I'm an anorexic college student. How do I keep my brain

>>17564321
try not being anorexic

>>17564326
Golly, why didn't I think of that? Thanks for the help anon.

>>17564334
No problem. I love helping.

>>17564321
Stimulants

>>17564321
bananas

>>17564321
food can help with that

have fun!

>>17564326
>>17564410
>>17564514
These.
>>17564377
I do not encourage stimulants like caffeine, in the long term they make it so that you can only function a you normally would without the caffeine. Explained simply you
>can't act normally without drugs

>>17564539
As*

You're not rational bro
I've been down that road and it left me permanently scarred mentally and physically, do the smart thing and invest in your future by getting professional help.

>>17564551
>scarred mentally and physically
in what way?
Not OP, just curious

Why are you malnourished? Have you spoken with a doctor? Did they give you advice?

>>17564326
This. Gets right to the core of the problem.

Nice, coming to an advice board seeking "advice" to further validate and enable your disorder.
No one is going to tell you some super pill that's gonna give you energy w.o eating (unless you want to ruin yourself even more and start taking amphetamines)
The only way to fix this is to get to the root of the problem which is your eating disorder. I don't understand how you expect to finish college and start a career while trying to keep up with your eating disorder because it's always going to be a struggle unless you get help.
This is coming from someone who suffered from severe bulimia and I still have tendencies to this day, but you're just living in an ignorant bliss and need to snap the fuck out of it

>>17564321
>How do I keep my brain going while malnourished?
Eat food and take vitamins.
If you want a quick rush to feed the brain, grab some simple carbs, eg soda, candy, etc.
But this is obviously not healthy. Instead, you should consider eating a proper diet. This will keep your brain working properly at all times instead of just for a 30 minute sugar rush.

>>17564377
God-awful idea, unless you want to end up in the hospital even faster.

>>17564653
No ignorant bliss here. I know it's wrong and I know I should seek help but I don't give a fuck.
Not expecting a super pill. Just some little suggestions for keeping my brain going. Not everybody who has a disorder is below you. Even those that don't want help.
It may be a disorder but being a fat fuck 2 years ago and seeing myself lose double digits in pounds every month is a great confidence booster. I don't want to fix it, I want to coexist with it.

>>17564700
There is no coexisting with a caloric deficit, you delusional moron. You body will eat itself over time and there isn't a goddamn thing you can do about it.

And no. There's no source of energy that your brain will use to magically replenish its glycogen and nutrient reserves. The rest of the body will take its share, which is the majority. Starting with your liver and muscles.

Just learn to eat properly. Fuck I wish someone would just backhand you.

>>17564714
Then what would you prescribe, doctor?
Kale shakes and grilled chicken every meal, and a condescending attitude towards people with disorders?
I have one apple a day, or two if I have a craving. Everything else is lots of water. My liver and muscles are fine. I get enough to keep me going.

I may switch to bananas instead of apples though. They sound better for keeping my brain active.

Just eat a normal amount of healthy food you cunt.

>>17564700
Mostly i think the question is impractical in the first place. I too have had my fair struggle with anorexia in the past.

There does exist regiments that will essentially keep you alive. That is ways to get enough nutrients to not to wither away, but small still a small enough amount to be manageable.

With that said brain fog will be as bad with any of those methods as they would be in your current situation.

Obviously you arent ignorant, and i know you dont want to hear this again. But, literally, the only way to reduce your brain-fog is to eat an assortment of vegtables, carbs, fruits, and some protein. Try to shoot for at least 500-1000 calories a day to start utilizing normal foods. Maybe start with lots of veggies as they are blander in taste.

What you should do is call your doctor and make an appointment to talk about your anorexia and make a treatment plan to combat it until it goes away.

Anorexia is terrible and you must deal with it before it ruins your life

>>17564744
You and your brain will stop working and slowly die if you only eat a couple of fruit every day. Your brain simply won't keep going if you keep being on a massive calorie deficit forever. There are no other suggestions than eating a normal diet with lots of fruit and vegetables, protein, healthy fats and some slow carbs.

Do you just not eat or do you work out?
Me personally, I use adderall to keep the hunger away for the most part and keep me alert and awake. I eat a handful of low calorie shit (celery/broccoli), and then work it off immediately. I've been getting through school just fine on this method for about a year now. Even got straight A's the last semester.
With exercise, you're allowed to eat a little because you'll burn it back off. Calories in/out as they say. I was always concerned about building muscle too, I wanted to avoid that at all costs less I look like a fucking whale due to muscle mass. But since I don't eat many calories it doesn't take much to work off and then I don't gain muscle really.

Hey OP in case you are looking for any semi-professional help or input on your situation I would like to offer my help.

Finishing my degree next year and have worked with anorexic people a lot before, furthermore my twin sister struggled with it for years.

>>17564700
>don't want to fix it, I want to coexist with it.
How feasible do you think this is? Have you looked up anorexia and the accounts of others with it and related eating disorders?
How long do you think you can keep it up?

I can tell you that the answer is not "forever". Your body is extremely unhappy with being in starvation mode (ie not having a satisfactory stored energy buffer), and will constantly fight you every step of the way. It will never be easy or pleasant for more than very short periods at a time, separated by hard crashes and/or long periods of misery.
Eventually, either your body or mind cracks under the pressure, and you end up in a hospital bed, where the recovery process begins.
You can save yourself a bunch of time, money, and embarassment by skipping directly to the "recovery" part.

>seeing myself lose double digits in pounds every month is a great confidence booster.
How low do you want to go? Always make sure you're setting reasonable goals and sticking to them. "Lose weight forever" is tantamount to "die of starvation" and thus not a reasonable goal, since it kills you.

