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I feel like I'm getting more retarded by the day.
I was always that weird kid and that always bothered me, much more so in recent years, but I never really did anything to go and change it. Also I was (am?) fairly smart, and knowing that helped me cope with my weirdness.
I hoped it would get better with time and once I got into college and stuff, it briefly did. Still far from being normal, always partially excluded but much better than it used to be. And then it went to shit.
Since I transferred colleges 2 years ago I've been loosing my little social skills. I can no longer keep up conversations I used to be able to, I'm becoming an increasingly boring and uninteresting person, I feel like I'm forgetting how to walk or sit properly, I'm unable to make friends and I'm always procrastinating and less motivated than ever (and I've never had clearer in my mind what I need to do and why).
And also I'm feeling dumber by the day. I usually would understand all of my classes, have the right answer before most other people, and lots of smaller stuff that I can no longer do.
There are a lot of small things that sum up, and while I've been sadder I think I'm in a worse shape than ever. Dumber, more awkward, less social skills and less motivation than ever.
Fuck I'm worried. I want to blame it on some kind of disease, tell myself it is just paranoia and everything is as it has always been but I know that it is not the case.
It is just me being lazy, unmotivated and awkward, and not only failing, but going backwards with my insignificant attempts to get better.
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Depression, apathy, pessimism. These can take away from your capabilities. If you care about your situation at all, then you'll seek help for your problem.
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>>17557461
This.
Also, just to get an idea: when was the last time you read a book that wasn't required.
I find that people who feel dumb/are getting dumber/etc tend to get uncomfortable when that question is popped.
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>>17557465
It must have been about two years, "Godel, Escher, Bach". I started "The Name of the Rose" last year I think, but the ridiculous amounts of Latin put me off.
To be fair that kind of question always bothered me, even before I started feeling this way. It implies the amount you read is directly tied to your intelligence and since I haven't read much since high school it upsets me.
Also I think it has something to do with dedication vs intelligence. I'm an intelligent person, but absolutely not a dedicated person and when confronted with the fact that intelligence by itself is useless (whereas dedication by itself is the only thing you need to change your life) I get sort of defensive. I guess nobody wants to admit to be a lazy fuck, so I try to take shelter in what I already have...
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>>17558282
Kinda like War and Peace with all the French. Fuck that book.
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>>17557461
>Depression
I don't think depression describes me anymore. It did a not long time ago, but I don't think depression is quite the problem, at least not anymore.
Apathy is closer, but still not there. I still feel things, urge to work, guilt for not getting shit done, feeling good when for once I actually do something, etc.
It is just lack of motivation. I don't really know WHY, but I cannot seem to get off my ass and do shit. I have reasons to do it, I want to see it done, I'm perfectly able to to it, I'm absolutely not overwhelmed by anything (quite the opposite). I guess I'm just a lazy fuck.
My OP is basically just me whining and feeling sorry for myself, but most o the times I'm actually oscillating between being angry at my laziness and just sad for the wasted time and opportunities.
Fuck, I'm almost 24 and feel like I have accomplished basically nothing of what I wanted. I'm not the person I wanted to be, I didn't have the experiences I wanted to and I will never be able to get that back.
With every passing year, changing in order to be the person I want to be gets progressively harder and when I notice another years has passed and I'm getting farther away from the life I wanted to live for no reason other than laziness I don't know if I get angry or feel sorry for myself.
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Shit anon, are you me? Have you looked into a possible case if anxiety? I am feeling about the same way and I think it may be anxiety.
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