationship. The problem is that they can't deal with people in general.

>>17591925

You read a post on an anonymous anime imageboard and purposed that it would shape your entire life from hence on?

Yeah you were never gonna succeed anyway.

>>17591690

Also to add, without even making it half-way into this post I knew that the guy was being robotic in his approaches, and for sure that's what he was cause he says he was copying lines he saw from PUA's on youtube and movies over and over again. His "routine" is what sucks, cause if you're talking to 500 girls in 6 months, you should at least be batting a success rate of 5% which is 25 girls, which is a lot, but the fact that this guy was batting 0% shows he was the one doing everything wrong and his reputation preceded him. Also, wouldn't recommend going to clubs just to approach girls, especially if you're a natural introvert.

>>17592255
Being ugly is hard, even my friend who is better looking than me went with me clubbing.
He was surrounded by girls in like 10 minutes while when i tried to approach somebody they just didn't show any interest.

Don't say me that looks don't matter.

If you are a 10/10 guy you can approach any girl and tell any bullshit if they don't have a bf you have a chance.

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>>17592227
>What people don't mean is literally talk to every member of the opposite sex that's a similar age to you
What DO they mean by "it's a numbers game"?

If you're making as little assumptions as possible what he did is the most logical and straightforward interpretation of the idiom. "It's a numbers game so I just need to ask out/talk to a lot of girls my age" makes perfect sense. What else could it possibly mean?

>>17590590
do as you please. the opinions of others are irrelevant

>>17592523
The opinions of others matter a lot, people can get fired, rejected, dumped, shamed, disowned, ostracized or killed for having a wrong opinion or others having a negative opinion of you.

>>17592518
>What DO they mean by "it's a numbers game"?

Like I said in the post, it means, "Most people you talk to will not date you and of those that do, even fewer will stay with you, and of those that do, even fewer will be there until one of you dies."

It means that even if you do it right, you'll experience a higher ratio of rejections and break ups compared to life long love. It means don't get discouraged because you have to take a risk and if you keep doing it right, one of those people can be the one.

It doesn't mean, "Do whatever the fuck you want because eventually someone is going to buy your bullshit."

>>"It's a numbers game so I just need to ask out/talk to a lot of girls my age" makes perfect sense.

But it goes back to having workable human interaction skills.

If you go around spouting pick up artist lines by rote to random women in random situations- all of whom are from the same general social sphere- and not realizing when you're being creepy, then no, it's not going to work.

This is why it's impossible for people without social skills to really use dating advice as dating is like next level social interaction.