>Just some little suggestions for keeping my brain going.
In starvation over the short term, the brain likes simple carbs: they process easily, go straight into the blood, then straight to the brain. This is a "sugar rush", and it's followed by a crash.
Over the longer term, the brain needs both carbs and fats in sufficient amounts, otherwise it will limit its activity in an attempt to conserve and extend the precious little energy it receives: this means less peak brainpower for intellectual tasks.
That's obviously not good for a college student.

>>17564744
Yeah, bananas are probably better than apples for what you're trying to do (some bodybuilders like to eat a couple before a workout).

>>17564877
Not OP but
> "Lose weight forever" is tantamount to "die of starvation" and thus not a reasonable goal, since it kills you.
How low can one go until there's major Damage? I'm personally 5'3 at 120, my current goal is 100 but I'd love to dip even lower than that. I wanna push it to the limit, where do I stop?

>>17564889
>where do I stop?

You stop right about now.

These limits can vary harshly from person to person..

>>17564889
There will be major damage for as long as you are underweight. It isn't immediate, but builds up over a long time of undernourishment. The longer you are underweight and living an unhealthy lifestyle the more damage will be done.

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>>17564889
Stay the weight you are at, definitely good looking

From the photographic weight height chart 5'3" 124 lbs

>>17564895
I'm still very fat, if at best fat looking, though. 120 is way too high for most dudes standards.
I was just asking on average around what weight does shit start to go haywire. Or even better, what information do I need to calculate my own personal limit.
>>17564910
Hmm how do I accurately tell what underweight for me even is? Everyone always says BMI is inaccurate and full of shit, but theres like a billion of other formulas and shit. Which ones are the best?
>>17564919
Yeah I don't carry my fat evenly like that though. All goes straight to the gut and thighs, the two absolute worst place to have fat. I look like I'm pregnant.
Plus she looks bad to me too, thighs are too large and she;s got that muffin top thing I also have going on.

>>17564925
>what information do I need to calculate my own personal limit.

You can't really calculate it. Many of the side effects can start at different weights.

There is no "you stop menstruating at a weight/BMI of.."

I was really surprised to sometimes learn about the things people were dealing with in that regard - that did not look that anorexic on the outside

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>>17564821
>I don't gain muscle really.
Most women don't. Nowhere near the amount of testosterone necessary to build meaningful mass (pic related is on steroids, ie she injects male hormones into herself on a regular basis to look that way).
The small amount of mass built doesn't affect sillhouette very much, and mainly serves as a useful energy sink (ie increases the amount of energy burned each day).
So i'd recommend that OP do the same.
It's healthier to eat and burn 1500 calories daily than 500, and both result in the same effect on weight (ie zero net gain/loss).

And remember that the adderall diet comes with long-term side effects.
It's the same as student loans, you spend now and pay later. Careful not to accumulate too much debt.

>>17564889
>How low can one go until there's major Damage?
>>17564925
>what weight does shit start to go haywire
Can't set a number based on weight, body fat percentage is the relevant value. (someone may be 120 pounds and at 10%, 20%, 30%, etc, depending on the weight of the various other components, ie muscle, bone, viscera, etc).
Basic signs to stop:
>feeling like shit all day
>irregular periods (stop immediately)
>mind is foggy except for sugar/stimulant rushes
>looking emaciated in mirror
>classic anorexia symptoms eg fine vellar hair sprouting all over the body
>doctor tells you that you need to gain weight
>people tell you you look anorexic
BMI helps as a very rough guide: if you're below 19, start worrying. Above that you're probably still ok.
Ultimately, if you're worried that you're going too low, you probably are.
And most colleges have a clinic so you can pop in and ask, they can actually physically examine you so they'll be able to give better advice than we can.

>>17564925
BMI is only bullshit for muscular individuals. For everyone else it is a damn good indicator.

DESU i find underweight women unattractive. I would be incredibly more inclined to go after a 5'3 woman at a weight of 120 rather than 100.

If you dont want pudge then eating more and working out more is the answer. You will never tone your body or lose any uneven weight distribution by eating less. Your stomach will poof more because the surrounding body parts will shrink.

Dont get me wrong, she is not the most attractive person, but he body rocks!

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>>17564938
Hmm damn.
>>17564946
She looks terrible lol. Like the fucking hulk, I'd never want to look even remotely like that.
Pic related is too much abs for me even. I don't want any muscle really, just to be as tiny, dainty, feminine, and weak looking as possible.
>feeling like shit all day
I always have though lol. Like, physically every day of my life I have always felt like shit no matter where my weight was at.
>irregular periods (stop immediately)
I wouldn't be able to tell since I use the pill to skip them.
>mind is foggy except for sugar/stimulant rushes
Again, this has kinda always happened. I've been on adderall for 4 years now for ADD so I was always foggy and off track.
>looking emaciated in mirror
This I can definitely say is not me at least. I still look like a whale.
>classic anorexia symptoms eg fine vellar hair sprouting all over the body
I'll keep and eye out for this
>doctor tells you that you need to gain weight
>people tell you you look anorexic
kek, I'd consider it an accomplishment if I reach this day. Right now the doc is just saying I'm at a perfectly healthy weight, but I know if I ask "then why do I look like a disgusting hambeast and why haven't I even had a dude look at me in 5 years?" she'll catch on too quickly.

I'm nowhere near the unhealthy weight stage yet, just got the eating habits. But I won't stop until I'm attractive enough to reasonably expect a husbando at some point in life. Most guys I've met seem to like them around the 100 or lower range. They want a grill they can really pick up and toss around in bed. Can't do that with a fatty. Plus it's a dream of mine to be picked up and tossed around in bed, can't realize that dream as a fatty either.

