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Hello, friends. I need some help. Obviously. I have been in a

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Hello, friends.
I need some help. Obviously. I have been in a relationship with a man for just over a year now, and things were awesome at the start (as they usually are). However, as time has progressed, there has been more and more complications, and because I'm a friendless person, I have nobody else to turn to.
Basically, to cut a long story short, he has become somewhat overbearing at times- always wanting to check my Facebook and who I message, and read the conversations. He has went through conversations of some friends of mine and got vehemently angry about some of the stuff I said. He also is adverse to me changing my profile picture because I once said I would change it to one of us; but we never take couple photos. Lately we have been getting better with this, but things are still off.I have been having some trouble with depression/anxiety and he has told me to go to a therapist, because he is 'getting sick of it'- despite knowing I have hypochondria which gives me an intense fear of visiting medical professionals.
My depression/anxiety also seems to be leaving, but I have been wanting to experiment more in spirituality and self-help stuff; which he classifies as rubbish- as my degree in International Relations which he is never wanting to talk about. In spite of this, I really do think I have strong feelings for him, and I know that some of this is my fault due to some temper issues I have. But I just need help. I am so lost and at wits end and have no one to talk to about this. Please help.
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Everyone will benefit from therapy.

Has he been cheated on in the past? If so the paranoia and privacy violation is excusable, but also requires therapy.

Have you broken his trust in the past? Then the problem is all you, and he should leave you

If neither has happened, you should leave him.

After therapy helps you, encourage him to go as well. If he is unwilling to go, you should leave as well
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>>17584072
he is being controlling and is starting to border on psychological abuse. not only that, it doesn't even sound like he loves you. get away from him before he has you apologising for being alive. dump him, block his number. you need space to work on your own issues. I guarantee you won't get that as long as you're around him.

I always thought hypochondriacs tended to go to doctors more often, not be afraid of them. are you afraid of getting diagnosed with something? or treated for the wrong thing?

part of a therapist's job is to make sure you are comfortable and that you trust them. otherwise they can't treat you. so if you go to a therapist, they will do everything they can to try and work with your hypochondria. they also generally can't prescribe meds, so you don't even have to worry about them pushing pills at you. it's not really like seeing a doctor at all.

go get this guy out of your life and get some help, dear. you will be glad you did.
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Wait are you male or female?Different approach to this for different genders
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Listen my ex girlfriend was pretty fucked up after her boyfriend before me and how controlling he was, if he is looking at your convos all the time that is a big red flag that he doesn't trust you and that he is insecure. I know you say you love him and stuff but trust me that guy probably isn't for you. Also the fact that he said he was sick of your depression is another red flag. My ex also had pretty bad depression(would cut herself a lot but i got her to stop thankfully) and it make a relationship hard but if he loves you then he should be supporting you and not saying stupid shit like that. I don't know if a therapist will help also I finally convinced my ex girl to go see one but it didn't help her much, the lady just taught her breather excersises to help with her anxiety like what the fuck a 100$ a session for that? But yeah make sure you have goals in your life that you wanna work towards and find hobbies/social life to help keep your mind from being alone and thinkin too much.
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>>17584072
>I'm a friendless person, I have nobody else to turn to
>I have been wanting to experiment more in spirituality and self-help stuff
why do you think you're a friendless person or better said why you became one?
>because he is 'getting sick of it'- despite knowing I have hypochondria
>he has become somewhat overbearing at times
He may have a hard time not knowing how to deal with your problems, because he can't understand where they come from. That angers him and makes him a bit paranoid and desperate.
>which he classifies as rubbish
I don't know if your values fit together, talking about such things may be the best thing to do. If he isn't considerate, that would be a problem.
>Everyone will benefit from therapy
That's what I also think, but only if he admits his mistakes and decides to join. In case he doesn't want to, I think a therapy could help you, because your urge for self-help may result from fear and repressing your own mistakes. Self-help is always difficult, not even psychologists can help themselves well enough.
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>>17584096
He hasn't been cheated on, but has had a bad relationship in the past. I have tried to be accommodating of that, and have never gone out/or drank outside of his presence.
Not that I can think of. I have never cheated, and I don't do anything with other guys. In fact, he gets mad at me if I stand to close to them when chatting, so I try just to stay away.
I will open up the idea of therapy to him. Thank you so much for your contribution!

