>tfw you realize that the first "being-in-love"

You're 21, this will change over time. It's highly unlikely you'll meet the person you're happy to spend the rest of your life with at that age.

>>17585196

i love how you try to sound mature, and then say

>at the ripe age of 21, i have already decided that we are going to be together until we die
you're 21 and no longer sexually attracted to him, its a matter of time before one of you pulls the plug on the relationship.

you can be attracted to people for more than... what, you've been dating 7 months?

>>17585212
>>17585213
we've been in a relationship since 2012 and we just click on so many levels. i suppose it's hard to find a honest companion who's there til the bitter end with you, but that's exactly what we've found in each other.
giving it up just because the initial attraction is gone is bullshit imho.

>>17585224

Why has the attraction gone? Has anything changed with either of you physically?

I've known (although not been in a relationship with) my boyfriend for around nine years and I still get turned on just looking at or thinking of him.

>>17585224

hes a high school sweet heart. you havent graduated college. hes essentially ur first boyfriend. you already decided that you're upset about this.

its a matter of time. its not 'initial attraction'. you can be attracted to someone through decades. people do it. im nto even a believer in 'the one' and marriage and shit, but people are able to maintain their attraction over years.

good luck tho

>>17585224
Have you tried to work on that?
Work out and get physically more attractive.
Spice up your sex life.
Wear a nice dress and lingerie and go out for dinner.

My relationship got a bit dull with my bf after 6 years we were together, but after we got fit we went from fucking once a week or so to "OMG, it's almost 6 hours we don't fuck, what's happening to us?"

>>17585231
in the beginning, i just fell in love with him for his character, he was not really my type physically. even though he got very handsome over the last years. but still, i don't really have sexual desire for him, although i can imagine that other women find him extremely attractive.

>>17585234
i'm just afraid that it's not true that you will always remain attracted to somebody.
i mean, kissing someone for the fist time, or getting intimate with someone for the first time and the excitement around it.. i mean, it's in the words "first time" that you cannot recreate those feelings.

>>17585238
we both are very fit people, he's a powerlifter, i'm a weightlifter.
and we're very open sexually. we tried everything, and when I say everything I mean like literally 99% of what's possible without getting arrested, i guess.
it's not like that we can't do that stuff. but i just can't find motivation to do those things (getting sexy for him or i don't know) because i just don't feel much desire to do those things with HIM.

i stopped taking the birth control pill last year to see if something improves but nothing really changed.

>>17585249
and adding:

i would very much like to feel those things with him, because i believe that there is no person that is as perfect as he is for me in every other aspect.

>>17585249

Your situation is identical to mine.

I ended up leaving my partner and eventually ended up in a relationship with my friend, who I had found attractive since I first knew him.

The difference is incredible. I can't look at him without reacting. I never felt like this the entire time with my ex, although he was a really lovely guy and we got on. There was just no chemistry. It sounds like you're quite similar.

>>17585257
but breaking up would break my and his heart, we have so much fun together, we help each other, support each other, laugh and cry with each other... it's gold what i have. giving this up would be madness. ._.

>>17585270
Don't date people just because of inertia.
You're giving up on the possibility of happiness to not go through a little struggle.
Nothing good in life happens without taking risks.

>>17585374
why is it inertia if i feel comfortable around him? what if i don'T want to change it

>>17585270
Be honest.

You're arguing so hard trying to convince everyone how much you want to be apart from this guy.
You just want someone else to convince you because you know it's going to be hard.

But look at yourself.
You made up your mind awhile ago, before you even made the thread.

Just don't be a dick about it. I'm sure it'll be a relief to both of you.
Separating is hard. Just tough it out.

>>17585196
You're a woman, you're not capable of love anyway.

>>17585394
Isn't there a way to work on it?
i really don't want to lose him

>>17585388

Then you wouldn't have made this thread.

You're talking about physical attraction, which you just cannot force. When you get older, it's likely that both you and your partner will lose your looks but that's when that deeper connection really takes over and you love each other for the memories and your connection.

You should be struggling to find your partner attractive at 21, you should be fucking like rabbits. Take my word for it, don't waste these years with someone you have no chemistry with.