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>>17565001
>She looks terrible lol. Like the fucking hulk, I'd never want to look even remotely like that.
Yeah, that's the idea. >99% of women can work out all day long for decades and never look anywhere close to that. No ball juice = no big muscles.

>I always have though lol. Like, physically every day of my life I have always felt like shit no matter where my weight was at.
Ever considered seeing a doctor for that? Feeling like shit every day is not only not normal, it will mask acute illnesses that you normally would notice and act on.
The way you feel overall each day is an important health marker.

>I still look like a whale
>look like a disgusting hambeast
Sure about that? This is what you get when you plug 5'3"/120lbs into this gallery:
http://www.mybodygallery.com/search.html?gender=female&height=160&age=21&weight=54
Most of them look completely fine.
Make sure to check your evaluations with other girls, it's easier to judge someone else's body than our own.

>>17564700
>I don't give a fuck

there's your problem, might as well just kill yourself now it will save you time.

>>17565130
Eh, figured it had something to do with the mental disorder. Don't want to out myself because having a mental disorder means I can't have my dream job. And honestly that's the only thing keeping me motivated for the future. Without it I'd have no reason to keep going because everything else sounds like an agonizing hell of daily grind I'd rather not even live through.
>Most of them look completely fine.
Mmm, there's only a handful that I think would be in the fuckable range. And I don't look like any of them. After playing with that site a bit, I'd say I /look/ more like 140-150. But my actual weight is in the 20's.
I used to post in soc rate threads. If it was a body thread, I'd get on average a 4. If it was face/body my best average was 6.
Not high enough to date. Barely even high enough to fuck. I might go back there and get more rates when I improve a bit more, but it just started to become depressing and demotivating so I quit for the time being.

>>17565160
imho /soc/ is totally worthless, might as well forget it
Just a bunch of attention-starved teenagers slapping down random numbers

go ahead and go down to 100 if you want, shouldn't take too long and when you get there you can go ask a doc if it's fine to stay

>>17565215
yeah but how else can you get an accurate rate? Friends will of course just say you're beautiful no matter what, despite the fact they've been in blissful relationships for years while you can't get a dude to not run in terror from the hideous monster you are for the past 5 years.
And you can't just ask strangers IRL to rate you. If anything because people will be more likely to rate dishonestly because they won't want to hurt your feelings. Anons on 4chan dont give a shit about hurting your feelings, they'll tell you the blunt honesty.

Lol I've been thinking about this lately. I miss being anorexic and desu I want to get back down to 90-80lbs.

I was assuming cutting calories to around 800-900, taking multi vites, and trying to fit in as much fat and fiber within that caloric range.

Fiber is so fucking important. Never go ana and forget fiber. You will not shit at all and it will be fucking terrible. Everytime I take a crap, I sigh out of relief.

>>17565230
>how else can you get an accurate rate?
you can't
that's pretty much the conclusion i've come to from experience

>>17565230
>can't get a dude to not run in terror from the hideous monster you are for the past 5 years
consider that maybe you might be doing something else wrong
i'm sure you can look around and see a ton of girls much chubbier than you with boyfriends
try to figure out what they're doing and you're not
eg maybe you give guys the impression that you want to be left the hell alone (facial expression? Body language? Tone?) so they oblige

>>17565281
Frankly I have no idea how other chicks do it other than trapping dudes at a young age. Like the only 2 friends I have have been dating their boyfriends since high school, and they're pushing or over 200lbs. It kills me man, and their boyfriends are both skinny too. The one is super beta though, so I can see him staying with her because I think in his mind he doesn't realize he could get a hotter chick if he had a little confidence in himself. The other idk. He's not beta, hes not terrible looking himself, but he's incredibly antisocial and doesn't seem to actually care if he has friends, or a girlfriend, or not. Like if she left him I don't think he'd care too much, she just came to him and he accepted it because "why not?", that's the impression I get out of him. I love my friends, they're good people, but it's true.
On average though, when I see fat girls they almost always have fat boyfriends. We all stick within our ranks. Bottom of the barrel has to pick between other bottom of the barrels. I don't think I've ever seen a fat chick dating a skinny, confident, normal hot guy. Because they know they can do better.
I wanna be someone's trophy one day too.

I know it's not body language at least, I always look friendly. I smile, keep my eyes up, dont cross my arms, etc.
I blame it on being painfully average at best. I just don't draw attention because I'm neither the ugliest girl in the room nor the hottest apparently.

But I mean, personality don't mean shit the the short run. You need to be hot to even get approached, without it you're dead in the water. Looks come first, then personality either makes or breaks the deal. I can't get past the first step.

>>17564321
No, you need calories. Eat more calories.

>>17565354
Yall say this but then turn around and call every woman above 90lbs chubby and remind the world that nobody wants to fuck/date a chub.

>>17565375
Why do you give a shit about my opinion anyway? You're having trouble focusing. Your body uses food for energy and you don't have enough energy. You have to have a heart to heart with yourself about what your priorities are. Is it important to have the approval of people whose opinions don't matter and the average person is a bum anyway? More important than maximizing your potential in school and being able to study what you're paying to study? You're going to look back on these years with deep regret if you don't take some affirmative steps toward positive change, anon, starting with valuing yourself above other people's bullshit opinions.

>>17565417
only thing I ever wanted out of life was to be someone's wife. Don't care about careers or anything else. Just wanna love and be loved, and not ditched the second a newer hotter model comes along.
Can't do that when all men think I'm a fat disgusting pig. Their opinion is literally the only thing that matters because I can't marry without a man having the opinion that I'm good looking.

