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I can't handle life?

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I've been wrestling depression for a while now, and it's not something I'm used to. I've just got into my early 20s and all my life is these days is just:

Work. School. Work. School. Work. School. Work. School.

And I fucking hate it. I can't tell if it's cuz I'm too autistic for responsibility or adulthood or I'm being a lazy pussy but I just can't handle it.

It feels like all my life is relegated to being a mindless drone for other people. I don't personally exist anymore, I'm simply just a tool that exists to get better overtime.
It feels like the personal time I spend is being more and more meaningless as it gets drowned by these things.

I'm happy with my life outside of that, my family and friends are great, I live in a nice home, and hell technically my situation is supposed to be good. Going to school for a CS Bachelor's and a full time 40 hour a week job that pays $13 to start? That sounds great!

But no, I want my time back, I want meaning back, I want motivation and reason. These things are things I'm not finding right now. I'm so miserable that I just recently failed college. Learned CS Bachelor degrees are useless and my school had way too many courses not involved with the specific department I signed up for and instead made me dabble in everything. Very few classes in my department far and few between. I didn't want to put up with everything else.

And my job is awful, I'm pretty sure I learned quickly that maybe I'm socially inept cuz I despise talking to these people about their technical problems. I get headaches just keeping this facade of being mindlessly kind to these spiteful entitled people. I have to force myself to think blank in order to make the day less agonizing.

Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn't I just face adulthood? I hate this so much I've had suicidal thoughts these past 2-3 years than I have my entire life.
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>>17565288
>fell for the CS meme

kek
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>>17565297
Yea it's my fault for not researching for shit. Literally threw myself at a college just 2 months after high school with no thought.
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>>17565301
just learn how to do networking shit or server management to at least get useful experience
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>>17565308
Well actually my sister's friend manages a server at some hospital and offered to give me an internship for all that but he has yet to send me an email about that and my sister says he's pretty unreliable despite having a lot of experience and certs and shit with networking.

I'm really hoping he sends it soon cuz I don't think I can handle a call center much longer.
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This is life. We deal with it any way we can.
Alcohol helps.
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Hating your situation is fine, but lack of action will make you counter productive.

Put all your effort into finding a way out that suits you. IF you don't know, just think and talk about it, then work towards it. Don't sit and wait for "x to send an email" or for "Something doing y to turn up", but find ways around it yourself.

Think more positively about your situation now; while it might completely suck, chances are you have access to hot running water, a good supply of food, and probably work 5 out of 7 days a week. Yeah it might be awful and not what you want to do, but it's not entirely bad, there are skills and things you learn from this job, even if the biggest thing you learn is to leave the job ASAP.

FYI, I was 'stuck' for a long time working, and I never thought there was a way out. I just kept working, going home, feeling down, and repeat. Until eventually I thought, "fuck it, I'm going to move". I did 42 hours a week in my office job as well as all manner of other work to earn money (life modelling, writing essays for people). I even moved out of my room, threw away nearly everything, and lived in a tiny bedroom in a friends house. It kind of sucked, but now I work 15~20 hours a week and can paint loads.

Tl;dr - where there is a will there is a way, find a plan and actually do things towards it.
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>>17565288

Here's how things went for me dude.
I lived at home while in college and also had a job. 37 Hours a week in work. My evenings were filled with college work. And then i would just play games at home on my own.

I was lonely. I was frustrated. I felt like a child. I wanted Independence. I wanted to stand on my own feet, and make my own future.

I left home after college. And lived in a shared house where I had one room, a shelf in the fridge and in the freezer. I started a new job and quickly fell into the rhythm of sorting my food out, sorting out the car, sorting out bills, fixing my clothes, fixing the house. Ugh, shitty boring times. But i enjoyed having these things to do. I felt proud in little accomplishments.

But I was bored. So I went out to the local pubs, and after having no-one to talk to over 3 months after moving out, I just jumped in the deep end and just talked to the locals, for hours and hours.

Then I went back to work throughout the week, and then spent my weekend reading a book, and practising the harmonica. The weekends because a time where I could do whatever I wanted, such freedom was new, and I loved it. Still do.

After a while I had saved up some cash, since I am not a great socialiser or spender. I decided I needed a change of scenery. I went to Thailand for three weeks.
I shagged every night. I ate all manner of diarrhoea inducing foods. And saw so many market stalls, temples, gardens, street shows, legs, tits, pussy, ass, ladyboy ass and god knows what else.

I had no worries about college assignments. No worries about work. No worries about my folk at home. no worries about my friends.
I felt free. I was just a man, wandering around Bangkok, shagging everything and pissing my money up a wall.

THAT is what life is about. Once compulsory education is out the way, and college, uni and whatever else. you will get a taste of freedom to do what you want. With no-one to tell you otherwise.

You will forget your present situation.
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OP try going out somewhere. Find a friend and suggest you go out and if they said they can't and just go out anyway and enjoy your time. Even if it is out to a bar at least you're going out and interacting with other people. And yes you can interact with people at the bar.... as you can also interact with them hiking a trail.
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>>17565318
By using the money that he made, to do things that he wants to.
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>>17565342
That's true but I feel so limited here. What good is fixing printers going to do in my resume besides get me a job with the same company working on "business" printers. I would like to pursue something better but most jobs at the degree level I'm at will probably mostly land me a similar job regardless.

Would just doing different jobs change how I feel? I've really been thinking of doing something like freelancing for art or Web dev or something but is that safe to even try? Do I need more experience under my name?
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>>17565381
I mean I do take most opportunities to hang out with my friends and try things new per weekend but it just makes the work days more painful and makes hanging out with them worse cuz all I can think about is how little time I'm allowed to enjoy myself with, and how much I can utilize it before I'm back to misery.
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>>17565392
A lot of things I want to do don't require much money honestly, I'd much rather want time than money.
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>>17565371
It's really hard to get back from that free lifestyle though. I've only went through one vacation that I paid for myself but I come back to reality learning that freedom is only temporary and you're only free if you have money. I mean like I said before I do have a fair share of friends and family I hang out with, so I don't feel lonely, I just feel isolated from reality.

That there's so much beauty in this world only to be locked down by years and years of nothingness and money, only for limited freedom for a much smaller time frame than the time you built working up to it.

It's not really the feeling of completion I'm missing or being able to have things to do, it's that I can't do anything else anymore. And while people do say to just tough out college until I'm only working, it's getting increasingly more difficult to just deal with it. Would getting into the groove of that require something else or am I just being too incessant on the effort it requires. How would I deal with the oncoming amount of effort life requires until I can retire with no responsibility again? How do I deal with thinking about the fact that I'll be too old to want to enjoy life like how I wanted it to go 60 years ago?
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By the way, would being in a relationship help with this feeling? I've been in other relationships before but I really didn't like the obligation, maintenance, or stuff like that. But would that force me out of it or something? I don't know if I need to work for someone or I just need to find a different way of living like the other anon mentioned.
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