Need someone that will listen and talk with me fully. This will

2/2

People constantly say finding someone won't cure your depression or make you happier or whatever but I think it literally will. It pisses me off when people say that. It will fix everything because my lack of a love life is the very thing that's ruining everything. Even if I get into some nasty break up months later I can still say I have the experience. It's better to have had the experience and been hurt & healed by it than to have never experienced it at all, in my opinion.

In fact, so much shit people say about relationships piss me off.
"Relationships won't cure anything" Then why the fuck are you in one, you retard? What are you getting out of it?
"Sex is overrated" Only because you had it when you were younger and weren't watching yourself miss out on a basic human activity. Hell I'd be down for weird awkward sex.
"Relationships are just as much about the other person as they are about you" Obviously. I want to bring happiness and love into another person's life as much as I want it to be done onto me. I don't think I'm being selfish and only satisfying my own needs when it comes to seeking out a relationship.
"Don't worry you're still young, you have plenty of time!" I'm reaching my last year of college and after this I have to focus on my career and supporting myself so I'll have 0 time to go out and meet people. Plus, if I can't do it at a university, where there's girls of all types en mass, what makes you think I can do it with much smaller opportunities and the weight of a job on my back?
"If you're lonely you should focus on making friends, not girlfriends" I can make friends easy. Friends aren't fulfilling me. I have plenty. I don't need more. This doesn't help me. Stop saying this.

I figure if I graduate college still single I'm going to end myself because the loneliness is too much to bear.

The question is am I short-sighted for thinking this way? I an idiot for placing relationships at such a high importance?

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21 is young. You shouldn't get wrapped up in this idea that you missed out on so much.

>>17559629
Average age one loses their virginity is 17. 14% of males aged 20-24 are virgins. Not sure what the statistics are on relationshiplessness but they must be even lower than that. At 20 you're in the small minority.

I kinda feel you.
24 KHV here, only I'm also friendless on top of that and an uneducated NEET.

Don't worry about it, fap alot, watch alot of anime, play alot of vidya. By the time you're 23 you'll not give a single fuck about real people anymore. Seriously, you won't care about a single thing, no matter how important.

>>17559629
Some trains go and if you don't catch them on time, you can never get to some places.

>>17559639
But you are letting this idea rent space in your head.

I know exactly how you're feeling OP. Also the statistics are concerning to me.

>>17559619
Can I know some more personal things about you?
Like, what are your living conditions? do you live with your parents? by your own? how do you cover you expenses?
do you have a job?
what about a car?
your own place?

answer these and giving you an more appropriate advice would be easier.

>>17559666
I don't know, not worrying about it is what got me into this situation. I shouldn't have listened to those adults who said not to focus on romantic relationships early in life. That really fucked me up.

That said I'm happy for you that you found relief in being single.

your issue is you have a huge ego
and no achievements to show for it

yea you are short sighted
you can get a girl while you are working, in fact, you will meet more new ppl through work than in college
you think a chick will come and worship you, they wont, you will throw yet another fit when she doesnt declare her undying love for you

you are not idiot just very frustrated
relationships are important, we are social beings, we need love, companionship, sex
try to be less angry, channel that energy onto getting a girl

you will rejected, alot, try not to take it personal

>>17559676
Live with my parents because I can't afford an apartment or dorm and I'm trying to avoid massive college debt. Commute to college is like 30-40 minutes.

Had summer jobs, quit them when school started so the longest job I've held was a little over 2 months.

I have a car, albeit a pretty shitty one.

Parents only pay for my food, everything else I have to take out of my own wallet but I have a bit of money from my summer jobs.

>>17559669
What are you trying to say with this?

>>17559686
>you can get a girl while you are working, in fact, you will meet more new ppl through work than in college
How so? I'm going into an IT field, meaning my work will be in a small office 8 hours a day. The only people I imagine seeing are coworkers. I'll have to switch to shit like Tinder or go to bars or something. I don't see how my opportunities are bigger.

I'm not really angry just very sad. The frustration turns to sadness and self-loathing. I've never thrown fits.