>>17565435
Is there a reason that you're living your entire life as a factor of someone else, a person you've never met? I feel like dragging your health problems and mental illness around means that you'll never meet the standards of someone who meets yours, because any man with self respect wouldn't put up with a narcissist with an eating disorder and chronic malnutrition. You are valuable independent of that, so treat yourself as a person of value and call your student helpline to talk about this.

>>17565457
Love's the only thing that matters. Everything else is superficial, and well, narcissistic ironically. Love is the end goal for basically everyone, everyone wants love. I just have no desire for anything else, the only time I've ever been happy was when I was in love (and at least thought I was loved back.)
I don't find it narcissistic at all to want to better someone else's life. But I can't be a part of someone else's life if they're repulsed by me. I can't love someone who hates me.
I'll never meet someone with standards low enough to date a fat chick either. Any man with self respect won't date a fatty. Hell it's more common for a man with self respect to date someone under weight than over. Fat is literally the worst thing you can be these days, people treat fat people like they're literally worse than hitler.

>>17565488
It's not your body, it's your health and your mental illness that's going turn them off, anon. You may be quite fetching. You're also as fucked up as chocolate cheese.

>>17565510
I could believe that if anyone even took the time to realize im fucked in the head. Nobody even looks at me mate. I can't get into a dateable zone when everyone passes me up based solely on my looks first. Nobody even knows my personality yet, all they see is fat and ugly first so they don't bother.

>>17565375
Trust me when I say this, a lot of the people on 4chan are fucking stupid and crazily picky. I do not understand when people call some of the people on here "fat" when they look perfectly healthy. Even if someone is on the thick side it does NOT make them fat. Don't worry about what others think. Seriously just eat what you want and try to maintain a HEALTHY weight. And no "Healthy" does not mean "ugly" or what others consider "fat" I mean a healthy weight for your height.You'll feel better about yourself, you'll have more energy, and your insides won't be trying to kill themselves.

If you feel like you can't do this alone go speak to a therapist. Seriously go and do it. You're going to end up killing yourself if you keep this up.

>>17565530
Honestly I think I'd rather be dead than single and unloved for yet another year. It's been so long, everyone else I know is gearing up for marriage. I'm losing time. If I cant find someone to start building that kind of relationship with soon, I'm going to be so far behind everyone else in my age group. I'm going to lose what few friends I have left to their new families, and my options will become narrower and narrower.

It was so easy in high school. I got too comfortable and ruined myself. This is the only way I can fix it fast enough to make up for lost time.

>>17565529
So focus on studying for fucks sake you sound like you're in Leicester surrounded by autistic brown people. Your thoughts are disordered. You have body dysmorphia. You're malnourished. You're going to be a tedious chore for any man. You can be thin and mentally healthy. Call your university student line for God's sake.

>>17565563
Studying doesn't equate to success for me. Like I said the only thing that matters is finding love. I'm honestly only in school so that I don't have to be homeless. I don't care about excelling in my career. Jobs just a job, a fact of life I have to take part in to survive. I take neither joy, nor any negative emotions out of it.
Having someone love me is what's important to me. I can't attract anyone if I'm fat. Nobody can love me if I'm fat.
That's been made perfectly clear in my past experiences.

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>>17565574

You should give up on human life and become a bear since you're fat and only care about finding love

Bears are loving accepting creatures

>>17565574
You're all kinds of fucked up. Are you sure you don't want to maybe bounce these ideas off someone? Maybe get a read on where normal is calibrated for you and whether or not it may be calibrated a little off?

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>>17565349
>Frankly I have no idea how other chicks do it other than trapping dudes at a young age.
heh, that's where college comes in
Carpe diem, eh?

>>I just don't draw attention
Maybe start approaching guys if you aren't already (not approach like "hey lets fuck", more like "hey how ya doin, what do you think about the class, know any good hangouts, etc").
It's harder for a guy to overlook a girl when she's right up in his face, after all

>I wanna be someone's trophy one day too.
>Just wanna love and be loved, and not ditched the second a newer hotter model comes along.
Ok how do we put these 2 together?

>>17565546
Don't get too hung up on the weight thing. You can get to 100lbs safely in a month or two.
After that, just try to relax. You're not that far behind. You're in college on track, so that means you got at least another what, 8 years?
That's a hell of a lot of time!
Look, when my parents got hitched, my mom was 28 and my dad was 38.
Don't follow your impulsive friends, half of them are probably gonna get divorced in 10 years.
Go the safe route, keep your eyes open for great guys and see if you can nab one.
It's easier than you might think. Lotta guys in college are away from home for the first time, lonely, not a lot of experience with girls...
You've said "beta" a few times, but try to keep in mind that guys bloom later than girls.
3 years ago i was a "beta" weirdo 4chan-using nerd poster child.
Since then, i hardened up, started working out, learned social skills, got my own place, skin cleared up, etc etc. This isn't special, it's called "growing up".
College is your chance to get in on the ground floor, basically.
To grab that opportunity while it's cheap and there's no competition to deal with.

Don't be pic related.
Remember that women are the "selector sex". You're the one who's picking the guys, not the other way around. A little proactive hunting can go a long way.

