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Hey /adv/, I absolutely hate alcohol more than everything else

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Hey /adv/,

I absolutely hate alcohol more than everything else i could think of, this has to do with a few unfortunate things that happened in the past. And i live straight edge (0 drugs) for 8 years now.

I got together with my gf in february. Shes perfect and everything was fine, except for this: when we got together, i told her about my hate for alcohol and drugs, and she accepted and promised to me to never drink alcohol again. This was basically the thing she got me with. She wanted the relationship first, she came to me, not vice-versa. So anyways, time went by, and she asked me nicely if it was okay for her if she drank just a little bit, not too much. Just as a social thing. Disgusted, but accepting, i told her that i cant stop her from doing anything, and if she really wants to, its okay. This is how it way when we had parties together or when she was with friends, and thats okay. She even told me every single time how much she drank. And she promised to me a thousand times that she doesnt want to get drunk ever again!

But in 2 weeks, she'll be on a graduation trip, and she just told me that she will party hard on there, and drink a lot too. I told her again that i cant prohibit her from doing anything, but that this makes it a second time that she breaks her promise to me. And i just cant get over that, and this getting drunk and party hard shit is just something so infinitely disgusting to me, i dont want that. What do?
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What do you have against drinking?
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You cant force your lifestyle choices on other people its not fair, maybe she didn't realise how much you were against it or under estimated how hard it would be to go abstinent.

If shes going on a graduation trip I assume shes young its actually pretty strange to be abstinent at that age and she will be ostracising herself from her peers it will be hard making friends and planning nights out if she is the odd one out.

You are both at fault here you are for asking her to do something that will make her different from her peers and she is wrong for saying she wont drink and going back on it. Getting angry and setting these boundries will probably end in deceit I suggest you break up and you find yourself a religious/staight edge girl.
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>>17580113
it's literally poison in every meaning of the word.

a lot of people died, taking the poison willingly. a lot of people cheated, taking this poison again, willingly. it ruined many, many lifes and ripped apart whole families. it's expensive. If you really think about it, theres not a single positive thing about it. media and marketing just managed to make it a socially acceptable thing to do.
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>>17580124
That's nice, but I have doubts that you're OP. I was asking OP, not you.
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>>17580125
i'am OP. just look how many posters are in here.
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>>17580127
Then you're irrational and you should break up with her so she can date someone sane.
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Your problem is her breaking her own promise, or that she's not against drinking?

>and promised to me to never drink alcohol again. This was basically the thing she got me with.

And without that promise, you wouldn't have stayed?
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>>17580135
thats a really fucking tough question.
Now that we're together, i really do love everything about her.

i feel like she willingly lied to me to get a chance first, and she succeeded. she got me into realizing how much we fit together - except for the alcohol part.

breaking promises is also something that i can't stand. its probably both that rustles my jimmies here.

i probably wouldn't have given her a chance if i knew that she drinks alcohol in the beginning. But now she will. it's not fair.

i even asked her if this graduation trip will be a one time thing or if she misses the parties and will do it more often, she replied with "we will see".

>>17580133
thanks for your advice, but that's not what i'm looking for here.
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>>17580140
>thanks for your advice, but that's not what i'm looking for here.

Not that anon but what the hell are you looking for a way to force her to be as fearful and irrational as you are about something that is a cultural norm in most places

Roads are dangerous, dogs are dangerous, mosquitoes are dangerous all these things can kill people you have a phobia dont push your psychosis on others op its not fair
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>>17580140
>thanks for your advice, but that's not what i'm looking for here.
So you're looking for advice on how to control her? Because the only other thing that's going to happen is she's going to drink anyway, you're going to become more resentful, and you'll eventually dump her because of your irrationality.
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>>17580140
>i feel like she willingly lied to me to get a chance first, and she succeeded. she got me into realizing how much we fit together - except for the alcohol part.

have you ever said "I cannot accept my partner to be drinking" or was her promise more of a heat-of-the-moment pledge?