I've read up on relationships and seen other people in relationships. I know what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. When the time comes I'll try to avoid the potential problems I see myself getting into, like being too dependent or relying on her for my happiness.

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>>17559688

I'm saying you can't fix the past, and that dwelling on the past and/or the future is not the way to happiness.

Put another way, live in the present. Do things now, in the now, for the now.

>>17559688
Ok,
the first thing you need to know and need to rationalize is that
NOBODY is entitled to a relationship.
Sure some people have it easier than others in this matter,
but never believe under any circumstance that you deserve a
relationship just because other people can get them.
From what you just replied to my questions, do you believe
you are a desirable partner for women, specially at your age?
You have to contextualize yourself to the modern world.
Hookup culture took over, for what I can tell, you have
a really outdated view on what relationship is.
Place yourself in the shoes of any women within the age range
of your desirable partners, let's say 18 - 21.
Now think about the demographic of men that are after these women.
I'd say any heterosexual men within the ages or 18 - 40.
See the problem here? women, at this early age, have a wider audience to
choose from and they can be picky if the want to.
Just being smart, good looking or even having things in common won't really
cut it anymore, specially now that the internet allows people to form
bounds with people without being physically close to each other.
For now I'd say, focus in your life, try to become independent from your parents,
get done with school, find a job, get your own place. These things are important.
After that you can start opening the doors to a proper relationship, before that would
be just a hassle.
I know what you are going to say, "but other people have relationship without having
any of those things", I know, but those people aren't you, they have a different set
of skills and backgrounds, there's no point in comparing yourself with them.
You have to use your own tools to get what you want and don't just complain about others.

continue...

>>17559688
>>17559718

Some other questions,
have you approached girls before?
how do you usually approach them? are they strangers or you wait to get closer to them and
then make your move?
what reasons do they give you after they reject you?
are you just waiting to someone to approach you?

>>17559718
>Focus on life yadayada
I can't though, that's what I'm saying. This shit is really bothering me.

And just think at how people would react if I start dating after I'm all settled, which could be like 25 or something. A 25 year old man still acting like a 13 year old boy and getting all fluffed up at a girl touching their hand or getting close to them. Nobody would have the patience for that.

I don't think I'm entitled to a relationship, I just really want one, is all. What you're basically telling me is that it's pretty much hopeless for me right now and I should just let this loneliness overtake me for several more years.

>>17559719
>have you approached girls before?
Yes
>how do you usually approach them? are they strangers or you wait to get closer to them and
then make your move?
I try to let them get to know me at least before I make any moves. I avoid making moves if they show absolutely 0 signs, which is most of them.
>what reasons do they give you after they reject you?
I don't know yet. First girl didn't downright reject me, she just slowly stopped talked to me and it never got anywhere. We went out a couple times to eat. Second girl I might have something with but she's also not very talkative. I don't know if she's into me but nervous or not interested in me. Haven't asked anyone else out. They've both been huge undertakings.
>are you just waiting to someone to approach you?
I don't expect anyone to honestly.

>>17559710
I hear that a lot. Easier said than done though.

>>17559751
Being miserable and unhappy is easy?

>>17559718
Also
>From what you just replied to my questions, do you believe
>you are a desirable partner for women, specially at your age?
I think I have plenty of worthwhile features that make me interesting. Also plenty that don't. So I think I'm middle ground. But I know I'm more well off than a lot of people who are able to get into a relationship, and that's the thing that makes me frustrated.

>>17559768
I never said that? I said saying to not focus on the past/future is easier than actually not focusing on the past/future. I can't help to dwell on the fuckups I made in the past of worry about how I'll end up in the future. I try not to.