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>>17565614
Women can only select men that are inferior to them

I'm going to keep telling these people the truth you don't want them to know

>>17565614
This is my 4th year in college and I haven't made even so much as a friend. There are no clubs or social activities here, only special guest lectures and greek life (that I can't afford). I'm finally old enough to go to the bars, but there's always so much competition and I'm far too white to dance.
>Approach
I try but I get ignored often. Nobody likes a beast coming and talking to them. They usually make excuses to ditch me politely. Plus I'm so much of a sub the idea of being dominant like that makes me sperg out and ruin it. Plus I just plain don't think people like when randos talk to them. I remember my freshman year I sat on the bus, and this girl got on and sat next to the dude behind me. Chatted him up with everything you just said, all relatively normal things or so I thought. Dudes buddy had gotten on the bus somewhere inbetween, and the chick got off and said goodbye. Dude turned to his buddy and asked "Did you hear that chick? She was asking me all these weird questions like who the fuck was she? lol"
>Ok how do we put these 2 together?
What do you mean?

>Remember that women are the "selector sex
Idk I disagree. Women age like milk, men (as youve said) only get better with age. They can always upgrade later in life. After all biologically speaking, attraction, romance, sex, dating, it's all supposed to lead to reproduction right. Women are considered used up by the time they can't safely spit out kids anymore. Men can spit out kids until they die.

Plus again, I'm a sub. I don't do the hunt, I'm the prey. Idk how to do it because it's just so against my nature and everything who I am and want to be. Like idk how I can be someone's kinky submissive, fragile little housewife when my husband is the one who's submissive. I feel so uncomfortable initiating the flirt, and I get shot down hard and fast because of it.

>>17564334
Why didnt you?

>>17565708
I'd suggest online dating, honestly.
I think your big problem is in the fact that your personality always comes second when meeting IRL.
If you find a guy online that you like, do a lot of talking, I can guarantee that if they love you for your personality they won't go "oh now that I know you're fat I'm gone". That doesn't happen. No one but the stupidest frat boy would do that shit and even then those are the type that would never consider dating online.

Wouldn't suggest actual dating sites. Just go on websites that suit your interests and browse dudes. I'm sure you'll be able to find something. Guys are easy to read, you should be able to tell who's looking for a relationship most of the time.

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>>17565715
I've tried okc and tinder. Tinder with obvious results, being ugly. OKC I just got a bunch of old men, like in their 60's, messaging me. It was weird.
Idk online dating, and even just meeting people online bothers me somehow. Like it feels so inorganic, like it isn't real. And if there's no option to meet irl because they live halfway across the world from me what's the point?
>Just go on websites that suit your interests and browse dudes
>tfw the only website you browse is 4chins filled with the exact kind of people who'd say you're too fat to touch.

>>17565729
>tfw the only website you browse is 4chins filled with the exact kind of people who'd say you're too fat to touch
Dunno man. Pretty sure this is where T H I C C originated. There's a lot of threads on a lot of different boards I've seen that have fetishized overweight girls.
Though if 4chan really is the only place you go, I can't say I recommend looking into guys on here. God forbid you resort to something like /soc/.

And I understand your concern about things being inorganic feeling and having the chance of never getting to meet. In my mind though, love can potentially make up for all that. It's less organic maybe, but there's just such a better chance for finding somebody compatible. You can't really compare the amount of people you meet on the day-to-day and the amount of people you can meet online. If you find someone that clicks perfectly with you, that you'd never be able to find in your area, the distance can feel worth it.

Understandable if you are still skeptical about it, it's just an option I think you could benefit from.

>>17565769
idk I did a ldr for a very short period of time. It was a small piece of the sting when he dumped me, because it was so easy for him. Only way he could fess up about what his true intentions were all along though was to put distance between us.
idk I just go into autism overdrive with online dating. It's weird, when I'm anon like this I'm fine. When I'm in person I'm fine. But when you attach my face/name to my postings I just get the worst case of autism.
Plus the other thing I've noticed with online dating is it's almost damn near exclusively filled with single parents. And I have no real intention to be anyone's step mommy.

Idk what to do. I'm too autistic to approach, I'm too autistic for online dating, idk how to make friends as an adult in an area where I have no resources or interests that people my age would share.
I'm just so lonely.

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>>17565788
You're hiding a terrible secret in there, don't try to be innocent

I can smell the blood from here

>>17565708
Sounds like you need to get better at approaching.
One of the biggest problems is what you've picked up on, the dom/sub thing. It's very difficult for people to nonverbally negotiate that power dynamic.
I know the FUCK outta that feel since i'm still getting used to automatically taking the dominant role in all situations. This leads to almost comical awkwardness with girls/women: throughout every interaction they're constantly trying to "hand me the reins" while my subconscious ignores them completely. Fun shit.

The thing is, this is only a problem for me since i spent a decade not interacting with anybody at all, so my nonverbal abilities are still slightly rusty. For most guys, it should be fast and easy to get them to take charge: see if maybe the problem is on your end, ie the signals (that you want them to take control) aren't going through.

And of course, the easiest and simplest way to fix most nonverbal errors/loops is to simply resort to verbal exchange, ie literally tell them what to do or what you want.
Such as
>Here's my number, text me sometime!
>We should talk more sometime! What's your number?
>I've never really done this before (lol), you seem like you know what you're doing though, so...
>Sorry, i'm not used to this, do you know...
>I-i was just wondering, could you help me with...
Remember that if a guy likes you, he won't mind awkwardness. Key is to make it look like submissiveness.
The goal isn't to take the dominant role at all, just to force some kind of interaction so that he has to think about you.

>Plus I just plain don't think people like when randos talk to them.
As long as they're not salesmen or jehovah's witnesses, i don't really mind. Lotta guys probably feel the same.

>What do you mean?
I mean you want to be a trophy wife, yet you also want to be deeply and truly loved and not replaced for a shinier trophy?
Those two dreams don't quite mix. Gotta pick one. If you ask me, the second is much better.

>>17565788
>when you attach my face/name to my postings I just get the worst case of autism.
What do you mean by that? Do you talk nervously and lose your spaghetti or something?