>>17584100
I never considered it being abusive- I felt afraid to use that word incase people ridiculed me, considering he has never lifted a finger to me and has complimented me.
I get really worried that they're going to diagnose me with a terminal illness, so I stay away. Mostly every headache/pain/breathing issue is some sort of cancer or tumour.
I also worry that if I get a therapist, it will ruin my chances in any sort of armed forces role or security role, as that is what I'm working towards.

>>17584104
Female :)

>>17584105
Thanks for the advice! I am worried that my sadness/depression is irritating for him, so I try not to mention it. As with many things I like these days...

>>17584106
I'm sorry. I didn't realize spirituality would make me friendless for the ten or so years of my life. But I will look into therapy, thank you for your help :)
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>>17584114
>I'm sorry. I didn't realize spirituality would make me friendless for the ten or so years of my life
Sorry, I think you misunderstood me, I just wanted to know if you ever thought about how it started, when you lost friends, because you said you have an interest in self-help. Do you think it was induced by your anxiety or was it even before that?
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>>17584122
Oh! I think I understand now. Sorry for the confusion. I don't know to be honest. I was never a popular kid in school or never really had any friends honestly. I don't ever remember being really weird or anything, just shy. Later than sort of bled into high school and university where I have issues striking up conversation and public talking, because I think people are going to judge me and make fun of me. I've only recently tried to get into the self-help stuff, because I think the issue is something that lies in me.
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>>17584132
So we can say you lack a bit self-consciousness. Would you describe yourself as someone that wants to strike up in conversations like other people or are most of the common conversations uninteresting for you?
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>>17584146
Most common conversations don't really interest me, but I have no issue with making small talk and jokes with people, and like to talk mostly as I work in retail. I just find it difficult to connect, more so, with other people. That's probably half the reason why I'm not swarmed in a plethora of friends,.
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>>17584072
>trouble with depression/anxiety and he has told me to go to a therapist
>despite knowing I have hypochondria which gives me an intense fear of visiting medical professionals
>mfw
Seriously OP, if a fear has gotten to the point where it leads you to avoid medical care you would otherwise seek, then it's gone too far.

>>17584114
>I also worry that if I get a therapist, it will ruin my chances in any sort of armed forces role or security role, as that is what I'm working towards.
It probably will, but how exactly are you "working towards" that if you work in retail and aren't using your intl studies degree?
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>>17584160
Ok, then I would say it's more like many of your interests don't match with the people around you. If you have no problem working in retail and like to talk, I'm sure it's not necessarily your fault for making no friends. You may have two possibilities for solving that problem. The first one would be you try to be more sensitive about the preferences of other people, but this is not easy and if your interests don't match it may only be a burden for both sides. The other one is you find people that match your interests. Loosening up on a topic you like will be the most easy way for you. You may begin to talk with people online if it's hard for you on a personal base. Then you can slowly try to approach people and find a few good friend that will also help you with your problems. Don't be shy, failing many times is unimportant if you can find true friends that fit to you. There are always people that don't like you, because of mismatching interests, try your best and don't give them much thought. Try to think positive, you are good as you are now.
Now about your boyfriend. It may be a huge shock for someone other than you, to see a change or when you are in pain and he can't help you. For you it may feel like a slight change, but for him it's much more than that. Talking is always good for both of you. You have to make him clear how you really feel and always say what angers you and what you want. Dealing with people that have problems is not easy, but I hope he will acknowledge them if you give him a real insight into your feelings. You might have to be selfish, but I know you want help from him and you shouldn't hide that.
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