>>17585388
Because you don't *want* to be with him.
You stay with him because you already are, not because you're head over the heels about him.
It is comfortable to be with him, but you wouldn't chose to be with him if separating from him didn't mean he suffered from it and you suffered too.
You tried to be attracted to him but you cannot. You tried to make it work, it just doesn't.
You said it.
Staying with him means limiting your life and his life. It's unfair to both of you.

>>17585411
>When you get older, it's likely that both you and your partner will lose your looks but that's when that deeper connection really takes over and you love each other for the memories and your connection.

yea, and what if I will never find such a connection again?

i would prefer having this connection with somebody in the future rather than fucking my brains out now and being alone afterwards

>>17585413
>You stay with him because you already are, not because you're head over the heels about him

reading this hurts because it's kinda true..meh
but who can guarantee that i will ever find somebody i will forever be head over heels with?

>>17585196
Hey OP I was reading the other responses and I don't think you should break up with your bf. This might sound cynical but honestly the whole falling in love for the first time feeling is the same each time, you just get to have it with different people. You've expressed multiple times you wanna keep being with your bf so there's no point in falling in love for the first time if it's not with him. Personally I think the most valuable part in a relationship is the time and experiences you've had together. You've been with this guy for so long you must know each other better than anyone else. That's precious imo and I wouldn't give something like that up just to have honeymoon phases with other guys. I think you just need to get over that desire to be in a honeymoon phase and to keep remembering that what you have with your bf is one of a kind.

>>17585425
>but who can guarantee that i will ever find somebody i will forever be head over heels with?
No one. But if you don't try, you won't for sure.

>>17585436
OP here, thanks for this reply

what do others who replied in this thread say to this? that would be very interesting to me

>>17585449
Np , I'm also in a long term relationship and I've felt how you have before, but I always remember that no one is going to have my back like he does and that no one will support him like I do.

>>17585464
do you still have a satisfying sex life? if yes, how do you manage to do that??

>>17585436
I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years.
He is my best friend. We share hobbies and interest, we travelled the world together. We went through a lot of shit together - death of loved one, sickness, depression, unemployment. All of it, he was by my side, and I was by his side. He's the person who makes me laugh, the person I go to when I need to cry.
But he's not JUST my best friend. He's my lover. I make sure I'm attractive for him. I make sure he's satisfied of our sexual life. I go out of my way to make him feel nice and loved. He does the same for me. I still kind of feel him up under the restaurant table, and whisper to him what I'm going to do when we get home when we're at some boring event.
Sure shit, I don't feel butterflies in the stomach when we're together, but I still desire him so strongly and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Not because he's here, but because nothing would matter if it wasn't with him.

>>17585479
Very much so, the anon who posted >>17585482 sums up how we keep it going.

>>17585482
>>17585490

welp.
the first part is the same for me and my bf. but the second not so much. i know i could fix all of our problems by being a bit more active sexually speaking, but i just can't somehow.

thing is I love being the submissive part when it comes to sex, and getting active is too dominant for me to enjoy it. it sounds weird.. but i would like him to start things etc. i already told him about it, but he has not that much experience (i'm his first gf and first sexual partner) and simply me telling him what to do is, again, me being too dominant.

maybe the chemistry really isn't there when it comes to sex
but giving up my cutiepie is just euzrislkjhdfserkjbdnf

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15KB, 537x360px

>>17585196
Yeah you can just die early. Love often and freely and embrace the absurdity of your endless and ultimately futile quest for meaning and contentment.

>>17585504
If you tried to fix it but you cannot, just move on.
Some things are out of your control and you either decide to live a mediocre relationship forever, or you find someone else.
It will hurt insanely, but at the end it's the best thing.

>>17585406
Yeah, there is a way to work on it, but it really doesn't seem like you want to go through the effort of working on it.

>>17585196
You're using the words "being in love" to refer to the honeymoon phase, sometimes called the infatuation stage. In successful relationships there are stages that come after it, and some couple report some of those later stages are in some ways better. But middle stages can be rough after the honeymoon phase is over.

Some couples (often middle aged I think) go through a new sexual exploration stage when things start to get stale where they experiment with kinks, cucking, swinging, orgies, or more open relationships, which can recall feelings of the honeymoon stage but can be difficult for people depending on their opinions and ideals on monogamy and deviant sex.

>>17585249

The birth control actually changes the type of person you are attracted to because it changes your hormones. This actually can cause him not being attractive anymore. You might want to read into this