I think you had your opinion on LDRs soured by one bad experience, but I still think it could be worth a shot.

You're too nervous to do any real approaching and saying you're self-conscious sounds like an understatement. But I think I speak for most people on here when I say we've all got a form of that.

A relationship starts by overcoming a fear, if you think that the possible outcome isn't worth the sacrifice of possibly looking like a retard that just poured their heart out to no avail, you just need to wait for or search for someone who is worth that risk. At work or on facebook, real life or not, you'll meet somebody that will make you want to throw that fear away. It happens to everybody, and I'm sure it will happen to you soon, as long as you make yourself available.

>>17564321
I'm curious OP. How does being malnourished affect your mental state? Like what happens and how does it feel?

>>17565814
Mainly just brain fog. At random the hunger will strike extra hard and will affect concentration. That's usually when I have my daily fruit.

Emotionally it's a mixed bag. A combination the knowledge that I'm destroying myself, and the knowledge that doing so will make me more desirable. My confidence has boosted, but my energy is still as low as it was before - except now it isn't because I never wanted to be in situations that required energy, but because I simply don't have much anymore.

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>>17565708
>Women are considered used up by the time they can't safely spit out kids anymore. Men can spit out kids until they die.
Exactly why women do the selecting!
Men have no burden of childbearing so we don't have to be picky, we can stick it in everyone we meet.
You DO have to be picky, since you can only bear 1 kid at a time, it takes 9 months, and you have a limited number of chances to do it. So when you do, you gotta make it count.

>>17565708
>I don't do the hunt, I'm the prey
Not a problem. All you need to do is basically jump around and do something so the hunter sees you. If you sit and hide in the bushes, you're never going to get caught.
Gotta get the guy to see you as an option, so he at least has to consider whether he wants you or not.
Goal is to avoid being invisible.

>>17565788
Have a virtual hug. I'm sure it'll work out for you in the end. Might take a little while, but keep at it.

>>17565824
That's interesting. Last year I went on a low calorie diet for me. I'm not anorexic by a long shot. Mainly low carbs for a couple months. I started feeling great I could focus better and had more energy and just felt great. Then one day I started feeling really faint and like I was going to faint. I started getting a little paranoid also. I ate some candy and I immediately felt better like I wasn't going to pass out. Then I quit the diet and gained back all the weight but the paranoi left. I'm guessing my brain malfunctioned from low blood sugar or something? Makes me scared to try to lose weight again.

Son, you need to knock it off and go eat something. If I ever told my daddy I didn't feel like eating he wouldn't let me leave the table until I ate everything

>>17565811
But the spaghetti just flies everywhere whenever I've tried. Like I said I just get flat out ignored from time to time, and I don't blame em. I mean I probably wouldn't want to talk to someone as ugly and boring as me either. Idk what to even talk about either in a cold approach. "Hi, nice um, shirt? anyway here's my number"
Plus idk how many times I've seen a guy I'd consider approaching, then have some other girl come up and put her arms around him and walk off. They're either taken, gay, or aren't interested either at all or would only fuck me behind a dumpster so nobody would know they fucked someone as ugly as me even just for the lulz and never look me in the eye again.
>Those two dreams don't quite mix
I think they're both kinda the same thing. I wanna be so good looking that my hypothetical fictional dude wouldn't ever need to upgrade because I'm already the best. He'll love me because my looks are the best around and there won't be any temptation to look elsewhere. He can show me off and be proud to be with me.

>>17565788
This probably sounds really douchey but it might help your self esteem to know that I think you sound really interesting and cute. If this wasn't 4chan I'd probably post my contact info so we could talk.

Just letting you know that there are definitely guys out there interested in girls like you. It's just a matter of time before you find one.

>>17565812
Spaghettios everywhere.
>A relationship starts by overcoming a fear
idk, none of my other realtionships ever started like that. Probably because I've never had to start one so coldly before. Everyone I've ever dated before started being friends, which were introduced to me through other friends. Come to think of it, I haven't made a friend all on my own since probably kindergarten. After high school I lost contact with basically all my friends. I kept 2, and they already have bf's so they don't know any single guys. And they don't really need many friends anyways because they have bfs. Like I honestly think they make time for me out of pity because they know I'd have nothing without them. But I'm still always second place to the bfs, I'll never be their priority. idk how to start over from scratch basically. It's not the same as kindergarten where making friends was as easy as saying "Hi my name is anon wanna play blocks?"

I wish I would have just been good enough for my ex, then I wouldn't be in this mess.
>>17565835
I dunno, again in the end it still means guys are going to have a ton more opportunities to have partners and you're more likely to be left behind. Like I said, women age like milk. Old dudes get hot young chicks all the time.
>All you need to do is basically jump around
I feel like I am though, I put myself in as many social situations as I possibly can given my school's abysmal social life. I don't even get a nibble, because theres much thinner attractive women soaking up all the attention.

idk. I'm about to see if I can pay someone just to pretend to love me for a while. Its pathetic as shit but it's better than reality. I just wanna be held like all the other girls, told I matter and that I'm wanted, and just believe it for even a second a second. I just want to be close with someone again, to feel like I can rely on someone. I'm so tired of being so alone.

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>>17565902
>wanting to date a defeatist fat-ass that will probably cheat on you if a hotter guy asked her to

I think I'm getting too old for 4chan

>>17565933
Timid girls are my type. And I don't think that someone that has had a bad experience being lonely would do something like cheat, even if the opportunity arose I'm pretty sure that kind of shit is against the moral code of anyone who's had to be alone for an extended period of time.

