Every weekend I sit in my apartment all alone and watch TV. I'm

Where do you live?

Sounds like depression to me. You'd be better off finding something better to do with your time, instead of starting on meds though.

>>17578355
Why

>>17578377
If you live near me I'll have a few drinks with you.

>>17578387
I couldn't do that. I have severe social anxiety and it takes me months to become comfortable enough with someone to not appear like a literal autist.

>>17578422
Don't care, ill fuck the social anxiety out of you.

Where do you live?

>>17578443
Ew so you're gay. I'm most definitely not.

>>17578447
How do you know, have you ever actually tried it?

>>17578457
I feel zero attraction towards the male body

>>17578491
That's fine, just close your eyes and pretend it's your waifus dick.

>>17578327
>for years I kept us together and listened to her telling me... how I wasn't a good enough boyfriend because I sometimes did things that didn't involve her, every couple months or so
>Do I have depression, will medication fix this, what do I do. I want out
I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting.

We are not qualified to diagnose here on /adv/. This does sound like depression to me, but that extra tidbit of insight into your relationship gives me pause. If you don't mind, please tell us more. I have a suspicion that what we're calling your "depression" may in fact be a symptom of something else.

I'm especially interested in hearing about your social anxiety, and in your girlfriend's attitude toward your relationship. I'd also be interested to hear about her relationship with her ex, though this is less of a priority.

>>17578538
She has the attitude that all of our problems are my fault exclusively. She disregarded my issues with our relationship entirely. During the times she attempted to take them into account, it was halfhearted and either resulted in her saying "Okay are you done now?" as if me talking about my issues was some scheduled appointment which I'm only allowed an hour long time slot for, as opposed to an ongoing conversation of our relationship like her issues are. She says "I love you more than anyone will ever love you" but then when she's upset or jealous about anything she goes insane

She says "You don't react as strongly to me doing bad things as I do to you doing bad things, therefore they don't hurt you as much, therefore I have to do more bad things to make you feel the pain I feel" and this resulted in her constantly going above and beyond what I did

Oh, I told her to fuck off once when she was insulting me and my family for going out to dinner together once, calling it childish? I told her to fuck off and I hung up on her? Guess what, that means she now has to ignore my texts for a week now until I "get the message" that what I did upset her

Oh, I jacked off to porn when she refused to do anything sexual with me? Oh, guess it's okay for her to now message her ex boyfriend and plan a meeting to have sex, and for her to ask for a picture of his dick and send it to me. Yep that's fucking okay

My social anxiety is another issue entirely that resulted in me having no close irl friends my entire life. Even this girlfriend is online, we've only spend a cumulative ~12 weeks in real life together, over the 4 years we were "together"

I feel like my life is wasted and I want to just stop this nonsense and quit waiting for my inevitable death already. I clam up when I talk to people, I can't be spontaneous or funny or normal. I have to really get to know people to be normal. I'm so self conscious that I just sit there and say nothing

>>17578558
When I left her, or rather sped up the process of her "leaving" me (for the billionth time) and left, I said to her "I love you and I wish we could just forgive each other and move on and be happy again"

Instead of saying "Yep me too" she said "What? What would you forgive me for?" with 100% sincerity in her house. I know she meant it. She's insane. That's when I left.

>because I sometimes did things that didn't involve her

So do the things you did without her again.
She left and found someone who will do things with her. Move on.

>>17578558
I'm sorry to hear about this, but it definitely corroborates my suspicions. This sounds more like PTSD (or possibly PTED) than depression, per se; you've been emotionally abused, and this is the fallout.

Definitely see someone about this. I reiterate that we are not qualified to diagnose. But if my suspicions are correct, your condition is at the center of a lot of good, recent research. I can guarantee nothing, but your odds are relatively good.

>>17578630
Thanks man. I'm trying to set up an appointment to see a therapist. I need to talk to a human being in real life. I don't care how pathetic I am, I need social fucking contact or I will go insane.

I'm a talented guy, I'm smart and have potential, and my life is being wasted by these stupid feelings and emotions. I want to be happy again, I want to fall in love again.

Thanks anon.