You gotta find out if you can live with her having an occasional drink or not. Because as you've seen, the issue will come up again and again.
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>>17580151
what do i do if the dies? or lies in a coma? or suffers from alcohol intoxination? Or fucking cheats on me and tells me that she "didn't want to, it was the alcohol!"?

what do i do then? it's not even about trust here. if you're drunk, you can't control yourself. you willingly sell your body controls to some poison for absolutely nothing.
i couldn't even blame her. it wouldn't be "her fault" if something happens.
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>>17580162
So it is all about you having control.
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>>17580162
Then you have you answer on what to do.
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>>17580162

Your crazy enjoying a drink with friends isnt the same as advanced alcohol addiction. If I was with someone as overbearing as you I would drink and do smack to numb the pain good luck fucking up a nice girl op not that you need it
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Reminder that asshole loser whiny abusive faggots like OP can get a gf. You literally have no excuse for being a virgin.
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>>17580110

Cut the bullshit anon. "She came to me... bla bla bla" You make it sound like you're doing her a favor, when in reality it takes two to tango.
If you stand by this statement, that in fact your doing her a favor and you yourself isn't really committed to this relationship and is only dating her out of pity, then your not only an asshole but also an idiot.

Now if we can all agree, that you're in this relationship on equal terms, you like her and she likes you, we can get on to the question at hand.
Personally I never go the idea of dictating over other people. You can make your claim, and lay out the fine details such as "I dislike factor X, because of Y", and hope for a response. But unless you live in North Korea and is named Kim, I see no reason to put demands on every day factors such as a moderate alcoholic intake.

If she was to say "I demand you stop with XXX" how would you reply? Cant you see the absurdity in making ultimatums on casual factors? If you cant, I fear you're simply a manipulative boy with a fetish to control other people, and your not really in love with this girl other than the fact that its comfortable at the moment. If you can see the problem, you can instead adapt to the situation and lay down the fine details. Perhaps state that you yourself don't drink, and that you discourage heavy drinking or such. But never try to take away a persons right to chose by issuing ultimatums that borders on the "I'm to good for this relationship".
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>>17580110
Lets see if we can't boil this issue down a little bit. On the surface this appears to be about drinking. In my opinion what it really is about is trust and control.

First of all your girlfriend made a promise that she is having increasing trouble keeping in the face of social conventions and perhaps some personal preference as well. There's the trust bit. If she can't keep a promise about something as obviously foolish as alcohol what other things down the line in this relationship will she fail to respect?

The second is control. When she drinks there is the possibility of her losing control of herself and cheating on you.

It seems to me though, that control might be a larger issue for you in general. While it's nice to think that we can change the behavior of our partners, I have found from personal experience that the most we can really do is provide safe envioronments for changes to occur, be a sounding board, or model behaviors we would like to see. Ultimately we can only change ourselves, and the only person you have control over is yourself.

People will often make promises they intend to keep for a few months or a year with the hope that they can change their partner or that their boyfriend will just mellow out a little. It was after all a really good way to find an in to get to know a really hot guy from her perspective. Also she is clearly trying to maintain your trust by telling you exactly what she will be doing every time, so she obviously cares and is trying to walk both in your world and society's.

It is also very clear that she isn't going to stop drinking at the very least socially and maybe even a little bit on the side. What you need to decide is if you can accept her drinking a little bit (and her other flaws) for months even years to come? You owe it to both of you to decide.
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>>17580110

Basically, the answer is, if you are present she shouldn't drink out of respect. However, if your not there and it doesn't affect you, then she should drink as much as she can to get it out your system.

Either get over it or break up with her but she sounds like a nice girl and you sound like an uncompromising control freak.

If you keep this behaviour up, she'll eventually cheat on you and you'll be a cunt about it but it will be all your fault.
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Well you said it yourself, " i cant prohibit her from doing anything". My /adv/ just "let her" drink a bit. Don't spaz out that she will get drunk and cheat on you. It's ok to be with someone who does things different from you. My gf hates smoking and I smoke, she listens to hip hop and I hate hip hop. Don't worry too much about it.
Thread posts: 21
Thread images: 1


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