>>17565902
You'd change your mind if you saw what I looked like though.
plus idk what about this has been appealing. I'm clearly fucked in the head and I've just been a mess this whole thread. Everythings hitting so hard, i hate myself right now I can usually swallow it back and push it down and out of mind. But the mind crushing loneliness just vomits itself back up out of me.

>>17565947
You obviously have zero experience in this situation

If normal girls cheat when you make them feel wanted; how easy do you think it is to get someone who's desperate to cheat?

Honestly, you have a lot of naïveté towards the darkness that lurks in the human heart

>>17565948
I doubt I'd change my mind. I like big girls, and I like timid girls. That's definitely enough criteria for at least a drink and a chat if I knew you irl.

Its easy to feel like you're fucked in the head when you push yourself to list all of your insecurities. I think that while it all feels really awful to you, the people outside your head don't think nearly as bad of you. Everyone is their own worst critic.

>>17565967
I just don't want to do this anymore. I keep feeling like I'm putting in all the effort I have into a futile cause. I'll never be pretty enough, I'll never be thin enough, I'll never be desirable, I'll never even be noticeable.

>>17565958
There's nothing about what they've said that could possibly make you think that they're of the mind to cheat on anyone.
If you're lonely and you found somebody, why would you go out of your way to ruin that? That just seems counterproductive.

>>17565988
Ive seen people warn about this guy. apparently hes a huge troll that just tries to stir the shit and derail every thread on adv. best course of action is to not reply.

>>17565988
You seem to think cheating is a rational choice

Once you make a girl aroused she's yours, it doesn't matter what her relationship status is

I know you don't believe me but its the truth

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>>17565994
I really don't care, if you ignore me and suffer its even more enjoyable for me

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>>17565886
>But the spaghetti just flies everywhere whenever I've tried.
Think about how.
OK: stuttering, forgetting things, clumsiness, blushing, etc. Guys generally think it's cute.
Not OK: accidentally insulting, rejecting, belittling, or generally being a bitch to him. Those things need fixing ASAP.

>I wanna be so good looking that my hypothetical fictional dude wouldn't ever need to upgrade because I'm already the best.
To keep a man forever, you can't appeal to his animal instincts like that.
Even if you're the hottest woman on the planet, in 10 years, you won't be.
The same instincts that drove him to find and capture you will drive him to drop you for someone younger, fresher, and prettier in due time.

To keep him, you have to use the human part instead. The monogamous, pair-bonding part that wants to fall in love with 1 girl and stay with her for life.
And love is... tricky. There's no easy way to find it, no matter how beautiful you are. Involves a lot of luck.

Also, since guys like >>17565902 and me get the feeling that you're an okay girl even over anonymous text, that tells me you can put your personality to great use in person.
The catch is that we can't see personality from across the room, we can only see looks.
You gotta interact with a dude for him to be able to see your good side. Gotta start finding creative ways to do that.

>>17565948
>I'm clearly fucked in the head
No you're not. You're lonely. It's human to suffer when we're alone. It's part of who we are.
Psychopaths are really fucked in the head, and they don't get lonely at all.

For what it's worth, i'm with >>17565967. Looks are overrated. How about a story: the reason this hits home to me is that last year i fucked up by going after a beautiful, outgoing girl who approached me instead of the shy, awkward girls i really clicked with. Now i'm in another country and all those chances are gone. I learned my lesson. Pretty bitches aren't worth the time and effort. Girls like you are.

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>>17566003
I've calculated a visual approximation of this poster

>>17565984
You're beautiful in a way you don't understand, and it makes sense to feel undesirable when that's the case. You just need to be you.
Take some breaths, and think about all the good things about you, take a break from thinking negatively about yourself.
There's guys out there that would love to meet you, that would break their neck to turn and look at you, just the way you are now. It's only bad luck you haven't comes across them yet - or those that have haven't had the courage to talk to you. There's always somebody for everybody, and that includes you.

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>>17566009
> that would break their neck to turn and look at you

you would have to since she takes up more than 180 degrees of your vision

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>>17566008
Don't tell me you don't have any regrets, man.
I know there's girls you regret chasing, and girls you regret overlooking. Maybe you were young and dumb, and didn't realize what was good for you, made the wrong choices.
Or maybe you stayed behind your walls and never took any risks.

Or maybe you have a sister, or a cousin, or a childhood friend. Maybe you've seen her cry, heard her wish she was dead.
Maybe you've been there but didn't know what to do, what to say, how to comfort her.

I'm all for memes, but i know there's something that can get even you to write a paragraph or two for someone who needs to hear it.

>>17564321
I've eaten one small meal a day before coming to college (forcing myself to eat for gains). Sleeping properly and drinking lots of water are good substitutes, as is no substance use. Caffeine will have an amplified effect and take over your consciousness. Weed will take a lot longer to get out of your system and legit make you stupider for a week or two if you don't eat much (awesome if you're on vacation and not eating).
Eating straight-lettuce is great too. I don't do it cause my malnourishment comes from laziness, but it's packaged water with very few calories or nutrients, but it will still give your metabolism something to do. A lot of lightheadedness and "dumb"ness of not eating also comes from not getting enough oomph to the brain. Drink tomato juice or gatorade or anything that will allow your body to raise its blood levels. If that doesn't cut it then you'll have to start eating like a normal person.

>Too autistic to approach
The anon that was flattering you is right, you sound fine. Don't freak out about being lonely. That feeling sucks but that negativity doesn't reflect on you. Some people are more reserved and take longer, but make deeper connections. Feeling obligated to be an approachable extravert is gonna be a miserable experience, just be happy in your lonesome. People will drift towards you with time.

