I'm not really sure what advice I even want, except that

>>17581855
PART II: ARRIVAL
>Be on plane
>super excited to meet only girl that's shown interest in me in (what felt like) years
>never ridden a plane before
>admire the view before falling asleep
>wake up
>plane lands
>fucking awesome!
>Denver is incredible
>texting Her
>get a little mixed up in the terminal, but sort myself out eventually
>she's getting increasingly annoyed with how long it's taking me
>eh, it'll be fine, she's going to be happy once we meet
>finally find her
>she's irritable and terse
>I get in her car, and we drive off to the hotel, sitting in silence most of the way
I'd never booked a plane or a hotel before. I didn't know how this shit worked. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that the hotel I had booked was an incredibly fancy one. A fancy one that I realized too late I had spent way too much goddamn money on. Yes, I'm retarded, if this whole story didn't tip you off.

I blew nearly $600 on this fucking trip, probably more than that if you count the money I spent in Denver. I felt like a goddamn moron.

The airport was when I had my first inkling this was going to be a shit weekend. As soon as she saw me, I saw her face drop. I'm only 5'5. I hadn't mentioned that too her, and apparently my height never crossed her mind (who expects someone to be a manlet?), because her entire demeanor changed. In that moment, I knew she stopped finding me attractive, I could see it on her face, and in that moment I hated myself.

The plan was roughly as follows. I was going to stay in Denver from Friday to Monday, flying back on Sunday. We would meet Friday, spend Saturday hanging out and getting high, and Sunday she would take me back to the airport after a long night of fucking each other's brains out. As they say, the best laid plans of manlets...

>>17581855
Continue

>>17581863
On Friday, apparently her parents had been getting on her ass about whatever, and she told me she was pissed at them, and that's why she was acting the way she was. She stayed over, and we watched Ghost Hunters or some shit, and she got pissed at me for finding it funny. I must have been incredibly horny. I kept trying to kiss her, but she wouldn't kiss me back. She told me that it was like kissing a stranger, which hurt me more than it had any right to. After all, we had only met a month ago.

We cuddled, and she put off going home, feeding her parents some bullshit about doing something with one of her friends, until eventually she had to go. I didn't want her to go, and I felt ripped off. I felt like I had invested everything and she invested nothing. Before she left, she sighed. Lying down, she told me to take off her panties. I did so. She pulled her dress up. I lay on top of her, and mounted her, and came inside her. It was the worst sex I've ever had in my life. She was so tight, that I was cumming before I even realized it. I was finished in probably less than a minute. I felt ashamed. She kissed me, and put her clothes back on, and I walked her down to the parking lot and saw her off. I felt let down, and I hated myself.

I went back up to my hotel room. I went inside. It was fancy. Certainly the fanciest hotel I've ever stayed in. Certainly the fanciest place I've ever slept alone.I curled up in my king sized bed, and fell asleep watching Ghost Hunters or some shit, and tried to keep the little kernel of optimism in my heart alive that this wasn't all just a gigantic waste of my time and money and emotion. I eventually fell asleep.

>>17581855
PART III: SATURDAY
>be me
>wake up Saturday morning
>excited to see Her again
>in real life!
>feel like I'm in a dream
>she picks me up outside my hotel
>we're planning on going to the Denver Museum of Natural History
>it's raining and overcast
>I have a good feeling about this
I had picked out the Denver Natural History Museum as a stop. While we were discussing what we would do while I stayed, every time I asked her what we should do, apparently she couldn't come up with anything, and asked me what I wanted to do. I was smart enough to know that just sitting in my hotel room all day would get boring as fuck, so I suggested the museum. Partly because it was cheap, but mainly because I love museums. Before I flunked out of college, my major was geology. I love fossils and science, and I wanted to share that love with Her. She seemed all right with that, so we decided to go at 10 or some shit.

She seemed much more relaxed today than yesterday, and we did have fun for a while. I told her about rocks and paleontology (or at least, what I remembered), and we went through various parts of the museum. Remembering these conversations is the most painful, because this was when things felt the closest to actually being in a relationship. Like we were actually going out. By 12, we were both pretty done, and she started to get irritable. We went to my hotel, and watched Ghost Hunters or some shit again. She would kiss me, but she didn't want to have sex. I got incredibly bored. She wasn't really talking to me anymore, just watching the TV, and she apparently was pissed about the amount of money that she was spending on gas.