>>17559751
>people would react if I start dating after I'm all settled
what people?
No one is looking you over the shoulder all the time and judging your every move. That's the whole point of becoming independent in the first place.
>Nobody would have the patience for that
you are assuming a lot of things, without any really basis to support them.
There aren't a strict set of rules on how relationships should go...
>hold hands by the second date
>have your first kiss by the third date
>talk about certain topics by the n-date
nothing like that exist, every relationship goes different according to the people involved, some move faster than others. The whole point is getting to know the other person and get comfortable with each other to advance things further. No one else should be involved in this process but the the two people involved in it.
Relationships aren't like videogames, where you gain experience and tackling a new one would be easier if you have a high level.
>Focus on life yadayada
don't be such a prick. Being independent is really attractive for women. Knowing that you'll have a place to be private with someone huge plus.

Also you seem to have so experience with those two girls you mention, again, remember you aren't entitled to anything, maybe there wasn't chemistry between you and them to make it happen, but that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, that doesn't mean that either wasn't the right time or they weren't the right person for you.

>>17559702
>coworkers come and go
>you switch work places
>work related parties
>coworkers social circles
>interns

you dont see it because you never worked and only 21
imagine another 21years but this time you skip the toddler period
the world is full of ppl and you will be an adult in it, instead of a kid

>>17559772
again, don't compare yourself with other people, everyone is different and you'd just frustrate yourself for not real reason.
You are not better than any other particular person, you have your own cards and need to learn how to play them. Sometimes it works, sometime it doesn't.

>>17559788
>that doesn't mean that either wasn't the right time or they weren't the right person for you.
that could mean that it either wasn't the right time or they weren't the right person for you*

my english is shit

>>17559622
>It will fix everything because my lack of a love life is the very thing that's ruining everything.
you got it backwards.
it's a symptom, if anything, not the issue.

>>17559788
There are certain expectations people have when dating and your number of potential mates is much smaller when you have no experience. Virginity is a red flag for a lot of older girls. So is bad mental health. Those are the people I'm talking about.

I'm not being entitled. I've never though I deserved a relationship. I don't know how you can be like "ok well nobody has ever showed interest in me and the times I've tried asking someone out didn't work but yeah there's definitely nothing wrong with me" Feels like a blatant lie.

>don't be such a prick. Being independent is really attractive for women. Knowing that you'll have a place to be private with someone huge plus.
The point is I CAN'T focus on my life and other shit right now when there's this huge thing bothering me all day every day.

>>17559852
all these assumptions are sending and keeping you in a vicious circle.

>>17559866
What it seems to come down to is
>The answer loneliness is to continue being lonely until you're "stable"
>Not having dating experience or past girlfriends will have no effect on future relationships or potential.

Both of which I have a hard time believing.

>>17559877
obsessing about it won't help either way.

whatever you were doing until know didn't work, obviously.

so you can keep doing that, or mix things up.

you have a wrong prospective on love, and it will turn you into another one of those sad asses who ask for help on here.
You don't date for the sake of dating. You don't date people because you're too scared to be alone.
You date because you found a good match. You have to spend some time thinking, and find out which qualities you seek in a partner.
When you do, you have to find a partner who fits the bill.
Meet people through your interests, your hobbies, your classes, sports, online till you find someone good for you.
If you date someone you aren't compatible with, if you date someone you don't truly like, you'll end up feeling more lonely than you do.

>>17559852
people can't tell you are a virgin just looking at you.

Yep, I'm the same OP. The retards ITT just don't get it, they literally cannot fathom being in this situation, hence why all the advice is such garbage

After alot of thinking I've come to the conclusion that the best option is to find a broken/fucked up girl as a relationship stepping stone. Only problem is that I am unsure where damaged/mentally ill women hang out and Im currently too lazy to investigate

You could also go with a fatty if you dont mind them but thats a no-go for me

>>17559622
I don't know, OP. You say this now but when I was 17 I felt the same way, got into an abusive relationship, stayed there for four years, got engaged and then cheated on and dumped, and almost killed myself. Love sucks. I can honestly say I would be a much happier and healthier person if I had just avoided dating. You? Maybe... maybe you have clinical depression and the desire to be with someone is covering it up. Or perhaps your friendships are not close at all and you wish for that. But since you are adamant about wanting a relationship, OP, go out and date. Carpe fucking diem. Continue hanging out with friends, doing interests, etc. but check out all the pretty chicks until one catches your eye and then ask her out.