>>17566003
Idk, I dont get the impression they think stunned silence and incoherent sentences are cute. I think they actually think I'm retarded and take pity on me at best.
>Gotta start finding creative ways to do that.
I'm not smart enough for that approach either. All I know how to do is smile and attempt to look pretty. That phase between meeting and friendship, I've never understood it or how to navigate it. I flounder so badly right from the start I can't get anyone to stick it out with me until I become an actual person.

I wish people like you two, >>17566009
were the majority. The only person I've ever loved thus far just used me for practice. I don't care it was all fake, there was no greater feeling in the world than to believed I mattered to someone. I just want to feel like that again. I was too fat for him though. I'm too fat for a lot of people. Looks are just so important to a lot of people.

>>17566026
The only topics I care about are technology and suicide

Sorry, I don't believe in delivering lies and platitudes as a way to make someone feel better

In fact I don't believe in making someone feel better at all

If you let someone hurt you, its your fault

Sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be

If you're strong you live and if you're weak you die

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>>17566029
Agreed with the gatorade, it's useful for preventing muscle cramps and other problems when you get into serious calorie restriction.
Also take multivitamins if you're eating the same thing every day, since every food except soylent green is missing at least 1 essential nutrient. For example, eating ramen every day is a good way to get scurvy.

>People will drift towards you with time.
Don't count on it. I fucked myself over pretty good with that strategy, since only the wrong people drifted towards me.
Better to be proactive and go look for the right people instead, or you may end up waiting forever for something that's never coming.
After all, if everyone just sits there waiting, who's gonna come to who?

>>17566039
>I think they actually think I'm retarded and take pity on me at best.
Socially retarded, at least. One thing you can do is learn to enjoy it. I've played the role of the autistic genius several times in my life, and it's fun as hell. When people expect you to fuck everything up, they're pleasantly surprised when you offer a heartfelt compliment or a knowing smile at the right moment, and the low expectations let you get away with an incredible amount of eccentric shit. Wearing the wrong clothes for the occasion, forgetting people's names, etc, people barely notice your screwups.

>I flounder so badly right from the start I can't get anyone to stick it out with me until I become an actual person.
Keep trying and eventually someone will.
I suspect that like most shy, affectionate girls, you can win people over just by being around them enough, since you're the opposite of what people call "abrasive". Some people are hard to tolerate. You're easier to tolerate, and it's harder for people to be angry at you. Use that to your advantage!

>I'm too fat for a lot of people
Luckily, that's the easiest part of this whole deal. Just drop 2 a week and you'll be done before thanksgiving.

>>17564321
Massive amounts of coffee. If you drink it black it has no calories so you don't need to worry about that.

>>17566119
Not a great idea. Hard crash afterwards. Hard on the gut as well.
Then combine that with the overall lack of energy and you'll quickly become dependent on it to function, which is all in all a shitty place to be as a college student who cannot take time off to crash hard or detox off

>>17566171
The great thing about a caffeine crash is that it can be cured with more caffeine.
>t. lived that way for four years during college

>>17566119
Anorexia is already bad for the heart. Adding a stimulant to that is a pretty bad idea. Dangerous.

As someone in recovery, please try to get help.

>>17566181
dumb question, what is this
>t.
thing everyone's doing mean? I'm late on the maymays

>>17566188
it means "signed" basically
came to us from finnish anons on /int/ iirc
>t. guy who used to main /int/

>>17566188
I think it's an abbreviation of the Finnish word for "regards"

>>17566195
>>17566197
Ah gotcha. Just started popping up out of the blue around here. I don't go on /int/ much though. Thanks that was driving me nuts lol

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I'm about to restrict again after reading this thread. I really enjoy the high especially with adderall. I also get really paranoid though.

>>17566638
As nice as the high is the paranoia is for a reason. Your body, desperate for energy is breaking down your muscles, including your heart. Without enough potassium it will stop. That was my biggest problem. Even when I tried to keep it up I couldn't. Anyway, so you are weakening your heart and then taking a stimulant that is placing an increased burden on it.

I get the high. I've been there. But it's just not worth it. I know that doesn't actually help. But please try to get help. Even if it's at AA or something. I did that because I was tired of being the only man at all of the ED groups

>>17566642
To clarify I meant I could never keep my potassium levels up, even with supplements so I could never hide how I was really doing from my doctor as he'd see it in the blood work.

>>17566642
It's different when your bmi is in the over weight range. I understand regardless it is still unhealthy but that is the route I want to take

>>17566664
Well if you aren't consuming enough protein your body will consume muscle. So it's actually not different. Yes you'll be burning fat, but also muscle. And if your potassium gets too low your heart will stop regardless of your BMI. Of course all of this depends on how much restricting you are doing. If it's just a day every now and then you're probably just fine. People do this legitimately and call it intermittent fasting. You'll run into trouble if you start going days or weeks.

Problem is it's like a powerful drug. You can start with just a meal or a day and then you just keep wanting more.

Funny thing is saying all of this, and after all this time of recovery I'm still a little triggered by this and wanting to restrict myself. Or have a good purge at the very least, be it vomiting or a ton of cardio.

My eating disorder will always be a part of me. I wish I'd never messed with it.

>>17566664
Also, If you do restrict try at least eating a banana and a protein bar or shake. The banana will help with potassium. So would a low cal sports drink.

As for the protein shakes there are some that are only around 100 calories. So you can still restrict but also protect yourself a bit.

Man, I hate pro ana and Mia stuff but here I am doing it. I guess I'm saying it because I know some guy on the internet isn't going to convince you to suddenly be cured or even want to be. I know how strong it is. So if I can at least give you tips on being safe I guess that's a good thing. Like giving clean needles to heroin addicts. That's a good thing.