>>17581873
Eventually, I suggested we go to a dispensary. She had suggested that before I arrived, since I was 21 and could legally buy it. She agreed, and we went to one. I went in, bought some edibles and we came back. She didn't partake. I sat there, ate some. I felt a slight buzz. She warned me not to take anymore than that, since I'd only done weed one other time.

At 11, she told me that she couldn't stay the night. I was shocked. Apparently she had been fighting with her mother all day. I felt played. She told me good bye. She told me that she might not be able to drive me to the airport tomorrow. My heart sank. I walked her to her car, and I said goodbye and went back to my room.

I was PISSED. I can't remember how many grams of edibles I ate, but I know it was at least 6, maybe more. I wanted to not be able to think. I wanted to feel something other than miserable and self loathing. I wanted ot not think about how much money I wasted flying 1000 miles to have sex with a goddamn child. I wanted to not think about how stupid and worthless I was, I wanted to not think about how loathesome of a person I am.

I sat down, took out my contacts and turned on the TV. Before too long, I was fucked up beyond anything that I had ever done in my life. I was too high to think, I was too high to sit. I was too goddamn high to sleep. As I drifted around in an airy world that shifted beneath me, I felt a buzzing. My clumsy mitts grabbed the source, which turned out to be my phone, and through the haze I managed to see that it was Her. We talked. I have no idea what we talked about, or what we said, and she wouldn't tell me afterwards, but I remember that she was crying, I remember Her apologized, and I remember that I couldn't focus on what she was said at all. Everytime she asked a question I couldn't remember what she asked, just that I was supposed to say something. I can't remember if I hung up, or if she did, or we both said good night, but eventually I fell asleep.

>>17581876
PART IV: HOMECOMING
>be me
>have the most miserable, self inflicted weekend of stupidity in human history
>wake up on Sunday
>still feel a residual high from the amount of weed that I ingested
>remember that She can't drive me
>call a taxi
>climb in
>ride to the airport
>fare is a goddamn $80
>taximan asks if I'd like to add a tip, as though that were even a remote possibility
>"No."
I climb in the plane back to Ohio. I don't want to think about how much this plane cost me, or really anything else. I just fall asleep on the way back. When I wake up, there's a bitter taste in my mouth. I don't know what I'm going to do.

No, I do. That was the moment when I got my shit together. The summer kicked back in, and I worked as a lifeguard, just to make some money back. I got back into school. I'm in classes now.

But I still think about her these days. The other night I dreamed about Her visiting Ohio, and thinking about that still hurts. I hate myself for still having feelings for her.

When I got back to Ohio, we still talked a little bit. She told me that she wished we had more sex while I was still there. I laughed a bitter laugh at that. Apparently she liked the sex we had. Good for her. Eventually we stopped talking. She started dating someone. I can't remember who unfriended who on Facebook. Doesn't really matter I guess. But I still can't forget her. I still can't forget what I though about her, and what it was like to see her in person, and how it felt to hold her.

And I hate myself for that.

I have no idea whether anyone is even going to read all this bullshit. But I just wanted to get this off my chest so that I could stop carrying it around with me. I'm sick of masturbating to the memory of her. I'm sick to feeling like a broken person that can't move on. I just want to not have this anymore.

If you read all this shit then you're a better person than I am. Thank you.

Op, i'm sorry for you.
Glad that you took it off your chest

>>17581886
You need to get over her, like pronto, dude.
You're at the prime of your life. Get a hobby, make some friends, start working out if you're a slob.
Do some shit, because when you're 48 years old and you look back at your pathetic life, you will cringe and say "why?"

Find a hobby, an interest, something to do. Because there are people out there will will more than likely do the same thing, and if you can find a common interest with another person, you're one step closer to making friends and moving past your shit-tier existence.

You interested in anything?

Dont worry, OP ! Soon or later you will forgot about her. Take care of you and stop to think about her, just try to ignore.

OP reading your story brought back memories of when I made almost the same mistakes. You WILL feel like shit and it WILL take time to get her out of your head but it will happen eventually. Don't beat yourself up over it, you learned a lesson and believe me you will never forget it.

>>17581886
Dude you took it like a man! Anyone else might have still been the girls bitch.

Good for you. You immediately recognized that it was not going to work and learned from it. You got back on top of things and are making progress.

Write it out as much as you want here. I've been getting my problem off my chest for the past three weeks here on /adv/, and even though it still hurts a lot, I feel glad to have an outlet than not have one at all.

Tl;dr

Sum it up in one sentence

>>17582064
Really? I feel pretty fucking pathetic

>>17581937
I'm interested in lots of things. What I've been struggling with has been deciding what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I want to be great at something, but I feel a little paralyzed by indecision right now, and I'm not sure what I should choose to focus on.

>>17582189
It was pretty tough desu. There was a part of me that really wanted to keep trying, but I realized that she would never be willing (or able) to invest as much as I did into the relationship

>>17582630
21 yo NEET flies from Ohio to Colorado to meet some girl from Omegle, things don't work out

>>17582793
I live in Colorado

Want me to burn her house down?

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>>17582796
No, I think that would be pretty counter productive.
I really appreciate the offer though.

>>17582826
Ill do it dude

50 bucks

>>17582796
>>17582843

FBI HONEYPOT
B
I

Hello, OP. I got a bit teary reading your story. Not because it was sad, or because i'm a wimp, but how relatable it was. The very same things happened to me, except it was a boy, and i'm a man. Even the ''raped by the uncle part''. Every single thing. The emptiness. The ''lying in a king sized bed part''. You didn't say it, but i bet you spent some time looking at the ceiling, around the room, telling yourself that you were doing the right thing, that you were in love, even if that suffocating , weird and eering feeling was flooding your head.

I travelled the same way. Spent too much the same way. Planned the very same 3 days, which i only spent a bit with him in the first, less in the second, and nothing in the third. It's been a few months, but the emptiness lingers on to this day. I don't know what i had in my head. Perhaps i missed so much the feeling of love, that i went along with a dumb child i've met in a month (yes, even that is similar). I was and am homophobic as hell, and even with this i did all of that. Spent a lot of money, lot of effort, felt used, played with. By a child. Just wanted to share with you that you're not alone. In my case, i even still attempted a LDR thing, until he used his uncle to make me jealous. Never felt such palpable hatred before.

Good on you and us for being able to, at least start, to let that go. I believe i'm over that. But sometimes, just sometimes, like a random summer breeze in your face when you're walking in an ordinary day, i get reminded of that event, of those empty feelings, and for a good while i feel regret and remorse.

>>17582796
>>17582843
>>17582878

FBI HONEYPOT
B
I

>>17582886
The ages were legal in my country. I'm not American.

>>17582878
So where did you meet him? Was it just on a forum or something like that?

For me at least, I realize now it was an ego thing. I wanted to be the one that 'saved' her, and lit up her life. The way that she seemed to admire me when we chatted was a high that I don't think I can get over.

What was it for you?

>>17583010
Online games. Through very good camera work, he seemed to have the type of body i wanted in a woman. Also wanted to ''save'' him, and take care of him. But it was more like a carnal/desperate need of love thing. Didn't have sex with him, though. Just cuddled and kissed.

>>17581855
>>17581855
>If you read all this shit then you're a better person than I am. Thank you.

:D Yay, thx.

Now, i want to say a few things: At least you did something, you had an experience, not so good... but you did what a lot of people always wanted to do, you learned something, it's ok, don't worry, is not like things like this are easy to forget.
I had to deal with something similar, never meet, just skype, worst thing, still have her as a friend on FB, she never use it and i knew it, so i'd be an idiot if i delete her.
Wellp, just saying.
OP, you are studying now, enjoy it!

I really enjoyed your story OP, I read it not long after waking up while lying comfy in bed.

>I'm sick to feeling like a broken person that can't move on. I just want to not have this anymore.

I'm in this situation myself. My gf ended things with a text message after just a couple months of being together. She was the only person to ever show me affection. You're embarrassed about wasting money on seeing a girl? I'm embarrassed about getting my emotions trampled on by a 21 year old woman when I'm 25.

In all honesty it fucking sucks when you realise someone has rejected you despite all the things you've said and done. You took a fucking flight to see her so I can imagine you had really done some bonding and told eachother shit you wouldn't dream of telling anyone else.

I don't know why I'm replying because I can't give you any advice. Fuck, all I've done is get high since getting dumped, you seem to be doing pretty well by all accounts.

Getting it off your chest helps. That and finding another woman I'd suspect. Either way I've got a feeling you'll look back at this story and laugh, it'll be one you won't forget in a hurry. Embrace it.

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>>17583353
>>17583897
Thanks guys. I have to say, I feel a lot more positive after posting this. I really feel like...

Like we're ALL gonna make it.
Keep going guys. I'll see you on the other side.